https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 24 Apr 2026 16:09:55 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2207127 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 17:10:02 +0000 travellingbee 2207127@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This just happened last night. I am having real body image issues this pregnancy that I never had last time and gaining super fast. I tried to explain my distress to my DH Last night saying that I feel like I look so gross and I'm not dealing well with this and he just looked up and said, "oh. Hmmm" when I stared at him he added "sorry you are feeling that way." I don't usually fish for compliments but I really needed to hear that it was in my head. He eventually did say o didn't look gross after I glared at him. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2207124 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 17:08:31 +0000 DesertDreams88 2207124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is generally supportive and compassionate in those kind of conversations, though I try not to say depreciating things. Two funny examples:</p> <p>Me, watching at a TV awards with all these gorgeous actresses: Ugh, they are so skinny. I will never be that skinny.<br /> DH, immediately: It's because they're like a foot taller than you and naturally burn more calories. </p> <p>Other time, not about looks:</p> <p>Me: So today at work during the awards ceremony I got an award for sensitivity and higher awareness. What kind of crap is that?<br /> DH, laughing: Do they know you? You've got the thickest emotional armor I've ever seen.</p> <p>Now, some people think that last comment is mean, but it's not at all! Recognizing that he is very sensitive and that I'm not has been vital to conflict resolution in our relationship. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2207115 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 16:58:13 +0000 Adira 2207115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: Oh, I guarantee that my husband would prefer me back down to my original weight when we started dating, but I know he's still into me despite being heavier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2207006 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 15:05:00 +0000 rachiecakes 2207006@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: sadly, I think DH would much prefer if I were my teeny 100lb former self :( I can pretty much guarantee that's never gonna happen </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206973 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 14:38:09 +0000 Portboston 2206973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't usually criticize myself in normal life but during pregnancy, yes, I've done my fair share of complaining about how 'fat' I've become. I was very slim prior to pregnancy and have only put on about 27lbs (I'm 32 weeks) but its a big change for me so I tell DH how fat I am and he respectfully tells me that I am not fat, I am pregnant and I look beautiful. Anything else and he would probably get smacked (and he knows that!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206970 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 14:37:11 +0000 Adira 2206970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: My husband is exactly the same. He's in great shape and has a fantastic metabolism, so he's never had an issue with his weight, and I'm the exact opposite. If I complain about my looks, he'll just be honest about it. But half the time, I'm fending off his advances, so his honest opinion doesn't bother me because I know he still finds me sexy and attractive, even if I'm plumper than I used to be! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206964 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 14:33:46 +0000 snowjewelz 2206964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It depends what it is. Whenever it's about my body or general self esteem things he'd always make me feel better. But if it's something that I'm seriously flawed at he'd agree! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206957 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 14:24:48 +0000 mrscobee 2206957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LuLu Mom: haha! Yes, he could totally leave that out! Congrats on your good results! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206937 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 13:56:39 +0000 LuLu Mom 2206937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have to straight out ask him sometimes, I've recently lost 10 pounds off of my pre-pregnancy weight (which I'm very proud of considering I gave birth 12 weeks ago) and I asked him if he can tell and his response was "In your arms and legs but your stomach still looks like you had a baby..." UM NO SHIT DEAR. I understand this but come on man just say yes I can tell in your arms and legs...leave out the momma pouch! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206936 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 13:55:18 +0000 pinkarmadillo 2206936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>During pregnancy he has been very supportive and tells me I'm creating a life and that I should not worry about these changes or that I'm crazy because he can't see what it is I'm analyzing. </p> <p>Before pregnancy he would give me a solution. He is a fixer and knows way too much about the human body and how it reacts to food, working out, etc. So if I said "man, my arms are flabby and nothing I do seems to help" he gives me a solution. Sometimes it's hard to hear but it's the truth. He does compliment me daily and makes me feel good about myself :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206935 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 13:52:50 +0000 Anagram 2206935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: men. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206934 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 13:51:25 +0000 Foodnerd81 2206934@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: he's an idiot. :) I told DH I only gained one pound this month after gaining six last month (I am only 13 weeks) and he goes, oh weird, you definitely look bigger.<br /> I know I do, thanks for mentioning it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206902 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 13:14:41 +0000 Anagram 2206902@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>yeah...some men don't get it. My husband will sometimes manage to say exactly the wrong thing, too...and it bugs. I'm a pregnancy gainer---both pregnancies, I have gained a lot. It's just what my body does because I'm always nauseous and just can't exercise like I used to, and it sucks, but I also feel like it's kind of out of my control. But I do talk about how it sucks to gain so much weight.</p> <p>Well, at this appointment, I "lost" 2 lbs (but only because at my last appointment, I had "gained" 10 lbs in only 1 month but some of it was massive swelling I was having in my legs and at this last appointment I had zero swelling).</p> <p>So I told DH, "I lost 2 lbs. Weird" And he was like, 'That's great! Losing weight in pregnancy is hard--maybe you can lose 2 more lbs before your next appointment!". NO. I AM NOT TRYING TO DIET DURING PREGNANCY. SHAHHHT UPPP. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206859 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:50:32 +0000 Peasinapod 2206859@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would joke that I was a beached whale when I was in my third trimester. My husband unfortunately thought that was funny / accurate and started describing me as such as well. I normally am very confident in my body image so I don't think he considered I might not be while over thirty weeks pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206856 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:49:13 +0000 Foodnerd81 2206856@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DHhad totally done this. Or he will say the same thing I said earlier then not understand why I'm mad about it -- like this morning I complained how I'm dressed like a slob all the time because I am in the awkward early preg stage were neither regular or maternity clothes fit. Then we were out walking and he said something to the same effect. I was like- you can't say that! Only I can! </p> <p>I also point blank told him I'm feeling crappy about the way I look and dress and don't need him telling me I don't look good. That I'm pregnant and he just has to try to make me feel better, the end. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206854 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:48:27 +0000 wonderstruck 2206854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He only agrees if I'm criticizing myself about something that bugs him, like how messy I can be. If it was a body-related comment he would disagree...or possibly roll his eyes, depending on the complaint/frequency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206840 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:42:24 +0000 mrscobee 2206840@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: Yes, trying to stay as active as possible, but then I fall off the wagon thinking my efforts are futile. DH tries to encourage me to stay active too, which is nice.</p> <p>@Mae: Yes, you're right. Usually no win, but sometimes things just fly out of my mouth when I am talking to DH. No filter around him. Oh well, I need to just suck it up and start working out post-partum when I become ready. That IS a win on the boobs comment! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206830 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:38:11 +0000 mrscobee 2206830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: @simplyfelicity: I'm probably overreacting and currently super sensitive about my legs. I just wish he would have pondered the topic for a while before just saying "yep". I love his honesty, and totally not mad at him, but just was taken aback because I am really struggling with this issue, and he knows it! Poor him, having to deal with my stupid pregnancy hormones.</p> <p>@Crisark: That works out! :) Glad he is always good about that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206828 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:36:53 +0000 Mae 2206828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I almost never criticize my looks to DH because it is something I'm sensitive about and I can't see any good coming out of it. If he agreed I'd be sad. If he disagreed I wouldn't believe him anyways because that would be what he would be supposed to say. I did recently tell him I would totally get a boob job if we had the money and I wasn't terrified of surgery and he asked why. So I considered that a win :) </p> <p>But yea. I think putting yourself down to your SO is sort of a no-win situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206822 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:33:55 +0000 simplyfelicity 2206822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrscobee: Pregnancy hormones are legit. I found that staying active (I like long walks with the dogs) helped me to feel better about myself. Now, at 37 weeks, I take them on a short waddle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206818 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:30:33 +0000 mrscobee 2206818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rachiecakes: Haha! Sounds just like my husband. He will always agree that I look out of shape or suggest I work out more. I am completely fine with his honesty, but would like him to be honest like 90% of the time instead of 100% LOL.</p> <p>@simplyfelicity: Haha - I think it was a little too blunt for my pregnancy hormones lol! I don't mind him refusing to play that game, but I wish he wouldn't have been soooooooo blunt about it. He knows I am currently struggling with my weight gain, so a little compassion would have been nice! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206816 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:30:30 +0000 simplyfelicity 2206816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: Agreed. Kind of like with the stretchmarks on my belly...I was telling DH I wasn't thrilled about them and he was just like "it is what it is, they don't bother me at all" which is totally true. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206814 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:30:07 +0000 Crisark 2206814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine is pretty good about this. He also is a fan of the thicker woman so I think I just lucked out in this regard lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206813 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:28:13 +0000 catomd00 2206813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A little non-pregnancy hormones perspective for you...I don't think he was agreeing with your criticism. I think he probably meant to say it just is what it is and natural, so don't worry about it kind of thing! My husband would never be like yeah you look like dirt, but I could definitely see him saying something like your husband instead of lying And saying no way you look totally like your normal self and great!</p> <p>Eta - I also think he answered in the only way he could "win". If he agreed, you'd be understandably upset. If he said no you look awesome, you'd probably come back with more no I don't ugh I look awful, thus further perpetuating the conversation he didn't want to have. So, saying what he did was a way to not make you feel bad intentionally and cut the conversation off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206811 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:26:18 +0000 simplyfelicity 2206811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually think that was a fairly compassionate response, although a bit blunt!<br /> If I "bait" my husband, I usually get a well-deserved eye roll. If I push further, he says he tells me I look cute or pretty all the time but don't listen. He just refuses to play into the fishing/self-deprecating game, but this is also because I have had issues with ED in the past. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206808 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:25:05 +0000 rachiecakes 2206808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrscobee: I'm sorry!<br /> My DH is like this - honest to a fault. He's very fit and never has a problem with weight, and I'm.. female. I get bloated, feel out of shape, gain weight easily, etc., but I carried, birthed and nursed a baby. Instead of agreeing that I look out of shape or suggesting I work out more, a "oh honey, you look beautiful" would go a LONG way, lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-criticize-yourself-to-your-so-do-they-just-agree-with-you-or-try-to-make-you-feel-better#post-2206791 Fri, 12 Jun 2015 12:16:04 +0000 mrscobee 2206791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So irritated at DH right now. I'm 28 weeks pregnant and struggling with my weight gain. I am overall a very happy pregnant person and don't struggle too much with body image issues, but I was venting to DH about how I gain so much weight in my legs and my legs look like they below to a 400lb person (an exaggeration of course, but just reflects my mood about it right now). His response, "That's just the way God made you." Wasn't fishing for a compliment or anything, but some compassion would have been nice.</p> <p>If you're critical of yourself around DH, is he sensitive or does he just agree with your criticisms? </p>