https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 16 Apr 2026 18:30:21 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664491 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 20:30:29 +0000 ShootingStar 2664491@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me it depends who it is and how helpful they are. My parents came before LO2 arrived and stayed close to two weeks after. They were great. They took care of LO1 when he wasn't at daycare, bought food, cooked meals, did dishes and walked the dog. They're also pretty independent and did their own thing a lot. </p> <p>A few days later my college friends came to visit for a long weekend and it was a much different story. It was 4 adults and 2 kids. We had to plan activities for the kids, plan meals, order/cook food, and do the cleanup. Before they came they said they wouldn't be any trouble, but they were typical guests. And sometimes even worse - one friend kept pawning her 2 kids off on DH who had more than enough on his plate. In retrospect I wish they could've come a month or two later when we weren't still figuring out how to deal with a baby again on top of having a toddler. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664450 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 17:32:41 +0000 gingerbebe 2664450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>ILs came 6 weeks PP with DS1 and 5 days after when DS2 was born. Definitely preferred the latter. Brand new babies sleep more and it was easier to be out and about for meals and what not when the baby was tiny. Second month was always bad with both boys so I was exhausted. DH basically planned it so he and the toddler went to breakfast with his parents (who stayed at a local hotel) and they went to one activity in the morning. I would meet with them for lunch with the baby, DS1 would go down for nap during which my ILs would go rest or play golf with DH. They would take DS1 to play or swim after nap and we would all meet back up for dinner. They would go back to the hotel at DS1's 730pm bedtime.</p> <p>Their activities were local toddler amusement parks, children's museum, and an indoor play gym. Afternoons they did our local park and the indoor pool at their hotel.</p> <p>They arrived Friday and left very early Wednesday (so we said goodbye Tuesday night). Worked out perfect. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664427 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 16:28:44 +0000 Mama Bird 2664427@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Depends who it is! I have one aunt who's great with babies and I'd be glad to see her anytime! Sadly she lives overseas and we meet once every few years. If it's anyone else, I'd rather wait 4 or 5 months so baby can interact with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664426 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 16:25:15 +0000 psw27 2664426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ugh I have no idea but this is one of my biggest conundrums/ anxiety sources with LO #2 on the way! Ideally, I want my mom to be around the help and that is it. She lives a short flight away, but made it by the evening I had LO #1 so I would hope she could this time too. </p> <p>As of now, my DH has told his mother to arrive when I'm approximately 37.5 weeks pregnant and "just stay until the baby arrives." She is incredibly sweet and nice, and actually helpful most of the time but there are some negatives too... and at 37.5 weeks pregnant the fuse will be realllly short. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664395 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 15:48:51 +0000 mamainthesun 2664395@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If they stayed with someone else or at a hotel and just want to come over a few times, probably after two weeks. To actually stay at our house probably 2 months!!<br /> Unless it's my close family and I fell 100% comfortable doing stuff like taking a nap, staying in pjs etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664392 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 15:44:02 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2664392@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DS was born on Sunday night, home on Wednesday, and my parents came to visit the Saturday, just overnight. We didn't have them help, other than they brought meals and gifts from other relatives. I would say a week or two after the birth would be ideal as you're settled a bit in your own surroundings. They also offered to stay in a hotel which I don't think we followed through on? That would definitely help if there's one close by. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664391 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 15:43:05 +0000 nana87 2664391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jhd: yes she usually stays with my parents! She definitely does not stay at our apartment when both of us are there--we only have 1 bathroom, and our "guest room" is a pull out couch in the living room (whereas my parents have an extra bathroom and bedroom). When she's come to visit before to help while I was out of town, dh slept on the couch so she could have the bed, and there is no way in f*ing hell I'm giving up my bed pp for anyone :silly: Also apparently she doesn't like our bed anyway, so yeah, def not having her stay with us! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664384 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 15:36:08 +0000 jhd 2664384@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: You mentioned that your parents are local now. any chance MIL could stay with them? Then even if she wants to come right away you could still have your space. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664377 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 15:28:59 +0000 nana87 2664377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks everyone, this is really helpful!</p> <p>@Mrsbells: lol!<br /> @Banana330: omg a whole month might kill me<br /> @Pumpkin Pie: oh gosh that does sound stressful, good luck!!<br /> @looch: lol yes crazy :silly: but also, my parents live locally now so no matter when mil comes, they will likely be here (they split time btw my city and hometown, but will be here more)<br /> @hellobeeboston: I'm not surehow long she'd stay-- mil hasn't mentioned it at all. I would guess a long weekend? Maybe a week? I'd love if she would help w lo1, but in the past when she's come (like when I was out of town and she was there to help dh) it has only been marginally helpful. She isn't comfortable taking lo out of the apartment via walking or public transportation, like even 3 blocks to our nearest playground. So like, even daycare drop off/pick up would fall to us because she'd insist on taking a taxi everyday which isn't safe without a car seat.<br /> @Truth Bombs: yes my needs def need to come first! It's something dh needs to work on, honestly, because she whines more loudly than I do </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664294 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 14:15:32 +0000 Truth Bombs 2664294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When both my children were born my family came right away and my IL's came 2-3 weeks later. My MIL didn't like having to come second, but honestly, I don't care. I'm the one who just birthed a child, and my needs are more important than hers. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664240 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:14:34 +0000 hellobeeboston 2664240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>how long will they be visiting for? a couple days? a week? more?</p> <p>i like your 2 week plan. I think getting into a bit of a rhythm would be helpful.</p> <p>maybe MIL can help with the older sibling and not so much the baby? I found that to be the biggest help with visitors after LO 2, just anyone to pay attention to and play with LO 1 was great. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664238 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:12:52 +0000 looch 2664238@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This probably sounds nuts, but I'll own it, lol.</p> <p>I'd organize for all parents to be there at the same time. It would be a lot easier for my mother to entertain my MIL, for example, than I would do. Plus, it gets it out of the way rather than building up anxiety leading to the time when she's arriving. But I fully accept that I am a crazy person in this regard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664235 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:10:32 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2664235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe 4-5 months postpartum? They are not going to be helpful, I'd rather they come when we've had a chance to settle down at least a little bit. I find the newborn stage stressful, and I imagine it'll be more stressful when you add a toddler in the mix + hosting someone. </p> <p>With LO1 we had someone from my side of the family come before the birth and stay a few weeks after the birth and it was nuts. This time with LO2, we have my MIL here who arrived last week and will be staying with us for a month + after the birth. We needed someone to help with LO1 day care pick/drop off, etc. But, it is still really stressful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664223 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 13:01:23 +0000 Banana330 2664223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@nana87: I asked DH to make sure there was a few months between DD's birth and their visit. I think they came around 10-11 weeks.. but they stayed for a month and were coming far so that's why. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664213 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 12:57:36 +0000 Mrsbells 2664213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Never!<br /> Ok just joking. It depends who it is. I get stressed out with hosting people and I really like my privacy so I prefer for it to just be DH and me and the kiddos at first. I rather people dont come stay at all but if they must I would love for them to give me a few months lol. My mom came over to help with DD while we were in the hospital and then 2 months later MIL came for a short visit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-could-choose-when-would-you-prefer-out-of-town-postpartum-visitors-to-come#post-2664192 Mon, 12 Dec 2016 12:44:37 +0000 nana87 2664192@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you had a choice, when would you want family to visit postpartum if you didn't think they'd be particularly helpful?</p> <p>My mil hasn't asked yet when she can visit after lo2 is born, but we're about to go visit her in a couple weeks and I know the conversation is going to come up!</p> <p>With lo1, I was induced early, and we asked mil to come up to help us with our dogs. This was somehow taken as an invitation for dh's whole family to come visit--she + his ailing father (who has since passed away) and sil were all there to meet lo1 basically immediately after birth. They didn't stay long, and did take our dogs with them for a couple weeks which was helpful, but it was really overwhelming. Like, we were waiting around all day to be discharged from the hospital and they were texting dh constantly to ask what our plans were. And we live in a small apartment, so once we were home, it was really cramped and I was very emotional and felt weird nursing in front of them, etc. My parents were there too, and extremely helpful, but it was just lots of people. </p> <p>This time around will be different--for one, it's only mil who will visit, presumably (we aren't speaking to sil for unrelated reasons...). Second, my parents are lined up to take care of lo1 and the dogs this time. I know they will be helpful since they were last time and are with lo1 now, etc. We may have a postpartum doula as well as someone we know offered. Mil wouldn't be helpful with the logistical things that we will need, like help with dog walks or daycare pickup/drop off since we're in a city and she's uncomfortable walking or taking public transportation, which are how we commute with lo1. My initial thinking is maybe to ask her to wait for at least 2 weeks, I think that's around when we started getting the hang on things last time and settled into somewhat of a routine...But last time I know she was jealous and sad about my parents' involvement, so I'm not looking forward to the conversation! </p>