https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 01 May 2026 02:31:03 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/3#post-2168286 Tue, 05 May 2015 20:50:09 +0000 shellio 2168286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: I really appreciate your saying that kids are proud of mom because of who she is... not whether she WOH, SAH, or whatever combination. I have been feeling guilty lately about wanting to be home more and am going to part time next year with an eye toward stopping work completely in maybe 8 years. My boss tells me that she feels guilty for missing kids school events, etc because of demanding work hours but that her 20 year old recently told her he was really proud of her and it made me feel like maybe I SHOULD work more. As I look back, my mom WOH and it never occurred to me to be proud of her for her work, nor did I wish she SAH. I just loved her, maybe I didn't think enough about the rest but I don't think it really mattered/matters to me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/3#post-2168066 Tue, 05 May 2015 17:56:19 +0000 gingerbebe 2168066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: preach.</p> <p>Family and spousal support are so important to how you feel about staying at home or working. I'm SO grateful that my husband is super supportive of whatever I want to do. He's happy I'm an attorney, even if I'm not practicing, because he's also a lawyer and he finds it enormously helpful to have a spouse that understands his work and the stressors of his jobs inherently. If I stayed at home in the long run, I'd probably take a managing role in his private practice and take care of a lot of administrative/billing stuff. If I continued to working at my job, I'd keep working in an area of law I'm good at. Either way, I don't feel like I'm "wasting" my degree. That said, I feel like as long as my degree is paid for (i.e. the student loans are gone), its not anyone's business what I choose to do with my JD. I'm the first in my family to get a professional degree so there's a lot of pride in my being an attorney, but at the same time, my parents see how happy and well-adjusted DS is at home with me and they can't deny that I'm just as good of a mommy as I am a working attorney. Furthermore, it took us 3 years to have DS, so they don't blame me for wanting to soak up the time I have with him. My mom actually told me she's super supportive of me going to work part-time, as she feels full-time would have made me unhappy at this point in my life.</p> <p>As to hedging risk, DH and I both have short term and long term disability insurance and we both have life insurance, although he is WAY more insured than I am. We have a crazy amount of coverage on DH, but even then its only $1500-ish a year for both longterm disability and life insurance. I think a little over $100 a month for that kind of security is priceless. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/3#post-2168055 Tue, 05 May 2015 17:28:51 +0000 Boogs 2168055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: You sound just like me! No clue what I'll do when my boys are in school, but if you ever get a great idea let me know. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/3#post-2167765 Tue, 05 May 2015 13:23:22 +0000 travelgirl1 2167765@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: I love what you wrote. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/3#post-2167713 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:50:31 +0000 mrs. wagon 2167713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I got laid off before we even started trying to get pregnant so I was a SAHM from the very beginning. We couldn't really afford for me to stay home but the economy was bad and I couldn't find a job. I went back to work when my first was 18 months old and even though I didn't particularly enjoy working before, I very quickly realized I was happiest when I was a WOHM. That all evolved quickly and I went back to work when my second was 7 weeks old, and now that my kids are 5 and 2, my career is now way too high of a priority to me to take a break considering the lengthy break I already had. Before I had my second, my husband got a new job that would probably have been enough for me to be able to afford to stay home, but that would have meant pulling my older one out of daycare/preschool and that just didn't make sense to me. </p> <p>That all being said... we are finally approaching the end of double daycare (this fall!) and I am very much looking forward to the financial shift! Our living expenses won't change, but we'll be investing more in our home and 401ks now that childcare expenses will be cut in half! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/3#post-2167641 Tue, 05 May 2015 12:06:31 +0000 BandDmommy 2167641@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: Billable hours... do NOT miss that!! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167603 Tue, 05 May 2015 11:47:22 +0000 daniellemybelle 2167603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sandy: &lt;&lt;But DH says ... she'll learn to work hard and choose what makes her happy in life whether society thinks it's worthy of her time and effort. It's all about choosing what makes you happy - that can be working out of the home or choosing to stay at home. You can be a miserable unbalanced WOHM or SAHM - or you can be amazing and happy and be respected as a WOHM and SAHM&gt;&gt;</p> <p>WORD. Preach, mama. This is SO important.</p> <p>More than anything I want to teach my daughter that she CAN and SHOULD do what what SHE wants to do because SHE wants to do it. I will be so proud of her no matter what as long as she is her own person. I pray that I can be a good example of that.</p> <p>Edit to add: I work right now because I have to. I like my work and I am fortunate to have a great, flexible, part-time job - but if I could I would probably SAH. So I struggle with this but ultimately I still want my daughter to know she does have choices - and even if she doesn't have the luxury to be a SAHM one day - she should still prioritize her happiness and health, whether that means working a high-powered job, staying at home or something in between. Put your own oxygen mask on first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167588 Tue, 05 May 2015 11:35:05 +0000 sandy 2167588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wrote out a long post and it disappeared :-/</p> <p>Basically I'm a SAHM bc I love it. I worked at firms the two summers in law school and went to work for a firm right out of law school for another 8 years. It was stressful and I never want to have billable hours ever again in my life. I hustle every day as a SAHM and do what I would expect a full time nanny to do if I was paying them. I enjoy having mostly free weekends with my family bc I can take care of stuff during the week. </p> <p>I keep my license active in case I want to return to work or if I have to return to work. We'll see what options there are for me when I decide to go back to work. </p> <p>I do have fears that my LO will think being a SAHM was a waste of my life. But DH says she will be proud of my career before kids and proud that I hustle every day whether it's at a job or at home. that she'll learn to work hard and choose what makes her happy in life whether society thinks it's worthy of her time and effort. It's all about choosing what makes you happy - that can be working out of the home or choosing to stay at home. You can be a miserable unbalanced WOHM or SAHM - or you can be amazing and happy and be respected as a WOHM and SAHM </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167435 Tue, 05 May 2015 10:04:20 +0000 TheSwissWifeStyle 2167435@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am totally fine not working. I really have no desire to. I'm lazy. I ran my own pet care business for a while, but now that I'm expecting in July, I just stopped when May started to focus on the end of my pregnancy, getting everything done, etc. </p> <p>I have a theater degree that is just collecting dust. If we lived in the US, or any English speaking country, things might be different. </p> <p>After LO arrives I might try to make spending money again selling vegan cupcakes or something. I don't like using "DH's money" for stuff like clothes shopping for myself, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167338 Tue, 05 May 2015 09:25:03 +0000 coopsmama 2167338@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: Thank you for saying that. </p> <p>There is no reason for a child to be more proud of their mom because they chose to work or they chose not to so they could SAH. Honestly, I don't really care if my children are "proud" of me. That's just a weird word choice. I want them to know I love them, will always be there for them, and I want to have a relationship with them such that they love me. Circumstances (working vs not) can change in a heartbeat so I'd hope their pride and respect for me would not be determined by whether or not I have a job. </p> <p>I SAH in this season of our lives. Both DH and I had SAH moms and so I don't think we ever considered otherwise. If I hated it, DH would be totally fine with me getting a job, but I don't hate it. I don't always loooove it either. But I do get a ton of wonderful moments with my children I wouldn't otherwise and we fill our days with activity both in and out of the house so at this time it's working well. It's really nice to have someone on the homefront to keep life and our house organized so that we can enjoy every moment of the weekend and evenings. I'd like to get a job when our youngest hits school age because I don't think I could keep myself fully occupied at home without children around but I know it will definitely add another busy dimension to our lives - working moms have all my respect because they have so much to do at all times! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167308 Tue, 05 May 2015 09:11:34 +0000 Madison43 2167308@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: agree. And we're not just talking about death - divorce, disability and illness are all depressing things I consider when debating whether to stay home or continue working. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167298 Tue, 05 May 2015 09:05:48 +0000 BandDmommy 2167298@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: agree. My DH is finance guy so money is always on his mind. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167295 Tue, 05 May 2015 09:03:30 +0000 looch 2167295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: I think most people don't think about life insurance though, when they're making the decision to stay at home or not. It would be great if everyone had the ability to afford it, but it's not always the case on one income, especially for the lower wage earning folks. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167288 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:59:17 +0000 BandDmommy 2167288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: my husband just set up a life insurance policy which would allow us to maintain our lifestyle if he was to pass. Morbid to think about, but DH wants me to stay home with the kids. I could easily go back to work, not at same pay but it wouldn't take me long to get back to the manager level. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167286 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:58:12 +0000 looch 2167286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: I agree that there are always two sides to every decision, I think that's what makes it so challenging to actually decide and then to be happy with the decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167273 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:44:00 +0000 MrsADS 2167273@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm pregnant with #1 but plan to keep working. We could live on just DH's income, but it would become harder to save, cutting out extras, etc. I feel like long-term, I need to work to contribute to savings, retirement, my Social Security earnings, college for kid(s), etc. We could definitely get by but I'm not sure about getting ahead.</p> <p>I am also in a fairly family-friendly job for my industry (law). If I give it up and take a few years off, (as other lawyers know) I would basically be starting over, probably in private practice where I'd have to work a ton of hours, etc. I feel like if I stop working and stay home, I am really hurting my career long-term. If I was in an extremely demanding job with a ton of hours, I'd probably quit in an instant. I work for a nonprofit, so I don't make a ton of money, but my job is flexible with me and I have a lot of time off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167272 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:43:42 +0000 sweetooth 2167272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I totally agree with you. There are so many things to consider when you entertain the idea of not working in order to stay home with your kids. I only added that there's also the perspective that life is short. It's just where my mind has been lately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167265 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:38:21 +0000 looch 2167265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sweetooth: well, I think one also has to consider what they would do if they suddenly lost their spouse, the sole wage earner. What then? It's not so easy to find just any job when you haven't worked in a long time, even the ones that don't require any skills. Insurance policies might cover the mortgage, but then what? Someone's got to pay to keep the lights on and pay the property taxes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167249 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:33:05 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2167249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I go back and forth.<br /> I'm lucky to have long maternity leaves so I've gotten a taste of SAHM without having to walk away from my career.<br /> I enjoy my work, but would prefer fewer hours but my boss really doesn't support that. It's just not done in my field. I'm lucky to only work 40 hours.<br /> With one kid I felt really lonely but now with two I'm really enjoying my leave and am debating not going back. I do funnel some of my clients to DH so being there does help his business. I could take on some free lance stuff through his company which is what I'm thinking about. Work a few hours a week to keep my license but really be at home.<br /> I don't know.<br /> My mom worked and I can't figure out how she was able to do everything while managing an extremely successful career. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167228 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:18:59 +0000 sweetooth 2167228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I find that it's hard to find articles that support staying at home - it's a hard decision to make and one that I do still go back and forth on since I've been so career-focused for most of my adult life. And everything I google and read really supports staying in the workforce. So when I found this article the other day it made me stop and smile. Thought I'd share it for those of you that do SAH and who are weighing your options.</p> <p><a href="http://thefederalist.com/2015/02/20/nine-better-things-i-learned-about-becoming-a-stay-at-home-mom/" rel="nofollow">http://thefederalist.com/2015/02/20/nine-better-things-i-learned-about-becoming-a-stay-at-home-mom/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167212 Tue, 05 May 2015 08:14:07 +0000 sweetooth 2167212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I usually don't think morbid thoughts like, "What would I do if I lost my husband and we were surviving on his income" but recently I lost a high school friend of mine. She was 36 years old. Just like that, cancer took away her chance to do what she wanted with her life. So if it's morbid to think that life could end when you least expect it, then I guess I'm thinking morbidly that if I were to be given a limited amount of time on this earth - would I want to spent it looking at a computer screen like I do all day? Or would I trade it for the crazy, exhausting, laughter-filled days of spending my time with my kids during these early years?</p> <p>There are so many reasons why people make the decision to work or stay at home. It's a very personal decision. I actually never gave it much thought before I had my son. But once he arrived my feelings about staying at home because much stronger. We live in an expensive area though and it's hard to survive on one income. So I work right now - but I want that to change. And my husband wants to support that. I love him so much for that.</p> <p>But now that we have #2 on the way, and the cost of 2 in daycare would be so high, and I really have the desire to be home with my sons, we are going to see what we can do so I can stay at home. And if that means we have to move, we're doing that. Because when I think of my good friend who never even had the chance to have kids - and I think about looking back on my life when I am hopefully old and gray - I think that for me, I'll be happier that I poured some of my creativity into my kids for a few years instead of into this silly machine that I'm staring at all day long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167158 Tue, 05 May 2015 07:34:22 +0000 Anya 2167158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: thank you for saying this so succinctly. I completely agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167106 Tue, 05 May 2015 06:24:19 +0000 Andrea 2167106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would like to add that you don't have to work out of the home for your kids to feel pride in you (if that's what you're going for). My 5 year old always comments about how hard I work at home and how she wants to be just like me when she grows up. She sees me on the go 24/7 and always doing something for them or our home. Being a SAHM is a lot more transparent for kids at this young age. If I was working in an office, she would only have a vague idea of what I did all day. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167105 Tue, 05 May 2015 06:23:05 +0000 bushelandapeck 2167105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have to work and did stay home with DS for his first 9mo. I am a social worker and DH is in finance so were able to make that work until I found something part time that I would enjoy. I found a wonderful part time job (2 days/week) at my old company and I really do love it. I feel like I'm able to contribute to things like retirement, childcare, etc and still be home with our LO's the majority of the week. I wasn't cut out to be home full time so this scenario has been perfect for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167098 Tue, 05 May 2015 05:51:35 +0000 daniellemybelle 2167098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BandDmommy: Good point. I think we usually tend to love our mom for who they are! DH admires his mom for working and earning her doctorate while raising him. He has never been very oriented toward me staying home for that reason, though he would support it if I wanted to and it worked out financially. And on the same token, I have always wanted to SAH in large part because of my great childhood with a SAH mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167094 Tue, 05 May 2015 05:41:24 +0000 BandDmommy 2167094@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: agree </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167092 Tue, 05 May 2015 05:37:58 +0000 BandDmommy 2167092@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom was a career woman and I used to wish she was a SAHM. I don't begrudge my mom for working but I also don't hold her on some high acclaim because she worked. I love my mom because she is my mom, not because she worked or choose to stay home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2167085 Tue, 05 May 2015 05:12:04 +0000 daniellemybelle 2167085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Tidybee: Agreed. My mom was a SAHM and it was the best. She's so awesome. :)</p> <p>I haven't chimed in because I work because I have to. If I didn't have to, I probably wouldn't. But, I'd be interested to give the SAHM thing a try and see if I miss working in my field. I enjoy my work, and the grass is always greener. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2166960 Mon, 04 May 2015 20:45:31 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2166960@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. High Heels' last paragraph is one of the main reasons I continue to work. Also we live in one of the most expensive parts of the country (with no intentions to move), if anything should happen to DH's job, at least we have some income (and good benefits as I work in government currently). I've made certain decisions about career, but quite frankly at this point, I'm where I would have wanted to be if I didn't have a child. I also like the idea that I am keeping my options open in a significant way for the future. Whatever that future may be. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-dont-have-to-work-for-financial-reasons/page/2#post-2166925 Mon, 04 May 2015 20:15:41 +0000 Bluebonnet 2166925@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We could certainly live without my income but I work for a bunch of reasons:<br /> - I am able to do interesting work, get paid well, have great benefits, and have the flexibility our family needs.<br /> - 2 incomes allows us to aggressively save while living very comfortably, which in turn builds the financial flexibility to have more options down the road (working part time or living on one income by circumstance or choice).<br /> - I am a better parent when I have accomplishments that are independent of my husband, kids, or home.<br /> - I am more present with my kids when I'm able to spend time away from them. </p>