https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 11:59:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2624313 Tue, 20 Sep 2016 13:35:26 +0000 Cole 2624313@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think since one of the goals is for the au pair to learn about the culture they are typically expected to eat with you when possible. I have limited experiences with au pairs but when I was a nanny I became good friends with one from Turkey and she shared a out of the gossip with me- nothing terrible mind you but stuff like they were all so shocked with what the kids ate and with parenting styles to some degree- in that regard you have the double whammy of summertime young who hasn't had kids yet and a different culture. Mind you, they should keep this to themselves and I think they mostly would but I thought I'd point it out. </p> <p>The other thing that comes to mind is the cost goes up significantly if you need to buy another car so the baby can take the kids places. I remember my friend saying that her family made her take a driving class when she got here and she thought it was insulting but then was really glad because driving is different and most of her friends got into accidents because they weren't used to our traffic patterns and driving large cars.</p> <p>I genuinely think there are tons of merits to it too, my friend was awesome with the kids and my husband's aunt had au pairs for at least ten years and had overwhelmingly positive experiences. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2624256 Tue, 20 Sep 2016 12:58:33 +0000 Anagram 2624256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My current nanny was an au pair, and one of my best friends originally came to the US from the au pair. It's really sold as "cultural exchange" and not just childcare, so you really are expected to invite them on your holidays and trips unless they make their own plans to go elsewhere.</p> <p>Also, typically you have to add them to your car insurance, make sure they have a vehicle to drive (if you are in a driving area), pay for a cell phone for them, plus have a room that is set up for tv. And of course, you are feeding them 3 meals a day and snacks. So factor all of that in when you are considering costs. And sometimes there might be cultural differences--like one of my coworkers had an au pair who was very sweet from Brazil. Coworker's family is somewhat conservative. They all went on an extended family beach vacation and the women planned a spa day, with the dad to take the kids to the beach. The au pair went to the beach with the kids and dads. Then the wives got an SOS because the nanny came out wearing a thong and string bikini, and none of the dads knew what to do because they were uncomfortable. hahaha</p> <p>I think having an au pair can be great, but it might not be the best option for saving money over all. My friend who was an au pair really liked it, and stayed with the same family 2 years. My current nanny had a less fun experience. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2624153 Tue, 20 Sep 2016 11:34:30 +0000 looch 2624153@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think an au pair could be a great solution if you're open to a young woman of a different culture coming into your family. They can only work a certain number of hours and they also have a goal of getting familiar with American culture, so you need to be okay with that. They might want to retain some of their home country traditions as well, so I'd for sure have a discussion about that up front. As for the language barrier, no matter how good their English is, you'll face situations where things will get lost in translation. I don't think the exposure payoff is big unless it's also your language...what I mean here is a lot of people think it is a great idea to hire an au pair to help their children learn a language, but unless they're exposed in other areas, it's going to be minimal, especially as the kids age.</p> <p>As for grandma care, having used it (and continue to use it) myself, I think it does have its issues as well, but here, you can't sever the relationship as easily if things go south, you know what I mean?</p> <p>I am considering using an au pair when my son gets older, but it would need to be one that speaks our second language and would expose our family to more of my husband's home country culture. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2624122 Tue, 20 Sep 2016 11:04:11 +0000 winniebee 2624122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My sister has au pair and it works for them because the kids are in school and she needs random hours from the au pair. Her au pair is international and her first one spent a lot of time with my sister's family because she didn't know anyone (and that was not necessarily a bonus for my sister!) her second one has sort of done her own thing. </p> <p>Au pair can only work 40 hours a week so that is something to consider. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2624109 Tue, 20 Sep 2016 10:51:40 +0000 BSB 2624109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: Yeah, that's what I am initially thinking. I'm already reached out to someone about the fees and I should look to see what happens if we cancel and decide an au pair is not for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2623874 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 19:30:07 +0000 Foodnerd81 2623874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have never had grandma care OR an au pair, but I imagine the au pair is less annoying in terms of the problems you had with grandma. She would have her own space, which would be huge. But the biggest thing is you are paying her to do a job the way you want it done. She can't say, oh I did this for my kids and it was fine- she has to do it yor way because you are her employer. And I would hope you would be friendly with each other and she would start to feel like family, but she wouldn't come with the baggage that family tends to bring. I love my mil and get along well with her, but she was here for five days and I was almost ready for her to go </p> <p>I have also heard that an au pair can be more cost effective than a nanny or most day care when you have two babies. I think a nanny share would be tough to find with twin babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2623863 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 18:43:38 +0000 BSB 2623863@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pollywog: Oh, really? Thanks. I look into those options, too! Thanks! I don't know much about home daycare and nanny shares. I'll take a look. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2623861 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 18:41:29 +0000 Pollywog 2623861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: ah, well we found a home daycare to be a way more sanity saving (and cheaper) solution than an au pair. A nanny share was also more affordable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2623859 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 18:34:50 +0000 BSB 2623859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Pollywog: An au pair could be cheaper since they live in. I'm looking at day care costs and seeing if an au pair might be cheaper. </p> <p>I think if daycare didn't work, my last resort would be a live out nanny. Not quite there yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2623854 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 18:15:02 +0000 Pollywog 2623854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Why not get a normal, live out nanny? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-grandma-care-is-getting-annoying-could-an-au-pair-be-just-as-bad#post-2623851 Mon, 19 Sep 2016 18:06:01 +0000 BSB 2623851@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Grandma care did live with us for 3-4 weeks at a time and in the same house. There was also some judgement... with being my MIL and conflicts on personal beliefs and politics. There was also no break... she did not go home. (Well she eventually went home.) She was family so we did travel with her and had dinners and almost all meals together. An Au Pair would have to have 'off' hours and she doesn't necessarily have to travel with us. </p> <p>Could an Au Pair be better? Or the same?</p> <p>I do think we need our own space so I would need to find a place with a in-law suite or even better a cottage. (Luckily, I've seen a couple houses for sale with it.) </p>