https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 04 Apr 2026 15:45:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent/page/2#post-2800020 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 14:49:24 +0000 Kemma 2800020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, we’re currently expecting #3 in April this year and we’ve already made the decision that I won’t be returning to my job once my year of maternity leave is done in 2019. Part of the reason is logistics (I don’t work in town and we have no family assistance here, my oldest is also starting school and just thinking about organising holiday care for 12-14 weeks of every year gives me a headache!), part of it is my job (I enjoy my job and it’s good $$ but it’s not worth the logistical hassle) and part of it is that I want to be home with my kids.</p> <p>I’m open to going back to some sort of part time work in the future if the right position came up or if we lived closer to family (we’re a military family and looking at a move in about 18 months) so this is not the end of me going to work but rather the season for me to be at home again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent/page/2#post-2799991 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 14:12:17 +0000 agold 2799991@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Challenge accepted! :silly: Honestly, I feel like it will be a looney bin, for sure! All of the reasons people say they won't have a third... I'm like "so what?" I'm crazy but if I want a third, then I'm going to do it and make it work. Even if I have to give up "stuff"! For sure though.. I think staying at home makes it so much easier since child care isn't an issue then. All of my stay at home mom friends have 3+ kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent/page/2#post-2799989 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 14:07:08 +0000 snowjewelz 2799989@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: I absolutely think if you want more kids, ultimately you will make it work and the chaos/challenges wil l be worth it! For us I think the desire to have a 3rd is not great than wanting to overcome all these other things right now haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent/page/2#post-2799966 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 13:00:21 +0000 ShootingStar 2799966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are done now that we have two kids no matter what. I have zero interest in being a SAHM (I would be terrible!) or in reducing my work hours. A co-worker of mine recently did that and it's been causing a lot of problems. My job is relatively flexible, but not that flexible. </p> <p>DH every so often jokes that he would make a great SAHD and he really would. But we've set our lives up in a way that we need both of our incomes. And even if he stayed home I don't think our evenings would change much and that's what's really tough for us right now. </p> <p>On the other hand, if I truly wanted 3 or 4 kids, I don't think it would be possible with our work situation as it is. Something would have to change, because it just wouldn't be possible. Just the amount of sick days alone from all the kids getting sick would kill us at work. Add regular doctors appointments, dentist appointments, school stuff, and on and on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent/page/2#post-2799918 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 11:07:04 +0000 Mamatimes3 2799918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: All so true. It’s a looney bin, but s great one to be in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent/page/2#post-2799909 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 10:52:45 +0000 Chuckles 2799909@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: "Challenge accepted. See you all in the loony bin ;)" Love it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799904 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 10:46:30 +0000 codeitall 2799904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find all your responses so fascinating! Thanks everyone for chiming in!</p> <p>It looks like people working tend to lean towards less kids, whether because of budget, stress, or lack of support systems. I mean, some people are able to leverage flexible work schedules and nearby support systems to make it easier to have more, or they sacrifice some working hours to make it work. I find it really reassuring that I'm not the only one in this boat!</p> <p>For those of you concerned, no, I am not going to limit my family if I don't want to. Haha, I just started trying to convince DH that we should lump them all close together and just have a few years of chaos instead of dragging their younger years out. Obviously a lot depends on the kids' personality, my sanity, our jobs and even our daycare, but it sounds like if you want it, you can make anything work :)</p> <p>Challenge accepted. See you all in the loony bin ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799902 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 10:46:13 +0000 mrsjd 2799902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both work full time and we have one child. It is hard, but we want two.</p> <p>From a financial perspective, we would have to have 3-4 children for it to not make sense for me to work at my current rate of pay. That is even with a very expensive private education for our children. One important thing we like to think about is my career 10 years from now, not just today. I have a lot of upside potential in my career, financially and from an internal success standpoint. My husband has continued to grow in his career and it would be absurd for him to quit working. From a non-financial/emotional standpoint, I don't see myself having more than two children. I don't have much personal time now, and I want to make sure I take care of myself too. Plus, I am one of two kids, so it's what I know. </p> <p>We eventually want to have another child, but we'll space the second about 4 years from the first. I'll hopefully make significantly more money then, and probably get some part time help or outsource some tasks that I do now, such as cleaning/yard work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799890 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 10:36:33 +0000 WinterBee 2799890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: We know we definitely want 2 kids, possibly 3 depending on how the next one goes haha.<br /> We’re currently TTC #2. When I went back after #1 I went back part-time which has been a game changer. It’s also helpful that my schedule is extremely flexible and DH’s schedule is family friendly (home every night, m-f type job). We’re also lucky it isn’t a financial drain with me working PT.<br /> While those things make it easier on us, I do plan on going back FT eventually and whether we were working FT or PT that wouldn’t influence the amount of kids we would have.<br /> I’m just hoping we’ll get that magical ‘I’m done’ feeling people talk about. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799845 Fri, 26 Jan 2018 05:59:48 +0000 Becky 2799845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsbells: This is really where I am at now too. I’ll be able to work part time after my loans are done (so when the oldest is about 10-11, DD2 would be about 8, potential third would be 4-5). Also this is going to sound crazy but I was trying to think of changes that I recently made that made everything less stressful and my husband and I pointed to the huge toy purge we did after Christmas as the biggest one. We also organized our entryway (something that affects us when we get home at the busiest part of the day and when we are trying to get out the door in the morning), made DD1s clothes easier for her to get to (my mom did that actually), potty trained DD2, and I settled on 4 go-to dinners and I don’t ever from it. I feel like because we are learning how to do things right, a third wouldn’t necessarily be as huge of an adjustment as DD2 was for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799826 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 21:47:53 +0000 wrkbrk 2799826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I never knew you guys were both lawyers! Me too! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799824 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 21:44:37 +0000 wrkbrk 2799824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: For us, one is ideal. We have two super demanding jobs. We could probably swing two if we were both really** on board but not more than that. Of course plenty of people have a houseful of kids and make it work!! So it’s more, what do you and your partner truly desire for your family? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799817 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 21:10:16 +0000 skipra 2799817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It really depends on the family circumstances. I was earning about 1.5 times DH's salary when we had our oldest. He had no desire to become a SAHD and of course I had to go back to work. We live in HOL area and daycare for 1 baby cost more than our mortgage so we would have either needed to be one and done, have them spaced 6 years apart so LO1 would be in kindergarten, or DH would need a better job so I could SAH. So with 2 working parents it would have been 1 or 2 kids max. I would have been too old for 3 by the time we would have been able to afford daycare. Due to LO's feeding difficulties as a baby I ended up leaving my job and now we have 3 LOs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799810 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 19:18:42 +0000 cake2017 2799810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@agold: I agree... I am a working mother and we hope and pray for three. I don’t think we have to be limited. Everyone is different and I believe you have to find what works best for you. If I stayed home I would still want only three kids....me working I am still able to raise the family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799790 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 16:25:51 +0000 agold 2799790@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: I could have written all you wrote!</p> <p>Its so interesting to read everyone's thoughts on this topic. My husband and I worked so hard to achieve spots in our career that would allow us to have a baby and not have to use a nanny. We both work full time outside of home, but I have extreme job flexibility and he works alternative hours. We have family around us and my mom watches our girl 2 days a week. Incidentally, we will need to get a nanny when baby girl #2 arrives in May because my mom doesn't want to watch two. Two days a week of a nanny is going to be pricey, but I'm happy we can swing it, even if things will be tight. I still will consider a third even if money/time/space will be super tight!! I want a nice full family!! Hopefully I feel that fullness with baby girl #2, but if not, then I'm really hoping we can make it work with a third. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799751 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 14:19:14 +0000 Mrsbells 2799751@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: we both work very busy schedules and we have 2 kids. I personally believe that as hard as it is sometimes, the number of kids isnt dictated for our work schedule. I think no matter what you adjust to fit the number of kids you want. If we really wanted 3 kids we would make it work somehow </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799748 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 14:05:40 +0000 snowjewelz 2799748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: It's been on the back of my mind that if we do have a 3rd, he/she might come from adoption/foster to adopt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799745 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 13:49:04 +0000 petitenoisette 2799745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me personally, the decision to stop at 2 has less to do with us both working and more to do with my personality. I always wanted 3 kids but since I became a mom I realized that I just wouldn't be able to handle it and 2 is good for me. I need to work too for my sanity + money but if we did want a third we could make it work just by spacing the kids out more so that wouldn't be the defining reason. As it is I plan to limit activities because I just don't want that life of chauffeuring my kids around all afternoon after I worked all day, which is another factor I think in juggling more kids while working. </p> <p>Anyway, obviously it's just a really personal decision and everybody weighs the different factors differently. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799732 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 13:08:15 +0000 gingerbebe 2799732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Becky: I work 30 hours out of a 40 hour week and any overtime I work gets credited as paid time off. I work from 8am to 4pm M-Th with a 30 minute lunch, so its a 7.5 hour work day. I leave the house at 730am and I'm home by 430pm. I tried 80% time for the first week, which would have had me home at 5pm, but that extra 30 minutes was enormously stressful on me with dinner and traffic, so I totally get it. We have to be hands on with the kids on Saturday and Sunday, so I don't really have weekends to get much done other than doing groceries and some meal prep in the evenings after they are asleep. Those 30 minutes between when I get home and when we go pick up the kids are crucial to getting our dinner ready and allowing me to change my clothes, decompress for a second, and maybe throw a load of laundry in. </p> <p>I am technically "off" on Fridays, but half the time I usually have to go in and finish up some odds and ends at work, but it gets credited as paid time off. If I'm not in the office, those are days I will handle any appointments for myself, chores, bulk meal prepping, or eek, even some self-care! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799715 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 12:42:31 +0000 Becky 2799715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: just out of curiosity, what are the number of hours you work? 75% of a 40 hour week vs 75% of a 37.5 hour week ends up being very different. We went to a 40 hour week (so 40 hours working, plus 30 minutes lunch break so 42.5 away from home) up from a 37.5. The 30 extra minutes of work each day means I can’t make dinner during the week and is a general added stressor (I’m still way less stressed as compared to last year though). If I have a third I plan to ask to reduce my hours to35-37.5 while still being considered full time for loan forgiveness. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799691 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 12:21:53 +0000 gingerbebe 2799691@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH runs a full-time law practice from home. I work 75% time as an attorney. We have 2 boys who are 40 and 20 months old, respectively. We have no family around and we have no outside help aside from daycare.</p> <p>We set up our business/careers the way we did so that we could tag-team childcare for our two kids. I have at times worked 50% time, but right now 75% works for us. Our lives are really full because our children are still very needy, we are exhausted most of the time, especially on weeks like this when both kids are sick and work is slammed for both of us and we have to take turns taking time off and tending to them.</p> <p>BUT. We are leaning towards having a 3rd, although we're not sure exactly when or how (adoption? foster to adopt? another AMA pregnancy?) </p> <p>In all likelihood, I will probably scale back to 50% time at least for a while and we will have to hire a nanny or Mommy's Helper at least part-time. We'll likely have a school age child, a preschooler, and a newborn in the mix and oddly enough, there is no licensed daycare center in our small town currently that does infant care. </p> <p>DH and I have talked about how crazy and expensive its going to be, but I think ultimately its just going to be that way for about a year or so. We can start at our current daycare at 18 months old and by then our oldest 2 will be in school and we've always planned on me working 75% time once the kids are in school (basically during school hours), so I could be able to help with school work and sherpa them to extracurriculars. </p> <p>We did plan for this in that we moved to a much larger house last summer that is a 5 minute walk from the school we intend on sending our children. The move also cut our drive to our daycare by about 10 minutes. </p> <p>Unless we completely relocate (I can only do my job at our current location), I will continue working on a part-time basis. I need to work at least 50% time to maintain health and pension benefits. DH has been a college professor in addition to his practice in the past, so its possible we could relocate for the right teaching position, but it would have to be a plum gig with comparable benefits and I'd probably find another line of work. I just prefer working at least part-time for my mental health and happiness.</p> <p>I will say, however, that DH and I spent several years before we had children setting up our careers intentionally in a way that would afford flexibility for a family without any relatives around to help. DH built a private practice while working super long hours at a full-time job that he eventually left. He then spent 4 more years working as a full-time professor while running his practice and got his executive MBA to further build his business. I took a lower-paying but very stable and flexible job with the government knowing that some day I would want to have kids, have a flexible schedule, and be able to take long maternity leaves if I wanted. We also spent our childless years paying off loads and loads of student loans and living close to the bone. So now DH is able to work full-time from home, which allows him to pick-up and drop-off for the kids, take them to doctor's appointments, or go grab them if they're sent home sick. Meanwhile, I can totally focus while I'm at work, leave at 4pm, cook dinner for my family, and get my chores done without being completely rundown.</p> <p>I don't think I could manage full-time work at this stage in my life. Perhaps when ALL of my children are older and a bit more self-sufficient and we need to store up some more cash for college I may look to move to full-time, but for now this works for us and I don't think it will change any time soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799675 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 11:50:35 +0000 alphagam84 2799675@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are going to stop at 2 kids with both of us working full time. 3 would be way too much while working and the cost of daycare would be astronomical. It wouldn't make sense to work if we had to pay for 3 in daycare. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799658 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 11:12:30 +0000 looch 2799658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you could put together so many combinations of scenarios and each one would have pros and cons. </p> <p>It's so variable, I know families across the spectrum. I was a SAHM with one child and 4 hours of extra help a week and I am now a working mom with one child with two retired parents that do a lot of heavy lifting for my family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799656 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 11:07:24 +0000 Shantuck 2799656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are two full time working parents with fairly demanding jobs (travel for my husband, weekend and evening work, etc.) and we currently have two but are trying for a third. My husband and I are a great team when it comes to working together to make it all work and when things get crazy at work for one of us, the other is usually able to jump in and pick up the slack. I refuse to let work be the limiting factor as to whether I get to have the family I've always wanted. If life gets to be too much, then I will re-evaluate whether to make a job change to a less demanding job or whether to do an 80% schedule at my current job, etc. but until then, I plan to keep on keeping on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799636 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 09:51:27 +0000 snowjewelz 2799636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both work and we're 95% done with 2. For sure, if money wasn't an issued and I didn't need to work, I'd opt for 3. Because if I am able to stay home I'd assume finances isn't a big issue. I already feel guilty with the little time I spend with them during the week, so just from the perspective of finance and quality time, I wouldn't have another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799629 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 09:12:38 +0000 Anagram 2799629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: It just depends so much on the individual family and the overall picture. Cost of living, salaries, how far apart the kids are spaced, do they have helpful family nearby, etc.</p> <p>My instance, my parents had 6 kids and usually both worked. But the 6 of us are VERY spread apart and my mom had years in there that she didn't work (because they moved a lot). So she had SAHM year and WOHM years, but in my particular lifetime (I'm the 5th), she was always a working mom. And my dad was an airline pilot, so he was gone half the time and my mom was working, running a business, and teaching full time too (my parents owned a business on top of their jobs from the time I was 3 till I was 12 and they sold it.). But they lived in a cheap place, so their money went further. And we had a cleaning lady and the older siblings 100% were expected to do stuff around the house. I started doing my own laundry in 5th grade and my mom never did it again. Starting in K our choices were to buy school lunch or pack something ourselves. My mom never did it. We were expected to be very independent and do chores and my older siblings babysat us and had to cook dinners sometimes. It's just different from how most people parent now.</p> <p>My husband and I both work and we have 2. And that's about all we can handle, financially and physically. We are way more hands on with our kids, and we also live in a way more expensive place.</p> <p>It's just apples to oranges. I have a cousin only a year older than me that lives in rural Virginia and she has 7 kids and is a SAHM homeschooler. And they have a garden and chickens and make all their foods from scratch and don't own a televesion or have internet and it's just worlds away from how I live, but each of our situations work for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799617 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 07:50:29 +0000 jhd 2799617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I WAH part time, but we only ever planned on 2 regardless of work status, income, family help, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799615 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 07:46:23 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2799615@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The number a children a family should have is so dependent on the dynamic of that particular family. I am overwhelmed with just my one child. There’s no way at this moment in time with me working, my husband working and what our job demands entail that I could handle a second. Thought I could. DH would love a second, but I am not built for it. I am not interested in SAH in order to have a second as that is not a solution because that would be even more solo parenting/ primary childcare duties for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799607 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 07:13:00 +0000 Pumuckl 2799607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So we have 4 kids and we both work. I do mostly work out of a homeoffice though. Which helps in terms of laundry management etc. I also only work 80% because those 20% provide a lot of flexibilty when it comes to doctor's appointments etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/ideal-of-kids-for-2-working-parents-vs-1-working-parent#post-2799601 Thu, 25 Jan 2018 00:31:53 +0000 lamariniere 2799601@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I totally agree!</p> <p>In our situation, my DH works FT and travels internationally every few weeks, and I WAH but with a schedule that can be crazy busy or very slow depending on the season. We have 2 LOs and that's all we ever planned on. Emotionally and financially, there is no way I would want a 3rd. We live a comfortable life and I would feel stretched thin with another kid. We have no family help nearby. Luckily, childcare/school is affordable where we live now and where we lived just before, but that would not tip the equation towards another kid. </p>