https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 29 Apr 2026 12:42:06 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2/page/2#post-1683597 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 22:48:54 +0000 indi 1683597@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My experience was wonderful and very similar to @birdofafeather: . Our doula was helpful and informative prior to birth. We'd met her backup doula as well, which was good since my labor was nearly 72 hours so we saw them both. However, my main doula was just amazing. She stayed up with us, she brought my husband and our nurses some food at 3am after our second night of staying up (but snuck it in to the family room and whispered to hubby so on-a-liquids-diet-only me wouldn't be sad), she helped with hip pressure when DH needed a rest, she reassured me and helped me through the long process. </p> <p>When the time finally came that I realized we'd need an epidural and a c-section, she was amazingly supportive. I was so, so sad, but she was full of support and praise and assurance. She was even able to accompany DH and I into the OR for the surgery, which was great since it allowed DH to go with LO and she stayed with me to chat and fill me in on all the great things about LO while I got stitched back up. </p> <p>The level of investment and support she offered was great, and DH says he'd recommend a doula to anyone who thinks they may like one. She did this all for FREE, too, although we're planning to send her a nice gift here shortly once she completes her nursing boards. Even though our next LO will be a RCS, we may very well seek her assistance again, more as a surgical/post-partem doula. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2/page/2#post-1679457 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 20:51:49 +0000 MoonMoon 1679457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really liked my doulas. The one we interviewed and hired had another client with a due date close to ours, so she had a back-up doula, who was in training. Both ended up being present for my labor, and I loved them and credit them for much of my positive experience.</p> <p>I never felt they were anti-doctor or anti-hospital, but it was nice to get their take on things and learn some facts to prepare for labor. They knew that my baby was posterior, so they really helped with my back labor, with counter pressure, heat, etc. They had things I didn't want (like ice packs) and they didn't push then on me. They gave my husband and me space when we needed it. They acted as intermediaries on my behalf-the nurse on call said I couldn't use the tub because my water had broken, but they spoke with the Dr on call to authorize it. They were just the perfect combination of hands on and respectful of my space, and had really gotten to know me beforehand, which I really appreciated.</p> <p>The only thing I don't care for is that my doula is really into placenta encapsulation, which is totally not my cup of tea, but knowing that, they didn't push the issue.</p> <p>The only thing I'd wish for was more postpartum support, but that wasn't in our agreement (though they came for 1 visit a few weeks after). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679420 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 20:36:11 +0000 jetsa 1679420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: thanks, it was disappointing for sure.</p> <p>One other thing that I just thought of was within a week of my birth she posted an article on FB about how it was unnatural to labor and push on your back. While not directed at me I'm sure it really ticked me off. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679340 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:49:23 +0000 Dandelion 1679340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: @Arden: I probably could have used a doula at the hospital for S for when I had one nurse driving me crazy (touching me during contractions, saying ridiculous things about my loss and labor in general). My mom was *this* close to showing her the door.</p> <p>Funny enough, when I showed up for my c section they told me she'd be my nurse and I said right then that she is not to be in my room. Never aaw her face again. :) what are the odds that of all their nurses, she'd show up again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679332 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:43:11 +0000 Arden 1679332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: Oh wow that's crazy! :P</p> <p>I have had a few clients who wanted me to be hands off the whole time, and that was fine. I still found plenty to do. I brought them drinks and snacks, helped keep the room environment as the mama wanted it, quietly reminded hospital staff of her preferences as needed, take pictures if mama wanted them, and then after the birth help establish breastfeeding. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679328 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:39:49 +0000 IRunForFun 1679328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Dandelion: Haha, the doula who did my training said she had a couple who said they weren't sure if they'd need her, but wanted to hire her and have her be available just in case. When the woman went into labor they called the doula, said they didn't need her just yet, and got her a hotel room right next to the hospital so she could be "on-call." The only thing they ever ended up asking her to do was bring food to the husband. So she hung out in a pre-paid hotel room the entire time the woman labored "just in case." And they still paid her for her time! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679293 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:29:11 +0000 Dandelion 1679293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: that's why I never wanted a doula. I prefer to be left alone and not touched at all during labor. I always figured I would offend a doula with my attitude while I'm in pain lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679284 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:24:20 +0000 IRunForFun 1679284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: @Arden: @redsmarties: That makes me sad, too, but also makes me want to continue on my doula journey even more, because I feel like there need to be more good doulas out there!! Some of the behaviors of the doulas mentioned in this thread really seem to run contradictory to the whole concept of a doula in the first place - which is to have someone support the woman (and man!) in WHATEVER they choose. It is THEIR birth and the doula's personal opinion should have no bearing on it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679271 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:14:32 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 1679271@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: it makes me sad, too! It seems like I was really fortunate to have such an awesome doula- she completely encouraged any decision I made, but she made sure that I had enough information to make an informed decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679266 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:11:42 +0000 Arden 1679266@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm always so sad when I hear about doulas being anti-epidural. That's not their job, to project their personal preferences or views on clients. Their job is to support the moms choices, period.<br /> The majority of my clients plan on epidurals and that's A-OK with me! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1679258 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 19:05:49 +0000 Boheme 1679258@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought of something else while reading all these responses. My doula made me feel like a failure for getting an epidural. That wasn't her intent, but she kept telling me I was "too strong" to get one, that it wasn't my plan, that I shouldn't just "give up like that" and that I would really, really regret it. NOT what I wanted to hear while I was screaming and crying through my OB's attempts at internal manual versions on my baby who was stuck under my pelvic bone. Pretty sure i have an OB elbow deep in me and i can ask for whatever i want. I was in total agony and needed some relief, and there she was telling me I'd be disappointed in myself for failing. </p> <p>Talking about my birth makes me pissed off all over again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678975 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 16:39:03 +0000 IRunForFun 1678975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jetsa: I'm sorry, I think it stinks that your doula did not encourage you to trust your instincts! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678903 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 16:11:06 +0000 jetsa 1678903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not hire a doula again.<br /> My doula and I never really clicked (I think this was the problem) and while I wanted a med-free birth my health and the baby's health were paramount.<br /> I had normal to high blood pressure prior to conceiving and past 20 weeks it skyrocketed I did mulitple pre-e tests and they all came back negative. All that to say that when at 38 weeks we started discussing induction I knew it was the right move, I had a gut feeling that I needed to have this baby asap. My MW also told me to consider an epi because it would help keep my blood pressure down. My doula did not approve and felt that I should have waited it out and I should never consider an epi. On the day of the induction, I didn't even call her until I was past 5 and started pushing at less than 2 hours later. By the point she arrived, I had figured out how to deal with my pain. I laid on my back in the bed and just let each contraction wash over me. She kept making suggestions about doing this or that or getting out of bed to try this or that. In the middle of labor it was a huge distraction, thanks to the pitocin I did not have breaks between my contactions and I just wanted to use the time to recover and prepare for the next one not consider moving where ever.<br /> She came to see us after birth but my mom and dh were home and I just felt like it was a wasted visit.<br /> My dh and I have discussed since then that my son was born with the cord around his neck and if labor had progressed slower it was likely he could have gone into distress (just a whole 'nother reason to feel like the induction was the right move). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678844 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 15:51:49 +0000 bushelandapeck 1678844@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun: it was just her, no one else so there wasn't an option to have someone else fill in. I don't think I would've been super comfortable having someone I didn't know fill in for her anyway though. Luckily, my DH and mother were great and I managed to have the med-free birth I had hoped for. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678802 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 15:37:39 +0000 IRunForFun 1678802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: I like that idea as well. That the dad is also there to fully experience the birth of his child and not just as a support person. It's a very important and special day for him too!</p> <p>@cmomma17: Haha! Well I guess if the worst thing about her is that she wouldn't eat a snack, you got lucky! Did she bring her own snacks? I imagine she must have eaten SOMETHING over that time period. I plan to bring my own snacks and eat them surreptitiously when I'm doulaing - ain't nobody be needin' to have their doula pass out!</p> <p>@bushelandapeck: Um, that's kind of nuts!! She didn't call in a back-up? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678766 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 15:28:12 +0000 jetsa 1678766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: this is partly why my doula and I didn't mesh. She kept insisting I try xyz. I was fine laying on the bed not the most ambitious position but it worked for me </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678608 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 14:27:07 +0000 wonderstruck 1678608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: Well, in all fairness, a lot of the doulas in our area were out of my price range, so it's possible that the more expensive ones would have been better about it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678604 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 14:25:19 +0000 bushelandapeck 1678604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We really liked ours prior to the birth and she was really great during the early stages of labor. Unfortunately, she developed kidney stones while I was in labor and DH had to walk her to the ER where she ultimately remained until well after DS was born. I completely understood but was disappointed that she didn't even bother to follow up with us after the birth and I never heard from her again. We did not pay her because we never heard from her. We probably would have given her something if she had at least checked in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1678508 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 13:49:59 +0000 marzipan 1678508@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We appreciated having a doula for our first child's birth because she was able to come up with great ideas for dealing with the pain and stress. When something stopped working, her arsenal of new ideas kicked in, and we shifted to something else. My husband was my primary labor partner, but our doula enabled him to have a successful experience as my partner. Also, our doula was able to give my husband a break every now and again, which was crucial! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1677517 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 09:38:55 +0000 cmomma17 1677517@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@IRunForFun:<br /> During labor, did you end up appreciating her? </p> <p>I definitely appreciated her! My DH did too!</p> <p>If you loved your doula, why? What things did she do that made labor that much better for you?</p> <p>One of her main duties ended up being water bottle refiller! I was so thirsty throughout my labor and she'd be there to offer me a sip after every contraction and run to fill up my bottle when it was empty. She was also very soothing and would touch me softly and reassure me when I was scared. She was excellent at interpreting anything the nurses and doctors said to us. She didn't influence our decisions or try to sway us a particular way, but she was great with explaining our options and pros and cons.<br /> She was excellent at suggesting different positions to labor in. However, I was not great at taking her suggestions! I was too scared! Next time, I will encourage her to push me a little harder.<br /> She was also great at giving DH tips on ways he could support me, hold me, make me feel better.<br /> She took pictures of our birth that I will treasure for a lifetime. </p> <p>The only thing that annoyed me was very minor! We had packed a ton of food for the hospital and she refused to have a snack (I offered multiple times). We were in labor for 13 hours, so I was like lady! Please eat a snack!!! :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1677229 Wed, 04 Jun 2014 08:31:31 +0000 septca 1677229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: that's really interesting. All of the doulas I met with offered upfront that they understood that I might want only what you described. </p> <p>@IRunForFun: I know my original answer wasn't super helpful, :grin: but my MW practice requires a doula because they feel that your SO should be there to be a dad, too, not just to be the laboring mother's birth support. I really liked that - and I really wanted someone who could help when needed and give my husband a break when needed, but who would ultimately respect the fact that we wanted my husband to be the first line in the delivery room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676848 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 22:27:44 +0000 IRunForFun 1676848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PurplePeony: Jeez, I hope your doula didn't charge you the full amount!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676846 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 22:27:08 +0000 IRunForFun 1676846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wonderstruck: No, I appreciate your feedback, though I do think it stinks that you couldn't find a doula who was willing to comfort and assist you in the way you wanted! It's my impression that a doula is supposed to consult you on how you handle pain and then do her best to support you that way, even if it means sitting there in silence and being a calming presence! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676802 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 21:32:41 +0000 PurplePeony 1676802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I liked my doula fine pre-birth, but we mainly hired her because DH was scared of how he would handle seeing me in pain. In the end, I had a very fast labor and she got to the hospital about 30 minutes before I started pushing. She did help me through transition, but that was about all. DH ended up being a rockstar and helping me through the pushing stage, so between him, the nurse, and the midwife, there wasn't a lot for her to do. Which was maybe a good thing because apparently whatever she are for dinner didn't agree with her so she sat most of the labor out. She did take some photos of DD being born, which we'll always treasure and alone make me glad she was there, but as far as being a *doula* she didn't actually help me much. I think if I'd had a longer labor, it would be a different story.</p> <p>She still owes me two postpartum visits, though...DD was born in early December and she came right after we got home from the hospital. Then she was busy with family stuff for the holidays and my parents were in town, and when I ride to schedule after the new year, she could never come when I needed/wanted her here. After awhile I just gave up because I wasn't sure what else she'd do for us at that point anyway. Because of this, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't hire her again, even if I decided to hire another doula. The lack of follow-through was kind of annoying and the whole situation felt like a waste of money, even though it could easily have gone the other way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676782 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 21:13:12 +0000 wonderstruck 1676782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did not have a doula because I'm the type of person who really just wants quiet when I'm in pain - even hearing my DH talk to the nurse was distracting and made me lash out! I know that sounds completely ridiculous, but it's just how I am - I want silence when I'm in pain.</p> <p>I know you asked for people who DID have a doula, but I thought I'd chime in just because I never really found one I meshed with and why that was. I was really looking for someone who would basically be willing to remain quiet and not touch me more than necessary - basically just follow me around and jump in when it looked like I needed help - getting in/out of the tub, helping me brace so I didn't bash my head on it, getting behind me and using pressure points if I got on the balance ball, etc. I never found anyone who seemed to understand that, everyone tried to insist how important it was for them to coach me through breathing, help me visualize, etc. And I knew that wasn't going to be helpful to me during contractions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676767 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 21:04:11 +0000 mrskc 1676767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I loved having a doula and would absolutely hire her again. Worth every penny IMO. I was having back labor and she had me try positions to help with that. She would tell my DH what he could do to help me (like letting me lean on him during contractions &amp; how he could hold/support me through them). </p> <p>She was just very encouraging. She told us when she thought it was time to go to the hospital. Once at the hospital, I hit transition and wanted to give up. She encouraged me and told me I could do it. She had the nurses grab the pushing bar thingy that goes over the hospital bed that allows me to push in a squatting position. (that was amazing) Then she helped with BFing once my son was born and even took pics throughout my labor which I so appreciate now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676428 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 19:04:46 +0000 IRunForFun 1676428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@coopsmama: Oh man, how disappointing! Almost sounds like she was just there because she had to be? </p> <p>@Corduroy: Unfortunately some providers do resent a doula's presence, from what I've heard, so you're probably right to think she was trying not to make things worse with the staff. Hopefully the stigma changes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676327 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 18:09:16 +0000 Corduroy 1676327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really appreciated my doula during labor. When labor really got going (painful contractions, 5-1-1 and then slowing down, speeding up) I just just felt like I had no idea what to do even though I prepped. It wasn't even the pain that was getting to me, just the inexperience. She stayed with me for 41 hours even though our contract said 18 hours. During that time she and DH took turns sleeping so someone could be with me. While she slept DH and I were so lost. </p> <p>Honestly I'm not sure that she was helpful at the hospital, through no fault of her own. The hospital staff seemed very defensive and borderline aggressive because she was there. They seemed to be reacting to the idea of a doula rather than anything she did (I realized later she must have adjusted her presence to minimize the tension in the room but in the moment I was disappointed that she didn't really say or do anything while the hospital staff was around). I do wonder what delivery would have been like if she wasn't there. </p> <p>I would hire her again if I could still afford her. I would have more discussions about her role at the hospital with her and my doctor. </p> <p>I also really appreciated the postpartum phone calls and visit. It was nice to have someone checking on me since everyone else wanted to talk about the baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676326 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 18:07:41 +0000 coopsmama 1676326@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The midwifery practice I used with DS assigned a doula to us - it was a requirement for first time moms - so I didn't get the opportunity to hire her myself.</p> <p>That said, I liked her before giving birth but not so much after. We met a couple of times before I went into labor and she really got me thinking about birth and helped me have a great mindset going in which is definitely invaluable.</p> <p>As for labor, when we called her (for a planned home or birth center birth), she checked me and I was at 6cm so I was going into transition. I had contractions lasting a minute every minute or so from 10pm at night until I delivered at 5pm the next day. I labored all night long in a tub and she didn't stay by my side but instead would rush into a chair on the other side of the room and take out her phone until I would have another one. It was so incredibly distracting and, in my opinion, disrespectful. </p> <p>After laboring all night, the midwife concluded I needed to go for a walk (while still having those awful contractions) to try and progress further from the 8-9cm I had gotten to and she didn't join us or support us in that. I really didn't feel a lot if emotional support from her during labor.</p> <p>As far as good things, she went with us when we were transferred to the hospital and was a great advocate with the staff there. She suggested some pushing positions that helped me deliver a 9lb+ baby with minimal tearing. </p> <p>I guess it was just really disappointing that she didn't seem to be fully present for my labor. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-doula-2#post-1676281 Tue, 03 Jun 2014 17:36:30 +0000 IRunForFun 1676281@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I hope you are able to find peace as well, for your sake. </p> <p>@redsmarties: @birdofafeather: That's really great, thank you for sharing!! I knew some people out there had to love their doulas! </p>