https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 18 Apr 2026 01:13:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/3#post-2020369 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 13:27:24 +0000 GrapeCrush 2020369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With my 2nd, I secretly wished for twins. I want 3 kids, and my husband is pretty set on two. I was super crazy even thinking I wanted twins, since my kids are 15 months apart.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/3#post-2020327 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 13:10:30 +0000 SweetiePie 2020327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to think I wanted twins. When we went through IVF I PRAYED for twins. Now I thank God every day that I only had one. He keeps me plenty busy! I give such props to moms of multiples. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/3#post-2020305 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 13:06:42 +0000 anonysquire 2020305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wanted to add that my mom talked to an older man (probably 80 or 90) whose wife had 4 sets of natural twins!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/3#post-2020288 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 13:00:57 +0000 Trailmix 2020288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Twins are insane. I would never choose to have two at once, even now at the toddler stage, I find it so difficult and overwhelming most of the time. The newborn stage I have blocked from my memory, it was that bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/3#post-2020241 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 12:44:09 +0000 Caly 2020241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I transferred two embryos and ended up with twins. I would do it all over again. Yes, twins are exhausting, difficult and I often feel like there's never a break. However, I couldn't imagine it any other way. They are an incredible amount of joy and to watch them play together is just amazing. I do come from the perspective of having had a fairly healthy pregnancy (in the end I did have pretty high blood pressure, a ton of swelling and cholestatis which was just awful...actually, the whole pregnancy was miserable, but the babies were healthy) and the birth at 36 wks was very easy. They were in the NICU for 10 days with some initial issues but mostly they needed to learn to eat/grow. They are very expensive, I wasn't able to breastfeed past a month and formula alone was in the hundreds a month...and if you're going to need two in daycare, that's also something to consider. I'll be honest, the first 6 months or so were complete hell, then, it progressively gets better. Still hard, but better. Good luck with whatever you decide and of course if you ever have any questions, just ask :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020184 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 12:17:11 +0000 swurlygurl 2020184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littleblessings: I'm the same!! I have 2 girls, and we're only having 1 more (DH's limit) but I want 4 :P </p> <p>I want twins SO badly. L started off as a twin but I lost the other baby before 8 weeks :(<br /> I don't like the baby stage much to begin with, so I really don't think I'd be too torn up about having to stretch my time between two babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020164 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 12:11:20 +0000 MrsKoala 2020164@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>One at a time. I can barely handle the one at that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020160 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 12:08:24 +0000 littlehunny 2020160@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I didn't do ivf, but I do have twins. The first 6 months were exhausting! I had a mostly uneventful pregnancy until 33w when my blood pressure spiked and I had pre eclampsia. They spent a month in the NICU, but they were there mostly to gain weight and learn to eat properly. </p> <p>They are amazing and like @Mrs. Train: I wouldn't go back and change anything. I love watching them play together and help each other. They're 2 years and 2 months now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020100 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 11:47:52 +0000 meganmp 2020100@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I would transfer two again in a heart beat. Yeah, it's brutal- hardest thing I've EVER done is the newborn phase with two. However, seeing them now makes every single little bit worth it. I actually disagree with @ShayNanigans: , I think fear is a perfectly legitimate reason to transfer two, because (to me, anyway), the risk of having twins was far worse than the risk of having no babies.</p> <p>Granted, what I'm saying should be taken with a grain of salt. I carried my twins to term, had no complications, no NICU time, etc. Other people have not been so lucky. I say, do what feels right to you. Your journey has been so hard, you need to do what is right for you and your family.</p> <p>ETA: ditto what @Mrs. Train: said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020097 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 11:44:03 +0000 Mrs. Train 2020097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I might have a different response than most twin moms but my answer has changed over time. When my kids were under two I know I looked at people who said they wanted twins like they had snakes coming out of the head or something. I couldn't fathom why anyone would wish for the unending exhaustion. In fact when I was pregnant with my daughter I begged to have an early ultra sound just to make sure it was only one because 5 under 3 I just couldn't fathom the idea (not that 4 under 3 was all that less crazy but still.) </p> <p>Having infant multiples is no joke. They are so hard but now that my three boys are in kindergarten I have realized that those early months and years that are so, so trying are absolutely worth it. I LOVE being a Mother of multiples. I LOVE dropping my three boys off and watching them run off onto the playground together. I LOVE seeing them grow together and develop their relationship as brothers. There is nothing like it.</p> <p>Now there are still some difficulties. At school events I have three classrooms to split my time between. Plus my daughter is at a different school right now so I have two schools to juggle. At teacher gift giving events I have 8 teachers (each kid has two) to purchase gifts for. This Christmas each teacher got a 5$ starbucks card and I felt a little guilty when I saw other kids bringing in giant gift baskets. But James' teacher came up to me and said "James was so cute he handed me my gift card and said here my mom says its for coffee because teachers all love and need coffee and when we give gifts its good to give things that people will love." She said it was just the best. So I didn't feel as guilty about our small gift.</p> <p>Twins are a ton of money a ton of work they are exhausting. You can feel like you are being pulled in more directions than you can count (how can two people make you feel like they need 10 things at once....I haven't figured it out yet) But I would do it all again in a heart beat. If I could give every mom who has infant and toddler twins a big hug and just tell them not only will you survive this you will learn to thrive I would. Twins are awesome!</p> <p>@bluestriped bee: IF did changed my thoughts on multiples. I remember just wishing so hard for one that if someone told me I could possibly have two I would have jumped for joy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020043 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 11:13:10 +0000 artsyfartsy 2020043@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would LOVE to have twins. But I think the reality of it would keep me from choosing it. If it was a surprise, great! But I don't think I could knowingly choose it if that makes sense. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020011 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 11:03:06 +0000 LuLu Mom 2020011@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>single for sure, I watch my cousin with her twins that are 5 months older than my DD and I get worn out just thinking of it! They are always in opposite directions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2020005 Mon, 12 Jan 2015 11:02:06 +0000 BSB 2020005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: thank you for your response! I was starting to think I was crazy for transferring two and excited about twins. Thank you for your point of view from and IF &amp; IVF point of view. It really helps. :heart:</p> <p>Oh, I'm sorry your clinic said they wanted to only transfer 1. I'm also under 35, PCOS &amp; DOR and no history of failed IVF and have 7 frosties and I was asked if I wanted to transfer 1 or 2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2019083 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 10:32:34 +0000 Madison43 2019083@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: as a fellow IVF-er who paid for everything out of pocket, I totaly understand why you would want to transfer two. My clinic is a huge proponent of SET and based on my individual circumstances (under 35, no previous IVF failure, PCOS diagnosis and several frozen embryos to spare) they would only transfer one. I was so nervous - it seemed like such a huge gamble to place all your money, hopes, etc....on one embryo. That said, if you look at the most recent ART data, transferring 2 embryos doesn't significantly increase the chance of a singleton pregnancy for most women, it just increases the likelihood of multiples. And at the end of the day, singleton pregnancies are healthier for the baby and mother. We spent a week in the NICU after LO was born (for reasons unrelated to IVF) and most of the babies that were there were twins that were born too early and/or too small. Obviously I lucked out because my first fresh cycle was successful - but we're gearing up for an FET cycle and we'll still continue to only transfer one. I hope that wasn't preachy - I'm sure you guys will make the best choice for your family, I just wouldn't write off a SET so quickly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2019064 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 10:08:32 +0000 MrsKMM 2019064@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just one, but DH was hoping for twins! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2019055 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 09:34:25 +0000 NCSUchick27 2019055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>While twins would be exciting, I would prefer to have just one baby. Having two babies would be so much work, and childcare for twins would be so expensive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2019045 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 09:20:28 +0000 twodoghouse 2019045@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I'm sorry that my comments have given you doubts about your transfer. I'm going to wall you more of my thoughts, but I would still transfer two if we were doing it again. This is coming from the perspective of someone who had a mostly uncomplicated, full term pregnancy. I'm sure if I went through what @ShayNanigans: went through, I would feel differently. You just never know how your body will handle a twins pregnancy and my MFM also considered IVF pregnancies an extra high risk factor too. I think it's great that you know all the risks. Only you and DH can decide what's best for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2019007 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 08:40:54 +0000 BSB 2019007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShayNanigans: oh, no, I'm so sorry that you were set on transferring 1 and 5 minutes before the transfer your doctor popped the idea of transferring 2. You bring up some good points on thinking about why we want to transfer two. I'm going to talk to the DH about it and really think about it.<br /> ETA:Oh, our insurance didn't cover any IF treatments so we've been all out of pocket. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2019006 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 08:39:29 +0000 sunshineandsushi 2019006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I definitely would not have chosen for twins, it wasn't even a thought in my mind! But, I cannot imagine having two kids any other way now. </p> <p>While there are certainly things different about raising twins versus one baby at a time, there are also some uniquely awesome things about being a twin mama. I always try to remind myself of how lucky DH and I are to witness and be a part of shaping this uniquely special bond my sons share as identical twins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018979 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 08:08:13 +0000 ShayNanigans 2018979@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: Everyone has to choose for themselves, but if I had any advice… It took us a year and a half to get and stay pregnant, which isn't as long as some people TTC, but it was a very difficult time. Infertility definitely creates an emotional roller coaster.</p> <p>I can only speak for myself, but I think it's important to think about the 'why' behind transferring two. For myself… my husband and I had agreed upon transferring one (even though privately I wanted twins.) The doctor came in literally 5 minutes before transfer and advised that we transfer two because A) we had two good embryos, and two that may or may not make it to freeze B) my age C) insurance would only pay for one transfer; if this didn't work, we were on our own $$-wise (and you know how expensive out-of-pocket IVF is.)</p> <p>It only took five minutes for the doctor to convince us to transfer two, for the reasons you stated (what if we do one, and that one doesn't make it? what if it doesn't work at all?) Bottom line, we decided to transfer two out of fear, which is a terrible reason! Research says transferring two only slightly increases your chances of a live birth; it significantly increases your chances of multiples.</p> <p>Knowing what I know now, I would have preferred that our two babies came one at a time, not because I don't love every minute I spend with them - but because I went into pre-term labor and put their lives at risk. We were very, very, very lucky that they are alive, and even appear to be 100% healthy. I saw several other micro-preemies in the NICU that were not so lucky. It is heart wrenching.</p> <p>Obviously, I am a HUGE advocate for SET, but in the end, this is your decision - and lots of twin mamas carry to term!!! Because almost-worst case scenario happened to me, I could never recommend that someone transfer two without reservation. It's a way more serious decision than I realized, back when I was facing transfer.</p> <p>My heart goes out to you - infertility is The Worst. And it's so hard to keep your head on straight during the whole thing. I hope your transfer goes great, no matter what you decide to do, and that in @10 months, you've got a happy ending to your story!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018972 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 07:48:33 +0000 BSB 2018972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@twodoghouse: @ShayNanigans: ok, so now I'm afraid about transferring two at my transfer in two weeks. If you could go back in time, would you have only transfered 1? I know why most IVfer transfered 2 because there is a risk of one or both not surviving and transferring 2 gives us the higher chance of getting at least one child. Do you have any advice for people going through IVF due to IF? I think a lot of the responses calling people crazy haven't gone through Infertility so I would love to hear your point of view.</p> <p>eTA: Also, I'll reiterate that the risks of complication with multiples was discussed and written over all the documents that my DH and I signed. We (pre-transfre) know the risks. The reality of it?... Guess we'll find out in 4 weeks if we are blessed with a singleton or more. And if I have twins, I'll have to go on all the strength that I've used these 3 years TTC and put that strength to being a twin mommy. That's how I'm thinking about it. It is probably naive but that's what getting me to be open to whatever happens in my IVF journey. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018957 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 06:46:05 +0000 Charm54 2018957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to want twins.... But after seeing how $$ and time-exhausting my DD is I definitely want one at a time. </p> <p>I'm in total awe of twin moms!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018953 Sun, 11 Jan 2015 06:35:55 +0000 looch 2018953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would have chosen twins, because my husband wanted to be one and done, which we are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018844 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:52:36 +0000 Anagram 2018844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Definitely only one. I would probably have a nervous breakdown if I were having twins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018843 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:51:10 +0000 ShayNanigans 2018843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh goodness, you ladies are BONKERS. I have twins, and while they are wonderful and so so sweet - it is BRUTAL. Also, twins put you at much higher risk of pre-term birth. It's no joke. I had mine at 26 weeks, they spent 3.5 months in the NICU. The newborn period has lasted six months for us, not to mention being afraid that my decision to put in two embryos (via IVF) put my babies at risk for death and disability, because of pre-term birth.</p> <p>I would never recommend purposefully doing a twin birth. It sounds all fun and games, but it's tough. And I echo what @twodoghouse said… the biggest thing is that I can definitely care for my twins' physical needs - what's difficult is not being able to hold and love on them the way I could have if they'd been born one at a time. Your time is tilted towards caring for their physical needs first, and you just have to do your best to meet their emotional needs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018825 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:25:37 +0000 Mrs. Confetti 2018825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The only reason I'd want twins next time would be because I would unintentionally get the number of kids I want (1 more than DH does :) ) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018813 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:16:54 +0000 lilteacherbee 2018813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I used to *kinda* want twins, but after having my LO, no way! I can't imagine doing everything 2X and hardly ever having any kind of a break. Plus, I've had two different fb friends in the past 6 months that have given birth to twins very, very early (like 3+ months premature) and that definitely scares me. I'm way too nervous and paranoid during pregnancy for all that. One at a time, definitely. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018812 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 22:13:05 +0000 Caly 2018812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All of you who wish for twins are crazy! They're a ton of fun but damn are they a lot of work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018492 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 16:44:33 +0000 78h2o 2018492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: I definitely hear what you are saying and agree that it would be really hard/less than ideal, in a lot of situations. I am sure my desire for twins reflects the fact that I have only had experience with older infant/toddler twins that were relatively easy going. Also, I did not care for them full time. I loved the newborn phase with my own daughter. I do pretty well with sleep deprivation. I'd probably feel differently if I'd had a really challenging newborn or had cared for more challenging twins (or cared for them full time). I am sure twins would be a hell of a lot of work, but I still would have liked them. I think in part because that way I would have been able to sneak in another baby before getting even older. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-singleton-or-multiples-/page/2#post-2018358 Sat, 10 Jan 2015 14:40:37 +0000 CakeLady 2018358@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just one baby please! MIL is a twin and when we were TTC DH was hoping for twins, now that DS is here he has a different outlook :silly: </p>