https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 03 May 2026 17:12:49 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906738 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 15:50:18 +0000 matador84 906738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's job requires him to live and work out of town during the week. He is also on-call every 3rd weekend so I don't see him for nearly 9 days when his call rolls around. Work comes before family in everything unfortunately but he is able to provide a pretty good quality of life for us for where we live, as there are not many job opportunities in his field. I handle everything child care related and work full time. All drop offs and pick ups and if the baby is sick I have to take off work. He can't really go on vacations with us unless scheduled way way in advance and even then things can change quickly. He was supposed to drive 5 hours with us this week to visit family but now can't due to work so it is just going to be the baby and I. Super scared that we are expecting baby 2 and it will be more exhausting...but it is what it is and I'm not looking at big picture just yet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906719 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 15:16:03 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 906719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sugar.Biscuit: bummer! But I'm glad he's doing better and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906686 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 14:27:23 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 906686@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: as of now he is not eligible till 2015. He lost it right before we met from a 3rd DUI &amp; he's been sober for 5 years now. The laws keep changing so there is a chance he maybe able to get it sooner but as of now we must wait till then. Its total BS cause if he went out and got another DUI today he would automatically be granted an interlock system. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906666 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 14:02:01 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 906666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sugar.Biscuit: can he get a driver's license? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906633 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 13:17:46 +0000 autumnlove 906633@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to do everything if DH has to work but he makes up for it when gets home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906597 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 12:39:32 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 906597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh interesting question! DHs job is totally inflexible... like if the next person coming in doesn't show up for their shift, DH has to stay until they can get someone in.. I'm sure in a real life emergency, someone would be more than willing to come in to cover, but he still couldn't leave until that person arrived! Crazay! </p> <p>Anyways, I think that will leave most things for me. I already make all his appointments and pick things up when he's on shift. HOWEVER, he does work shift... so right now he is on days for training, but when he's back on shift his week might be: Wednesday/Thursday night shift (6p-6a) off until Monday day shift 6a-6p, off again for Thursday and Friday, etc. So if something comes off on an off day, he can handle it. If anything comes up when hes working, there's nothing we can do, and I'd have to handle it!</p> <p>Hoping to become a SAHM though so it shouldn't be too much of an issue. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906580 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 12:24:27 +0000 mrsjazz 906580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When I was working my job was more flexible. DH is a teacher and doesn't take time off. I worked a 9 to 5 that was very flexible about me working from home and taking off for doctor's appointments and when LO was sick. It was hard because it was still my job and I hated that all of a sudden I had to be the one out more often, but DH needs to be in class teaching. It did suck but he makes more money than I do and had the more secure job. Plus I just think about how he's responsible for everything in July &amp; August during summer break. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906566 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 12:15:11 +0000 Rubies 906566@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's job is the one what is inflexible (even to the point where he can't book any vacation days without several meetings with his boss) so I end up having to do a lot when it comes to chores, errands, and parenting. It's really hard. Buuuuut, on the weekends, DH tries to make up for it all. There really isn't a solution for us because it is what it is. We hope that in a couple of years as he climbs up, his job will be a little bit more flexible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906560 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 12:08:09 +0000 PurplePeony 906560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH's job is very inflexible in the sense that when he needs to be there, he needs to be there. Physically present, no working from home, no taking time off for appointments (except if there's an emergency, obviously). But he doesn't actually work that many hours, and his schedule isn't a traditional "9-5." So he actually has a lot of time during the day when he *could* do errands and stuff. I say could because he's not very good about doing it on his own, only if I specifically tell him something needs to be done. This will have to change when the baby comes...</p> <p>My job is pretty flexible in that as long as I put in my time and the work gets done, I can work from home, go in early and leave early or vice versa, work some longer days and some shorter ones, etc. Still, despite working 9-5ish, I end up doing all the grocery shopping, all the cooking, and most of the cleaning. Sometimes it doesn't bother me so much, other times it drives me nuts.</p> <p>The biggest issue I foresee after the baby comes is that some of my hubby's work takes place at night. We're planning to have the LO in full-time daycare, but he has already said that he'll probably pick the baby up early on days when he has afternoons off. We can also schedule regular checkups and stuff when he's not working so I won't have to take time off. Sick visits will be done by whichever of us is more available at the time. Thing is, if he doesn't want to pick the baby up one day so he can do other things, we'll still have daycare until I'm done with work for the day. At night, if I feel like having me time or running errands or taking an exercise class and he's at work, there's no readily available childcare. I kind of feel like I'm going to be screwed by our schedules and we're not even there yet! I'm sure it will be a huge learning experience for both of us... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906546 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 11:54:26 +0000 mrsmate 906546@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how you ladies do it. I'm a sahm and DH works 7-3 m-f...and still not everything gets done. We do all our banking online and get most of our groceries delivered, which definitely helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906543 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 11:49:28 +0000 DigAPony 906543@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds tough--I'm sorry. I don't know that this is any consolation, but when I was growing up, both of my parents worked inflexible jobs and they made it work. Lots of people do. I agree with PPs that figuring out what tasks your husband can be responsible for during his off hours sounds like a good idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906518 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 11:21:48 +0000 skibobrown 906518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're in this situation. DH's job is inflexible with hours. He also has a 1-hour commute each way. I have a very demanding job, but it generally has flexible hours. I end up doing a lot of the parenting tasks, and I will certainly admit that it's tough. I do daycare dropoff and pickup. I feed DD her breakfast and dinner. I wash and fold diapers (we do cloth). The way we make it work is that DH has certain responsibilities that he is required to handle. He has to be home for bedtime every night, and he does the majority of bedtime. (I help out by sitting in the bath with DD... and then once DH comes to take her out of the bath I get to stay in the tub and have some relaxing me time.) I also get DH to run errands on his way home. He gets groceries or picks up dinner, and he also does most of the errands on the weekends. I still get annoyed and bitter sometimes that I'm doing so much of the parenting tasks... especially when it starts cutting into my work time. I don't want my career to suffer. But otherwise we do make it work out reasonably well for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906484 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 10:42:48 +0000 Mrs. Pen 906484@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to work as a lead in a retail environment like your husband. We had similar "rules". Being a lead made it even more difficult because only other leads could take my shift if I needed to get off. I also had to work 3/4 weekends (friday-sunday) a month (or 4/5 if it was a 5 weekend month). I had to work holidays and Black Friday. </p> <p>DH and I had completely opposite schedules. It was a stressful job. I actually left before TTC because I didn't want to live that way at all. I'm so glad I did and I'm much happier in healthcare.</p> <p>I don't have any advice but I sympathize, because I was in your husbands position. And it kinda sucks :-/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906474 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 10:32:07 +0000 deactivated_account 906474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I don't know that there is any solution to this. It's nice that at least one of you has flexibility. But maybe your DH can start doing grocery shopping on an evening after work while you stay home and relax or do your own work. That's one chore that can be done outside of 9-5 business hours. And make him do things on his lunch break!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906469 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 10:27:13 +0000 NorCalWayfarer 906469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm really worried about this too (and we're not even pregnant!). DH travels frequently (right now he leaves at 3:30am Monday and comes back at 11pm Thursdays). I have an hour + commute each way, although timing is really flexible and I work at the local office one day a week (10 min commute). Right now I do all the household chores, errands, cleaning, etc. not sure how it's going to work once we have a LO. A lot of women in my office work 9-4, then again from like 8-11pm so they can pick up kids, eat dinner w the family, but then keep working. Or they go 80%. We're considering if DH should go inhouse so he won't have to travel. It's good we have choices, but we still haven't quite figured it out yet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906468 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 10:26:55 +0000 Sugar.Biscuit 906468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: WE JUST HAD THIS CONVERSATION! &lt;---it deserved all caps (it didn't go so well). DH has been working 730a-6p at the office &amp; then comes home and puts in at least 2 more hours every night. The whole point of him getting this job last year was to decrease his hours so he could have a better quality life &amp; now its back to the same old same old. I hear the same thing all the time 'it's not going to be like this forever' but then something else comes up.</p> <p>I do all of his transportation, all of his medical, take him to and from work. I have to go to run ALL of the errands because he can't drive. On top of all my appointments, errands, &amp; my full time job where I transport people all day! I do the majority of the house chores on top of all of this. It's over whelming at times &amp; it terrifies me with having twins. </p> <p>I have to remind myself that it will not be that much different. I'm lucky that if I need help running errands &amp; such I can call my mom or DH's family to help out. My mom has already chipped in by taking DH to some of his appointments. This has helped A LOT! Number one thing to remember don't be afraid to ask for help!</p> <p>ETA: Find a pharmacy that is open later. We have a hand full of 24hr Walgreens around here. Have him grocery shop if he can. Schedule appointments during his lunch hour, if he gets one. Have a friend pick something up for you or even choose to have deliveries made. Some pharmacies &amp; grocery stores deliver... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906447 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 10:14:40 +0000 littlek 906447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH has an inflexible job. He leaves for work before LO is awake and come home after he's asleep. It's rough but I love the special time with my little man. I am a WOHM and work a stressful job too but my hours are more flexible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906407 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 09:30:20 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 906407@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All of this stuff falls to Mr. Jacks. I feel bad, but when I'm on, I'm on... And he's unemployed right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906399 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 09:24:01 +0000 .twist. 906399@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It definitely gets to be tiring. My husband has a much more flexible schedule than I do. It honestly makes me feel a LOT of guilt that he not only works but takes care of a lot of other household things. </p> <p>I'm glad that I am lucky enough to have a year off after baby is here because I think/hope I will be able to help him out a lot more if I'm home all day. At least once we get into a good baby routine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906306 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 08:33:48 +0000 Foodnerd81 906306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is part of the reason ill be staying home. I think it will be easier on both of us if I can be more flexible bc his job is less so. Can you work out a trade off-- like you deal with all the things you mentioned, but then nights or weekends when he is home, be us responsible for the stuff around the house that doesn't have a schedule- the cleaning, grocery shopping, lawn care, whatever, so you get a break, plus whatever time you need to catch up on the work you miss? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906236 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 07:16:52 +0000 ladybee 906236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was wondering this too. My DH goes in before daycare opens and leaves after they are closed. I'm a teacher so he just assumes I can leave or make a phone call whenever I need to. So annoying! While my job is much more family based its still super important to me and I need to give it a 150%. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-one-of-you-have-an-inflexible-job#post-906165 Thu, 04 Jul 2013 05:11:16 +0000 Cherrybee 906165@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>.... does the other person get responsibility for everything? How to you manage that without the flexible person going crazy? </p> <p>I've put this question under parenting but it equally applies to all aspects of being a partnership and running a home. Our baby isn't even here yet and this is already the case in our lives - but I'm now thinking forward to when our baby is here and I'm back at work and.....</p> <p>My DH's job is inflexible. Completely. He works in a retail environment. He has to be there for 7.30 or 8am (on a rota) to open the shop. He has to stay until just after 5pm to close the shop (then it's a 30 min drive home in rush hour traffic). He can take holiday but it has to be booked in advance and if someone else has that day booked off then he can't take it. He has to work 3 out of 4 Saturday mornings, too. </p> <p>My job on the other hand is super flexible. I can go in when I want and leave when I want (within reason). My commute is three hours each way but they allow me to work from my nearest office (40 mins away) or from home frequently. As long as I get the work done, they don't really mind when or where I do it. As a result, if a repair man needs to come to the house or the dog needs to go to the vet - by default, I handle that. If some money needs to be paid into DH's bank account (the bank is only open when he is at work), he asks me to do it. If he needs a prescription picking up from the doctor's reception - I do it. Plus everything for myself - car repairs etc. In any given week, there's always something I need to take care of on top of work and that's before a baby!</p> <p>It just got me to thinking that, once the LO is here, it's all going to fall to me, isn't it? Day care pick ups, doctor's appointments, dentist appointments, taking time off when she's sick - on top of everything else I currently handle and working full time: Just because I *can* get out of work to do these things. But my work still needs to be done.... I will just have to put evening hours in. DH is always reminding me how *easy* I've got it with work - and I'm sure he feels hard done to that he can't be more flexible.</p> <p>How do you cope if one of you has a flexible job and one of you doesn't? </p>