https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 03 Jul 2026 07:33:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2058382 Fri, 06 Feb 2015 23:57:26 +0000 Mrs. Fox 2058382@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a happy only child who surprisingly really wants a second child. My husband is the eldest of five and really wants to be one and done. I've tried for 3 years and he hasn't budged an inch. It made me really sad for a long time, but I'm less sad now. I really would prefer a happy marriage to a second child. So I've cultivated other interests- including focusing my career so I'm making a difference in the world. I'm still sad occasionally but i try and focus on the positive... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2025204 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 11:06:47 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2025204@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaBehr: I was talking to MR. Jacks about this last night. He said there were two reasons (well three really) that he changed his mind. First and most obvious is that we couldn't say no to M's sibling. The second was that we made the goal of our discussion focused on empathize mg with each other's position. He rally couldn't understand where I was coming from at all. It took time for him to wrap his head around it, since he feels we already have a perfect family, so why push our luck. Finally, it was about giving him time to digest it all slowly. </p> <p>Imagine how hard that was for me at my age! But it was either patience from me or getting used to the idea of our family as it was. I know how hard it is... But my patience paid off! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2025013 Thu, 15 Jan 2015 09:51:20 +0000 MamaBehr 2025013@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your responses! I certainly don't want to have a child if my husband isn't on board. I think that having more (or less as the case maybe) children than both parents agree on is just a recipe for disaster, which is why I'm trying to be ok with the possibility we may be done. </p> <p>@reverie: I hear ya on the mourning period. I wish I could just know what the "right" decision is, and if it isn't to have one more, I want to grieve a little bit. I also think about Thanksgiving 20 years from now (how funny!) and I want a biiig LOUD cRaZy family, which having four kids, how could it not be?!<br /> @Mrs. Jacks: I'm such a planner, that leaving the conversation open kills me! But, I think that might have to be where it is left at. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2024699 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 23:53:29 +0000 Sapphiresun 2024699@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're mostly on the same page with having two kids, but DH really wants a son. We currently have a daughter, and will likely try for a second soon. If we have a second daughter I wouldn't be surprised if DH floated the idea of #3, whereas I feel like I'd be ok with 1, am open to 2 kids, and definitely don't want three. But... I also want him to be happy, so we'll cross that bridge if we come to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2024584 Wed, 14 Jan 2015 22:10:36 +0000 reverie 2024584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm just dealing with this now.... we have a 19 month old and I'm really upset about the notion that he might be an only child (or rather that we won't try for siblings, if it was an infertility thing that is an entirely different story). My husband stays home and just doesn't want to do it anymore. He doesn't think he'll be a good parent to two kids, but it is a total cop out. It was never the plan for him to stay at home, but he lost his job when I was pregnant so we went with it. He is sort of applying to jobs but not really, and is talking about taking things that won't even fully pay for one day care let alone two. </p> <p>I think I'm still in the denial phase of it all. We agreed on multiples prior to marriage, and I feel really awful for my son. There is nothing wrong with being one and done if that is your plan, but it was never mine. We have a super small family and I keep over dramatically thinking about our really sad thanksgivings 20 years from now with no family. </p> <p>Ugh. I wish I could see the future and start mourning this now if it is my reality b/c this inbetween is hard. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022931 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 23:26:35 +0000 PrincessBaby 2022931@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always feel like my DH is so reasonable, that when he really has a strong opinion about something, I try to REALLY be open to his view, because he always has good rationale behind his feelings. And if/when he has strong feelings about something that's different or stronger than my feelings, I usually rarely go against him. </p> <p>We're in the opposite position...He is in the 3 kid camp, and I am more okay with 2. Or rather, okay with 2 and dreading a 3rd pregnancy- especially one in my late 30s...But I know he'd love a 3rd, so I'm just preparing myself for the fact that we'll *probably* end up with a 3rd. Because not wanting to be pregnant again seems like a lame reason, really. And there's pretty much nothing I wouldn't consider and ultimately do for him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022778 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 20:26:55 +0000 MOMTOLITTLEB 2022778@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Right now we have one and we always thought we'd have two. I used to think maybe more. We're in agreement that we are not ready for another but my husband doesn't think he ever will be. I think I will be in about a year. I'm hoping he comes around by then or at least in the next few years. If he truly doesn't, I think I can be happy with what we have because I want him to be happy. Right now I can't see making it an issue in our marriage but I might feel more strongly later, I don't know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022684 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 18:24:31 +0000 sarac 2022684@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband turned out to be the one who wanted more. I was, eventually, happy to give up the infertility game and just treasure my one awesome child. A sibling for her was really important to him, and he was heartbroken to hear that I didn't want anymore. After hearing that, I decided to try to be open to another - and then I got pregnant the next month, and it was decided! Now I'm irritated about being pregnant, not looking forward to having another newborn, but excited for the rest of it, after the hardest part passes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022660 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 18:01:03 +0000 littlejoy 2022660@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I want 3. He wants 1. We will have 2 and be done. :) It's just an ongoing conversation. I never let one talk get my hopes up, and I don't let certain talks get me upset. He knows having more than 1 baby is really important to me, and I know he really doesn't want 3. We struck the compromise at 2, and we'll keep the evolution going until we're both ready. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022652 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 17:54:56 +0000 Mae 2022652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before we had kids I sort of wanted one and he sort of didn't. But he wasn't totally closed off to the idea of kids and I wasn't totally gung-ho about it. We set a date in the future to discuss/make a decision about it because I was in no hurry (like, 2 years in the future). Then my bc wasn't working for me and when we switched to a possibly less reliable birth control we discussed the possibility of a surprise baby and how okay he would be with that because I would 100% have a baby if I got pregnant and if he wasn't down for that we needed to double up on protection. He said he was fine with the risk and a year later I ended up pregnant and he was immediately fine with it (said he actually preferred that to making a decision and trying because it felt more meant to be). </p> <p>Now we have 1 and he feels he is very done whereas I'm not sure. Right now I feel like I COULD be done but I also sort of suspect in another year or two I may want another, whereas I suspect he is going to hold firm on being done. </p> <p>I think if I decide I definitely want another one I'll tell him and ask him to live with the possibility/consider it for some period of time-- like maybe 6 months or something. But ultimately if he really doesn't want another I won't push it. I have no interest in having a baby without a husband that is totally on board. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022599 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 17:25:57 +0000 blackbird 2022599@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He wants 2, I want 3. But he's not anti 3, so that's what we're planning on having....I just know he'd be fine with 2 and I still don't think I would be </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022589 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 17:18:22 +0000 MrsMccarthy 2022589@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our situation was weird because my husband initially wanted two and I wante three so we agreed on two and then we will see about a third. After our son was born my husband had bad PPD and was saying he was wanting to be one and done, I honestly just couldn't fathom myself having less than two children. It was a very hard time and a big threat to our marriage because I also was not at all comfortable with having a child with him unless he was equally on board. Well it took about a year but he came around and when we were TTC this baby he was really involved as well as the pregnancy. He is pretty adamantly done though so I think any wish I have for a third is gonna have to resolve itself. Sometimes I'm a teeny bit sad about it or jealous of the moms who can have more but in the long run I'm really okay with it. One wouldst have worked for me but two I feel like I can enjoy without feeling like my family is missing something. My second is due in march so who knows I may feel really all together done after she is born too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022539 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:45:57 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2022539@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Me. Jacks and I have been discordant at times on this issue. I've found that an open conversation that you revisit occasionally is the best policy. </p> <p>We ultimately were able to resolve our discrepancies, but it really took me coming to peace with his viewpoint to get to the place where we're at. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022522 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:31:43 +0000 kentuckygirl 2022522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are struggling with this right now. I say right now, but we agreed to table the conversation for a bit. We have a 7 month old, conceived through IVF. I really don't want him to be an only child and never dreamed we would be in this conversation as I have always said I wanted 2+ kids. I am trying not to get too worked up about it yet. I realize our struggles with infertility and our age (39 &amp; 40) have affected his thought process. But I felt blindsided by his doubts about trying for #2. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022499 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:24:05 +0000 Raindrop 2022499@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are not there yet. But all our friends and family that have gone through this ... I believe all the outcomes have been for the one that wanted less kids. In my case... most of the time it's the female part that wanted less kids but there were a few guys that wanted less kids.</p> <p>I agree with others... having more kids and getting someone on board with more kids is tough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022485 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:14:43 +0000 AprilFool 2022485@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH wants 2 and I want 3 so we will have 2 because I don't want to talk him into something as big as this! He has always wanted 2 and I was the one that changed my mind.</p> <p>Since your DH was on board I would just talk to him about why he has changed his mind. Maybe it is nerves or maybe he is really done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022480 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 16:11:31 +0000 kiddosc 2022480@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We only have one, I want two... he just can't get on board right now. I lose a lot of sleep at night worrying about how I could ever be ok with that decision. So, I don't have any advice, just commiseration. </p> <p>I've done a lot of journaling about it, and that helps me at least clarify my feelings on the subject, which helps me feel a little better at least. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022420 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 15:35:03 +0000 mrsjyw 2022420@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not us, but DH's BFF and his wife have three boys. She wants a fourth child, he is done. He's been done since baby #2. I think she's come to terms with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-want-more-kids-and-he-doesnt#post-2022397 Tue, 13 Jan 2015 15:26:47 +0000 MamaBehr 2022397@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Have any of you totally disagreed with your SOs about how many children? What happened? How did you decide? If you wanted more, and he wanted less, how do you ultimately feel about it? </p> <p>DH and I have three lovely children, but I would love one more. Just one! (I know you think I'm nuts) I want a big family and I've always wanted a big family, but he isn't on board. He was for awhile (like in October!) but isn't so sure anymore. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for no more kids, but I don't know if I feel ok with it. Will I ever? </p> <p>What are your experiences? </p>