https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 08 May 2026 16:56:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137491 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:55:46 +0000 Adira 137491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my group of friends, it usually IS the birthday girl (or guy) that plans and arranges the birthday dinner. Since it's their birthday, they decide where they want to go and invite people to it. Those that can make it show up and those that can't, don't.</p> <p>Then it's always assumed that everyone will pay for their OWN meal. So if one person is ordering apps, desserts, wines, etc, THEY have to pay for that - not everyone else. So if someone has a smaller budget, they don't have to stress about what other people are doing.</p> <p>USUALLY, someone will pick up the tab for the birthday person. Often it's the significant other, but my husband and I have picked up the tab for my best friend AND her husband before. Sometimes everyone will pitch in to pay for the birthday person. But it's at the discretion of the guests to decide if they want to do that or not and the birthday person always goes into dinner with the assumption that they will be paying their own meal (although they usually don't have to). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137486 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:52:22 +0000 mediagirl 137486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend invited us out for her birthday last year. We went and decided, with the other friends we were with, that we would pay for her meal. We did not pay for her boyfriend's meal who did not OFFER to pay for her meal. He's a winner. </p> <p>If she hadn't attempted to pay for her own meal, I think we would have been put off and not wanted to do it again and again as the years went on.</p> <p>My rule: if you invite others out, expect to pay for your meal. If someone invites you out for your occasion, expect to pay for your meal. Either way - be very, very thankful if someone pays for your meal. It's a kind thing to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137474 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:46:15 +0000 hilsy85 137474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: Yup ditto, even if they're the ones who arranged it. Of course, if they pick a super expensive place and take charge of ordering, and the bill gets crazy, that might be a different story. But I've never had that experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137471 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:44:39 +0000 Modern Daisy 137471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My answer is complicated, but for the most part the Bday girl schedules her own dinner and we pay for her. </p> <p>Four of us have Bdays within 3 weeks of each other (including mine!) so this past year we went out to celebrate all 4 bdays and split the check evenly. In the past it was a race to 'claim' a Saturday first for your exclusive bday dinner. But then I have two friends whose Bdays are not that time of year, so we usually go out separately for them and pick up the tab. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137399 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:19:59 +0000 yoursilverlining 137399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We always expect to cover the bday person's portion of a group bill when going out for a bday celebration. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137381 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 15:11:04 +0000 banana 137381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mamamoose: Yeah, that's probably what bothers me most, too. When I talked to some of the other girls about it, they said they think it's because she's a crowd-pleaser and just wants to make sure everyone is having a good time. Cause it's not like she orders everything just for herself. She orders things that everyone else will enjoy, like wine, apps, desserts to share. I"m hoping that she just means well but it's not coming off that way at all! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137287 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:08:48 +0000 SugarplumsMom 137287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That's so weird. If she's the one inviting people, planning the whole thing and even ordering for everybody then it's really odd for her to expect to be treated - even if it is her birthday! </p> <p>If someone else organized it, then I can see how she would maybe think that. But it's not the same when you organize it all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137284 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:07:41 +0000 MamaMoose 137284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: Yeah its the over ordering that really gets me. Any time I go out and I think there is a CHANCE someone else will be paying for me. I always order really conservatively just in case. I'll only get one drink, no appetizer or dessert. I just think that's the polite thing to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137276 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 14:02:40 +0000 HabesBabe 137276@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: It's similar for us... if we go to dinner as a group, the group always splits the bill and pays for the birthday girl/boy (unless there's an SO, and the SO pays for that person).</p> <p>If we have a party, then we pay for it ourselves. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137258 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:52:49 +0000 holdonforonemoreday 137258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I planned a birthday dinner for my husband's 30th in March. I fully expected to pay our bill, but my husband's best friends paid our bill! I was so surprised and touched!</p> <p>I never expect people to pay for me... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137248 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:45:53 +0000 calsmom 137248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would never refuse to pay a bill if I was the one that organized the gathering no matter what the occasion was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137247 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:45:52 +0000 banana 137247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Goldilocks1107: I've tried #1 before and her response was "Oh no that's ok! I like planning these things so I'll take care of it all!" And even when I insist, she insists even more! sigh. It's tough cause she organizes all of ours (even when we don't want her to) and pitches in for our gifts + dinner too. So we feel bad not pitching in for hers too, you know? We just don't like that she takes charge of the menu, orders a boatload of food/drinks and picks the time/place without everyone's input. I know it's HER birthday so she has some free reign...but STILL! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137246 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:45:06 +0000 PBandBaseball 137246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely think that if the birthday girl is planning the dinner, she should be prepared to pay. If her friends decide that they'd like to cover her evening, that's up to them. </p> <p>I prefer small dinners for my birthday but we have friends who plan big to-dos every, single year for their birthday and we're all at least 30. Sometimes they'll plan a whole weekend of events! I'm not sure how I feel about those dinners/bar outings but we try to go to be nice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137243 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:43:54 +0000 MamaMoose 137243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly this would annoy me enough that I would decline the offer and not attend any more. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137241 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:42:40 +0000 mrsjyw 137241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: RUDE.</p> <p>I would never have my own birthday dinner and then expect my friends to pay.</p> <p>RUDE!!</p> <p>My circle of gfs and I always plan a bday dinner, but it's the non bday girls that plan, and also pay for dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137240 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:41:51 +0000 banana 137240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrsdaredevil: Ok I don't feel so bad for feeling weird about it then. Her birthday is coming up in July and I'm thinking about just using my pregnancy as an excuse to get out of it. </p> <p>The clincher though, is that she's the organizer for all of our birthdays too. She makes sure everyone is invited, organizes the reservations, and then pitches in for the birthday girl's share too. So we feel bad that we're so "eh" about her birthday when she goes out of her way to organize ours. She's just a control freak I think. haha. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137239 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:41:23 +0000 Mrs. Bee 137239@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>in my circle even if birthday girl makes the reservations/plans, we always pay and she doesn't. but it is cultural too.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137238 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:41:15 +0000 mrs. wagon 137238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It drives me crazy when people do this. If they're a good friend I ALWAYS try to pay. And a few times Wagon Sr. and I will choose to buy all our good friends dinner at a favorite restaurant in lieu of a party or presents to each other. I would never organize an event for myself and not pay! or at least offer!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137235 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:40:52 +0000 chopsuey 137235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: yikes. I guess it boils down to how good of a friend she is. I still think it's ridic that she assumes you girls will pay. Sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137232 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:39:40 +0000 Goldilocks1107 137232@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: Have you paid for her each year? If so, maybe she has no idea that what she's doing is bothersome to others. Perhaps the next time this happens, you could try one of two things:<br /> 1. When she first mentions dinner, say "I feel bad that you plan your birthday each year. How about you let me plan something a little more lowkey that fits with everyone's budget and all you have to do is show up". That way, she gets her free meal, and you guys aren't forking over a lot of unexpected cash.<br /> 2. OR before dinner starts, if she planned it, say "To make it easier on our waiter, can we all agree ahead of time that we'll split the bill XX ways?" (and that number is the total tally of guests, including her, so she understands that she'll be expected to pay her share) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137227 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:37:39 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 137227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: I always go out to dinner with my group of girlfriends on each of our birthdays. We always pay for the birthday girl's food/drinks. HOWEVER, she never organizes it herself.<br /> If I were to organize something for my own birthday, I would definitely pay for my own food. I think it's weird she doesn't offer... in fact, that's just plain rude and presumptuous! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137226 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:37:29 +0000 LuLu Mom 137226@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just did a birthday dinner and I was expecting to pay my bill the whole time, I just wanted to go with friends! I think it's rude when people expect their dinner to be paid for! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137224 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:37:04 +0000 banana 137224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: She's 34 and single so she always wants to make her birthday a big deal. She'll invite like 8 or 9 people so it's not a lot but STILL. I hate dropping $100 for a dinner that I don't even enjoy that much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137218 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:35:12 +0000 banana 137218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rubies: Yeah, that's how I would feel too! I would feel bad if I planned it and didn't pay for it. I guess my friend doesn't think that way. UGH. And we pitch in for a birthday gift too. It just sucks cause I can't even drink and she'll order bottles of wine. I end up paying $100 for like a chicken dinner. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137217 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:35:07 +0000 chopsuey 137217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: how old is she? I stopped having parties when I was 18! Would just have intimate dinners with 3-4 friends. I know people out there who celebrate every stinking birthday by inviting 20+ ppl......... -.-<br /> I would just use your kids as an excuse and not go to the dinner </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137210 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:32:25 +0000 banana 137210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: That's what we were thinking. Since she's the one that plans it every year, including the place and time, we kinda expected her to at least pitch in. But maybe you're right in that it's a korean thing. Whenever it's someone's birthday, we'll invite HER out and pay for her share. But with this friend, she plans the whole thing and then expects us to pay. I dunno how I feel about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137208 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:31:49 +0000 MsMamaBear 137208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you invite people, you pay for your own food. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137206 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:30:44 +0000 Rubies 137206@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I turned 30, I invited seven close girlfriends to have high tea with me at a fancy-schmancy restaurant downtown. I organized everything and intended to pay for it all. When the bill came, I reached for it but my friend swiped it from me and they all split the bill. I felt so bad! So, when I turned 31, I invited some friends out and I actually arranged with the manager to pre-pay. If *I* invite people out for *my* birthday, then I foot the bill entirely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137204 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:30:18 +0000 chopsuey 137204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Usually if you plan your party you should pay for it. :P but! I think it's a Korean/California thing. We always End up splitting the bill and paying for the bday girl too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-a-friend-invites-you-out-to-dinner-for-their-birthday#post-137203 Wed, 25 Apr 2012 13:29:12 +0000 heffalump 137203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would never expect people to pay for my bill. I always offer even when someone says they want to pay it. </p>