https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 15 Nov 2026 22:31:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1950629 Wed, 19 Nov 2014 12:23:24 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1950629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: That looks really interesting. I think it would be impossible to gauge mental health on paper. Arguably, it's really hard to be certain about someone's mental health (especially personality disorders!) even in person and over a long period of time. The best you could probably do, in the case of sperm/egg donation, is to avoid people with a known personal or family history. </p> <p>Does anyone happen to know whether sperm banks attempt to exclude men with mental health issues??? :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1950116 Wed, 19 Nov 2014 07:38:40 +0000 looch 1950116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Regarding mental health and selecting for that, I am curious how you'd go about that. The reason why I ask is there's a docu about a donor and at first he seems totally like is in great mental health, as the docu progresses, it becomes more obvious that maybe he's not. This donor was very active in the 80's and a lot of families selected his sperm. </p> <p><a href="http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/donor-unknown/film.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.pbs.org/independentlens/donor-unknown/film.html</a></p> <p>To answer the question, I'd probably choose a donor that had physical characteristics that were close to my husband and I. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1950003 Tue, 18 Nov 2014 23:57:49 +0000 irene 1950003@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Glad you ask the question! :) </p> <p>Physical and mental health aside, I would want him to be a balanced and happy person (unlike me). </p> <p>I also want him to NOT have the "sense of entitlement".... something that I always grew up with naturally, that I know my parents didn't owe me anything and I should take care of myself when I grow up. </p> <p>I would also love him to have a keen sense of direction. It is tough for a guy to not know his way around, haha.</p> <p>Intelligence, compassion, would be nice too. haha.</p> <p>For now, as corny as it sounds, I actually think DS can not be more perfect than if I were to pick him out of a catalog. But I guess we'll find out after he grows up :D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948297 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 20:33:24 +0000 fairy 1948297@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Health, empathy, intelligence. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948203 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 19:12:35 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1948203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: It's funny how that happens! :silly: I think a lot of a person's temperament and tendency toward resilience is innate (and therefore probably genetically determined). It is staggering how different (and at times similar) people within families can be!</p> <p>@Mrs. Sunshine: I feel like those are traits that are incredibly important and can be taught. But like @Mae: said, some people are definitely more empathic by nature (and therefore learn those skills more easily)! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948201 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 19:09:50 +0000 Kemma 1948201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I like the idea of selecting for kindness and my other thought was selecting with a view that the child would have an inherently happy nature. I know too many people who seem to only see the shitty side of life and I couldn't imagine living like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948189 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:54:12 +0000 Mae 1948189@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: I think it's got to be both... I know so many people who have siblings, all raised in the same home by the same people, who are NOTHING alike. I think a lot of it is taught, but a lot of it is also just your inherent nature to be an empathetic person. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948188 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:52:38 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1948188@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@FliegepilzHut: I wonder the same thing! Moat of the things that popped in my head when reading your post were more things that could, in theory, also be taught. Like being kind, thoughtful, gentle &amp; not selfish or knowing &amp; valuing herself &amp; having confidence in her own abilities no matter where they lie (creativity or intellect or both!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948167 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 18:36:16 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1948167@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: I'm there with you!</p> <p>@Mae: I wonder if kindness, as a trait, is more nature or nurture? Either way, your best shot at that is probably to be (and partner with) a kind person! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948062 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 16:34:14 +0000 Mae 1948062@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Health is a given. Beyond that, kindness. I think that being a kind person makes you a happy person, and I think that you draw others to be kind to you too. As long as she's happy I don't really care if she's rich or poor or talented. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948046 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 16:22:41 +0000 loveisstrange 1948046@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Im not going to say health because I think that goes without saying.</p> <p>Intelligence, some kind of creative ability (art, music, theare, etc), but ultimately a head for numbers/logical thinking. I feel like being good at math/science/with money is a real step forward and thats a more marketable skill than a creative pursuit (says the girl with the Theatre degree.....).</p> <p>I could care less about height, athletic ability, etc. Id prioritize intellectual traits, for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948025 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 16:05:33 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1948025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lizzywiz: I agree with you. I was getting ready to say that I feel like mental and physical health are the least straightforward endowments. :bummed: But I guess everything is like that...? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1948006 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 15:56:17 +0000 lizzywiz 1948006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mental health. Nothing matters without that.<br /> Intelligence. Resilience, if that were possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1947644 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:42:36 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1947644@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Bee: That's definitely an important one! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1947612 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:27:18 +0000 Mrs. Bee 1947612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i would prioritize mental health. that's something i hope i don't pass on to my kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1947607 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 13:26:29 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1947607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If I were planning to use donor gametes, I think I would try to match myself/DH as closely as possible (for height, hair color, personality, aptitude, interests, etc).</p> <p>If it were just a hypothetical choice, that's harder. I think creativity and intelligence are both important and would fit in well with our families. And I think every parent would highly prioritize their child being healthy...but genes can't ever guarantee that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose#post-1947544 Mon, 17 Nov 2014 12:58:45 +0000 FliegepilzHut 1947544@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Unfortunately, I wasn't sure where to put this...and I'm sorry if anyone is creeped out by the possible implications. </p> <p>If you could select for certain traits in your children (and arguably many of us do, indirectly, when we select a partner), what would you prioritize? Intellect? Creativity? Health? Athletic ability? Height? Sense of humor?</p> <p>I started thinking about this because of a show DH and I were watching on CNN (This is Life, with Lisa Ling) that specifically was talking about egg/sperm donation and especially the "genius" sperm bank (Center for Germinal Choice?) that was founded in the late '70's or so...which was born out of a creepy eugenicist pipedream, but still raises some interesting questions, I think. :silly: </p> <p>If it helps, think about the question as if you were planning to use donor eggs/sperm... </p>