https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 08:46:54 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2713443 Tue, 21 Mar 2017 04:49:27 +0000 periwinklebee 2713443@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: Thanks for sharing :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712767 Mon, 20 Mar 2017 07:26:15 +0000 ValentineMommy 2712767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a first trimester loss, and while we never knew the gender, we named the baby (a gender neutral name). It made the grieving process easier for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712670 Sun, 19 Mar 2017 16:24:44 +0000 periwinklebee 2712670@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tequiero21: :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712648 Sun, 19 Mar 2017 14:51:49 +0000 tequiero21 2712648@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: fortunately, I've been quadruply blessed. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712588 Sun, 19 Mar 2017 10:59:45 +0000 periwinklebee 2712588@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tequiero21: :heart: Thanks for sharing. I hope that things are going well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712513 Sat, 18 Mar 2017 22:50:28 +0000 tequiero21 2712513@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've only had one miscarriage at around 9 weeks. Since it was our first, they didn't test it. We got a death certificate and just named it baby (our last name).... if I knew the sex, we would have named him or her. I think it was a she.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712457 Sat, 18 Mar 2017 17:41:31 +0000 periwinklebee 2712457@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@YouGotMe: :heart: I'm glad to hear that you're doing ok, and wishing the best with continued healing. :heart: </p> <p>@DesertDreams88: @GoGoSnoGirl: Thank you! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712423 Sat, 18 Mar 2017 14:54:00 +0000 YouGotMe 2712423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: Thank you. I'm doing ok now. I don't have issues telling her story. Except I can't stay her name so very few people know it. </p> <p>I also have had a few calls from the hospital which I find really hard to take even though everything is ok. </p> <p>I hope you are also doing well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712408 Sat, 18 Mar 2017 13:44:49 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2712408@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:heart: I'm sorry for your loss. We had an early loss &amp; felt that it was a boy, and had been referring to him with a nickname that has stuck. I like that we can talk about him with a name, personally, even though we didn't get to meet him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712337 Sat, 18 Mar 2017 08:34:14 +0000 DesertDreams88 2712337@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our loss was at 7 weeks and we did not know the gender. We named our baby for two reasons: logistics (didn't want to call the baby "it") and and honoring their life/presence. However, this ties into the fact that DH and I believe fetuses are whole people and should be treated as such, so people with other views might not make the same decision because it would feel weird. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712249 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 19:41:20 +0000 periwinklebee 2712249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@YouGotMe: :heart: I'm so sorry that it had to come up in this way. I hope that you are doing well. </p> <p>@yerpie110: Thank you for sharing :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712235 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 18:45:37 +0000 yerpie110 2712235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a loss at 10 weeks. We had the fetus tested and found out later on it was a boy. At the time we got the results, I wasn't ready to find out the gender, but it was important to me to name the baby. Dh and I chose a unisex name, but I had a feeling it was a boy, so we went with the masculine spelling. My intuition proved correct. For me, it felt important to acknowledge his life, no matter how short it was. I had a Christmas ornament made with his name, we framed an ultrasound picture of him, and whenever I finally chose a piece of jewelry that celebrates my children (i.e. birthstone necklace/ring/etc), he will be included. </p> <p>I'm so very sorry for your loss. Do whatever feels right for you and your DH :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712228 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 18:02:44 +0000 winniebee 2712228@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@YouGotMe: I've been thinking of you and hope things are going ok! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712196 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 16:02:07 +0000 YouGotMe 2712196@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I lost a baby at 24 weeks and I didnt even think to name her until the hospital asked me for paperwork. </p> <p>She had a nickname that we referred to her as, so we named her that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712184 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 15:49:36 +0000 Cole 2712184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Coral: :heart: it definitely is such a weird thing to have to process. I'm so sorry for your losses. I'm glad your son is here now! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712159 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 15:25:07 +0000 Coral 2712159@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cole: :heart: I know exactly what you mean. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712151 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 15:07:47 +0000 periwinklebee 2712151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: I'm so sorry that you didn't have the chance to hear your daughter's heartbeat :heart: </p> <p> @Coral: :heart: @Cole: mentioned something similar above about blighted ovum, I'm so sorry that both of you had to go through this. It does seem hard to process. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712125 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:35:41 +0000 Coral 2712125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interestingly, I "named" my first loss which was a CP, got a necklace, and wrote her a letter (I felt that it was a girl.)</p> <p>My second one was a loss at nearly 12 weeks. It was a blighted ovum so I didn't name it. It was so weird because I was pregnant, but not with a baby (the fetal tissue was absorbed by the gestational sac at a very early cell division stage.) That loss was by far the hardest because I felt like I lost something, a picture in my mind of a 12 week baby that was never really there. We were in Hawaii at one point and I remember thinking that this was the first time my baby had been to the ocean....but I didn't know that there wasn't really a baby there anymore.</p> <p> I am not saying this about anyone else who has a BO. I just really didn't know how to process it and still kind of don't (2.5 years later.)</p> <p>As hard as it was, I'm so grateful to God for putting me in the exact place I needed to be to have my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712120 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:30:24 +0000 MaryM 2712120@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I felt that way about hearing the heartbeat last time. </p> <p>My doctor has great bedside manner, but he never turned on the audio, so I never HEARD the heartbeat (and I feel like that's really impactful, especially for men). I mean, I got to see the flicker, but I'm sad I didn't get to hear it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712117 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:28:10 +0000 periwinklebee 2712117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MaryM: Thanks, you and @Banana330: are making me think I should call and ask if there is a way to get one of the images. My clinic is not great for their bedside manner and I was actually a bit upset at one point because at the initial ultrasounds I was expecting them to show me the screen and they never did, at the final one where the heart was still beating, I asked to see it and the tech was pretty clearly annoyed by her job and in a rush, and literally turned the screen for less than two seconds, point to the sac, and then took out the wand. I know it doesn't look like much but it would still be nice to have... </p> <p>@mrskansas: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712105 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 14:08:06 +0000 MaryM 2712105@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: and @Banana330: </p> <p>You might still be able to get photos if you ask. We didn't get many of our last baby, but when I went for my 6 week follow up, my doctor offered me extra copies if I wanted them (and, incredibly, he'd taken a picture of our tiny 13 week old baby with his phone that he offered me. But I'd gotten to see her remains afterward) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712090 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 13:54:16 +0000 mrskansas 2712090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@periwinklebee: I've had some earlier losses and it didn't cross my mind to name them, but it depends on each person and what will help them heal.<br /> I just saw that you got a necklace and that's what I did. I have rings with the loss dates and having something tangible to look at helps me a lot. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712085 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 13:49:22 +0000 periwinklebee 2712085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you guys :heart: It's also good to know that it is normal to take time to decide... I find these stories very touching. I'm so sorry for your losses.</p> <p>@nana87: Thanks for sharing, it's a beautiful article and really rings true... I"m so glad for this community because it has been harder to find that kind of support IRL. </p> <p>@Banana330: I did something a little similar, getting a necklace with his birthstone and wearing it pretty much every day. I think there is a physical emptiness or hollowness that comes with loss, and having a physical piece of remembrance to carry around everywhere helped. We had four ultrasounds but were also never offered pictures, I also kind of wish we had them, I know it wouldn't look like much but would have been a nice remembrance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712072 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 13:19:46 +0000 Banana330 2712072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We didn't know the genders of the twins we lost at 9 weeks. They tried for testing but couldn't get a live sample. We did not name them. For me what helped was something tangible to deal with the grief. This was our second miscarriage in a row, and twins were unexpected and not know until after the first ultrasound where no heartbeats were discovered. I got two feathers on a necklace that I wore for a few months immediately after and would rub the feathers when I felt sad or anyone mentioned twins (surprisingly two other sets of twins were conceived in our office at the same time, only one made it to birth). </p> <p>I really regret not getting a copy of the ultrasound pictures. The ultrasound tech wouldn't tell us anything and had my midwife call me and break the news. I wish I had pushed for a way to have seen them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712056 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 13:00:42 +0000 winniebee 2712056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for the loss of your baby boy.</p> <p>Our third son was born sleeping at 18.5 weeks. We knew he was a boy from 12 weeks on due to early chromosomal testing. We had already talked names, but had not decided on anything yet. When we got his diagnosis at 17.5 weeks, I knew what his name would be. It was not important for my husband's grief to name our son, but it felt important for me to name him, and I am glad that we did. Even now, nearly 10 months later, it feels good anytime someone else says his name. We had had other losses, but they were all very early and we had not gotten attached or known the gender, so did not name those babies. </p> <p>This is such a personal decision and you don't have to decide right now. I know women who did not name their lost baby initially, but then decided to later on. And some who chose to never name their baby. It does not mean that your baby matters any less or that you will remember him any less. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712041 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:52:02 +0000 Shantuck 2712041@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've had two losses. The first was at 7 weeks and the second at 10 weeks. I found out the gender of the second a few weeks after the D&amp;C (mine was also caused by abnormal replication of all the genetic material) and for me it made sense not to name the baby. I didn't know the gender at the time it occurred and while I had been excited to find out I was pregnant, I had never seen a heartbeat so I was pretty guarded emotionally. You should do what feels right to you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712040 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:50:04 +0000 nana87 2712040@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a very early loss and didn't even consider naming, but I just wanted to share this short piece because it really spoke to me about how I felt during and afterwards about grieving when it was early-- maybe it'll help you find clarity too <a href="http://www.scarymommy.com/miscarriage-12-week-rule-carrying-grief-alone/" rel="nofollow">http://www.scarymommy.com/miscarriage-12-week-rule-carrying-grief-alone/</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712025 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:22:57 +0000 periwinklebee 2712025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you so much everyone for sharing your stories - it really makes the process feel less isolating, and is helpful for processing my feelings. I'm so sorry for the losses that everyone has had to experience :heart: </p> <p>And also meant to say, of course one might want to name the baby without knowing the gender as well, finding out the gender is just what got me to thinking about it more... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712022 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:18:11 +0000 lilteacherbee 2712022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a 9 week miscarriage and we found out gender with the testing results after the D&amp;C. We named her using both of our mom's middle names. Personally, it helped me a lot during the grieving process and a few months later, I got a tattoo incorporating her initials.</p> <p>So sorry for your loss :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-loss-and-knew-the-gender-would-you-name-the-baby#post-2712021 Fri, 17 Mar 2017 12:11:18 +0000 Cole 2712021@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry for your loss. I wonder if maybe you'll feel some clarity about what you'd prefer by simply giving yourself a little time. I absolutely see the validity of both options and I can understand why it's a really hard decision. I had a blighted ovum and it made the grieving process so weird for me because there really wasn't a baby there, we had a gender neutral name that we both love that I contemplated giving it but it ended up not feeling like the right decision for me. </p>