https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 09:10:18 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working/page/2#post-2414898 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 12:54:30 +0000 NovBaby1112 2414898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bushelandapeck: yea M was in preschool and daycare during my mat leave but some days she stayed home. I did enjoy it but it was also hard having both of them, but the baby slept a lot too. I think you have the perfect schedule! 2 days of working and 3 off is really ideal, I just don't think my wirk would go for it,,,</p> <p>Thank you soooo much everyone for sharing your stories and giving advice, it really helps to hear what others have gone through, hear regrets, etc. as I am weighing all of this :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working/page/2#post-2414894 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 12:51:43 +0000 NovBaby1112 2414894@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stratosphere: thank you so much, that really helps! I feel like as time goes on it will get easier, and by a year I will actually want to work. So yea, a longer maternity leave is really what I want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working/page/2#post-2414774 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 09:26:51 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2414774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have just recently decided that I really don't want to be a full time SAHM anymore. I work some from home, but I need to have full time hours if I want the kids to go to daycare, and working at home with the kids here is becoming very difficult. </p> <p>I always wanted to be a SAHM but it just isn't working for me. I have had a really hard time connecting with other moms due to scheduling conflicts with naps etc, so I am basically alone all the time. There are a million other reasons too, but basically it comes down to the fact that I think I am going to be a better mom when I have more quality time with my kids and less quantity. My son started going to a daycare 5 days a week this week from 7-1, and then he comes home and naps. We still have the afternoons together, and I get some much needed time to do things I love. I really miss doing work I care about, and it is really nice to be doing it again. </p> <p>I think if I had found a great group of friends and had a kid with less demanding sleep needs or had a child who isnt constantly into everything everywhere we go, it might have been easier for me. But I hate being stuck in the house, and going places is just so hard sometimes. </p> <p>All that to say, it comes down to what is going to make you happy with your life. I have come to terms with the fact that me working means we will make just above the break even for childcare, but I see it as doing work I love and providing my kids a safe wonderful place to be while I do it. When they start public school the childcare expense will be gone and we will get a huge raise ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2414715 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 07:27:48 +0000 bushelandapeck 2414715@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you know my situation but here it is. I had planned to cut back to 24 hours/week when DS was born but then was laid off while on maternity leave (grant funded job) so I SAH for 9 mos until I found something even more part time at 20hr/week. I've been doing that for the past 2.5 years and it's been a great fit, schedule-wise, for me. I don't love my job because of the on-call hours, but you can't beat only working two days/week. It has allowed me to stay in my field and still be at home most of the week. I knew after several months home with DS that being full-time SAHM wasn't for me, and that was solidified after DD was born and I really struggled to take care of both of them alone day after day. I'm a much more patient, loving mother when I have a little time away from them every week, working alongside other adults whom I greatly respect. I know your DD was in preschool during the time you were on Mat leave with DS...how was it when you had them both for a few days at a time? Did it feel manageable to you? I was torn about wanting to SAH once DD was born but that was really because I wanted to spend one-on-one time with just her, as I had with DS, and that wasn't going to be possible as we would've had to give up our childcare. It's a tough decision either way, but I think you need to go with your instincts and, like others have said, maybe give it another month or so to see if things get better. You can always quit if it doesn't feel right going forward. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2414682 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 04:14:28 +0000 PrincessBaby 2414682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled with this and had this fantasy of being a SAHM and how wonderful it would be...So I tried out being a SAHM and while it was lovely to have that time with DD1, I figured out that I DEFINITELY want to work. I work in a field that has a very high salary and bonus structure, and tons of perks like a company vehicle, so that is a factor because it's easy to comfortably pay for child care. If I were just breaking even, especially if they were in day care and I had to work so hard just to get everyone where they needed to go every day, then I don't think I would feel like the effort was valid.</p> <p>It took me about 5 months to really know that SAH wasn't for me and I easily got back into working in my field. So I would recommend just trying it out and seeing how it fits, because if it doesn't, you can just go back to work without this weighing on your mind because you know the grass isn't greener :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2414665 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 02:01:29 +0000 stratosphere 2414665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My heart is with you! I struggled so very much with this decision for months and months after my 3-month maternity leave. I cried every day at work for several months. I still cried at least weekly six months back. But for me it got better when my LO was about 9 months old. At that point I feel like I would have been ready, or almost ready, to go back. By the time LO was a year old I was actually happy at work again and was not sad all day to be away from her. So for me, I think the answer is I need a longer maternity leave (Canada would be ideal!), but I am truly glad I didn't quit my job in those dark first few months back. I love my career (though I don't always love my job) and I am getting valuable years of experience right now and also supporting my family financially (along with DH). Not having to stress out about money due to my income is wonderful, and worth a lot. </p> <p>I very very nearly quit my job several times over the first few months back from maternity leave, but always gave myself a goal a few weeks away to make it and then re-evaluate. That helped a lot. I never felt truly trapped, and had given myself permission to quit - which I think helped a lot. </p> <p>Good luck in whatever you decide! It is soooo hard, and such a balance of so many factors. I just wanted to add one experience to show it is possible to be miserable at work and eventually come around to a good place. I was convinced I needed to quit and SAH for many months after returning to work in order to heal the gaping wound in my heart every time I left my LO in the morning--but instead, with time, the wound closed and I found a balance that worked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2414645 Sat, 09 Jan 2016 00:04:39 +0000 GoGoSnoGirl 2414645@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd worked for more than 15yrs in a reasonably demanding career before having my baby &amp; so while TTC we decided we wanted me to SAH &amp; I was all for it. I always knew I'd be a late-in-life mama, so always squirelled away bonuses &amp; maxed out my 401k for many years in order to be able to take several years off with kids. However, just 1mo before she was born, DH got the updated insurance quote to add LO &amp; I to his plan &amp; we panicked that it had gone up so much we would need me to work just to pay for insurance (&amp; then daycare) if we didn't want to tap into any savings. We were NOT comfortable with sending our 12 wk old to daycare, though, especially when we both worked unpredictable &amp; long hours. In the end we have worked it out that I am SAH &amp; I love it &amp; haven't missed my job AT ALL. It was largely about feeling ok with our finances in the short &amp; long term &amp; being control freaks about not wanting our baby to be in someone else's care this early in her life. Lol! It's such a personal decision &amp; only one you &amp; your family can make. And there really probably isn't a wrong decision--just stay tuned in to your feelings &amp; go with that, or be ready to make a change if it isn't working for you. Good luck! :goodluck: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413951 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 12:25:03 +0000 gingerbebe 2413951@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I totally agree. I'm working 50% time (three 7-hour days), but once my kids are in full day school, I'm thinking of moving to working 5 days a week, but just during school hours. DH works from home a few days a week so I'm confident we could coordinate pick up and drop off and field trips and activities. We want to be involved in their school stuff for sure!</p> <p>My parents both worked crazy hours when I was a kid and I think my mom made it to two awards assemblies or music performances when I was in elementary school. My brother and I were total latch-key kids, which was fine to us, but then my mom tried to spend more time with us by being home after school when we were older and it was a disaster because we'd never had our parents around before. We fought so much my mom gave up and went back to working longer hours. I'd like my kids to be used to their parents being around! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413847 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 11:11:01 +0000 youboots 2413847@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: I preemptively left my corporate job before TTC to pursue wedding photography full time, I had been doing both for 5 years. M is in a demanding field and travels a lot so we knew both of us working ft was not what we wanted when we started a family- so we were married 8 years and planned accordingly so I could have some flexibility in what I wanted to do- work or SAH. DD came last spring- after working last year I decided to close my business. It is something I can pick up again but I had lost the love and just wanted to be with T. I'm proud that I can support Ms career, and I'm happy to do 80% of the housework. As long as it works for all 3 of us I'm going to keep it up. Sometimes it feels like a waste that I got my BA, had a successful corporate career and ran my own business and now I'm "just" a SAHM, but I'm happier than I thought I would be. T is 10 months and we are having the best time together. She benefits from the lives I had before her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413801 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 10:38:38 +0000 Periwinkle 2413801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled with this a ton after LO was born (3 years ago). I was in a fortunate position where I loved what I did. but still felt so, so torn. In the end, I did go back and honestly can't imagine if I hadn't. Sure, it's hard... childcare costs are exorbitant in our area so I don't get all of the upfront benefits of bringing home the income I used to, but I have been able to really establish my career in my area and spend 3 additional years contributing to my pension (I work in public higher education) and providing truly amazing health and other benefits for my family. Getting out the door in the morning is still not easy and I am exhausted by the time I get home at night. But I know that being out of the home for long days with his caregiver and now at nursery school has been really, really good for my son. Of course he would have gotten different benefits being home with me, but I think we've been better off because of my continuing to work.</p> <p>Are there days when I wish that I could have seen my LO grow and discover every little thing, every day? Of course. And this has been the hardest part for me as I often felt like I was missing out many times. But like a lot of other moms out there, I feel like my time with LO is so much better because we are not together all day long. </p> <p>Good luck with your decision :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413775 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 10:19:31 +0000 daniellemybelle 2413775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I definitely agree with you about when kids are older and in elementary school. I sat across from a single mom (widow) at a former job. By 3pm she was usually on the phone with her middle schooler son making sure he got home okay, was doing his homework, and that he had rides to soccer or other activities. She often had to get on the phone to ask his friends' parents to pick him up. And this was job where 4pm meetings would get randomly scheduled, so then sometimes she would be late leaving and have to find rides for him home from activities, too. It seemed like a lot of stress and work compared to simply taking a LO to daycare in the morning and picking them up when you get off work! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413737 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 09:51:25 +0000 Littlebit7 2413737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm struggle with it still. I stay at home (well, I work one day a week and some weekends). My work is super flexible and I work per diem. They would like me to work as many hours as I could give them. However I KNOW that no matter how much I work or don't work the entiretly of the child care and house care duties will still fall entirely on me. It's not like a scale where the more I work the more DH helps out. He still won't or can't be home for bedtime m-f. He will still have to work some weekends and honestly he didn't help much around the house pre baby without lists and major prodding. So it's like, what am I gaining other than a little away from baby time? Ugh. I will still have just as much work to do but with less time to do it. Per diem is good money but not great after I pay the sitter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413718 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 09:41:38 +0000 Anagram 2413718@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: That's kind of another reason I try to stick with it at my job. I know it's a huge benefit that I work in a public school, and my hours and school breaks pretty closely align with what the kiddos will be doing when they are in school. I mean, I will obviously have to drop them off a bit early and pick them up about 15 min late, but I assume most schools have some kind of after-care program for at least an hour? I'm hoping that's true, anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413712 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 09:38:54 +0000 Modern Daisy 2413712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled with this decision twice now and both times chose to go back to work. The first time was after my mat leave which was only 12 weeks and the second a few months after going back when DS was getting massive ear infections every time he set foot in daycare. It was a really hard decision, but both times the desire for long-term financial stability won out. I also didn't want DH to feel stressed about being the sole breadwinner. Not to mention I really don't thrive being at home with a toddler at all. Every time I'm alone with my son I find myself longing for a break! The decision was a little easier for us $-wise because we would need to have 3 kids in full time daycare before I was only "breaking even" with my take home pay. So with only 1 it REALLY makes sense.<br /> Also I know this goes against what everyone else is saying but I've always felt like it would make more sense to stay home when the kids are in public school full time. Because then you don't have to worry about paying for preschool on one salary and I feel like that is an age where kids benefit more from parents being available during the day to get more involved in school activities, extracurriculars, etc. at daycare all kids pretty much stay until 5pm but at school most kids go home at 3! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413684 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 09:12:01 +0000 blackbird 2413684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I really hated coming back to work after having T. I wanted a few more months ag home. Major ugly cry breakdown about it. I did reduce my hours to 32/week, though, which helped tremendously. Money aside, I feel like it was a really nice balance. So i came back in mid August and did some networking and was in a new job by Thanksgiving, which has been instrumental in my well being. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413667 Fri, 08 Jan 2016 08:48:17 +0000 Anagram 2413667@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: yeah, nannies are super expensive where I live, too. Like...incredibly, mind blowing expensive when you have more than 1 kid (our oldest is in school 3 days a week, and home with nanny and baby twice a week). But...the nanny is temporary, right now just till end of June. Next school year, we will probably be doing something else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413150 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 17:13:41 +0000 antigone 2413150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm faced with making the same decision, and am really grateful for this thread. I'm scheduled to go back to work next month after the birth of our first child and feel conflicted. I want to stay home with him for the 1st year, and have a lot of fear around relinquishing care of him to someone else. But at the same time...I'm scared for my mental health staying home with an infant all day, and giving up a job I enjoy. Plus the majority of my adult interaction. Financially things will be tighter if I don't work, but if I do, most of my income will go to daycare. It's tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413109 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 16:49:22 +0000 BandDmommy 2413109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I quit because my son got kicked out of daycare for biting. I HATED being a SAHM and it really hurt my career. I am a CPA and have to take CPE to keep my license. I'm now working part time from home and enjoy that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413079 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 16:31:15 +0000 sunny 2413079@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a really hard time with this as well. I went back after mat leave and it just didn't feel right. Ultimately, I decided to take 1 year off from work (I had to quit my job). It worked out well for us, even though my career did suffer more than I thought it would. I was really happy to be at home with my daughter for the year and when my year was up, I was really excited to go back to work. </p> <p>Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413066 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 16:19:59 +0000 gingerbebe 2413066@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sorta sounds like your problem isn't with working per se, but the terms under which you are working. Specifically it sounds like you just wanted a longer maternity leave. I don't know what the economy or your industry looks like, but could you quit your job and stay at home while looking for a new job that could provide you with more flexibility? I don't think its always an issue of SAH or working full time, but looking for a new job? That could give you some SAH experience and if its not for you, you can go back to work.</p> <p>I'm currently working 3 days a week after taking a year off as an unpaid leave of absence. Looking back I was ready to go back to work at 6 months, but we decided to buy a house so I spent the 2nd half of my leave dealing with that. I'm really glad I got to experience an extended leave because it helped me experience what SAH was like and figure out what I really wanted/needed. Right now, working part-time is a great balance for my family. I don't have a 5-day a week daycare/commute grind, I have time on the weekends to clean and shop and hang out with my family, and I still get to keep my license current and stay in the workforce. </p> <p>So, I hope you can find a combination of factors that work for you. If you feel like you have to stay with this job, I would give yourself some more time to get into the groove before assessing whether you should stay at home full time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2413036 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 16:04:10 +0000 daniellemybelle 2413036@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was concerned I wasn't "cut out for it" either before SAH because I heard that so much (especially on here). It's not all sunshine and rainbows. Not every day is just easy and fun start to finish - but it is so much easier, and so much more fun, than being at work away from my daughter. I love being home with her! I have always wanted to SAH though, before she was even born, so finally being able to has been wonderful.</p> <p>Now, I do think SAH with two kids can be harder. I have it pretty easy, all things considered, with just my 2 year old! I feel like I have a lot more downtime and flexibility than I did when I was on maternity leave.</p> <p>I do freelance very part time to have a small amount of extra income and to keep my resume current. So I don't worry as much about that element - but honestly I don't know that I ever want to go back to a full time job. I think a SAHM is just as valuable to school aged kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412959 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 15:21:43 +0000 mrsjyw 2412959@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled with going back to work after baby 2, which was in stark contrast to the first time around where I was 100% ready to go back! I even took extra time off this time too.</p> <p>We were just in such a good groove so much faster this time around, DS1 is at such a fun age, it felt like going back to work was going to add an unnecessary burden. </p> <p>Anyway, I've been back at work for two months now and while I feel like I'm not being challenged enough in my current role. I can't give it up because of the flex schedule. I work from home aside from a few meeting days at the office a month. DS1 is in parttime preschool and my mom watches DS2 (sometimes at our house). </p> <p>Right now I'm struggling with feeling like I'm not 100% dedicated to work and obviously not 100% dedicated to my babies during work hours. But, I can't give up my lucrative career at this point, so I'm sticking with it, and thankfully can be around them.</p> <p>Good luck in your decision, just wanted to commiserate that it was def a different feeling this time for me too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412948 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 15:17:12 +0000 NovBaby1112 2412948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@catomd00: @californiadreams: part time would be ideal, but even then, I would most likely be paying more for childcare than working would bring in bc we pay by the day at daycare not hourly</p> <p>@Madison43: thanks for the reply! goodluck with whatever you decide!!</p> <p>@Anagram: thank you so much for sharing! we have many of the same pros and cons which is why it is so difficult. I wish the scale was clearly tipped one way or the other! I would loveeee a nanny for LO2, but they are so expensive out here, it definitely wouldn't be cost effective for us</p> <p>@PawPrints: I hope that it does get easier as I ease into things and a routine starts to form</p> <p>@Glitter: that is so awesome! that sounds like the perfect scenario!</p> <p>@winniebee: I wish I could work at home more,...currently doing it 2 days per week and those days are MUCH easier, but 3-4 days from home would be super nice!</p> <p>@catlady: glad it worked out for you! I am hoping that in a month the decision will be more clear</p> <p>@Mrs. Champagne: that's a good way of looking at it!! </p> <p>@Baby Boy Mom: I wonder if my employer would let me come back after a year or so...that would be perfect</p> <p>thank you everyone for your replies! it really helps put things in perspective </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412917 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:56:06 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2412917@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was not in a position to decide because we moved, so it was really just not looking for a new job but personally my instinct told me that I need to be home with my babies for at least the first year or two. In our circumstances it works out better for various reasons but even though I am "losing out" on many tangible benefits, I will still have a solid 30 years to work when I do go back, so those sacrifices are worth it to me to be home for the early years. You seem to be more established in your work, so depending on how hard it might be to come back you could consider taking a year off and then looking for something new (if that's a possibility). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412915 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:54:56 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2412915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I stay home but didn't really struggle with the decision. </p> <p>I do want to go back to work when my kids are in school. But by then we will be so used to me having $0 income, that starting in a lower level job because I've been out of work so long will be ok. That's my thought on it anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412878 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:33:05 +0000 catlady 2412878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always intended to go back to work after having my LO but as the end of my maternity leave approached, I struggled a bit with the idea of leaving her. We can afford for me to stay home but it was more a question of what would be best for me and LO. DH and I agreed that I should go back to work for at least one month to see how I felt. Honestly, it only took a couple weeks for me to realize that working was right for me. I had forgotten how much I needed adult interaction. LO has also thrived in daycare, so that helps too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412848 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:17:02 +0000 winniebee 2412848@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@NovBaby1112: Like others have said - I am working now, primarily because I don't want to SAH forever. I took 2 years off from when DS1 was 14m to when DS2 was 6m and it was sort of the perfect amount of time. SAH was a fantastic opportunity for me and I'm so fortunate to have been able to do it. But, now that I'm back, I really realize how much better off I am for working (for so many reasons). If we have a third, I'll take some time as well, though now I WAH so it's a much easier situation for me overall. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412842 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:15:05 +0000 Glitter 2412842@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled with this A LOT when i was pregnant with DS. Childcare in our area is affordable and my salary was greater than DH's so it was really a desire to be with my child and see and influence his growth vs further my career and miss out on some of the fun. Thankfully when I decided to resign I was offered the alternative of working from home at my desired hours and we simultaneously started a family business that has me super busy, but still present with DS at home. It's a huge change. I am very career driven and need to keep mentally stimulated. Without the work from home opportunities I think I may have lost my mind a couple times (DS is 20 months old now). I think it really depends on who you are as a person and what is most important to you/works best for your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412820 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:05:41 +0000 PawPrints 2412820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't say I struggled exactly since I always knew I would return to work, but I did enjoy maternity leave enough that I was at least tempted to stay home forever. Factors I considered:<br /> -Like @Hilsy85, I consider working now to be an investment in my future career, to avoid taking a big break from working that would force me to start several steps behind when I did want to go back later.<br /> -Daycare gets cheaper as kids get older, so again, it's an investment toward the future to stick with working now.<br /> -I want to use my education, be a role model for my daughter, make a difference in the world, have adult interaction, use different parts of my brain every day, feel intellectually stimulated, etc.<br /> -If I earn more money now and we invest it, I'm more likely to be able to retire early and be more present for my kid(s)' teen years, which IMO is more important than being more present for the early years. </p> <p>Sorry you are having a rough start. My bet is that it will get better as you ease into the routine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-stuggled-with-decision-to-quit-job-to-sah-or-continue-working#post-2412818 Thu, 07 Jan 2016 14:03:29 +0000 Anagram 2412818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I struggled a lot with this just before starting work back after LO2 (I just started back 2.5 weeks ago, but the decision was weighing heavily on my mind my whole mat leave. For me, there were pros and cons with me working. These are all totally specific to my situation.</p> <p>Pro:<br /> -My marriage is better. This is entirely dependent on my particular situation, but my husband is much more of an equal partner at home when I am working. Even on my summer breaks, I feel like he becomes a little too hands-off with kids and household chores because somewhere, subconsciously at least, I don't think he considers SAHMing to be a legitimate "job", so he expects me to take on all the house duties since I have "so much time at home". That causes strife in our relationship. And he's just naturally way better about all that stuff when I'm working.<br /> -my health insurance is really great as a state employee, and the whole family is on my plan. A family of 4 on DHs health insurance would cost us substantially more for fewer benefits<br /> -My own pension/retirement. In the event something happens to DH or to our relationship, I have something of my own that would hopefully be immune to divorce proceedings, etc.<br /> -my future plans. I know for sure I don't want to be a SAHM forever, so I had to weigh the cost/benefit of leaving my job to find another one that I would potentially like less later<br /> -tenure. It's my tenure year, and if I leave I have to start the tenure process all over again after finding a new job in the future.</p> <p>cons:<br /> -I don't get to see my babies as much. This is a BIG ONE. I really, really enjoy being home with my babies on my summer breaks and mat leaves. I'm not the type that is itching to go back to work, at all. Also, at work I work with kids all day long and my lunch break is spent pumping, so I don't have a job where I get "me time".<br /> -My babies are cared for my someone who isn't as good as me ;-) But seriously, I feel like I do a great job with them and I'm always skeptical of how well other people are caring for them<br /> -childcare is crazy expensive in our area, so I'm basically just working to pay childcare plus pay students loans. And that sucks.<br /> -it's a LOT more work for me and my husband when I am working. We have to pack so many lunches and snacks and bottles and blankets and diapers and wipes and clothes and pacis...it's never ending and cleaning all the dishes and bottles every night to repack is a giant, giant chore. Just creating the foods to pack is a giant chore.<br /> -I have to wake up at 5:45 and leave at 6:45 am when working. = less sleep for me<br /> -more illnesses for the LOs in daycare. That = even less sleep for me.</p> <p>For me, it was really very even. I could see problems and benefits in either situation...in the end, what swayed me to come back to work was my husband agreeing to pay for $$ and get a nanny for at least the first 6 months, to cut down on all the stress of packing foods and washing bottles and getting LOs out the door at 6:45 am. I'm only 3 days into this new childcare arrangement, but time will tell.</p> <p>I think any woman can reasonably take a couple of years off from work and go back--I think when you get up to say, 10 years off work, it will be harder to go back with such outdated experience, but 2-3 years is very easily explainable.</p> <p>Good luck with your decision! It's so hard, either way. </p>