https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 04:33:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-797953 Tue, 21 May 2013 12:14:20 +0000 ineebee 797953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What a wise and loving wife!! It must've taken so much restraint to let that go. Kudos to you, @math.nerd, for knowing exactly what your husband needs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-795581 Mon, 20 May 2013 12:49:12 +0000 math.nerd 795581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks all for your feedback. </p> <p>A small update: DH and I revisited our conversation about TTC over the weekend. We were both a lot calmer and had had a few days to think things over. I reiterated to him that there is no "blame' and that we are a team, working on this together.<br /> We also decided together to take a few months off from "trying". For us that means, no OPKs and I'm not even going to mention to him if I think I'm seeing signs of ovulation.<br /> The only thing that sort of upset me was that he said he doesn't believe that his stress level effects the process at all -only I need to be in a good head space. It took everything in me to not fight him on that one! But I did say that if he's stressed about it, then I can sense it and I feel it just as strongly.<br /> We'll see how things go over the next few months. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-795357 Mon, 20 May 2013 11:40:47 +0000 ineebee 795357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: Ditto. My husband has never uttered a word of blame or regret and has showered me with telling me how much he loves and supports me no matter what. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-783636 Wed, 15 May 2013 14:35:20 +0000 ShootingStar 783636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@raintreebee: same here too. I was the one with problems and he was really supportive.</p> <p>But the good thing about having someone to "blame" is knowing what you're fighting against. I feel really bad for all the people have unexplained infertility because there are no concrete answers and no easy solutions except for trying every possibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-783629 Wed, 15 May 2013 14:31:10 +0000 raintreebee 783629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ahh, your poor guy. Speaking as the person to "blame" for our IF issues, it has really helped me to hear from my DH that we are in this together, that he loves me unconditionally, and he wouldn't want a life without me even if it included children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-783292 Wed, 15 May 2013 12:38:05 +0000 Apex 783292@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know exactly how you are feeling because my DH felt the exact same way. He actually refused to go to an RE with me for almost a whole year, part of it was because he was scared of the results of a SA. At the end of the day, he came to terms with it and just accepted the fact that some things were just the way it was. </p> <p>Like the PP have said, it does take 2, blaming one person does no good for the process, just be patient and try to encourage him as best as possible. I don't know how you could do this BUT help him realize that IF is not the end of the world and that there are other options. *hugs* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-783009 Wed, 15 May 2013 11:27:04 +0000 justdarling 783009@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH and I had a huge discussion this weekend about our whole IF journey. I had a pity party which started the whole conversation. We have a MF issue so he told me that he really does blame himself for us not getting pregnant. It was the first time he actually told me how he was feeling about this. </p> <p>Mrs. Someone is right, it does take 2 and you are in this together. I think you have to keep the lines of communication open. If it is overwhelming for one of you, it is ok to take a month off. As much as I didn't want to take a month off, it really did both of us good. It felt nice to not have to time when we were having sex and just reconnect with each other. If a month off is not in the cards for you, then take time not to talk about IF or when you are ovulating. Try to enjoy this time together without a baby as much as possible. We have been doing nice dinners out and last minute weekend trips. We figure when (not if, but when) we do have a baby, we won't be able to do these things as much. And I always remind myself and him that no matter what, we love each other and that is all that we need. As tough as this journey is, I couldn't imagine doing this with anyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-782913 Wed, 15 May 2013 11:07:48 +0000 Mrs.Someone 782913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're going through this :( We don't quite have the same issue, but I think the pressure does get to DH even though he hasn't mentioned it. But he just got a SA done and had great results, so I think that helped his confidence.</p> <p>Has your DH had a SA? If not, there is no indication that he is the issue! But either way, baby making takes 2, and you're in this together. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-dh-feeling-down#post-782803 Wed, 15 May 2013 10:48:12 +0000 math.nerd 782803@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, DH and I just had our first meeting with a fertility specialist and it was VERY overwhelming. </p> <p>We talked about it last night and my hubs totally freaked out. He thought I was blaming him as the reason that we aren't pregnant. I do not feel that way AT ALL. When he finally calmed down, he admitted that the stress of trying to get pregnant is really getting to him. With so many of our friends "accidentally" getting pregnant or just not really trying, he is feeling very down on himself. I told him that I feel very much the same way at times and it's ok for him to be upset, but he just can't take it out on me. We are in this together.</p> <p>Have any of you had similar experiences? Any advice on something I can do or something I can recommend to him to help relieve him of this burden of pressure he is putting on himself?</p> <p>Thanks. </p>