https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 11 May 2026 14:38:00 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455465 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 15:00:48 +0000 rattles 2455465@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH isn't home in time for dinner most nights, but he is responsible for bath time with our girls. It's a welcome break for me and good bonding time for them. He is in charge of the adult laundry. (I do the kids'.) He is responsible for the yard work and trash/recycling. Right now DH is doing a grad program at night and our work division is different, but that's some of our normal breakdown. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455420 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:34:51 +0000 KayKay 2455420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree with whoever above said to take the kid(s) after dinner and give them undivided attention while I clean up from dinner. Whenever DH tries to help me clean up, it's actually not helpful at all because it means the kids are either in our way or irritating each other with no one watching. And yes, if he does the cleaning up solo, then it's just another X minutes that I am entertaining the kids, which I have done all day. I much prefer to clean quickly (and in peace and quiet!) while he has some alone time with the kids.</p> <p>Another idea might be to ask him what sorts of things he considers helpful/valuable, since everyone's love language and ideas of a break are different. But no matter what he says, just do that from then on. Without asking! I hate that DH says he will do whatever as long as I ask (tell) him to do it. The last thing I want is another person in the house that I have to constantly manage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455396 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 14:22:46 +0000 fancyfunction 2455396@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He basically takes over for me with M while I do dinner. They play, he gives her a bath, reads to her and puts her to bed. Then he cleans up all the dishes/pots. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455349 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 13:52:56 +0000 BSB 2455349@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, wow. Lots a great advice and ways to help DH out. Thank you all!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455236 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:52:35 +0000 jmarionsmith 2455236@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is great, always willing to help in any way he can. But the main thing that helps me is his low/no expectations. If he comes home and the house is a mess, no problem. I didn't have time/energy to cook dinner, that's cool. The laundry hasn't been done all week, ain't no thing. </p> <p>It has really helped me not beat myself up when I can't get it all done. At the end of the day if the kids are fed, healthy, somewhat clean &amp; happy then that's all that matters. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455197 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:39:25 +0000 schubr03 2455197@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When my husband comes home, he usually plays with DD so I can finish making dinner. Then he always lets me eat first if DD is particularly needy that day. Also, he always cleans up after dinner. That is really helpful. Then we usually play with DD together and do bedtime routine together. 😊 He does let me go out with friends every once in a while. I feel bad because he lets me go out, and the only time he gets to go out is when he goes to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455190 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:36:05 +0000 gingerbebe 2455190@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH just takes over for DS in the evenings unless work prevents him from doing so. I'm usually trying to put dinner on the table, feeding DS dinner, or cleaning up from dinner, so he'll play with DS to keep him from being under foot. He also does bath time, post-bath books and room play, pre-bedtime snugs, and puts DS down for bed. While they do that, I run around getting stuff ready for the next day for everyone and throw in a load of laundry.</p> <p>Any day he's able, DH also gets up with DS and gives him his breakfast. On the weekends, he also takes DS for errands or a long trip to the park or both so I can get a break or get stuff done around the house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455180 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:30:27 +0000 yin 2455180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH comes home in time for dinner, and we eat as a family in the dining room. He pitches in and helps get the kids fed and washed up. He plays with them for a bit before starting bedtime. We try to tackle the bedtime routine together, but sometimes I let him take over as I clean up downstairs. After the kids are in bed, he helps me put away food and pack lunch for the next day. </p> <p>On weekends he does encourage me to take time for myself. Sometimes it's as simple as going to the grocery store by myself or enjoying breakfast in bed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455177 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:28:34 +0000 wrkbrk 2455177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Great thread! Commenting to follow. I go back to work in less than 2 weeks and my DW has her parental leave so this will be us for the next 6 months! I need to be conscious of making sure I am helping. We already argue about chores and its only going to get worse with only one of us WOH....... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455176 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:28:14 +0000 Torchwood 2455176@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Totally agree with @twodoghouse on pay attention! DH can't seem to figure out that she's not a tiny preemie who just needs someone nearby anymore. And sometimes she is fine to play by herself, but not always. Sitting by her playing on your phone is not taking care of her! </p> <p>Taking the baby is 100% what I need. Just being able to pump for a couple sessions per day without worrying that she's going to freak out and need to be picked up halfway through is such a relief. And to be able to eat without interruption, etc. Personally I actually prefer he not do any cleaning or anything. I don't mind doing it, and any time he's cleaning I'm still stuck with the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455169 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:23:34 +0000 Andrea 2455169@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He can't help me with the kids (gets home too late) so he'll do the dishes. That's all he has to do usually! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455161 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:17:41 +0000 youboots 2455161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: good point on willingness to get out of the house on weekends. We usually go do something one day and stay home the other. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455160 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:16:45 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2455160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH takes over basically! We eat together. And DH does most of the playing (much to our sons delight!) DH does bath. I usually do jammies. We do bed time together. He will take him with him if he has to go out so I can be home alone which is very rare. </p> <p>I'm sure you are doing great :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455156 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:13:49 +0000 twodoghouse 2455156@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids are older, so some of this won't apply to you yet! </p> <p>Usually DH is coming home right as I'm getting dinner ready for the kids, so it's really helpful for him to distract the kids (usually by doing art or playing in basement) while I finish that. Being really attentive to the kids while they eat is a big help. Meal times are so full of drama right now with plate dumping and cup throwing, so one of us has to watch them like a hawk to curtail that behavior. I'm just tired of doing it for two meals already so it's his turn. :wink: DH does bathtime entirely on his own, although I take one of them as soon as they are ready to get out. DH also does most of our grocery shopping (on his own, without the kids). He also does the dishes once the kids are in bed for the night every day. </p> <p>The biggest thing that helps is for DH to be attentive when he is home. Sometimes he falls into the habit of coming home and immediately getting on his computer to work remotely. When he does that the kids get antsy and start crying for me, even if he's supposed to be "on duty" while I cook or work on laundry or something. It's frustrating to me when he says "oh they just want you," when really what they want is someone's undivided attention! The biggest way he can help pick up the slack in the evenings and weekends is giving him his attention so that I can relax a little bit. It can be exhausting and frustrating and isolating to be a stay at home parent to twins! Especially when A and B were little, we never got out of the house which can get depressing day after day. It really helps when DH is up for adventures on the weekend since I don't get out as often as I'd ideally like throughout the week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455154 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:13:11 +0000 youboots 2455154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We strive for 50/50 child responsibilities when he's done working. It's a blurry line since when he is not traveling he WAH. It's nice when he takes 5 minutes to pick up the kitchen. I usually ask him to help. Could you please do these three things this evening. It's a balance and we are getting there. It's hardest when I solo parent M-F and he is gone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455152 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 12:12:27 +0000 mrsrain 2455152@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He encourages me to get out and do things on my own or with my friends. He comes home for lunch most days, which helps break up my day and saves us money, too. He does the bulk of bedtime and pretty much splits other parenting tasks with me 50-50. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-are-a-stay-at-home-parent-how-does-your-partner-help-you-when-they-come-home#post-2455123 Tue, 09 Feb 2016 11:59:55 +0000 BSB 2455123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is the SAHD and I work. How is your partner helpful or not helpful when they get home? </p> <p>I'm trying to be as helpful as I can. I do spend time with the babies when I get home so he can take a nap or finish chores (I do them, too) or do whatever he wants to do. </p> <p>I have suggested taking one of the babies with me if I need to run errands but he always just tells me to go and he'll stay and watch the babies. (Though, I guess he thinks if he has to watch one baby, why not watch both. They are not mobile, yet. Maybe he'll take advantage of this later.)</p> <p>I pretty much let him buy whatever he wants (within reason). He's saving us a lot of money by not having to put our kids in daycare so I don't complain about his purchases. (I think I read an article that broke down how much a SAHP should make and I realized how lucky I am to have him stay at home.) </p> <p>I'm not perfect. There are things I'm sure he wishes I would do when I get home and I'm trying to change those things. </p>