Hellobee Boards Topic: if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?

Hellobee Boards Topic: if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 05 Jun 2026 17:01:09 +0000 2littlepumpkins on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441896 Fri, 29 Jan 2016 13:29:32 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2441896@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I asked a similar question pertaining to toddler tantrums in another group.. and I realized you just have to do what you have to do. Sometimes the total amount of crying is less if you send clear messages to LOs. Of course this is all age/stage/issue dependent and different for every child, but still worth mentioning I think. That said I have a LO about your baby's age (3.5 months) and what I do right now is I do the minimum when putting him down. First I just show up, reassure him. Then a hand on him, or sort of cradling his head. A pat. Then pick up. Then rock/walk/bounce/movement. So I'm not necessarily letting him cry but still letting him do as much of the work of falling asleep as possible. In the MOTN I stick a paci in his mouth or feed him though. :P My older LO is very bothered by his MOTN cries, so I really hope this system stays working. My dd never "fussed" though, went straight to hysterical cries, so this wouldn't have worked on her. justjules on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441829 Fri, 29 Jan 2016 12:51:55 +0000 justjules 2441829@https://boards.hellobee.com/ thanks all for input. right now we are just allowing LO to cry a bit (the 5-15 I mentioned before) not CIO (he is 3 months so I read its a bit early to start sleep training... and I dont know if I have the emotional capacity). He's a pretty good sleeper, but we are definitely working on self-soothing which comes with a little crying. Nothing horrible though so hopefully the neighbors understand. Anagram on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441424 Fri, 29 Jan 2016 08:46:47 +0000 Anagram 2441424@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We live in an condo, and we've had our share of crying--but our building is pretty new and I think the walls are thick. When I'm in the hall, I can hear our neighbor's dog barking and the other neighbor practicing piano, but can never hear it in our unit. So I've never worried a bit about it. We live below a GINORMOUS dog that runs around and barks all hours of the day and night, and luckily, I can only really hear him when our patio door is open and their balcony door is open. So, :shrug: Bubbles on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441381 Fri, 29 Jan 2016 07:32:13 +0000 Bubbles 2441381@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @looch: same here - we live in a flat and my son cried for pretty much the whole time he wasn't asleep for his first 6 months - including motn. i felt bad for the neighbours but nothing I could do! looch on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441374 Fri, 29 Jan 2016 07:16:53 +0000 looch 2441374@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Huh, interesting. I lived in an apartment when my son was born and the child cried himself to sleep while I held him for at least 6 months, for every nap and night time. What was I supposed to do in that situation to stop it? If a neighbor came to complain I probably would have fallen apart, I was already stressed and I did my best to make sure we weren't offensively noisy. plantains on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441250 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 23:11:53 +0000 plantains 2441250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I have always lived in apts and let baby cry if I was training. My neighbors do too and I have never heard their kid so i assume they can't hear mine! hilsy85 on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441230 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 22:46:11 +0000 hilsy85 2441230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @pinkcupcake: I think as an apt dweller I think it's unreasonable to expect your apt to be free of outside noise...such is the nature of communal dwelling. Not to mention, that really depends on the type of buidling, how many apts are in it, etc. If one type of building didn't work for me, I would look elsewhere when my lease was up. I don't think people should be inconsiderate, but I don't think it's unreasonable for a baby to cry for an extended period in the middle of the night. @sarac: to go back to your point, what if it was your job that needed you to be on point and rested (doctor, pilot, etc)? Having a baby wake up constantly is not conducive to good rest, so maybe sleep training and crying for periods of time is the best way to make that happen. Eko on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441208 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 22:23:33 +0000 Eko 2441208@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I think what you are describing seems fine to me. 5-15 minutes isn't long. It would also be different if my bedroom shared a wall with the baby sleeping. Plus in the long haul letting LO cry a little will help LO fall asleep faster later. Idk to me a baby's needs, even if it's cio isn't exactly the same as you playing the tv too loud. Zbug on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441108 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 21:03:54 +0000 Zbug 2441108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ There are always noises in an apartment, and babies are certainly going to cry. Extended crying though, especially in the middle of the night, no way. I think it's disrespectful to not at least attempt to minimize the noise. SweetiePie on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2441031 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 20:20:14 +0000 SweetiePie 2441031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ If you shared a wall with the neighbor, then I'd be concerned. But the fact that the baby's room doesn't share a wall with any neighbors makes me think it's not a big deal. I live in an apartment as well. In my previous apartment my sons bedroom wall was shared with my neighbors living room. In the early days I felt really bad, I figured my neighbor must hear him crying as his changing table was up against the wall. I gave him a Dunkin' Donuts gift card and wrote a little note apologizing for the noise. He wrote back and let me know that he didn't even know we had the baby! And he never heard a noise. So I think that unless you live in a particularly noisy building with thin walls, I wouldn't worry at all. And to be honest, even if you did share a wall, I'd still be inclined to say that you can't change the way you want to parent because someone might get annoyed with a baby crying. Babies cry! Yes I've lived in an apt where I heard another baby cry. It was super frustrating but now that I have an LO I get that it's not something that can always be helped. lady baltimore on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440970 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 19:48:54 +0000 lady baltimore 2440970@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Not an apartment, but we live in a townhome with neighbors on either side. There are cinder block walls between us, but I can still hear some movement and sound from the neighbors (e.g. I can hear when the descend the stairs quickly). We make the effort to keep the dog from barking, at least in part because I don't want him bothering the neighbors. I decided early on, however, that I was not going to worry about whether they could hear and minded LO's crying. For one thing, my feeling stressed about that was not going to help when I was trying to calm her. I also was not willing to let my parenting decisions (e.g. whether to go to her immediately, or give her a chance to self-soothe) be dictated by the possibility that someone next door *may* be able to hear her, and *may* be bothered by it. Conversely, I don't expect my neighbors to schedule their lawn mowing or band practice to take the possibility that LO is napping into account. sarac on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440935 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 19:17:45 +0000 sarac 2440935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @pinkcupcake: totally agreed. If my baby was crying and I was dealing with it, I wouldn't worry terribly. But it is not my neighbors job to deal with nighttime noise, it's my job to minimize it as much as I can. pinkcupcake on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440929 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 19:11:46 +0000 pinkcupcake 2440929@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hilsy85: as a previous apt dweller, i found it wasn't easy to switch apts. moving is not an easy feat and takes so much time, effort, and money. I know I never take moving lightly, even if it's a close move! I don't think it's the responsibility of the other neighbor to ensure that their apt is free of outside noise? I agree with you that babies cry and some amount of crying is definitely reasonable, but an extended period - for example, over 15-30 minutes at night - does not seem courteous or reasonable to me. pinkcupcake on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440926 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 19:08:58 +0000 pinkcupcake 2440926@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Babies do cry, so it's reasonable to expect it - but I don't think extended crying in the middle of the night is reasonable. I would not let my baby cry for an extended period of time in an apt and disturb my neighbors, even if the baby of course has a right to be there as much as anyone else. It's just common courtesy, IMO. Excessive noise in the middle of the night is NOT courteous and I would be upset if I was subjected to that at night. I would be courteous about it during the day as well because you don't know if someone works nights and really needs their sleep during the day. LovelyPlum on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440910 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 18:56:34 +0000 LovelyPlum 2440910@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Greentea: @sarac: my child lives in my apartment, and yes, she cries. According to our landlord, she has every right to live here, too, and babies cry. I certainly wouldn't be a jerk about it, but we sleep trained with up and downstairs neighbors. Fortunately, we've never shared a wall with anyone. I don't want to sound like I let her scream for no reason or run around making tons of noise when it is late. But to say that children should be seen and not heard at all because you live in an apartment complex is absurd to me. Crying at night is something that happens. It just is. And I would expect reasonable people to understand that. @hilsy85: this exactly. oliviaoblivia on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440880 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 18:34:57 +0000 oliviaoblivia 2440880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We didn't. But I'm very adverse to crying and can't let them cry if I can stop it. hilsy85 on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440837 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:57:17 +0000 hilsy85 2440837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @sarac: @Greentea: I think that to some extent, a crying baby IS reasonable, and is NOT preventable. I certainly don't comfort my crying child instantly because I'm afraid of neighbors--when your'e sleep training, it's unfortunately part of the process. Or if you have colicky baby, or a tantruming toddler--it's par for the course. My apt is my private space, but as an apt dweller I have to expect that it is impossible to completely cut out all other noises. And if someone's job depends on getting a good night's sleep, I expect them to use ear plugs, white noise, etc, or find a quieter apt. catomd00 on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440835 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:56:24 +0000 catomd00 2440835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No not in the middle of the night. sarac on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440833 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:51:11 +0000 sarac 2440833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @Greentea: seriously. What if the person who was being kept up was a doctor or a pilot or someone else who's ability to work safely depends on being rested? There is a big difference between the noise we all make all day and choosing to let your baby cry loudly at night. One of these things is reasonable and one is not, imho. Greentea on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440832 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:48:47 +0000 Greentea 2440832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @sarac: thank you, "they are noisy so we are too," is exactly the opposite of how to stop noise problems in a complex. I am a serial apartment dweller, so I think that's why this is so "close" to home, pardon the pun! sarac on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440825 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:40:08 +0000 sarac 2440825@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Never. Especially never in the night, my goodness. Just imagine if your neighbors were making some kind of preventable noise in the night - I'd be furious. Littlebit7 on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440817 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:28:47 +0000 Littlebit7 2440817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ we do. We have neighbors above and below. The ones below have an 18 month old so they have lived the dream. The ones above don't have kids. But they both are STOMPERS and LOUD TALKERS at all hours. So we let her cry. (seriously though, not out of retaliation. She has become an amazing sleeper by doing a modified cio. If she wakes early from a nap, odds are after 5-10 min of fussing she goes back to sleep.) But the above neighbors have either never lived in an apartment or are oblivious. High heels at 5:30 am? Really? neighbors on the sides cannot hear us at all (nor can we hear them. At. All.) Cherrybee on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440812 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:24:14 +0000 Cherrybee 2440812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I lived in a terraced house a few years ago, where my bedroom was directly next to the next door neighbour's baby's room. They used to let him cry and cry and cry and I was so judgemental - "why aren't they going to him?" "they neglect that poor baby", "I'm going to call social services". I didn't know it was an actual technique! I live in a (different) terraced house now and I wouldn't let my baby CIO for night wakings in case it woke the neighbours. Naps and bedtime - I would. Modern Daisy on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440771 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:04:00 +0000 Modern Daisy 2440771@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I let my son cio in an apartment. I know it bothered my neighbors because they complained constantly. But that's apartment life - if they choose to live below another unit and not on the top floor then it's tough cookies. At first we apologized and sent wine, but after a while we just started ignoring them. I would recommend not apologizing! brownepiano on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440767 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 17:02:15 +0000 brownepiano 2440767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Yep, we did. We asked our neighbors about it a few times and they always said they didn't hear him! hilsy85 on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440713 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 16:29:14 +0000 hilsy85 2440713@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have always lived in an apt, and yes I have let my LO cry--sometimes up to 45 min-1 hour if we were sleep training in the MOTN. That's apt living--you have to expect some noise, and while if it were going to go on for an unforseen length of time, I might stop by with a nice note and a baked good as an apology, for normal baby crying I don't feel bad about it or feel like I need to take any extra precautions about it. Greentea on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440696 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 16:24:49 +0000 Greentea 2440696@https://boards.hellobee.com/ No way. Sorry. Definitely not in an apartment. My apartment code is to be as quiet as I can and to hope I am treated the same in return. You can't let a dog cry in our apartment, so certainly not a child. Obviously all babies cry, but we are talking about letting a baby cry, and no- I wouldn't want to do that to my neighbors or have them do that to me even if that was their baby sleep philosophy. tofuwad on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440693 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 16:23:34 +0000 tofuwad 2440693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm glad you asked this because we are about to move and I was hoping to sleep train once we move and I'm dreading it because I'm worried about the noise. Foodnerd81 on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440687 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 16:18:18 +0000 Foodnerd81 2440687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I agree- apartment living you have to expect it. We have new next door neighbors in our building who just talk so loud and have people over all the time. I feel like they are louder than our baby is at this point. Like you, our Bedrooms don't share walls with neighbors, only the living room. So it's only downstairs who would hear. hocuspocus on "if you lived in an apartment would you let your LO cry?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-lived-in-an-apartment-would-you-let-your-lo-cry#post-2440676 Thu, 28 Jan 2016 16:02:39 +0000 hocuspocus 2440676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We have this same problem! We live in a small cottage and have very close neighbors. The other day LO was crying and our neighbor actually came over and asked if she was ok 😑