Hellobee Boards Topic: If you do the majority of the housework at home,

Hellobee Boards Topic: If you do the majority of the housework at home, https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 17:08:43 +0000 lemondrop on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home/page/2#post-2488076 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 20:10:48 +0000 lemondrop 2488076@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I cook, but whatever is left in the kitchen after is his job. I rarely do dishes. We both hate kitchen stuff, so we negotiated out our lesser kitchen evils. We go out to eat on my big work days or when I have a full day of household projects. He takes care of the lawn and most yard maintenance, gasses up the cars, takes out garbage and recycling, splits bedtimes with me (and really does more since I work many nights), does toy cleanup, folds and sorts laundry- I just catch him while he's watching a game on tv and toss a pile on the coffee table in front of him. He gets a To Do list so I don't get any rogue changes made to the house or storage areas when he feels the need to get things done. Ultimately, if I'm feeling overwhelmed I just have to ask for help. None of it is easy for either of us, we both work hard and are tired. Our house certainly isn't immaculate, ever, but we are comfortable with our division of labor. JerricaBenton on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home/page/2#post-2487860 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:54:10 +0000 JerricaBenton 2487860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I SAH, so I do the majority of the housework. I do all the cooking, shopping, cleaning, tidying, laundry. DH is solely responsible for garbage/recycling and he mostly does all the yard work, garage tidying and maintenance like light bulbs and repairs. Most of the time I keep a running list of things that need to be done by him and he either does it or hire someone if he doesn't want to do it (like yard stuff but he's usually on top of that or we've had a discussion about having some landscaping done or something.) Lists work great for us because he feels like he can plan and do stuff as he wants and not feel bombarded after work and I don't have to 'nag' I'm just like 'check your list, buddy.' mediagirl on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home/page/2#post-2487845 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:48:23 +0000 mediagirl 2487845@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both WOH FT. But he does ALL of the outside work. I do most of the indoor work. We don't hire out for anything. He mows, edges, prunes, plants and trims outside. He also vacuums and does dishes inside. I do laundry, bathrooms, kitchen, bedrooms, linens, etc. Most of the housework happens on weekends - we spend one day cleaning and doing chores and this and that and that is how we make it work. If he didn't help at all and I was a sahp, I'd be pretty peeved. one person cannot do it all. MaryM on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home/page/2#post-2487838 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:44:05 +0000 MaryM 2487838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @avivoca: My DH does the same thing with little seals pieces he's ripped off packages or whatever. I don't understand how they don't see it's weird to not just throw it away if the rest of the room is clean! Portboston on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487836 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:41:44 +0000 Portboston 2487836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Im a SAHM so I do all the housework. DH will do something if I specifically ask him to but he just doesn't see things that need to be done. He is supposed to take care of the yard work and all the outside stuff but it usually gets to the point where it has to be done, he is full of excuses, and it gets hired out. I can't fault him though...he works so hard during the week that on the weekends he wants to spend time with me and LO, not do yard work! MamaCate on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487824 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:34:14 +0000 MamaCate 2487824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both WOH but I work 32 hours and he works about 60 most months? He is a resident so he has no control over our schedule. We have two kids. I do most housecleaning, laundry, cooking, dishes, meal planning, grocery shopping, cloth diaper spraying, laundry and stuffing, prep lunches, bags and bottles the night before for work and daycare and take care of all the pump stuff. Plus I do the morning routine solo most mornings and the evenings solo a good chuck of the time (depends in what rotation DH is on). DH is responsible for all our money management, car management (maintenance appointments, fluid tire checks etc), home maintenance and repair. He is also responsible for getting trash and recycling to the curb and putting it back on trash day. When he is home for bedtime he usually helps the 4 yo get ready for bed while I nurse the baby. If he is around he is happy to help with dishes or packing lunches or sometimes dinner but I don't expect it. In our case this division works for us because DH is working hard and investing in his career and still pulls a lot of weight for the amount of time he is home. I cut back on my hours so that we could have some measure of family sanity. We also have a cleaning service once a month which is great. Feeling at peace with our household balance is important for my sanity. Resentment can be really toxic. I hope you can find something that works for your whole family. Modern Daisy on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487796 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:18:06 +0000 Modern Daisy 2487796@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both work full time and pretty much split household duties 50/50, but on weekends due to DS's extreme daddy preference I actually end up doing most of the housework. I don't mind it at all though! I would much rather run errands, cook, clean etc. on my own time than deal with a tantrumming toddler all day. avivoca on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487787 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:13:27 +0000 avivoca 2487787@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I do the vast majority of it. Most of the cooking, the cleaning (unless he gets tired of the clutter), the laundry, etc. He does most of the yard work, scoops the cat boxes, and takes the garbage/recycling out when he is home. But he leaves messes behind. Like this morning, he opened the new orange juice and left the little seal sitting on the counter next to the fridge instead of putting it in the trash. There is an empty carton sitting next to the sink because he didn't walk it over to the recycling. It's maddening. iheartleopardprint on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487783 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 16:08:39 +0000 iheartleopardprint 2487783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We are pretty evenly split. He will put washing on and hang it out, tidy up, cook dinner, all outside work, clean cars, the garage, rubbishy out, etc. I do 99% of the cleaning, and fold and out washing away. I do most of the Childcare, as I have cut back on work due to his long hours. gingerbebe on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487770 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 15:58:26 +0000 gingerbebe 2487770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @NovBaby1112: Yes, this is us too. I went back to work 3 days a week so I could manage the grind. DH commutes 150 miles 2-3 days a week, runs his own law practice, and is finishing his MBA so he's basically working like 80 hours a week. It helps that he works from home a lot so he can be around to get packages, do daycare drop off and pick up a few days a week, drop off the cars for maintenance, or let a handyman in, but he's usually working in his office until 11pm most nights and I can't do a full time job, all the house maintenance, and run after DS. Luckily since he's parked at his desk so much he handles all the bills and phone calls (I hate dealing with calls). Chillybear on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487595 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 13:54:59 +0000 Chillybear 2487595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both work outside the home, I take on most of the child care duties and he does most of the daily chores. We both pitch in on the weekend. A lot I've let slide because its just not worth fighting over. He leaves for work before I wake up and puts the dogs food out. I get up and let the dog out back, prep dinner (most nights just taking something out of the freezer or setting up the crock pot), get me and LO out the door. He gets home before me and "relaxes" if I call and tell him to start dinner or throw laundry in he will, he would never think to do it himself. We usually both cook dinner together, unless we get blue apron then he does the cooking. After dinner I feed the dog dinner and take LO up for a bath and bedtime. Meanwhile he does the dishes, cleans, the kitchen, runs dishwasher, takes the trash out and walks the dog. Usually we make it to the couch at the same time after our chores are done. As far as bigger jobs he's in charge putting the trash at the curb and bringing the trash cans back up, the lawn, snow removal, fixing things, etc. I get car maintence, bathrooms, flower beds and food shopping. We share tasks like laundry, floors and decluttering. It took a long time but we finally found a system that works. Anagram on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487574 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 13:48:13 +0000 Anagram 2487574@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Things in our house have never been more equal than they are right now, so I can't complain. And although I'm super happy at this unexpected development, I sometimes wonder about it... Basically, suddenly my husband pulls his weight a LOT MORE on a daily basis, and it's all because we got a nanny. I leave about 1-1.5 hours before he does for work. In the past, pre-nanny, he would "help" me a little in the morning by making LOs breakfast, but it was guaranteed that when I would come home from work, the dirty breakfast dishes would still be out, a crusted egg pan would be on the stove, toys (that LO got out in the morning) were strewn about, etc. He used to have about an hour and 20 minutes kid free each morning and wouldn't spend 10 minutes of that cleaning up breakfast. And then we got a nanny. And I leave for work and she shows up right before DH goes to work. And NOW, he cleans up breakfast, tidies any toys, makes both our bed and LOs bed. It's kind of amazing actually, the transformation--because he's embarrassed to have someone come in and work when our house is messy. But it's kind of funny---for his wife, he couldn't muster the will to clean in the mornings, even though he knew I hated coming home to messes that weren't there when I went to bed the night before. But for the NANNY, he's a cleaning whiz, and that's while getting ready for work and wrangling 2 kiddos! men. :silly: MaryM on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487554 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 13:41:27 +0000 MaryM 2487554@https://boards.hellobee.com/ When we got married, I envisioned doing most of the housework. But then it ended up that DH worked primarily from home while I worked full time and went to school, so our roles quickly switched. It was hard for me to accept his version of "clean." Also, I don't understand his inability to throw away a single piece of paper. I had to learn to accept that if he did something, it wasn't necessarily "wrong" just because it wasn't done my way. We mostly split things now. He works really odd hours (out of the house now) so we're rarely home together at the same time anyway. If we are, it's just for dinner one or two nights a week. We pay for a house cleaner once a month and a lawn service in the summer (plus we had them do a major weeding in the fall and leaf collection). Then at least we can enjoy more time together where we're not stressed about cleanliness. DH will cook dinner, but for the life of him can't seem to understand how to wipe off a counter (and if he tries it, he'll do it with a dish towel instead of a paper towel or dish rag). But if he's cooking dinner, can I complain? I mostly only clean on the weekends. I do 95% of the laundry, but I don't mind doing it. I'd rather do it so that stuff doesn't get shrunken. And so that things get put away where they belong. I also usually clean the kitchen on the weekends. If the dishes are done, he thinks it's clean. but with a white stove, I beg to differ. He does most of the vacuuming/mopping, takes out the trash and recycling and puts the big bins on the curb. I do all the work on our landscaping (with the help of my mom, because I'm still not sure what's a plant and what's a weed since we haven't been there a full year!) If it was up do DH, he'd pull up all the plants and put down astroturf. I like the gardens, even though I hate the work. lioneyes on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487476 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 12:40:24 +0000 lioneyes 2487476@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Since I SAH, I do the majority of the housework and all the cooking. DH gets up with LO in the morning and does breakfast with him while I sleep in, and he empties the dishwasher and takes out the diaper trash. On the weekends he cleans up from dinner, takes out the garbage/recycling, does bathtime and cleans up the playroom. During the week I get most of that done before he's home. Freckles on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487447 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 12:08:32 +0000 Freckles 2487447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I work from home 4x a week and he works late 2x a week, so it's easier for me to do the cooking and laundry. Thankfully, he is very tidy and when he cleans the kitchen, it is spotless. Me: - 95% of cooking - groceries - laundry - general cleaning/tidying (we have a cleaner 1x a month) SO: - dinners on weekends - lawn care - snow shoveling - dishes - helps fold laundry - garbage/recycling - general tidying/cleaning when i ask him to LindsayLou on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487445 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 12:08:02 +0000 LindsayLou 2487445@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I only work 2 days a week, close by. My husband works full time, with a long commute. I'm also more organized, detail oriented, a better cook, and have a higher standard of cleanliness. He does all home maintenance, most yard care, dishes about once a week, occasionally sweeps or vacuums, tidies up in occasion, extremely rarely he will cook dinner. He takes out the trash, recycling, and compost more often than I do. Rainbow Sprinkles on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487426 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 11:54:19 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2487426@https://boards.hellobee.com/ He does: -dishes -everything trash-related -diaper genie -everything outdoors (mowing, any yard work, cleaning gutters, etc.) -car maintenance and washing I do everything else indoors: -All the cooking -general tidying and organizing -clean bathrooms -vacuum -other deep cleaning (dusting, cleaning blinds, etc.) We have split duties on laundry. Boogs on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487355 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 11:07:14 +0000 Boogs 2487355@https://boards.hellobee.com/ He maintains outside and the garage. When we do any inside organizing, he's usually leading that endeavor. We don't have any outside help so he occasionally helps with and inside chore or cooking a meal. hellobeeboston on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487353 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 11:06:38 +0000 hellobeeboston 2487353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both WOH and we have a house cleaner that comes 1x a month to do a thorough deep clean, but I probably keep up with the rest of the housework in the meantime. DH does ALL of the bills, which is huge for me because I HATE doing it. I do all of the grocery shopping, but I like doing it. He also usually handles the trash. We both do laundry but I tend to fold more than him. And we totally split childcare 50/50... seems to be a pretty good balance. ValentineMommy on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487346 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 11:03:53 +0000 ValentineMommy 2487346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @runnerd: EXACTLY! I started writing down all the chores we each do on a few separate days. Mine was like a page long each day, and his said 1-2 things. He was like...."I don't see what's so odd about this". I was like, "I work full time too!!!!! I am the breadwinner! WTF is normal about the disparity??".... youboots on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487337 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 11:00:14 +0000 youboots 2487337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH helps out whenever he can. He always does bedtime, and takes T upstairs to play with her while I cook dinner. He does all the yard work, helps with dishes/kitchen. If I leave a list of to dos on a sticky he will do them in a couple days. He prefers that so he does not forget things. Since I SAH I can get a lot done since I wake before T and she takes a 2-3 hour afternoon nap. sandy on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487315 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 10:48:41 +0000 sandy 2487315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I SAH so I do all the daily stuff DH takes care of the yard, garage and most big projects around the house.. He's way more organized than I am so he is always wanting to organize and clean out closets, etc (while I just want a break from house projects). But it's busy with his work schedule and with just the daily chores so really we have to schedule it in on the weekend or the evenings - that's really the only way big projects will get done - it is so helpful to set a deadline. We used to do a lot of stuff during nap time but that phase ended a long time ago for us BlueWolverine on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487302 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 10:39:59 +0000 BlueWolverine 2487302@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I WOH and DH WAH. I'm pretty happy with our split. DH does his own laundry and often LO's. He cooks about 40% of the time. We often play chicken with the dishes, but they generally get done every night. He takes care of outside mostly, but he likes to. He always does trash/recycling. I'm generally in charge of appointments for LO, bath, organizing (it wouldn't really cross his mind to attack overflowing playroom and get rid of stuff), and pick up. He does drop off 3 days per week when I go to the gym; I do to the other. We have a cleaning person who comes every other week. I love her. sunshineandsushi on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487278 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 10:25:27 +0000 sunshineandsushi 2487278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH and I both WOH full-time. I would say overall our duties are pretty evenly split. We both do general picking up to keep the house tidy, including dishes. I handle vacuuming and mopping but he probably does the bathrooms more than me. He takes out garbage/recycling and sets them out on collection days. I do the grocery shopping, but he puts them away when I get home. I do nearly all the cooking. He does all the yard work. We split laundry, depending who feels like doing it. He probably does it more than me though. He handles all the house "fixing" and repairs since he's handy, while I handle bill paying and paperwork-type stuff. ineebee on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487273 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 10:21:52 +0000 ineebee 2487273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I SAH, and DH pitches in when he can. Sometimes he does dishes, sometimes does laundry. He does most of the yard work, though, which is helpful. But yeah, there are larger projects like cleaning out closets, sifting through old clothes to go to donation and deep cleaning that I just can't stay on top of. Weekends are always a struggle because with the two of us "available," I wish we could get some more stuff done, but... that doesn't really end up happening. :( runnerd on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487228 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:44:50 +0000 runnerd 2487228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @ValentineMommy: lol this. DH and I used to both work from home, but now he WOH since I few months ago, so basically everything is falling on me. I understand setting up appointments etc falling on me, but I'm not sure the disparity on the rest. I still work full-time!! And do more of the daycare pick-ups, dinner cooking, I'm pregnant, etc. so I'm not sure why he has nothing left to offer. Sometimes my work ends up suffering bc I feel pressure to get things done during the day and keep our house puttering along. ValentineMommy on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487209 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:31:05 +0000 ValentineMommy 2487209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @JoJoGirl: I definitely feel your pain. I sadly do a lot of the home repair stuff too - yesterday I painted and built DS1's new bunk bed. But I totally agree with you...I got so so so tired of nagging, that it's just easier to do it myself...which is sad. lol NovBaby1112 on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487186 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:17:54 +0000 NovBaby1112 2487186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I work 24 hours a week and DH works anywhere from 50-70 hours a week and I do the majority of the housework- laundry, dishes, cleaning, grocery shopping, cooking, etc. He doesn't really do much housework at all to be honest, but he works a ton. This is part of the reason why I cut back on my hours at work, trying to do it all was too difficult. josina on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487177 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:13:38 +0000 josina 2487177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both WOH full time... I do most/all of the housework, cooking, and most of the childcare. DH will occasionally (rarely) do a load of laundry. My stepdaughter has chores that help out a lot (sweeping and finishing dishes). The garage and (unfinished) basement are his to clean, he mows the lawn in the summer, shovels snow in winter, takes care of garbage, so any outside or vehicle related jobs are his. We've had the argument about housework and most times its just not worth it. His go-to response is that he was like that when I married him (and dated him for 6 years) so why would I expect him to change. He just doesn't get to complain if the house isn't spotless. I feel like his mom always did all the chores and the boys were never expected to help (same in my house growing up)... I'm just going to make sure my boy knows how to do housework! ;) mrsrain on "If you do the majority of the housework at home," https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-do-the-majority-of-the-housework-at-home#post-2487170 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:09:21 +0000 mrsrain 2487170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Every week he unloads the dishwasher every morning, takes out the trash/recycling, and helps with laundry. He also does at least a couple of meals during the week. Any special projects (garage, yard work, rearranging a room, etc) we discuss and tackle together, usually on the weekend.