https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 02:21:04 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1434378 Wed, 19 Feb 2014 16:16:14 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1434378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the record, we did always want more than one. We've always hypothetically talked about a large family, but for most of the first year, I really wasn't sure I wanted to consider having anymore. The further we get from the newborn days and the sleepless nights, the more I *think* that I can do this again. I love seeing my boys showing more and more personality as they grow up and learn new things. They're discovering they have a sibling/built-in playmate, and it just kills us how much we love seeing them interact with each other. All those things remind me that every stage is different and hard and fantastic all at once, which gives me hope that (1) we could survive another newborn phase, and (2) someday they'll all be old enough that we can still do some things that we want to do for ourselves. I'm in my 30s and I spent all of my 20s single and pursuing things that I was interested in (not that I can't do that to some extent now), but I think that makes it easier for me to feel like I can put some of those things on the back burner for a couple more years to have another kid. It might be harder for me to feel that way if I hadn't had a chance to do my own thing for a decade. Not sure if I'm wording that to really express what I'm trying to say; hopefully that makes sense. </p> <p>For me, time has been a big factor. My answer 6 months ago--heck, my answer 3 months ago--would have been much more equivocal than it is now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1434339 Wed, 19 Feb 2014 16:00:11 +0000 Mrs. Blue 1434339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The egg splitting. :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1434331 Wed, 19 Feb 2014 15:57:10 +0000 mediagirl 1434331@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Pumping at work, being sick for almost 2 years straight now, pregnancy, work inflexibility, MONEY. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1413193 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 22:22:02 +0000 jetsa 1413193@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: oh yes me too. If we're doing this again let's do it NOW. I wanted Irish twins. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1412995 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 20:37:04 +0000 skipra 1412995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septca: I totally agree with doing the baby stage all at once. Probably if we waited then I would have changed my mind about a second. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1412828 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 18:57:38 +0000 dojo 1412828@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Throughout my pregnancy I kept saying I never wanted to do it a second time. I still feel that way sometimes but I am more convinced that we will try for a second in a year or so. DH is pretty much on the same page but probably a bit more in the one-and-done camp than I am. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1412519 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 16:26:15 +0000 septca 1412519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Vegmama: There's no shame in formula. ((HUGS))</p> <p>DH and I always talked about having 2-3 kids, but deep down I wasn't sure I wanted more than 1. Especially after the struggle we went through to get pregnant - I just wasnt't sure I could handle that again. But then I did get pregnant and had the most amazing, wonderful little girl... and my heart just quadrupled. Sure, she is a miserable sleeper and being a parent is so gut-wrenchingly hard, but I just couldn't imagine not having another now. </p> <p>Unlike some of you, I have decided that if we are going to have a second (or a third), we need to hurry up and do.it.right.now. If we were to get out of the baby stage and get used to having an independent little kid before TTC #2, I don't think I would ever agree to do it again. I would rather have a few years of baby hell than get hit with that train again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1412448 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 15:58:27 +0000 Vegmama 1412448@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We thought we wanted another one before our LO arrived. She is amazing, but I have really been struggling with BFing. It's enough to make me not want another baby. The pain, the low supply, the hassle of pumping + supplementing. I wouldn't trade her for anything in the world, but I can't imagine doing this again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1412133 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 14:16:06 +0000 Chillybear 1412133@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was the motivator behind getting pregnant and having #1, We love her dearly and will most likely have #2 but the last 4 months have been eye opening. My hubs is not a baby guy and a lot of the work and responsibility has fallen on me. I have a feeling he'll push for a 2nd before i'm ready not because he wants another baby but because hes only 3 years younger than his brother and would want his kids close together. I have some stipulations before we ride the baby train again. We need a 4 bedroom house, on a quieter street preferably closer to my parents, our CCs need to be paid off and i would want to either go part time or be a SAHM. At this point i think it will be at least 3-5 years before i could entertain doing this again </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1412084 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 14:03:12 +0000 travellingbee 1412084@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: This is us too. I think if given the choice completely on his own, my DH would prefer to be one and done. However, I THINK I want one more and he says he can talked into it, if it's what I want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1411998 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 13:41:02 +0000 jetsa 1411998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@rahlyrah: I have a feeling we'll end up the same way because DH really doesn't want another and I can't force him into that, its too big of a decision for him to just do what I want. Truthfully we need to have a frank discussion about it and then I probably need to get some contraceptives ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1411118 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 08:27:59 +0000 Ra 1411118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It is so interesting reading all of these responses. At the end of the day, I think we are going to end up being one and done. It makes me sad because deep down I really want a second child. I think the decision to have two would be forced on my husband though and that's not fair. </p> <p>It won't be the end of the world to devote all of my attention to the little of my life :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two/page/2#post-1411115 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 08:26:58 +0000 heartonastring 1411115@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: yes, this! I will not make the decision to have another child based on fear or the sibling argument. I worry that if I had another for any reason other than desperately wanting a second child, I could be resentful. That sounds really terrible, but basically I think that making such a major, life-altering decision shouldn't be based on a thing other than intense desire. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1411098 Mon, 10 Feb 2014 08:20:53 +0000 looch 1411098@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's a few things, mainly age for me and the fact that my husband is one of 4 and he was always taking care of his siblings, so he feels like he's already done the juggling act.</p> <p>I don't buy into the whole "siblings=best friends" thing, have another child because you want to, don't base it on your siblings being BFFs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410744 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 21:22:45 +0000 Mrs. Pen 1410744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@heartonastring: your response resonates most with me. There are so many things in life that I want to do, another baby would really complicate or hinder things. DH is dead set on more, I'm really not sure. IF we have another one, it will be 3-4 years down the road and I hate the idea of my kids 5-6 years apart. I really don't want to go through the baby phase again.</p> <p>But part of me never wanted only one kid- it was either no kids, or 2-3 kids... I dunno. I'm still young so I'm not stressing it and taking my sweet time to decide. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410676 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 20:37:18 +0000 Mrs. Taco 1410676@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anandam: @jetsa: Ok, now I want to know what blog/post someone would admit to being upset about twins. I'm so darn nosy. Can one of you please wall me the link so I can kill my curiosity? :happy: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410643 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 20:19:33 +0000 Greentea 1410643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyMats: none :( I think that would make such a difference for us. I would love help, support, a break, anything. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410538 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 18:36:52 +0000 MamaG 1410538@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@loveisstrange: This! </p> <p>We are not preventing (and have been this way for almost a year now). We are old parents (I was 37 when LO was born). Her closest in age cousin is 9 years older and about 700 miles away. I hate the thought of her being without close family later in life. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410531 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 18:27:06 +0000 skipra 1410531@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We were undecided until we had DS. Once he was born I knew for a fact that we would at least try for a second (or more). I know that doesn't really answer the question - it was just something clicked the weeks after he was born and I knew that I really wanted to do it all over again. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410522 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 18:13:40 +0000 MoonMoon 1410522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're undecided. But like some PP, we are on the older side, so we have to decide one way or another soon! We also went from ambivalent to one and done to, wow, we love this baby, 2 might be fun! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410472 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:33:13 +0000 heartonastring 1410472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're both about 98% sure we're one and done. We always thought we wanted two, but then we had DD and she's amazing and wonderful, an "easy" baby, but even easy babies are hard and we just don't want to do the baby years again. We also aren't willing to compromise all our goals/dreams/happy marriage for a second baby that we aren't desperate to have. Not saying that others compromise when they have more than one baby, but for us it would be a compromise.</p> <p>@Greentea: My DD is a good sleeper and we're still one and done, because even the relatively small amount of sleep deprivation I deal with has taken a serious toll...and we feel like we wouldn't be lucky enough to have our second also be a good sleeper and if I had to deal with any additional sleep deprivation I don't think I could handle it! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410459 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:24:11 +0000 jetsa 1410459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was SURE I was one and done until J turned 4 months and he just gets the funner every day now and I just don't know if I can leave him wo a sibling. I love my siblings.</p> <p>@anandam: I read that post, they are so stupid.</p> <p>@Greentea: I'm hoping the (perhaps maybe idk) second would be a better sleeper and less colicky. We cosleep bc it's the only way we all sleep.</p> <p>@rahlyrah: we are the same % as y'all and I just don't know what to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410450 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:15:57 +0000 fancyfunction 1410450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're still deciding - I'm thinking we'll have to make a decision by summer or so and that thought still sort of scares me ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1410444 Sun, 09 Feb 2014 17:12:46 +0000 anandam 1410444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're expecting to want lots but so far just have #1 on the way.</p> <p>For those unsure, though, I'd recommend long consideration of all the uncertainty you open yourself up to when inviting somebody new to join the family - no guarantee of just one (multiples are always possible), no guarantee of somebody like your first (more difficult kid with disabilities, etc)... Recently read a blog from somebody who did IVF to give her son a sibling, but they were otherwise on the fence about more kids, and now they're pissed because they're having twins.<br /> Unacceptable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1408915 Sat, 08 Feb 2014 09:47:11 +0000 lamariniere 1408915@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: my first was a terrible sleeper. Literally waking up 3-4+ times per night the ENTIRE first year. It was exhausting. However, we definitely wanted a 2nd. Baby 2 is now 10 weeks and SUCH a good sleeper in comparison. So it can be done! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1408817 Sat, 08 Feb 2014 08:12:55 +0000 yin 1408817@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>That first year with DS1 was brutal, and I was positive I was one and done. How could I possibly go through that with a second child? We had a surprise pregnancy shortly after he turned one. It resulted in a miscarriage, but that's what I needed to know that my family wouldn't be complete without another. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1408780 Sat, 08 Feb 2014 07:18:48 +0000 BananaPancakes 1408780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're still on the fence, but I can say from my perspective, if I can find a way to SAH, then we'll probably have another. There's no way I'll have another and work. I would be miserable. So we have a lot of financial stuff to figure out and to get settled for that to happen, which means it might not happen. I think my husband would like another, but is letting me make the decision because it's my body and I do most of the child care. Maybe in another year or so we'll visit the idea. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1408775 Sat, 08 Feb 2014 07:04:40 +0000 loveisstrange 1408775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're still deciding, but leaning towards 2. We have small families, she doesn't have many cousins, and we don't want her to be alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1408682 Sat, 08 Feb 2014 00:01:02 +0000 BabyMats 1408682@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: I really think it does make a huge difference. It allows me to recoup.<br /> How far away is family assuming you have family you are comfortable to leave lo with? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-were-on-the-fence-between-one-and-done-or-two#post-1408665 Fri, 07 Feb 2014 23:43:20 +0000 Greentea 1408665@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@BabyMats: I bet that makes a huge difference having help. That is a consideration for me... I don't even know where lo would go when we go to the hospital (if we are having another babe). :/ </p>