https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 22 Apr 2026 17:06:58 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495876 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 19:18:39 +0000 IRunForFun 2495876@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Having an unplanned pregnancy at age 19 while in an emotionally/borderline physically abusive relationship changed my stance entirely. </p> <p>From a Catholic who thought abortions were terrible to a liberal atheist who will argue for a woman's right to choice and access to legal abortions until the end of time. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495874 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 19:13:45 +0000 arosebyany 2495874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So normally I don't post on any of the moral or political post on HB because I know I would be in the minority, but I feel like this is a topic where my affiliation gets skewed. I am suuupppper conservative, way to the right in most of my political thoughts....except when it comes to religious things. I feel it's not the governments right to tell me who I can marry, or what I can do with my own body. IMO those are church issues, and church and state should be separate in every sense of the word! Stay out my business! Lol. Abortions are horrible and after having been pregnant and have a child, I would never have one. But 15 years ago when I was essentially a drug addict teenager, I would never have been able to properly care for a child, and I would have had no family support. I don't know what I would have done had I of gotten pregnant. In any regard it's not my right to tell another woman what she can do with her body, nor is it anybody's right to tell me what I can do with mine. So even though abortions break my heart as a legal issue I'm pro choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495857 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 18:51:36 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2495857@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrsjyw: not an evangelical Christian, but fully agree with your take on this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495767 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 17:03:24 +0000 sarac 2495767@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I am firmly in support of abortion, but I basically share your position on it. I wish that everyone had easy and cheap access to and education about contraceptives. I wish that medical care was easily accessible by everyone before and after they got pregnant. I wish that our society supported women who wanted to keep children but cannot afford to. </p> <p>That being said, I believe that the fetus has a right to life. But I also believe that the woman carrying that fetus has a right to her own life, and to not have to carry a baby if she truly cannot or does not want to. Also, abortion methods have been known throughout history - they will happen regardless of the legality of it. The question is whether or not they'll be safe and clean for the woman involved. Safe and legal access to abortion is, first and foremost, an issue of women's rights. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495652 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 15:28:03 +0000 Torchwood 2495652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: @jedeve: @ElbieKay: @LovelyPlum: @mrsjyw: I definitely agree that I wish we could eliminate the need for abortion at all! I'm completely pro-choice, but that doesn't mean I like it. And you'd think that would be a good middle ground, right? But my family are the ones arguing that birth control is an abortifacient, comprehensive sex ed just encourages premarital sex (so evil!), that the government basically needs to stay out of helping people and let the church handle it (despite the stigma anyone would face going to their church as an unwed mother), and that having an abortion in the cases of rape/incest/medical necessity are interfering with god's plan and taking away his chance to use your circumstances for good/perform a miracle. I am 100% certain some of them think I'm a terrible person for the choice we made with R, but thankfully they haven't been stupid enough to say it to my face!</p> <p>Thank you to everyone for the replies! Very helpful! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495272 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 12:47:11 +0000 mrsjyw 2495272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oddly enough, becoming a mom influenced to be more "pro-life" for myself in terms of I could never justify having an abortion myself; whereas in a past life, my young, single self would definitely have considered it if I was ever in the situation of having an unplanned pregnancy.</p> <p>Becoming a mother has made me be more pro-choice for women in general because there are so many, many situations, factors, lifetime affects, and outcomes that it should definitely be a woman's right to choose her own path. I am an evangelical Christian and at the core of my faith is that I should not judge others. I agree with a lot of sentiments listed above that there are much more proactive measures to prevent unwanted pregnancies from occurring vs making abortions illegal which would be much more fruitful to the "pro-life" campaign. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495242 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 12:29:41 +0000 LovelyPlum 2495242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: @jedeve: put it much better than I ever could, but I agree with you both-I find overturning Roe v. Wade to be a bad use of resources. I think there are ways to be pro-life without doing that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2495227 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 12:21:09 +0000 LovelyPlum 2495227@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I very much agree with you!! Well put.</p> <p>I grew up very pro-life, and I am still pro-life in the sense that I am anti-abortion. But, I will say I think they should be legal and safe, and that pro-lifers should work more towards improving circumstances so that they are completely unnecessary except in the car of rape, incest, or where the health of the baby and the mother is at risk. I am often turned off by pro-life camps who just want to shut down clinics or restrict access, because that's not getting to the heart of the provlem, in my opinion. There's no abortion in Latin America, but that's not stopping women from trying to get abortions who have been affected by Zika. AND I'm ok with them trying to find one, in this case. But I still think that the fetus is a baby, and in this case, they are trying to do what's best for their whole family.</p> <p>This is super rambly, sorry. I would say thst meeting more people and hearing stories of women with very wanted but ultimately invisible pregnancies who choose to have abortions has softened my stance somewhat. I am coming around to the idea that you can make a loving, heart-wrenching decision to let your child go if it seems like the best thing to do for him/her. I'm still very opposed to abortions because it's not the right time, or whatever. But my reaction isn't as visceral to abortion in generaL as it once was. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494969 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 09:13:30 +0000 ElbieKay 2494969@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Thanks for your thoughtful reply. When I hear "pro-life", I assume this means that someone is in favor of overturning Roe v. Wade. I agree that it would be best if abortion was not necessary, and that it's worthwhile to work to reduce or eliminate it through awareness of the issues you outlined. I appreciate that you took the time to explain your perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494954 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:57:34 +0000 snowjewelz 2494954@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@simplyfelicity: I have never really even articulated this to other people before! (it just hasn't come up) I used to feel like I have to be pro-life but that that never sat well with me either and I never thought that Jesus would tell me to force women to give birth to babies when they don't want to! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494950 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:52:49 +0000 simplyfelicity 2494950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@snowjewelz: I've opened this thread wondering how I would word my response and you pretty much did it for me. :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494949 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:52:03 +0000 skipra 2494949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you're exactly right that it's two different conversations. The pro-choicers are not like going around telling people to kill all the babies or anything. I can definitely understand where the pro-lifers are coming from but it is extreme. I guess I have never been pro-life per se because I cannot agree with anyone that wants to take other people's rights away. And I'm sorry, a living, breathing woman's rights should always trump an embryo's that cannot survive or grow outside of said woman's body. However, before I ever got pregnant or had kids, I definitely judged women that had abortions because of careless mistakes (never any judgement for women who needed to terminate for medical reasons and I have very strong judgments for those who judge women in that position!). Now that I have kids, I understand what a life changing thing that first positive pregnancy test is. The decision to have a baby or not when conception has already occurred is something that will stay with you the rest of your life. I don't care how or why someone is pregnant, it is her ultimate decision what happens. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494936 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:47:29 +0000 meredithNYC 2494936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: That is a really thoughtful response and I tend to agree with everything you have said. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494931 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:44:33 +0000 jedeve 2494931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: haha well not judging people is a pretty central part of my faith, as is a belief in the sanctity of life. :wink: </p> <p>I don't necessarily think it should be illegal. I think that measures to restrict abortion are a little pointless. We shouldn't defund planned parenthood. Roe v. Wade won't be overturned and I don't see any point wasting political capital and energy trying to make it happen. I think *both* sides (and I say this as a democrat) use abortion as a way to rally their bases, drive support and donations. We would all be MUCH better served spending our energy on paid maternity leave, affordable childcare and healthcare, access to and education on birth control. And more importantly, empowering and educating young women and reducing the stigma of single parenthood, and generally valuing parenthood as an important contribution to society. If we spend time judging we would never change the societal perceptions and actually reduce abortion rates. Oh, and educating men on rape prevention (not in a snarky "just don't rape" way, but there is some good work being done on consent, etc.) </p> <p>But I really don't judge. I had a friend in college who had had an abortion. I've been in the position of a surprise pregnancy, but I was married and it wasn't unwanted, it was just waaaay closer to my first pregnancy than I wanted. But I completely realize that's not the same situation as being 14 and knocked up by your rapist uncle. How could I judge that? And I'm sure I have friends who have had abortions and I just don't know. </p> <p>I consider myself pro-life because I believe the baby/fetus does have a right to life. I don't necessarily think it's tantamount to all else, and don't think a women's rights are unimportant. I think it's a complicated issue where pro-choices should realize it's not just "my body my choice" (but someone else's body/potential body) and pro-lifers should realize women bear a disproportionate amount of the impact. These are issues that contradict and we will never reach an agreement. So we should focus on other things. But I don't judge. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494916 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:34:13 +0000 Ms maths 2494916@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think I was ever officially pro-life--I may have thought abortions were bad when I was too young to have a very well-thought out opinion--but I definitely think my stance has become more strongly pro-choice.</p> <p>Overall, I think I remain sympathetic to the pro-life side: I think all human life is valuable, including fetuses, those who have different abilities than I do, and the elderly. But I see the life of the fetus as sort of a special case because of the unique burden it puts on one person, and I don't see a clear way to balance the value of that life against the life of the mother. (Not just in the sense of whether the mother lives or dies, but in the sense of how she lives her life.) Since I don't see a clear way to do that, I think it should be up to the mother to decide for herself. </p> <p>I was raised Catholic; I don't really practice now, but I still find the--very liberal--religious background I grew up with to be a guiding force for me. I certainly knew the official Catholic position on abortion, but I think that the more general emphasis on valuing life gave me the freedom to think through the issue differently when I got older. And, as others have mentioned, getting a sense of the world outside my bubble made me rethink a lot! </p> <p>Two other things that I think have affected me:<br /> -The idea that there isn't an easy way to scientifically define the start of life has supported my change of position.<br /> -What I learned in college, learning from thoughtful friends, and just general life experience, has given me more of a socialist view. That is, I don't see people as truly independent actors, but significantly controlled/influenced by social factors. So, I think my general world view has transitioned to trying to build social structures that support good outcomes, rather than trying to control/penalize individuals. So, much as @Anagram mentioned, I am totally in favor of supporting women in ways that make options other than abortion do-able and then leaving the decision about any individual pregnancy to the woman experiencing it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494904 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:28:49 +0000 snowjewelz 2494904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Exactly this! Can't agree with you more. I always felt like people that are pro-life vs pro-choice don't need to be in such a headlock and at odds with one another b/c they're not really championing for the opposite things. </p> <p>I am Christian, and I am inherently pro-life, meaning that I believe the fetus, upon conception, was God's creation and therefore has a right to life. </p> <p>With that said, I would also say I am pro-choice, because I do believe that we have free will and should have the right to choose. Sometimes, abortion is the right choice for that woman in that circumstance, and sometimes, it's the wrong choice, though none of us can be the judge. I absolutely believe women need access to safe abortions if that's the way they choose to go. I actually feel like banning abortions is people (us) trying to play God.</p> <p>I am sure that no one that's pro-choice would want a fetus, however early in development, to not exist. But at the same time, if all lives matter, then the mother carrying this fetus should also have a choice if her life matters. </p> <p>I don't even know if one can really be pro-life and pro-choice at the same time, but I just feel like it doesn't have to be one or another, in theory. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494887 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:13:34 +0000 Anagram 2494887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Similar to other people on this thread, I grew up extremely pro-life and then grew up and saw a little outside of my sheltered upbringing and changed my opinion.</p> <p>I'm still "anti-abortion" in the sense that I would much rather live in a society where abortion rates are extremely low, because everyone has easy access to birth control and education and we have social safety nets in place so that low income mothers don't feel they can't financially have a child even if they wanted to keep it. In this ideal world, people wouldn't be shamed for giving a child up for adoption, everyone would have insurance, and private adoptions would be less expensive. And everyone would have equal access to genetic testing and ultrasounds to discover major issues.</p> <p>But I'm also realistic about the society I currently live in and having gone through 2 pregnancies I now see how lots of people don't even get early genetic testing or scans that could show a potential problem. With my insurance, the NT scan was optional and then I couldn't get an appointment at the hospital for my 20 week scan till I was 22 weeks (my practice didn't even have sonogram machines)--and I realized then how crazy it was that so many people wouldn't even know about severe problems until they were already 22 weeks. I mean, at 22 weeks you might find out about a severe problem, it might take an additional two weeks of appointments to have more detailed sonograms, and then you'd have to schedule an abortion and take time off work--it could easily be 28-30 weeks before you could make that happen. </p> <p>So I became even more pro-choice after being pregnant. Carrying my own two babies and having really difficult pregnancies also make me think about women who become pregnant through incest, rape, or abuse. No woman should be legally forced to carry a child and go through a birth after they are already traumatized by abuse. 10 months of being reminded of assault? Giving up your body and going through a birth (could be a C section, could be a 4th degree tear), having impaired bladder function for the rest of your life, everything reminding you of the assault...</p> <p>What kind of world do we live in when some people think that's okay? Even my dad, who was the most Southern Baptist, conservative guy on the planet--didn't think abortion should be illegal in those cases. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494883 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 08:07:50 +0000 Corduroy 2494883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My pregnancy, delivery &amp; parenthood. I was raised Catholic so being prolife was easy. Who doesn't love babies? Don't kill children. That last phrase was on a sign I held at a rally as a child. Growing up of course I discovered life is a lot more complicated than that. Carrying a baby to term and placing for adoption sounded pretty simple before I was pregnant. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494868 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 07:40:51 +0000 lawbee11 2494868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh man, I used to be super pro-life (in high school in particular). I even had a pro-life bumper sticker on my car 🙈 I was in my Catholic school bubble (was taught that it's murder, all of my friends had the same views, my views were never challenged, etc.). My family was very middle class but I still lead a privileged life. An unexpected pregnancy would have been disappointing for sure, but I'd have family support and the financial means to make it through. I couldn't fathom why anyone would have an abortion because my worldview was so limited. </p> <p>My views quickly changed once I got to college and I've never looked back. Experiencing pregnancy myself has made me even more pro-choice than I was. I think a lot of the restrictions and regulations placed on abortion providers are more about power and control than they are about what's actually best for the women involved. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494861 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 07:32:35 +0000 meredithNYC 2494861@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised Catholic (still practicing and left-leaning) and actually felt much more strongly pro-choice growing up. Now having my own children, I feel a visceral kind of discomfort hearing about abortion stories. I just can't get behind it morally for myself, barring a very significant reason.</p> <p>All that said, I just can't oppose leaving the option available for other women. There are just too many factors involved and it doesn't sit right with me to sit and judge from my relative place of privilege. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494860 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 07:31:48 +0000 Madison43 2494860@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I'm pro choice and I don't think those views are paradoxical at all. You can empathize and understand the circumstances that lead someone to make a certain choice but still not think they should have the legal right to do so. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494835 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 06:12:43 +0000 ElbieKay 2494835@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: I'm curious, and this is not a snarky question, why you are pro-life if you don't judge people for having an abortion? How do you reconcile your sympathetic view with the desire to make abortion illegal? Just because the legal option is there doesn't mean that individuals have to exercise it.</p> <p>Disclaimer: I am a pretty secular person, and I have always been pro-choice. I have never had an abortion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494832 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 05:59:01 +0000 avivoca 2494832@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was and continue to be morally pro-life, in the sense that *I* would never choose abortion. However, I do also believe that women have the right to choose and that no one should be forced to carry a baby, especially if the baby is the result of rape or the mother is a minor. I also believe that women have the right to a safe abortion instead of a back-alley procedure and I am appalled at the way government officials are putting roadblocks in the way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494794 Tue, 15 Mar 2016 00:17:10 +0000 jedeve 2494794@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am pro-life and am still pro life but I think your first paragraph hits the nail on the head. There are many pro-lifers who refuse to recognize the impact an unwanted pregnancy can have and there are pro-choicers who don't see that many pro-lifers are actually *just* concerned about the life/rights of the fetus/baby. So I really hate when pro-lifers say anti-life and when pro-choices say anti-choice. I don't think either side is necessarily anti the other, it's that they are talking about different things. And both need to recognize that choice can come at the expense of life and life can come at the expense of choice. We can argue until we are blue in the face about whic is more important but there will never be one true all encompassing answer, so we should just try to build a society where women aren't forced to choose between the two. </p> <p>Paradoxically, my views softened during my first pregnancy. I could see how when you can't feel the baby kick or see them or know anything about them, it is pretty easy to feel disconnected. (Not that women have abortions just because they feel disconnected, I do realize it's more complex than that). Pregnancy feels more like a status at that point as opposed to later when you feel like it's a person inside of you. I know women can be in really complex situations and I have a lot of compassion for that. I would never judge anyone who had an abortion. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494785 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 23:48:09 +0000 Torchwood 2494785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Blueberry: I actually wrote out my own version of that argument, using a kidney as an example! I saved it in case I needed it. Now I wonder if I read it somewhere first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494774 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 23:03:54 +0000 Blueberry 2494774@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was raised Catholic and therefore had the mindset of abortion being murder, etc. I guess I began changing my mind when 1) I left the church and 2) I began to feel very strongly about any person's right (not just a woman) to decide what happens to their bodies. I had a friend in high school that got pregnant our freshman year. Obviously she needed parents' consent for the procedure which her mother refused. It broke my friend. And I remember feeling like that was unfair. Anyway, she was sent to an alternative school during the pregnancy and I didn't see her again until a few years after college. I asked her how her son was (I knew she had a boy) and she told me that after all these years she still only loved him like a brother because she felt forced to have him. I felt bad for her pain and guilt in feeling that way. That has stuck with me though.<br /> My husband teaches philosophy at a college and abortion is covered in his ethics class. I really love an article he has his students read about a man that needs a kidney. This man is in desperate need of a kidney. It will give him life. The question is what obligation does anyone have to give him "life"? Why put my body through such an ordeal? Very interesting topic! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494769 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 22:52:23 +0000 youboots 2494769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@OhCaptain: what a good way to put this. Thank you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494762 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 22:34:53 +0000 Torchwood 2494762@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jess1483: The Law and Order episode I mentioned was about a teenage girl, actually. Same as you, the worst I would have dealt with was disappointed parents, so it opened my eyes to how much worse it could be for some. And yes, that made sense!</p> <p>@OhCaptain: I actually usually use the term anti-choice, but some people get offended and I was trying to keep this thread from turning ugly. But I totally agree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494759 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 22:31:36 +0000 OhCaptain 2494759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are Exactly right, they aren't the same argument. And I think most pro-choice people will tell you they are also pro-life, because.... Who is anti-life? The opposite of pro-choice is anti-choice. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-used-to-be-more-pro-life#post-2494756 Mon, 14 Mar 2016 22:24:57 +0000 Jess1483 2494756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I've always technically been pro-choice. Although personally as a moral issue, I believe abortion to be morally acceptable only in extremely specific circumstances, I've always wanted the right legally protected (because I don't think my morality should dictate laws). However, I've potentially "softened" my stance to be more pro-choice (or perhaps, same outcome, but more sympathetic) just as I've seen more of the world/how others live, etc. Like, the worst thing that would have happened to teenage me if I got pregnant was disappointed parents. That's clearly not everyone's experience of the world. So just as I've been exposed to more of the possible circumstances that might lead one to choose abortion, then I'm more sympathetic to it as a possibility (not sure that made sense). </p>