https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 12 Apr 2026 11:05:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681913 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 14:05:47 +0000 Boheme 1681913@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Heck yeah! I would love that :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681882 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:58:59 +0000 Arden 1681882@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: I don't think the chances are high that your next baby will be posterior, but honestly the thing that really bothers me is that you should have had a doula who recognized it. There are LOTS of things that can be done to encourage a baby turn over, and also different pain management techniques for mother's dealing with back labor. If your doula had figured it out and acted accordingly, your birth could have been much easier. </p> <p>Maybe I'll fly over there and doula for you if you have another baby. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681862 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:53:36 +0000 Corduroy 1681862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would not let the midwife that delivered my LO in the room with me again. My OB wasn't there. Not sure how I would avoid her in the future, different hospital maybe? I changed OBs shortly after LO's birth because my OB thought I should be over my birth by 6 weeks pp. I was scheduled to see another OB in the practice the same day I went into labor. He called me a few days after LO was born to see how everything went and talk to me like a human. I switched to him right after the 6 week appointment.</p> <p>As for the midwife at the hospital...<br /> There were medical things that I did not agree with but I'll give her the benefit of the doubt on those. I just could not stand her bedside manner. She had a mask on since she wasn't vaccinated against the flu. I found the mask intimidating but I understand hospital policy is to wear one and she could not remove it. The thing that bothered me so much was that I couldn't tell when she was talking and what she was saying. I repeatedly asked her to speak up (and even yelled it at one point) she never raised her voice so I could hear. I asked her to take her mask off - no. I asked to take my noisy oxygen mask off - no. I asked her to speak up again -- still nothing. </p> <p>I missed important directions and information. For example, I had to wait several contractions before pushing. When it was finally time to push I totally missed the direction. I only got a clue because everyone in the room was staring at me waiting for me to do something. I was just laying there looking at everyone's faces. I'm pretty sure I said "Did I miss something??" After that DH and my doula shouted everything the midwife said to me. I know it sounds so trivial when I write it out but it was really scary to me. It's also similar to a recurring dream I had as a kid. I'm annoyed she couldn't find some way to communicate with me. Sorry for the over-answer but I typed all this out so I'm just going to go ahead and post it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681793 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:40:43 +0000 mrsjazz 1681793@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I will be switching. My midwives were awesome, but I was supposed to deliver at their birthing center and because of meconium had to transfer to the hospital. The hospital they transfer to has the highest amount of births in New York state. I don't want to be at that hospital again. I also have some feelings about the birth center's transfer rate. In my birthing class, the 3 people who were having home births all had no interventions while the 4 of us who were birthing at the birth center were all transferred to the hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681766 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:36:49 +0000 Boheme 1681766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: Also, in your opinion as a doula... How likely is it to have a repeat posterior and asynclitic birth? We keep kicking around the idea of home birth (if we have another), and I know a couple of midwifery groups really well and know I'd be in great hands. Its just that if I have a repeat of birth #1, I'll likely have to transfer and our insurance will charge us for both the home birth AND the hospital birth. That's my husband's hesitation - our friends just got hit HARD because she was an emergency transfer/c-section, and insurance billed them at 100% for the hospital bills due to "duplication of services". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681756 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:34:39 +0000 Boheme 1681756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I hear you. Its so hard...I can't even really read birth stories because I'm pretty angry and resentful about the whole thing. Hugs :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681752 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:33:31 +0000 septca 1681752@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: your situation sounds much more traumatic than mine, but I had a bad experience with the MW who came on during the last few hours of my labor. I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure what to say... Until I was about 12 months pp and I had an annual with the lead MW in my practice. She was SO upset that I had not said something sooner, assured me that I was not alone, and asked that I document my complaint so she could do something about it. It was hard, but I am so glad I spoke up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681688 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:25:23 +0000 Arden 1681688@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I actually really wanted to report the OB who attended Vi's birth (I refuse to use the word deliver because I delivered her, all he did was catch her) because his conduct was beyond unethical, but I don't want to deal with it. I don't want to see him again, I don't want to have to tell the story... I just don't want it. But it bugs me, because in the back of my mind I'm afraid he'll do the same thing to other women. Thank God he's ancient and will probably retire soon. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681677 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:24:04 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1681677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: hugs. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681672 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:23:22 +0000 Arden 1681672@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: Thank you, that's good to heal. I feel like I've gotten less sad, but more angry over time. Maybe the next step is acceptance, hopefully? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681666 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:21:54 +0000 Madison43 1681666@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It wasn't my OB's fault so I haven't considered switching for that reason. I have, however, considered switching to the on call OB that actually delivered my daughter by c-section...I attribute his quick decision making to saving her life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681646 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:18:42 +0000 loveisstrange 1681646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Arden: I gets better. I didn't really start to emotionally heal until C was about 18 months old. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681643 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:17:16 +0000 Arden 1681643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@oliviaoblivia: I want to. I wanted to write it for her first birthday, but I started and it just got to me too much. I have moved forward past certain parts of it, but other parts still are really raw. </p> <p>I have promised myself that we will not start TTC for a second until I have written it down, talked to a therapist about it, and gotten to a healthier place. I don't want it all rushing back in a bad way when I go into labor with another baby. </p> <p>So... hopefully soon. Maybe this year I'll get it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681623 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:12:27 +0000 septca 1681623@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. My birth was traumatic, but it was what I wanted in the end - vaginal, med-free. If I had been with any other practice, it would have been an emergency c/s. I will absolutely go back to my MWs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681594 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:06:48 +0000 LuLu Mom 1681594@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't consider mine traumatic, although the nurses did. I won't be switching because next time will be a scheduled C-section and I really like my doctor. It wasn't her fault that LO was sunny side up &amp; bigger than any of us expected. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681584 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:05:18 +0000 loveisstrange 1681584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, we moved to another country, so I will have someone else regardless. However, I actually don't blame the doctors who delivered C. I think they did what they could to help me, but things just spiraled out of control. They really tried. I wouldn't mind at all dealing with the same NHS doctors and midwives again.</p> <p>Who I do blame, is the doctors on the base. The issues that got me sent to the British doctors were found at 36 weeks by my american midwife. I went to the ER with those exact symptoms 8 weeks before that and they blew me off. 8 weeks would have made a massive difference in terms of my birth options. I also blame the nurses in their general unit on the base for my failure to BF, but thats another story. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681578 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:04:08 +0000 avivoca 1681578@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I switched practices prior to becoming pregnant because the OB did not listen to me at all and had the audacity to suggest that I needed to test for STD's because there was no way in his mind that I could know for sure that we were monogamous. With that in mind, if I had a traumatic birth, I would not hesitate to switch practices, especially if I felt that my care was sub-par because of how the doctor handled my case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681576 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 13:03:55 +0000 ShootingStar 1681576@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a lot of fairly unpleasant things happen during my induction, but I actually really liked the OB from my practice that was on call that day. I had been seeing a midwife from the practice, but I liked the OB a lot better. She was really great the day of (she wasn't around for the traumatizing stuff) and she understood at my 6 week appointment that I was not up for an examination. </p> <p>Next time I plan to skip labor and inductions (probably will have GD again) and go straight to repeat c-section. I have no interest in trying to push a baby out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681560 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:59:44 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1681560@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD's birth was difficult in that it was really drawn out (five days between first contraction and birth) and I had a bunch on interventions that I didn't want but I don't know if I blame any of the people that saw me during that time. Going forward I feel like I'm more prepared for another birth.</p> <p>@Arden: Do you think you'll ever share your birth story? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681545 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:56:05 +0000 sorrycharlie 1681545@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>mine is kind of an opposite situation I think. I hope it's ok to chime in..I don't wanna be that person that comments with nothing helpful to add, lol.</p> <p>I had an AWFUL experience in triage. to the point where I was afraid to have a second (still am) and considered switching OBs to deliver at a different hospital. I ended up sticking with my OB but I plan to talk at length about my worries with them. hopefully we can figure out a game plan. </p> <p>if I had a traumatic experience with an awful OB, I would probably switch - only because there are a ton of excellent practices in my immediate area, and I would stress the entire pregnancy about having a duplicate experience (kinda what I'm doing now..). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681542 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:54:43 +0000 Boheme 1681542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Pen: That's one thing I struggle with. I guess I'll never know why or where it went so wrong? I asked for several things that were well within the realms of normal that weren't granted - I asked to be able to labor down, I asked to wait til I was ready to push, I asked to be able to get out of bed (I wasn't on monitors when I asked!), I asked them to stop checking me so much because it made me tense up badly, etc. I feel like there's a chance C could have turned correctly if they would've let me change positions, labor down, and wait til I was ready to push. </p> <p>I just saw the OB who delivered Cannon and I'm all angsty over this stuff again. The joys of working for a women's hospital :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681537 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:53:43 +0000 mrs. 64 1681537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I ended up being transferred to a different hospital/practice the day of delivery due to a very high risk situation, but I absolutely will not go back to the original OBs. I have very little confidence in their ability to provide care and I will not set foot in that office again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681535 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:53:08 +0000 Bookish 1681535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: Oh that would be awesome. Yeah, I was really disappointed with the OB that delivered G. She was very cold. It's not a bad idea to look for a smaller practice... I'll have to think on that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681529 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:50:56 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1681529@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My rough birth wasn't due to my midwife. I had an emergency transfer due to severe pre-e. If I was having another child, I would still go back to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681524 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:49:40 +0000 Cherrybee 1681524@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It doesn't really work that way over here - you don't meet the people who deliver your baby until you are actually in labour (and you don't get to choose -it's whoever is on shift at the time). I was under the "care" of an OB (because of my GD) but I only met her once - I saw medical students who were training under her at my appointments, a different one every time - and she wasn't at the birth. She made the decision to induce me without actually seeing me. </p> <p>If I could choose, I wouldn't have any of those people any where near me next time. I would rather give birth at the vets than go back into that hospital. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681520 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:49:16 +0000 MsLipGloss 1681520@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@grizz: No. Just . . . No. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681518 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:49:08 +0000 matador84 1681518@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nope. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681507 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:47:22 +0000 Boheme 1681507@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bookish: YES! That's why I'm thinking about switching to a doctor who takes a minimal amount of patients, but her practice is just HER. That's it. No one else will show up to deliver your baby. She has one OB who backs her up in case of emergency, but otherwise, you get her. I got a snarky OB who talked to me in a teaching tone my entire birth. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681492 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:44:08 +0000 Boheme 1681492@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsLipGloss: Mine didn't even deliver C in the end (her partner did) but she likes to talk about my birth and it puts my teeth on edge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-had-a-traumatic-birth#post-1681486 Thu, 05 Jun 2014 12:43:07 +0000 Bookish 1681486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, because it wasn't my OBGYN that delivered G, it was the OB on call, who I really, really disliked. I don't know that the birth would have been any different had my normal doctor been there, but I know my stress level would have been much lower. It's definitely in the back of my mind for #2 that I want to make sure I have *my* Dr! </p>