https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 20:05:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by/page/2#post-2488019 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 19:17:54 +0000 DesertDreams88 2488019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Emergencies: Multiple friends nearby, all from church, all with young kids. My friends from work are further away and don't have kids. </p> <p>Dates: Well LO is only 6 wks old but I know we won't be having lots of dates, bc most of our friends have 3+ kids so I'd feel uncomfy asking them to babysit for a date. If anything, we'd do trade-offs.</p> <p>Multiple reliable sitters: As a FTM who doesn't have really any spare money, I don't foresee us paying/hiring babysitters.</p> <p>Vacation time: Well, DH and I are both teachers, so we have a lot of "vacation time" but we use our school breaks to get ahead on work and relax. In the summer, we visit each family, and try to do at least one other trip, even if it is just a long weekend. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487999 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 19:03:05 +0000 maddyz 2487999@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: I have found a few friends who's houses we go over to just to break up our days. The kids always eat better and someone else toys are so much more interesting. Also, other adults are great to talk to. Passing the time together is nice for everyone. I feel lucky to have found this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487998 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 18:59:29 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2487998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ms.Badger: You seem like you're doing a really great job, and based on your response I could see how I could make living far away from my family really work. :)</p> <p>@JessicaMcB: Yikes. That does sound pretty hard. I am sorry. :/ We also have 3 under 4. So my life would be similar....and my husband has already warned me that if we move, it would likely be 12 hours a day, 6 days a week, non negotiable (for his work hours). Not forever, but for the first 6 months - 1 year of being there. I wouldn't say we aren't self-reliant, because I don't really depend on my family for anything, but we definitely have gotten used to seeing family a lot. And sometimes it's nice to have family around when my husband is working a `14 hour day and I just feel lonely and wiped out. I will go to my sister's or mom's just to make the day go faster. So, your response really makes me want to think hard.</p> <p>@maddyz: I happened to get norovirus during all three of my pregnancies, and ended up in the hospital getting IV fluids 2 of 3 times. It's such a horrible feeling--parenting while miserable. HUGS. &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487988 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 18:50:25 +0000 maddyz 2487988@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sucks. My mom almost got on a plane this morning to come help. I am so sick with a GI bug and pregnant.</p> <p>I found a friend to take LO outside, give him dinner and a bath. She babysits often so they get along great. I am not sure what hazard pay is for this but she is defiantly getting more then normal.</p> <p>When we aren't so sick I have a few friends close by I could call on in a pinch. Also the family we have a nanny share with are incredibly generous and will sometimes watch him on an off day if i really need to work.</p> <p>My work is super understanding, but i feel like i push it sometimes. This week being one of those times...</p> <p>It's freaking hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487947 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 18:14:36 +0000 JessicaMcB 2487947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We moved 6 hours north of our families for my husband's work and honestly I was forced to just become entirely self-sufficient. DH works long hours and out of town often so I'm home with the 3 under 4 crew with no help.</p> <p>In emergencies (trips to the ER, doctor,whatever) I have to bring all the kids with me which generally involves a double stroller and a bjorn. You make it work because you have to.</p> <p>I laughed out loud at dates, there are no dates. If there were any teen to college aged girls looking to babysit here maybe, but we live in a rig town where they can make $15+/hr at menial jobs, its hard to lure them into wiping butts instead you know? Haha</p> <p>Most if not all of DH's vacation time is spent driving back down to see our families or for extreme sick day circumstances (i.e. when I had mono and when I was hospitalized with a gall bladder attack).</p> <p>In short, our life is not one I would recommend to people who aren't pretty self reliant, the women I know here who are in similar situations but who seem to need a lot of help suffer a LOT. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487910 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 17:25:39 +0000 Ms.Badger 2487910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm in SoCal, my whole family is in Wisconsin, my MIL and FIL is in Denver and my BIL and SIL are in St. Loius. </p> <p>This is actually something I was thinking about this weekend. I went to a birthday party for one of our neighbor's kids. Almost everyone there was family. I was thinking about how most of the people at J's birthday will be friends, and mostly because we had to build this network because we don't have family close by. In an emergency, we would call friends or ask neighbors to help and these people are more present in our lives, I think, because we don't have family to rely on. The vast majority of our closest friends are in the same situation of living far from their families and I don't think it's coincidental. I put more energy into these relationships both because I have the time and because they are very important to us.</p> <p>We have a nanny for J and she is always open to babysitting for our nights out so we probably do that once a month. We also have an arrangement with a friend that has a baby the same age to swap childcare.</p> <p>We do spend a decent amount of our vacation visiting families, probably 2-3 weeks/year. We get additional days free/nights off when visiting. Our families also visit us and give us date time when they're here. I feel like we have plenty of couple time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487875 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 17:03:57 +0000 FancyGem 2487875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't really have emergencies while we lived away. Our parents came to visit and we would go on dates then. We lived far away for about 3 years. We live closer to family and we are able to go out more now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487689 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 14:38:14 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2487689@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sad to see how few date nights you get. I guess I've been spoiled with that. We go on probably 4 or 5 a year? My family is close and my mom would babysit any time I asked her if she was available. I'd really miss the date nights!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487683 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 14:36:50 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2487683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: how did you make such great friends? I have great friends here, but when I think about moving, I worry that I wouldn't be able to make good ones again for some reason. But maybe that's an irrational fear! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487259 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:58:51 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2487259@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mother lives a 2.5 hour plane ride away, and my in-laws live a 4-5 hour drive away. We see my in-laws anywhere from 4-6 times per year. They will come down or we will go up. That said they will only visit us one night. They don't like where we live so they leave quickly. They almost never stay more than one night. My mother lives farther away, and we don't see her much. There's some history there about why.</p> <p>We survive with the help of our nanny. The past two weeks have been crazy for work for me (early morning and late evenings,) and she is there to help as DH sometimes has work things or travel. I don't really ask friends because many of them are in the same boat and/or don't live close by and don't have cars.</p> <p>We have a babysitter for date nights. We are actually looking for a new one. We sometimes ask friends or we ask our nanny for extra time, but the latter is rare. </p> <p>We only have one LO right now, who will be 3 soon so things are bit easier these days. Because of our lack of support system, I can't imagine having more than two. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487257 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:55:52 +0000 MoreCoffee 2487257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both sets of grandparents live 8-10 hours away (in opposite directions). They visit a few times a year, often watching DS for an overnight or two while DH and I get away. Babysitters in our area charge 12-15/hour so we don't do that unless it's a big event (wedding etc.).</p> <p>Like @Anagram mentioned, DS's sick days and work week events that require us to take time off are the biggest hurdle, not to mention balancing that with the time off we need for ourselves to take care of personal appointments, our own illnesses, etc. It's hard but I remind myself it's temporary. I do get a little bitter sometimes because my parents provide free, full-time care for my brother's kids and have always said they'd do the same for us if we lived in their city. Tempting, and I love my family, but I think there would be a lot of additional challenges that would come with living *too* close as well.</p> <p>I live in the area where I grew up and have good friends I can call on in case of major emergency. I'm not sure what we'd do otherwise! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487243 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:49:39 +0000 travelgirl1 2487243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We lived in a different country to our families for the first three years of DD's life. It helped that I stay home, so we didn't have any instances where we needed childcare really.</p> <p>The one time we really felt it was when I we t I to hospital to have DS. My good friend watched A for two days but then DH just had to bring her into the hospital and she really acted out. Just getting home from the hospital was such a big drama, it would have been so much easier to have had someone to watch A. </p> <p>We never had date nights and didn't use any sisters. In a pinch though, I would have called friends I think. I trusted them all implicitly and we would have definitely helped each other out in an emergency. I used to take the kids with me for all my medical stuff, I remember DD being with me for many transvaginal ultrasounds, which obviously wasn't ideal but it was okay. Baby DS was in my arms while I had a pelvic examination a few months ago. We just made it work. </p> <p>Now we have all the family around but I can't say we utilize them. No one has watched the kids yet because I have a hard time letting go after all that time doing it myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487240 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:49:02 +0000 meredithNYC 2487240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We live in Connecticut, my parents are in the Midwest and IL's are in the UK. If we had an emergency there are a few fellow moms I could count on and my mom is retired, luckily, so she could potentially fly out depending on the severity of the emergency.</p> <p>Date nights are very rare - maybe 2 or 3 a year? It's just too much money. And yes, we spend a lot of vacation time and money just flying home. It's not ideal, but this is where my husband's job is, so we just kind of have to deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487208 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:31:00 +0000 Anagram 2487208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's hard! Our closest family member (my in-laws) are an 8 hour drive away. My mom lives several states away and it would either be a 16 hour drive or a 3 hour flight, but of course the flight involved getting to the airport and stuff.</p> <p>We struggle a lot with things like our kids being sick, because neither of us has work-from-home jobs or much flexibility. This year, we hired a nanny who was willing to come when the girls are sick as long as it's not something like a stomach bug, and we also use her (and obviously, have to pay her extra) when we have other things that come up.</p> <p>For example, tonight we have Preschool registration for LO1, and I've heard it's hours of waiting in line and it's during the girls' dinner time and bathtime, so I can't take them. But my husband gets home from work around 7 pm. So either he takes off early (again. he's been sick recently, so he really can't leave work early), or we pay the nanny and ask her to stay longer.</p> <p>Does it suck to have to pay a nanny $40 so I can do preschool registration? Yes. It sucks. But....I figure it's just a season. I hope.</p> <p>I have Spring Parent Conference night next week at my school from 6-8 pm, so again, we have to pay the nanny extra to watch the kids until DH gets home. =(</p> <p>Currently, we are paying more than our mortgage in childcare each month. For hospital emergencies, we would probably either call our nanny or one of our childless friends. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487202 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:26:14 +0000 jetsa 2487202@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You build a village (that just so happens to be paid). Our in-home daycare knew we didn't have much family around and she offered to take either child in the even of an emergency. We have now switched to a nanny and it is part of her contract. We use probably 1/2 of our vacation traveling and use the rest as a family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487180 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:15:08 +0000 mrsrain 2487180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents live in Texas, my in-laws in Tennessee, and we each have a sibling in Massachussets. We live in Connecticut. Any of them can be here within a day if really needed, but we also have friends we can call if we need to. When I had a preterm labor scare we called a friend to come stay with DD in the middle of the night. </p> <p>We try to travel once a year to see one family or the other, and host family here in our home as they are able to come visit. We'd love to go more often but it gets tricky with kids, and can be so expensive! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487166 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 09:07:49 +0000 KayKay 2487166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have to rely a lot on babysitters for planned things. I try to have 2-3 that I feel very comfortable with and then another 1-2 as backups for shorter/one-off types of things. We actually do a weekly date night, although it probably averages out to 2 out of every 3 when you factor in times when we are out of town, conflict, sick kid, whatever. We don't do too many weekend things without the kids, although sometimes random things (events, whatever) come up.</p> <p>In a true emergency, I have 2 neighbors that I could call to come over or drop our kids with for a short period of time. But I'd be having one of our parent(s) get on a plane within 24hrs if it were something where we needed a lot of support.</p> <p>We try to get back to each of our hometowns once/year minimum. And our sets of parents each come to see us a couple times a year. We have so many places that I wish we could go/old friends we could go visit that I do wish we saw family more casually and regularly. But those are the breaks! :) It's less about using vacation time up for family trips and more just the logistics/expense of travelling too often with 2 kids! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487139 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 08:45:41 +0000 Mamaof2 2487139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have 2 neighbors and 2 friends that we would call in an emergency - </p> <p>Date nights - far and few between - $$$</p> <p>Sitters - yes, 3 different DCP teachers have watched our kids </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487134 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 08:43:30 +0000 gingerbebe 2487134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have daycare during the week and try to get a lunch date in one day a week. We have a sitter we have used for mommy's helper a few times (i.e. DH or I were at home doing other stuff) and will be using her for a date night for our anniversary in a few weeks after DS is already in bed for the night.</p> <p>I am due with #2 and we are planning an RCS for which my family will hopefully fly in for to help with DS but if things don't go to schedule, we have daycare (who we can ask to do some backup sitting), our sitter, and we have like 3-4 sets of friends who have never directly babysat DS but have been over frequently and know him and we trust them to take him in a total emergency. </p> <p>If I go into unexpected labor the plan is to wait until morning??? Last time my water broke and I had zero contractions for a day and eventually got induced, failed, and had an emergency section 36 hours later so I guess I'm thinking it will happen similarly although why would I assume that?? Really our plan is just to get the most normal childcare situation for DS set up, go in and get my C-section, send DH home to keep DS on as normal of a schedule as possible, and have DH head back once DS is in bed for the night. My mom can be here within a few hours (it's a 90 minute flight). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487057 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 07:09:32 +0000 looch 2487057@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we lived away from my parents, we had a very part time nanny. She was working for other families and need a few extra hours one day, so she worked for us about 4 hours a week. We used her for date nights a few times, but I wasn't working so I could be very flexible. </p> <p>Now, I work full time and my parents do a lot of child care during the week so we don't use them for date nights and my husband isn't ready for a sitter. Our last date was actually last Friday, we took the day off and went to an afternoon movie. We also meet for lunch since our offices are across the street.</p> <p>Emergencies are a different story, but we would have to exhaust a few family options before calling in neighbors.</p> <p>Eta: at some point, we might consider an au pair. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487053 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 06:56:58 +0000 Applesandbananas 2487053@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would call a friend in an emergency, we haven't had to, thankfully. We do a lot of divide and conquer on stuff and just make it work. </p> <p>That being said, I wish we lived closer to family. We had the opportunity to be closer to his side and ultimately decided it wasn't the right career move, and I'm still a bit sad about that. </p> <p>I see on social media, my friends post about their parents taking their kids on a day they can't attend daycare or when the parents have to work late or just a random Saturday or date night and it makes me so jealous we don't have that. I use my vacation for an annual trip to see family and for LO's sick days and appointments. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487052 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 06:54:45 +0000 Mrs. D 2487052@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we lived away from family we relied on friends for the few dates we had. For a few social gatherings we waited until she was asleep before we left her with our coworkers teenaged daughter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487050 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 06:46:53 +0000 mamabolt 2487050@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a family from our daycare who lives in our neighborhood who we have called in an emergency before (when I was having a MC) to watch LO. We would do the same for them as they are in the same situation with no local family. We also have a couple friends within 20-30 min who can step in for emergencies.</p> <p>For date nights, we have sitters, or we wait until family is visiting. It's not ideal and I wish we could go out more, but we make it work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487034 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 04:09:00 +0000 lamariniere 2487034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In an emergency, I know I could call on some friends. Otherwise, we hire babysitters for date nights (which are rare). My DH gets a ton of vacation time and I'm self-employed, so I take what I want, so we use some of it to see family and some of it for "fun". My ILs are pretty mobile so they visit 2-3 times a year. My dad visits maybe once per year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487028 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 02:28:27 +0000 MamaBehr 2487028@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are in tx and the majority of our family is in NY. </p> <p>Date nights are rare. We make it a point to go on one when family is visiting.</p> <p>Emergencies are a divide and conquer thing. It sucks, but that's what we have to do.</p> <p>We spend 95% of vacation time on family. Either visiting family or taking off when family is here. </p> <p>I would love to move back near family. I would do it in a flash. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487025 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 01:55:24 +0000 Truth Bombs 2487025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Family is across the country but we have awesome friends. Without trying I can think of six people I could call who would be here at the drop of a hat who have kids of similar ages and therefore wouldn't even need instructions. My friends and I also swap kids to allow for date nights when we can. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487024 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 01:43:00 +0000 BSB 2487024@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Both our families are across the country. </p> <p>Now in case of emergency, I would ask friends to help watch the babies. If it came down to it, we do have neighbors that have offered to watch the babies. </p> <p>I have a pretty decent amount of vacation so it's not all spend traveling back east. My company is off between Christmas and New Years and then I take about 1.5 weeks off, so I'm home for a good 3 weeks. Pre-baby, we would go home during the summer for a week. I still have a few weeks to take time off randomly throughout the year. </p> <p>In an emergency, I am able to take time off (aka sick days). </p> <p>As for date nights, we only go when MIL flies into town about once a month. When she is not here with us, we don't have date nights.</p> <p>We don't have an hired babysitter in place yet. I should though. </p> <p>When you move out to a place where you don't know anyone, you really do make things work with just us. We do like keeping to ourselves but we have a bunch of friends that are willing to help us out in an emergency. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487007 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:45:57 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2487007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our families are across the country. We never have date nights, but our daycare has a parents day out sometimes, and we try to take advantage of that. If we had an emergency, we'd just have to make it work by ourselves. It's been stressful for me not to have a network. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2487005 Tue, 08 Mar 2016 00:40:37 +0000 birdofafeather 2487005@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>we do day dates when DD1 is in preschool. or when we're visiting family, we go out for a movie or something.</p> <p>when i went into labor with DD2, i texted a friend who lived nearby to see if she was available if i had to go to the hospital before my mom was able to arrive (she lives 2 hours away). thankfully my mom made it, but if it were during the day (it was after midnight) i would have considered just bringing her to the hospital as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-any-family-close-by#post-2486997 Mon, 07 Mar 2016 23:40:12 +0000 PurplePeony 2486997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our families are across the country and on another continent. If we had a short-term emergency situation, we have friends and neighbors who we could call on to help. If it was something that would take longer to resolve, I guess we'd try to see if one of my parents could take off work for a bit and fly them in.</p> <p>Date nights are rare. We usually take advantage when we have family or friends staying with us to get out one night, and we have a babysitter we sometimes call. We really need to find a backup sitter, but it's so hard. We're actually facing a bind in a few months because one of my business trips might run long, and DH is scheduled to leave on a trip of his own that weekend. If I have to stay over to the following week, I really don't know what we're going to do. At least we've got some time to make contingency plans, but it's stressful.</p> <p>DH gets a ton of vacation, I don't. Most of mine is taken up with travel to see our families, but the problem with using the rest for "us" vacations is more scheduling (my busy times tend to clash with DH's down times) than actually having the time available. </p>