https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 06:15:19 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732249 Thu, 04 May 2017 09:50:28 +0000 daniellemybelle 2732249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: My first baby was like this too (colicky &amp; not especially sleepy) and I was also not doing well physically OR emotionally. This would have been literally, completely impossible for me. I could barely handle people coming by to bring dinner.</p> <p>My second baby was a more typical newborn and I also had a VBAC that was a breeze. I was out and about right away but we kept him home for a few weeks because of germs. Still, even with me feeling well and him being an easy baby, it is still taxing to go places on my own at 6 weeks postpartum! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732233 Thu, 04 May 2017 09:14:30 +0000 JennyD 2732233@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: that's the spirit! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732230 Thu, 04 May 2017 09:12:00 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2732230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: With the twins it would have been impossible. They had reflux and there were two, and I barely survived keeping them alive. With our next one, if I hadn't had toddler twins, I could have done pretty much anything with him. He was just a lot more chill. I guess we'll see what this kiddo is like!</p> <p>@JennyD: Haha, okay, I get it where you're coming from now! Life just keeps happening, and you have to roll with the punches sometimes! Granted, for everyone the recovery from a c-section is different, but I credit my post-surgery activity to both of my recoveries going really well over all. I can't take a lot of pain meds, so I always have left the hospital with just ibuprofen and have been driving within a week of delivery, so that's no big deal for me. And my job doesn't require a lot of physical activity, so I'm pretty sure it will be easier than chasing two year old twins was! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732223 Thu, 04 May 2017 09:02:11 +0000 JennyD 2732223@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: I feel ya. I'm coming more from a place where mine is now 5. I took more time than you but I was also self employed (but just doing contract work here and there) but I was back writing reports when she was 6 weeks. But I'm surrounded by family and coworkers who are having their first and it seems like this is THE END OF THE WORLD. I thought maybe I was remembering it wrong. Yes. It's hard but holy cow, life goes on! So to see so many people discussing how they continied to work, etc was a bit vindicating for me ;)</p> <p>I hope you get some time to chill and that you're not too hard on yourself all around, especially in your personal life. You sound amazingly organized, dedicated and capable. Im sure you've got this :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732212 Thu, 04 May 2017 08:42:10 +0000 MrsADS 2732212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know how this is even possible. Maybe everyone has easier babies than mine was? My son was literally screaming nonstop ALL THE TIME. He didn't have a sleepy period for a few weeks after birth. Never slept. He had out of control reflux and it was just a nightmare. No way I could have done work calls, gone to work meetings/events, etc. But I think maybe most babies are a bit more easy going than mine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732196 Thu, 04 May 2017 08:15:55 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2732196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Madison43: Some I can just do a phone conference from home! I'm definitely going to try to do as much from home as possible. I really think I can take a couple weeks almost completely off, a couple weeks *mostly* off (just answering emails and calls and a little bit of computer work), which would get me to 4 weeks out. After that, I will probably need to start coming in more, but not for the entire day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732194 Thu, 04 May 2017 08:11:03 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2732194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: Yes, I had an appointment after I posted this, actually. He knows about my job and the event, etc. He wanted to try to make sure the surgery was two full weeks before the event, but other than that, he seemed mostly okay with the plan. To be fair, he's very familiar with where I work, and knows that if I were seriously not doing okay, that the nurse and doctor (who is my ultimate boss) at my job would both make me stop even if it meant the org would suffer. </p> <p>The first couple weeks I think I will be mostly completely off or have my in-laws or DH with me. I have some volunteers that are the manpower for the event, so I really don't think that will be too bad. After that, all three of the boys will be in school/daycare, and I'll just be home with the baby. I've actually never had a maternity leave with just one kid (twins first time, then almost 2-year old twins plus new baby), so in some ways, having one baby with me and having to go in for meetings, etc. some doesn't sound too terrible. Maybe I'm just looking through rose-colored glasses, though. In an ideal world, I'd love to have 4 weeks totally off before slowly starting in, but it's just not possible for me to be totally disconnected for that long. Maybe I have a skewed perspective since I haven't ever had a lot of help after the first couple of weeks. We have talked about getting a house keeper for a while, so that would take off some of the physical tasks at home, and I do plan on having a lot of meal prepping done before baby so that there will be less thinking/work required. </p> <p>@JennyD: I want to say thank you, but honestly, I'm not sure it's admirable. Really. I think mamas should take time off and bond and rest and give themselves time to heal and adjust if at all possible. Life definitely goes on, especially when it's not your first kid, so there are things that just have to be done, and I truly believe being active quickly after my c-sections has aided my recoveries generally. But . . . I would never recommend what I'm doing this time if there were practical, viable options. Know what I mean? Thanks for the kudos, though! I may need those pats on the back to survive. :silly: </p> <p>@KayKay: We live in a smaller city in the southwest and don't really have a ton of options for stuff like this. We are thinking we will get a house cleaner for a while, but there just aren't really many post-partum doula/night nurse type jobs around here; it's just not really a thing here. In fact, I don't know anyone that in real life that has ever heard of those. Only a few people probably know about doulas for birth. If it was in the summer, I have a few high school girls that would be great at that, but unfortunately, they'll all be back in school. As I type this, though, I just thought of one of our babysitters is home schooled and is usually done with school work by lunch, so I might be able to get her to come help a couple afternoons a week for a few weeks! My in-laws (who live 8 hours away) will be here the first week and DH will be off through the second week. My mom would normally be happy to come down for a couple days a week to help, but her mom's health is bad and she goes into to take care of her every day, so she'll be doing good to get away just to come meet the baby probably. And for the record, my DH has a pretty stead schedule and is usually off between 5-5:30. He's super helpful, so he'll take on a lot of the duties with our big boys while I focus more on baby, job, and me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732183 Thu, 04 May 2017 07:51:00 +0000 Madison43 2732183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Can you video call into some of those meetings? I think that would be easier than dragging yourself and the baby into the office several times a week? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732161 Thu, 04 May 2017 06:18:10 +0000 KayKay 2732161@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. blue: how are your DH's hours/schedule? would it be possible to hire some help ("post-partum doula" around here, but if not, basically a mother's helper) who can take the load off of other areas so that you can at least get extra rest when not working during the first 2-3m? e.g., someone who could do light cleaning, grocery shop/meal prep, pick-up or drop-offs? and/or a night-nurse to help with night wakings? or a parent or in-law who could come stay with you for 4-6w after the birth?</p> <p>clearly not options for lots of people (availability or $$), but trying to think of ways to take the total physical/mental stress level down for the first couple months, since it sounds like removing the work activities won't be an option.</p> <p>good luck! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732078 Wed, 03 May 2017 20:05:54 +0000 winniebee 2732078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: totally agree! My husband will take a few days off and the kids will be off for the summer. So I'll be shlepping the older kids to camp and what not. </p> <p>In addition to what others have said, I would absolutely push for some kind of leave benefit - even if you are working 25% time, I would make sure you get paid more than that (I'm reading between lines that as part time employee you may not be getting any leave pay) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2732050 Wed, 03 May 2017 19:05:13 +0000 JennyD 2732050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Kudos. I truly admire how so many of you are just carrying on! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731968 Wed, 03 May 2017 15:45:32 +0000 daniellemybelle 2731968@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have you talked honestly about this with your OB? I'm all for doing what works for you but I worry about you actually hurting yourself :/ I think the suggestion to hire help or enlist someone to go with you to events and so forth is a good one. Even lifting the carseat, the diaper bag, climbing stairs with the baby, etc. isn't a good idea so soon after your C-section! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731953 Wed, 03 May 2017 15:32:09 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2731953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@LBee: Good points about boundaries! The good news is the most frequent people setting up meetings are myself or one of my two coworkers, who are both moms and totally get it. One of them could also cover for me for a few minutes in a meeting if something did run into nursing times, etc., since we have different jobs but positions that often work hand in hand so she usually at least has some idea of what's going on. And yes, if I'm working, I'll still be paid, too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731848 Wed, 03 May 2017 13:02:23 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2731848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@T.H.O.U.: that's what I tell myself, too! With the twins they were in the NICU and I definitely pushed way too hard, it I survived. With Graham, I had two almost-two year olds and a husband that had to go back to work the day after we got home. I did have some help off and on, but as much as it sucks sometimes, I get the whole "do what you gotta do" thing. My own mama says I'll regret pushing so hard in 20 years and not letting my body recover and she's probably right, but hopefully she won't say I told you so by that time! :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731838 Wed, 03 May 2017 12:57:33 +0000 LBee 2731838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: I thought it might be, but didn't want to be that annoying person who potentially comments and the OP is like "wtf, this isn't remotely helpful." It really wasn't that bad. I'll be doing it again this October. There was recently a post where everyone was saying they didn't even know that you could still work on your maternity leave - it definitely made me a little wistful, but it is what it is. I don't qualify for FMLA (for good reason, as 12 weeks out would be incredibly detrimental to my office) so I take what I can get. The nice part is that my transition back to work, while stressful from an emotional standpoint the first few days, was very seamless. Most clients acted like I was just on vacation a couple of days (and probably felt that way). </p> <p>I do want to mention that we are an equal income household and that my livelihood is based on keeping client's happy (the commodity I'm "selling," so to speak, is customer service). I couldn't quite tell from your post if your maternity leave would be paid - mine was, which made working obviously easier to stomach - and if your involvement was 100% necessary. Just something to think about. When possible I would set boundaries. If a meeting was going to be set I told my boss that I needed to nurse a X and Y time so the meeting needed to begin at Z. I was very clear that my flexibility and "team playing" could not be taken advantage of. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731831 Wed, 03 May 2017 12:54:08 +0000 littlejoy 2731831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I own my own business, and as far as my clients know, I'm out from baby's birthday until 8 weeks after. BUT, the reality is that I will have emails (inquiries for new projects, etc.) that cannot be ignored for 8 weeks. There's also a chance baby could come early, and I won't have some work done before she's here.</p> <p>Realistically, I will go 7 days without checking my work email or doing any work related tasks. I'll have an auto-responder that explains when I'll be checking in. Then, I will likely check email a few days per week until I'm back full time. If I have tasks left on my to-list from before baby, I'll have to find time to work on them a bit ... that stresses me a bit, but it's the reality of owning my own business. </p> <p>So, I do have to set clear boundaries (for my physical and mental health), but I also very-much understand the reality of everything being on me, having a viable business, and the fact I can't just disappear for 8 weeks without it majorly hurting my bookings. </p> <p>Lastly, DH is taking 5 weeks off, and we'll probably have family coming into town to help. I feel like I'll be able to achieve balance because of that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731826 Wed, 03 May 2017 12:52:08 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2731826@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Blue: Good luck! I think by the third (or fourth!) kid, you really find ways to make life go on. Even though I had a leave, I still was doing elementary school drop off/pick up, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731823 Wed, 03 May 2017 12:51:17 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2731823@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gingerbebe: My ob asked me today about scheduling, and I kind of told him the situation &amp; he recommended doing it exactly at 39 weeks so I have two full weeks and will also be out of the hospital in time to take the twins to their first day of school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731820 Wed, 03 May 2017 12:49:52 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2731820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@schubr03: @babynumber1: This will be my third c-section, so at least I know what to expect for the most part as far as my physical recovery. </p> <p>I had an appointment today and my OB is going to schedule me for aug 8, which will be exactly two weeks. I plan on taking that time off entirely. My in-laws will be here the first week and DH is actually going to get to take off some time time for the first time (I think two full weeks, which will be so helpful), so I intend to do absolutely nothing for those two weeks other than maybe take phone calls from my two coworkers or boss. Like I said, for the day of the event, I think I can mostly sit, I just need to be present.</p> <p>@LBee: this sounds very similar to my situation actually, and also similar to what I expect my "leave" to look like: definitely not unplugged, but hopefully a reduced amount of meetings, etc. and going in as little as possible. Hearing what you did is very helpful! Thanks! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731752 Wed, 03 May 2017 10:47:10 +0000 gingerbebe 2731752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a c-section at 39 weeks exactly. I went in on a Sunday, was discharged by Tuesday, my inlaws flew in Wednesday, DH's MBA graduation was Saturday, and ILs left on Sunday. During that time, I definitely went out to eat with them 1-2 times a day, cooked dinners, went grocery shopping, went baby clothes shopping at Target with MIL - nothing really strenuous, but it still involved me getting dressed and going out of the house consistently each day. On top of that, baby had jaundice and weight issues, so I had to go in for pediatrician appointments just about every other day for 2 weeks.</p> <p>It was doable. I was tired and sore and had to stay really on top of my pain meds, but baby just slept most of the time when we were out and about (until he was about 3 weeks old and woke up). </p> <p>After my in-laws left we had a mommy's helper come around to shadow me a few hours a week and just be an extra pair of hands. I would HIGHLY recommend that. DS1 was in daycare, but on the weekends she would help run him around while I watched the baby, or she would take the baby so I could get a shower and take a nap, or whatever. I think having someone like that with you when you have to run to meetings would be extremely helpful, even if to just hold the baby and keep them quiet, especially if there are some set in stone meetings you know way in advance you will need coverage for.</p> <p>I breastfed, but I had no issues with using formula when we were out and about with my in-laws and if I had to go to meetings, I would basically do the same thing. </p> <p>DH runs his own business and was getting his MBA and could not take any leave. Basically, he took ONE day off when both kids were born. He just had a mobile office (laptop rolling bag, chargers, Wi-Fi hotspot, headset, etc). and dragged it everywhere we went. He worked out of my hospital room, peds waiting rooms, Panera, etc. He had some staff that was able to gate-keep his calls and appointments and uses Appointy to get his clients to self-register for calls/meetings. If you need someone to handle calls and scheduling for you, perhaps you can look into a virtual assistant or a call service - they are pretty inexpensive, especially if you just need it temporarily. VAs need some time to train for your needs, so you may want to get one now and have them trained by the time your baby is born.</p> <p>I would second trying to get the RCS at 39 weeks if you have to be at that event on the 22nd. Basically, I did the same thing because my husband's graduation was ON my 40 week due date and I HAD to be home and settled before my inlaws flew in. By 2 weeks post-section, I was off pain meds and could drive, milk was in, baby was starting to get the hang of nursing, and feeding consistently on a 2.5-3 hour schedule that I could have a loose idea of what my days looked like (nights were another matter). </p> <p>Also, if you have struggled with PPD/PPA at ALL, I would basically start on Zoloft immediately to help prevent any bad crashing that could happen right when work needs you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731720 Wed, 03 May 2017 10:08:37 +0000 LBee 2731720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not exactly the same thing as I did have technically an 8 week maternity leave, but I never unplugged. I work in a 3 person office (1 of those people being my admin) and it's just not feasible for me to completely unplug. I checked emails daily, went to several client meetings starting at 4 weeks, and had to make client calls ad hoc. </p> <p>The good thing was I was able to do most everything from home and I only had 1 child. (except client meetings, but my husband / parents were able to help with that and they were usually only once a week for like 2 hours)</p> <p>I didn't know any different so I never felt like it was "surviving." I still had time to snuggle my baby and would often just answer emails while he was sleeping. Work-wise there wasn't anything I could have done to lighten the load due to the nature of my job. I got clients emailing with random questions daily - life moves on for them. The only thing we did that was helpful was send out a birth announcement to clients. In hindsight, I wish it had included a reminder I would be out of the office until x, but available and checking emails sporadically. I thing that gave me some grace, though, for the first 2 weeks because clients would start to email me and then remember I'd just had a baby. </p> <p>If I were in your situation, I would schedule my c-section at 39 weeks exactly. 1 week out is far different than 2 weeks out. At 2 weeks I went to a 5 hour appointment with my husband and we were able to try out DS' first bottle without worrying about nipple confusion, etc and I was just less of a hot mess.</p> <p>ETA: I had a c-section. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731719 Wed, 03 May 2017 10:07:45 +0000 babynumber1 2731719@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly, I would be hiring some help. Even a college student that could help with the baby and small tasks. C Sections are no joke for the first 2 1/2 weeks. My 2nd was easier, but still very painful. Then your sitter could take the baby outside the office while you attend meetings, drive you there (if you are still on narcotics/not released to drive) and help at home. A new baby is a big deal and would be miserable to tackle alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731714 Wed, 03 May 2017 10:04:15 +0000 schubr03 2731714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm gonna be real with you here. I don't think that if you have a scheduled c-sec on Aug. 15, you are going to be anywhere near ready to go to an event on Aug. 22. Your wound won't even be healed. You probably won't even be able to drive. Are you sure you want to do that? I get that you have work obligations, but your health and your baby's health is WAY more important. Just my 2 cents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-didnt-really-have-a-maternity-leave#post-2731707 Wed, 03 May 2017 09:54:45 +0000 Mrs. Blue 2731707@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It looks like it's not really going to be feasible for me to have a real maternity leave because of the nature of my job and the timing (small, new-ish non-profit where there are almost no actual employees and everyone is already overworked at the moment and in the middle of a fundraising campaign that no one else has the time to pick up for me). I won't have to be going into the office all day every day or anything like that, but I'll definitely need to be in touch daily, working at home and going into the office or to events fairly often (like I'd guess at least 2-3 days a week I'll need to go in for meetings, shorter projects, etc. It's not ideal and I don't feel great about it, but it's also self-imposed to some degree. No one would "make" me come in, but it would just mean all my hard work for months is wasted as no one could really pick it up and go from there for me. </p> <p>I'll have a c-section, so at least that will be scheduled. I'm due Aug. 15, have a major event Aug. 22, so I'll have to be there for that, but I think I have enough help lined up that I can mostly sit with my baby and supervise v. actually setting up, etc., which will be good since I'll be a max of about 1 1/2 weeks out. After that, it will mostly be lots of meetings (thinking I'll just take baby with me most of the time since she won't be old enough for daycare and we don't have any family here) and computer work, which I can mostly do from home or with just short trips into the office. I'm hoping to stay home as many days as I can for 6-8 weeks, but it just won't be any kind of consistent time off, if that makes sense. </p> <p>So . . .<br /> If you didn't have much maternity leave, you still had to work, owned a business that you couldn't walk away from entirely for a period of time, etc., how did you manage? How much time did you completely take off before coming back somewhat (would also be helpful to know if you had a c-section or regular delivery)? Any tips for surviving and still feeling like I have time to take care of myself and bond with my baby girl? Anything you did to prepare that helped lighten the load when you were partially out? </p>