https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 27 May 2026 15:52:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-766408 Tue, 07 May 2013 18:34:34 +0000 BSB 766408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Suzimo: Ugh, what sucks is that I don't know when this feeling will go away. Probably not until we have our own kids, so at least a year away. I'm probably tearing a relationship by feeling this way. I've said this a million times and feel like a broken record... but infertility sucks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-764791 Tue, 07 May 2013 07:29:12 +0000 Happygal 764791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. I have a pregnant friend who talks/complains about her pregnancy all the time. Both she and her husband will "educate" me on pregnancy/baby things, which gets on my nerves. </p> <p>It's the main topic all the time, and there's not a lot of "how are you?" We were trying to get pregnant around the same time, and once she got pregnant, I just felt left behind. She's seeking out more friends who already have children. Our friendship has already changed, and I know it will even more once she has her baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760995 Sat, 04 May 2013 11:33:14 +0000 Suzimo 760995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee:Completely know how you feel. I think its ok to feel how you feel and hopefully they understand too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760939 Sat, 04 May 2013 10:47:39 +0000 BSB 760939@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have close friends who are pregnant or just gave birth and I'm really excited and frequently ask questions about how they are feeling or doing. But there's one couple that is just hard for me to say anything to them. It's my husband's best friend and his wife. They are really nice and they treat us well but I just can't get the envious and sad thoughts out of my head when I see or think about them. We got married around the same time, started TTC about the same time, they had a medical condition just like us where TTC could have been difficult for them... Well they got pregnant on their first month trying and their daughter is almost a year old. I feel terrible that I can get close with them. It's just too hard for me. When I see them in June, I'll put on that fake smile but I know I'll be hurting inside. I know I'll be short or brief with them when I visit. Why do I feel like crap that I'm actually feeling this way? Maybe I think that they won't understand why it's so hard for me to see them. Maybe they will think I'm selfish. I don't know. Geez, my husband is their daughter's god father and I can't even see pictures of their family without thinking that it could be us right now. :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760850 Sat, 04 May 2013 09:20:07 +0000 Suzimo 760850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so tough. I have one very close friend who we started trying to get pg at the same time who got pregnant after two months of trying. During her pregnancy we remained close, but once she had the baby we have seemed to grow apart a bit. I don't really understand her struggles with motherhood and she definitely doesn't understand mine with IF. It makes me very sad that we rarely hang out now, but I also know that sometimes that happens in friendships and I hope that things will shift in our lives and we will again find common ground. Another thing thats been very hard for me is this friend is now becoming close friends with some of my other friends who are recents mothers and having all of these playdates etc. I am happy I have helped to make these connections, but at the same time, I am extremely jealous and feel very left out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760374 Fri, 03 May 2013 17:00:34 +0000 sweetooth 760374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@spaniellove: It's so tricky, isn't it? Navigating relationships while going through life changing events. Maybe one day you two will talk again - but I'm a big fan of the golden rule. Do unto others, and you would have done unto you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760362 Fri, 03 May 2013 16:44:25 +0000 spaniellove 760362@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: We have a family member whom I tried hard to support throughout her pregnancy even though I wasn't getting pregnant myself, and she has never been a support to me. But she gave birth just as we found out we needed IVF, and we haven't seen her since visiting her in the hospital nor have I talked to her since then. She's known about our struggles but can't bring herself to say even one word of support to us, so I no longer feel like I need to prop her up while she navigates motherhood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760348 Fri, 03 May 2013 16:34:20 +0000 sweetooth 760348@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs.Someone: This is going to sound bad, but we all have different relationships with family and friends. </p> <p>I only just recently saw my sister in person for the first time since December. She told me she was pregnant with #2 at one of my low points in our fertility journey. And I just felt like I couldn't bare to see her pregnant for a while, give her support, or receive the support I needed from her as I started fertility treatments.</p> <p>When I found out our 3rd IUI worked, we started to connect again. It's been a slow process. But I had to do what I had to do. And I think it was the right decision - because I'm already a bit overwhelmed by the type of support she may need from me. I think it was best to avoid her for 3 1/2 months.</p> <p>I'm sure that your friend will understand. Do what's best for your mental state. Everything will work itself out once you're at a place where you can talk openly about things. That's my 2 cents :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-760132 Fri, 03 May 2013 14:43:49 +0000 TheReelDeal 760132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm avoiding one of my really good friends because she talks so negatively about kids, and me having kids. It's difficult to hear that especially when I have to do so much to get pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-759934 Fri, 03 May 2013 13:21:31 +0000 spaniellove 759934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes...we have a couple we used to go out with once in a while, and I used to be able to tolerate that the wife had a way of brushing off what I was saying and just telling me I needed to be positive. But when IF hit I just couldn't talk to her anymore because that attitude just hurt so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-759926 Fri, 03 May 2013 13:19:04 +0000 Shutterbug 759926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: I think some people just don't know what to do with friends struggling through infertility. &lt;--- totally agree.</p> <p>Only one of my friends (my BFF of 20+ years) knows that we're even TTC, let alone going through IF, and she's starting TTC next month. I'm already terrified of how I'll react if she gets pregnant right away. She's like a sister to me, so I won't be able to avoid her, really. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-759923 Fri, 03 May 2013 13:18:46 +0000 Mrs.Someone 759923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@VEGMAMA: Sometimes that has to happen, unfortunately :( Definitely not the route I want to take with this friend, especially since we have many friends in common. And yes, the advice isn't always accurate here either! (Her DH does it too...) I plan to come clean once I am comfortably pregnant and apologize for avoiding her though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-759917 Fri, 03 May 2013 13:16:18 +0000 swedishfish 759917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This isn't exactly the same but our friends knew we were going through IVF this past fall and were supportive of us. But I found out she was pregnant with her second child through a Facebook post right after I got my positive beta. It hurt that she didn't tell us beforehand even though I was officially pregnant. Does that make sense? We couldn't tell anyone because it was just too early and shocking. I think some people just don't know what to do with friends struggling through infertility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-759913 Fri, 03 May 2013 13:15:41 +0000 Vegmama 759913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sadly, I ended a friendship (by end, I mean, I just sort of avoided the person), because of this exact reason. She always told me how to do everything (come to find out later, her ways or advice weren't always accurate or the right way). I don't know ... I felt like telling her would really hurt her feelings. Her husband ended up being a total ass, and I used him as my excuse to exit the friendship. I still feel really guilty because of the whole situation, but honestly, I am happy ... I have wonderful friends (who have boundaries and respect mine), and it's really nice. It's tough getting older and having to deal with iffy friendship stuff. I feel for you. I wish I had been brave enough to talk with her with a kind heart (I'm sure it would have hurt her, but our friendship could have been salvaged). Best of luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-avoiding-close-friends#post-759873 Fri, 03 May 2013 13:04:14 +0000 Mrs.Someone 759873@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a close friend who I've been somewhat avoiding ever since she got pregnant (baby is now 2+ months). They had a slightly longer journey to get there, but not long considering what many of us are going through. </p> <p>The problem with this friend is that she likes to give advice on anything and everything, regardless of how much experience she has, or how much the receiver needs/wants it. Now its all parenting, all the time.</p> <p>I love her dearly (and feel bad about this), but I just can't listen to it. And I feel like I can't turn it off without her knowing what we're going through (which would just start different "advice")</p> <p>Do you avoid any well-meaning friends to save your feelings? </p>