https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 16 May 2026 11:45:42 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2434142 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 09:56:31 +0000 Alba4 2434142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't want to repeat too much about what others say. I love my teaching job and it is a big part of my identity. I am fortunate enough to have decent hours and summers off, which helps me feel like I have more balance in my life. </p> <p>I would not be happy being a stay at home mom. I love using my mind, being a professional, and having an identity outside of being a mom (and using my masters degree). Sometimes I wish I could do a part time teaching job while my kids are young, but that isn't really an option. </p> <p>It was hard to go back to work when DS was only 4.5 months old. I wish I had a longer maternity leave, but it gets better and easier with time. I'm sure it will be even more challenging once DS 2 arrives and I go back to work. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2434110 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 08:48:49 +0000 looch 2434110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I think that dads are beginning to hear comments too, especially as millennials are beginning to move up in the ranks. </p> <p>I am not as in tune to what is going on with working dads, but I've started to pay more attention and I've noticed that they too get comments about their choices. It's not so much about working vs staying at home, but it is about taking time off when their wives should be, leaving early, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2434109 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 08:45:20 +0000 Ms maths 2434109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Many people have given lots of good reasons to not feel bad about being a working mom, but I just wanted to add that it's ok to choose work even without these reasons!</p> <p>I think we could be fine without my salary, I would be content and competent as a stay-at-home parent, and I like my job well enough but I don't find work tremendously fulfilling. But I still work and don't feel bad about working or about having someone else take care of my kids :) (And as others have pointed out, my husband doesn't have to offer any of these reasons to justify his continued work.) Other people might make the same decision a different way, and I say, do whatever you like!</p> <p>I do feel like I am in a privileged position in that we have chilcare we loved, I have a lot of flexibility in my job, and my husband also takes a lot of childcare responsibility. We are often tired and stressed, but I think we would feel this way with two small children no matter the working arrangements.</p> <p>I think I am doing a less-than-my best job at work. But I also worked very hard for many years and I expect to work harder in the future. This is ok with me, and I hope I can use my experience to be generous with my colleagues as they go through seasons of personal demands that take them away from work (kids, taking care of elderly parents, their own medical issues.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2434033 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 02:47:33 +0000 PurplePeony 2434033@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm a happy WOHM. Don't get me wrong, some parts are HARD...mainly, there's just never enough time to get everything done. And usually not enough energy. I tend to give DD 100% (or as close to it as I can) when we're together and if that means I end up crashing before the laundry/dusting/etc. is done, then whatever. We're all clean and fed. Even so, I've never had second thoughts about being a working mom. Even during the REALLY hard first week (and the slightly less hard second week, and the almost-okay third week...) after maternity leave was over, when I was freaking out about leaving DD at daycare, the thought rolling through my mind was never "I should be the one staying home with her," it was "maybe we should have gone with a nanny after all, should we start searching now?" But everyone adjusted and it's been good. </p> <p>DD is 2 now and she loves "school" -- she wakes up and tells me what she's going to do with her friends that day. When we walk into the classroom, all her little friends greet her and when she gets picked up, she goes around and hugs each one. It's seriously adorable. The other day, she was telling me that one of her teachers was going to like her new boots, and sure enough, one of the first things the teacher did when we got there was compliment the boots. Little things like that make me happy because I know DD feels loved and cared for, not just by us, but by a whole community. I guess it would be different if she wasn't thriving or if we were dissatisfied with the care she was getting, but so far, it's been great.</p> <p>I'm also a much happier person when I'm working. I need to contribute financially and to know that if something ever happened to DH, I'd be able to support us. If I was out of the workforce, it would always weigh on me and I'd never truly be comfortable. I'm in a really nice situation where my job is interesting, my hours are the standard "9 to5" and somewhat flexible, I can work from home if I need/want to, and my colleagues are just generally great people. I know I'm fortunate, and I don't think I'd be happy if I had a super demanding job, but that was true before I became a mom, too.</p> <p>Anyway, don't let anyone make you feel bad about wanting to be a WOHM. Having happy parents and spending time with other caregivers is far healthier for kids than being with an unhappy parent day in and day out. So as long as things feel like they're working for you and your family (and I mean on a meta level, because everyone has those days now and then when you just want to throw in the towel), then don't feel like you have to justify yourself to anyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2434019 Sat, 23 Jan 2016 01:31:18 +0000 daniellemybelle 2434019@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mae: I agree with a lot of what you said! </p> <p>I always wanted to be a SAHM (or a WAHM with lots of flexibility). I really wanted to be a SAHM after LO was born and even when I was working and she was in a combo of daycare/Grandma-care. There were some times that were really hard, for sure - for LO and for me. We never quite felt like it was the right set-up for our family, mostly because it was not what we had envisioned.</p> <p>But, overall, it was fine! I enjoyed my work a lot, we had a good routine, and LO was totally okay. There were some hiccups that made things more challenging but they were unique to our situation and if they hadn't happened it would have been more than okay. If we had continued with me working and her going to school, she would have thrived, for sure.</p> <p>So, if someone who wanted to SAH feels like working/daycare was fine, I think if you want to work, you will be happy! There will be hard moments. Parenting is full of them no matter the choices you make.</p> <p>I SAH now (WAH very part-time during naps) and I love it. I will not shy away from saying that I think it is great for our family - but I still experience guilt, sadness, worry, etc. You will not escape that! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433975 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 23:07:51 +0000 sera_87 2433975@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What she said ^^^. </p> <p>I - PERSONALLY - always have to have my own income. I just do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433965 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:58:28 +0000 loveisstrange 2433965@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There's a certain type of person who wants to be mommy all day and a certain type who doesn't, and I just happen to be the second type. I don't think there is a problem with either. I was a SAHM for 17 months and it made me a miserable bitch. I was bitter and resentful the whole time. I hated that my husband worked such long hours, and would need to leave for weeks at a time, and it felt like I did everything on my own. There are no breaks from it. It was relentless. Going back to work made me so much happier. </p> <p>I work full time now and I am a kick ass employee. I don't like my job, but I like working. I like feeling like I'm accomplishing something besides laundry. I like contributing financially. I like being around adults. Its made me a calmer mom who yells less, and it makes me appreciate. my time with her more.</p> <p>I think it just depends on temperament. Some women thrive on being a domestic goddess and raising their kids... It's okay to not be one of them. I'm sure as hell not. Lol </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433956 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:48:15 +0000 MrsSCB 2433956@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@PawPrints: I was pretty surprised myself. I don't know if it could be a bit of a regional thing, too, because when I lived in DC and NYC, every mom I knew worked, it was practically a given. So to hear some of this stuff--and there's actually been more (and worse!)--was a surprise to me, and it just started making me doubt things a bit. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433937 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:26:44 +0000 PawPrints 2433937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are certainly things about it that are challenging, but overall it's much easier than I expected it to be. I think my jaw would drop if one of my coworkers said the things your colleagues are saying. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433932 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:22:13 +0000 bisous 2433932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This post has elicited such great responses! I am a WOHM but just started my maternity leave (due next week!).</p> <p>I love working and find it extremely fulfilling. I'll admit that before entering the workforce, I had my doubts about whether I would want to continue working after kids--but now I can't imagine if any other way. It is definitely not easy, but I love putting my brain to work in a way that i likely wouldn't if I stayed home and I truly don't think I could be the best parent possible without that.</p> <p>The first year of my DD's life was definitely challenging but overall, I think working is so worth it for me. The transition back to work/pumping/sending a tiny baby to daycare and the sickness that often comes with a baby's first year were the toughest. To ease that, I am taking a bit of an extended leave (5 months)--but I am 100% sure I will be itching to get back by the end! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433928 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:15:28 +0000 Mae 2433928@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think you got lots of great encouragement, and maybe I can give you a little more from a different perspective. I planned on being a WOHM but then lost my job and ended up staying home 1.5 years and by 6 mo in I desperately wanted to be a SAHM forever. When I got a job last month I sobbed. Every day. For a week. I don't want to work, I have to work. So I went back to work. And I expected it to be JUST AWFUL. </p> <p>Shockingly, even as someone who would rather stay at home, it doesn't suck! I was sure I'd spend all day aching to be with my toddler, but it is sort of "out of sight out of mind" for the most part and I'm busy and it just isn't something I am that concerned about during the day. Talking with adults is fun. Being able to eat what I want when I want is fun. Being able to have 2, or 3(!) cups of HOT coffee is nice. I adjusted my schedule to leave at 4:30 so I can get to daycare by 5 and have 3 hours at night with LO. I thought that would seem like not nearly enough time but it actually seems okay (I wouldn't want less, but 3 hours is okay). </p> <p>The worst part about it is I'm unhappy with LO's daycare and so that stresses me out. But I feel like if I actually thought she was happy during the day I would be totally fine with our current situation. If money was no object I'd still rather be home, but given that is not my reality I think I would happy and content. </p> <p>So-- I'd think if I actually WANTED to work I'd be exceedingly happy now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433921 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:01:56 +0000 blackbird 2433921@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: yeah I hate that. I heard that a few times from people, too-I'm of the mindset and belief that being a mom is a piece of my pie. A big one, but a slice. Not the entire pie. I have other slices, too ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433920 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 22:01:38 +0000 MrsSCB 2433920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all again for the comments, they are so helpful. I will come back and read again if naysayers start getting me down again ;-) and I'm sure this will all be helpful to others beside me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433918 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 21:59:25 +0000 MrsSCB 2433918@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: I`m glad you said that about the same things still making you feel good. A lot of people, and my one friend i mentioned especially, seem to stress so much that "just you wait!" mentality. I know i might feel differently about certain things but it feels pretty dismissive to hear that so much.</p> <p>@Corduroy: thats something I've been trying to do more -- put myself in my husband`s shoes. No one is going to judge him for working and enjoying work, so why should i care if they judge me? Like so many things, easier said than done, but I'm working on it :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to/page/2#post-2433881 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 21:38:17 +0000 blackbird 2433881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ahhhhhh, shit nobody says to dads lol. Much helpful. </p> <p>I've found that the things that made you feel good before becoming a mom, still feel good after.</p> <p>I am so happy being a working mom, but I really hate my job. So I'm working on that aspect. Yeah I miss my kids, but I don't have the desire to spend all day with them. I also miss DH sometimes but am not going to spend the day at his beck and call, either, lol. Burn out is real, man. I'm exhausted but I'm happy. If I'm home for a few days, I get bored. My brain gets stagnant SO FAST. I get bored at work, too, so I'm of the belief I just need a very dynamic environment. I can only play with blocks so damn much. </p> <p>Also I feel so much more equal with DH. We BOTH have the same burdens to share, it isn't "she does this and he does that". There's very little I feel guilty about. Maybe 5% of the time, I feel bad or sad about something related to working. But that's life. I also don't feel like a crappy employee. I get my work done and I do it well. If I can't come in, so be it, but I get my bases covered. </p> <p>I really hated the idea that I wouldn't feel the same way when the baby came. I know myself well enough to know it wouldn't change-and it didn't. It's hard but it's not impossible and having an all in partner makes all the difference. He's got my back and I've got his. </p> <p>And I feel intent to show my kids that you can work and have a great career AND have a wonderful home and family life. That they aren't mutually exclusive </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433831 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 21:14:39 +0000 Beth24 2433831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: I was about to type out pretty much exactly what you said!</p> <p>I always thought I'd be a stay at home mom, but I really enjoy going to work. It helps that I work for a small company that stresses the importance of family first though I think. There are times I wish I could stay home with my daughter, but I know that my decision to work is the best one for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433780 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 20:36:59 +0000 Eko 2433780@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a similar experience to all the others. I will say though that as a mom there will be many people telling you what they think you should do or are going to tell you how to feel. It's a learning process to tune them out. </p> <p>I was going batshit crazy towards the end of my maternity leave. Me working is undoubtedly the best choice for our family. We can live comfortably and provide DS with things in life. I few up in a very poor household and do not want LO to experience some of the things I did. </p> <p>Like others I enjoy being challenged and doing something productive. I don't want my life just to be about being a mom. With working I actually get some alone time and do things like going to the gym.</p> <p>With that said I did have a hard adjustment back at work. Part of it was getting adjusted to new schedules and expectations. So I definitely had moments where I was like I want to sah.</p> <p>But I feel like with working my time with LO is more quality based than quantity. I soak up every moment and have so much more patience with him. Plus, he absolutely loves daycare. I may have felt differently if he didn't. </p> <p>I think me working actually makes me a better mom. I have a lot of respect for my mom because she worked and I know DS will think the same about me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433710 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 19:24:53 +0000 SweetCaroline 2433710@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always thought that I would yearn to be a SAHM but not have the means. Fortunately, we do have the means for me to be a SAHM but ironically, I chose to WOH.</p> <p>Being a SAHM is HARD. Being a WOHM is HARD, but in different ways. I am incredibly busy all the time. I get up at 5am. I rush out the door so quickly in the morning, the only quality time I get with my kid before work is the quick snuggle hug I give her at daycare. I've given my kid Tylenol before for a borderline temp and sent her to daycare, hoping for the best. I've been stuck at work while DH takes DD to the doctor, or stays at home with her while she's sick. I've missed more bedtimes that I want to admit. I've had to ask DD's teacher what time they usually feed her lunch, what her poops have looked like, things a mom should already know.</p> <p>But you know what? She LOVES daycare. Even better, they LOVE her. She has more friends and fans than I do. She is advanced for her age due to all the positive influences at daycare. Her classmates have taught her how to hug, blow kisses and wave. She gets way more opportunities at daycare than I would ever be able to give her at home. I love going to work. I like getting dressed and having intelligent conversations. I savor all the special moments I have with DD. The moments might be fewer but they are oh so much sweeter. Because I work, my family is able to live a lifestyle we would not otherwise be able to afford. This to me is bonus compared to how working makes me feel, but it is a nice bonus!</p> <p>I'll find an article that really changed my point of view on this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433687 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 19:08:23 +0000 Corduroy 2433687@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't want to work but DH wanted me to. Turns out I like it. I didn't like maternity leave much at all. My kids are almost 3 and 7 months. Working and having a baby (both times) was hard. Not sleeping through the night, daycare colds, etc does not set you up to be a great employee. In fact I've felt like a down right crappy employee the first 6 months back after both kids. But I've never really felt like work made me a crappy mom at all. I feel more like a crappy mom after a three day weekend than I do during the week. </p> <p>One thing that help me is comparing myself to DH rather than to a SAHM. If DH doesn't feel guilty or get crap for not doing something or being somewhere I don't let myself get wrapped up in it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433472 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 16:07:55 +0000 gingerbebe 2433472@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: Working or staying at home is just one of those things you wont really know how you feel about until you get there. I am an attorney, but I also wanted the option to stay at home if I wanted to, so my husband and I had always structured our finances in such a way where if I stopped working we could. But we both really didn't know how SAH would really work so I took the option of a year long maternity leave that was largely unpaid to see how it was (also because we weren't sure if we'd be able to have more children so I wanted to make the most of the experience). </p> <p>I admittedly had a really difficult newborn/infant who didn't stop screaming for 4 months and wasn't even remotely pleasant until he was 6 months, so I don't know how I would have handled going back to work sooner than that, but I definitely felt ready to at 8-9 months. My son was on a great schedule by then and was really cute and fun, but I just didn't feel like I could be at home 24/7 with him. BUT I wasn't ready for the hardcore grind of 5-day a week daycare/work/sleep deprivation either, especially because my husband works long hours and has to commute 150 miles a few times a week. </p> <p>So I went back half time after a year (thankfully that's an option at my job) and its been a great balance. I get to use my degree and have some adult interaction and make some money 3 days a week and then have 4 day weekends with my son and husband and I have time to shop and clean while DH hangs out with the baby. When I'm in the office, I'm totally focused on my work and I'm super efficient because I gotta go get my son. When I'm home, I don't really think too much about work and I can spend time with DS and grab a lunch with my husband and we can go to church together on Sundays and relax instead of flying around trying to get everything done for Monday morning. </p> <p>I'm pregnant with #2 now and knowing what I know now, I'm planning on a 7 month maternity leave with him and will return to work on the same schedule I have now. I AM noticing that I enjoy hanging out with my son a lot more as he gets older, so perhaps I'm just not a baby person and I'll want to stay at home as my kids get older, but again, that's something I can evaluate as they get older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433419 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 15:34:38 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 2433419@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I honestly do not feel bad about leaving my son every day. He is in great hands and I am happy working. But I am definitely struggling with whether or not to move up the ladder at my job which would mean, less time with him. Right now I get home around 4 and I feel like we have a decent amount of time together. I definitely know people who have flip flopped either way after having a child. You don't know exactly how you will feel, but whatever you choose, definitely do not feel bad! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433412 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 15:30:19 +0000 yoursilverlining 2433412@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Don’t let people sway you. The vast majority of women work outside of the home these days, and the vast majority of us are holding it down like bosses and are doing just fine emotionally (thankyouverymuch). :silly: </p> <p>Remember, no one ever asks dads these questions, or insinuates that dads are shitty parents if they work. Whenever I would get a comment about working, I just reminded myself that my husband would never be asked that. And if he isn't asked it, why am I worrying about it?</p> <p>I work, I like working and I’m happy as a working mother. I’m not a person who can be happy without really exercising my brain every day, and caring for a child just doesn’t get me there. A lot of “just jobs” wouldn’t get me there either. I worked hard to get educated and get experience, and I want to continue to use it. I also personally really need to define myself well outside of being a mother, and working is a big part of that. </p> <p>Working FT outside of the house isn’t easy. I did have several months where for 2 days a week LO was home with me and was that easier in oh so many ways: a resounding YES. Yes, it is easier to have all day to be able to do laundry. Yes, it is easier to have all day to meal plan and throw stuff in crockpots, or cook partial meals and even just do prep. Yes, it is easier to not have to squish everything concerning your house and lives into the hours of 6-10pm M-F. And yes, it is fun to get to play with your child all day, go to museums, watch them grow and you will miss some of that working full time. </p> <p>But, I’ve never had guilt about being a working mom, because I have NOTHING to feel guilty about. My LO is loved on and cared for all day long. She does activities I wouldn’t likely be doing with her and she gets experiences she wouldn’t get with SAH + play dates. She is learning so much and having experiences I don’t think she would have were we 1:1. In my book, working has been all good – which again, doesn’t mean it’s always easy, fun or enjoyable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433361 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 14:56:07 +0000 simplyfelicity 2433361@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There is so little for me to add because I feel like I am reading my own experience in other bees' responses. I will add that I think it depends on when you go back to work. I was in no way to go back when DS was only a few weeks old. By the time he was four months old, however, I was jealous that DH got to go to work. At the beginning of leave, I thought that maybe I wanted to be a SAH mom because I had this very natural desire to always be near him, but that relaxed. I have been back at work for three weeks and it has been pretty great. </p> <p>I need to be challenged mentally, need adult interaction and love having a part of my day be separate from DS. I am a better mom when I am able to enrich it in other ways. The evenings and weekends are so much sweeter because I am not waiting for DH to come home so I can get a break. I am so much more patient with him. I get to eat lunch with both hands and go pee anytime I want during the day...it's amazing! :wink: </p> <p>It also helps that, while I drop LO off at 7, I pick him up by 3pm. </p> <p>Financially, we wouldn't be able to make it and that's fine because I want us to be able to go on vacations, buy a house and we wouldn't be able to do that on just DH's salary.</p> <p>Look at me say a lot after starting off with "little to add." :silly: </p> <p>My advice is to take everything in stride and trust yourself. Even though your priorities will shift when you have your LO, you are still you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433309 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 14:13:27 +0000 Ms.Badger 2433309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As with a lot of the ladies here, I work for lots of reasons. I like feeling productive, I like using my brain in an analytical way, I like the adult interaction, having a career is important to my self-esteem. These things are true regardless of me being a mom.</p> <p>I actually like being a working PARENT because this means I was able to find child-care that compliments my husband and I - we found a bubbly, over-the-top, fun nanny which are not words you would use to describe DH or me. Eventually we will add daycare or preschool to give him peer interaction. </p> <p>Me working means that we can afford experiences for him like classes, vacations, visits with family who are far away. I also like that he will grow up seeing his parents as equals, but a stay-at-home parent can demonstrate this too, obviously.</p> <p>I truly feel no guilt about being a working parent, we've made the best decision for our family. Both DH and I have flexible work, he is home with J on Monday and I am home with him on Friday. Both DH and I feel that we have lots of quality time with J and both love our current arrangement. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433186 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 13:19:23 +0000 pregnantbee 2433186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi, fellow Aug mama :) I WOH full-time. I think this was a good decision for me and our family, as I still get to have my own thing and use my degree, and my son gets tons of socialization and interaction all day at school. It was much harder in the early days because I had almost no leave left after maternity leave, and DS got sick often after starting at daycare. I had to miss lots of work after just missing lots of work to stay home and take care of him. I won't lie -- that was rough!</p> <p>Now, it's better. I don't get to see him a lot during the week, but we try to make the time we do have together special, and I think school does a better job of entertaining him all day than I could! I am personally not cut out to stay at home. It's definitely challenging at times, especially since my work schedule is inflexible. I do feel sometimes like I'm on a hamster wheel of wake up, rush rush rush, get to school, get to work, get home, prep lunch for tomorrow, dinner, play, bed, repeat. What helps is having an amazing husband who is truly helpful and caring and enjoys spending time with our son. He helps maintain the house (little projects, dishes, garbage, etc), we outsource a house cleaner once a month, we outsource a gardener.</p> <p>One of the best parts of my day is when I walk into the house at the end of the workday and DS and DH are already home and I get a huge hug and a kiss from both.</p> <p>I hope this helps. There's no wrong decision, and you can always change your mind if whatever you pick isn't working for you.</p> <p>ETA: It also really helps that I love my job, feel respected, enjoy the work. I think I'd feel differently about WOH if I didn't love my job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433183 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 13:17:12 +0000 Smurfette 2433183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always thought that I would want to be a SAHM, but $ would be too tight (and we don't want to be pinching pennies) so the plan was always to go back to work. Plus DH really wanted me too even if we could afford it comfortably. But on leave I realized I was not cut out for it, at all. I think I am a better Mom because I do work. I think LO has more fun and learns a lot more at school then home with me. Is it hard, yeah. But you find a balance and you get in a groove. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433163 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 13:08:54 +0000 AggieDaze 2433163@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: it's definitely different for men and women still - often because it's just less accepted. For example, I'm having to BEG my husband to take his paid parental leave so our LO can stay out of daycare a bit longer. He loves our kids and loves to be home with them but it just isn't accepted for him to be absent from work. Meanwhile, it wasn't even a question that I would take all of my allocated leave. </p> <p>I think you've gotten tons of reasons above why WOHM is a good choice for some moms, but will also say that you can't know what you'll want until you have the baby. Either way, I'd encourage going back to work and giving it a shot before anyone decides to stay at home full time. I read and loved this post the other day: <a href="http://alphamom.com/pregnancy/returning-to-work-how-to-survive-how-to-cut-yourself-some-slack-already/" rel="nofollow">http://alphamom.com/pregnancy/returning-to-work-how-to-survive-how-to-cut-yourself-some-slack-already/</a></p> <p>I wish I could be a good SAHM but based on the two days a week I do stay home with my boys, I worry that I wouldn't be able to do it and be the kind of mom I want to be (patient, etc). My part time schedule of doing both seems to be right split for our family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433145 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 13:02:46 +0000 MrsSCB 2433145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: That makes complete sense, and I'm sure my husband will miss our child at times and wish he could spend more time with him/her. We do also plan to split sick days and responsibilities equally -- luckily his job is similarly flexible to mine in terms of being able to work from home. I just think that even in this day and age, when it comes to working outside of the home, the emotions and feelings of guilt are still different for men and women, not to mention how other people view you working. And I just wish that wasn't the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433131 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 12:56:11 +0000 Anagram 2433131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsSCB: your line about your husband. I actually think my husband agonizes over the balance of work and family as much as I do. We split our kids' sick days equally and it takes a toll on his job and he is equally concerned with our kids when they are sick and he worries about them.</p> <p>He's mentioned several times that he would take a paycut to have shorter hours and less responsibility, haha. And that's because he wants to spend more time with our girls. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-you-wohm-because-you-want-to#post-2433130 Fri, 22 Jan 2016 12:55:31 +0000 cascademom 2433130@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Adira: Your week sounds like mine. Baby J didn't sleep well one night, so I took a day off. Before noon, I got the call that his eye looked like pinkeye, booked a peds appointment, and then spent the rest of the day with him. Kept him home yesterday and worked with an infant. Luckily, DH was home too because he was tired of some of his coworkers, so we had a fun one kid family day doing errands, etc.</p> <p>To the OP, I had a bad maternity leave with my first for so many reasons. I itched to get back to work. It was hard at first pumping, no sleep, etc. Once I stopped pumping, hormones regulated, and we're in marriage counseling, life improved dramatically. Work gave me focus and structure when everything around me was falling to pieces and rebuilding. </p> <p>My second maternity leave went a lot better than the first. Balancing two kids and working is tough. It's not for the faint of heart. It's gotten better over time, but being a team and planning our weeks with WFM and WOH has been key. Work has been comfort for me after maternity leave. It's like the constant I crave when home life is tough or exhausting. Sometimes, working while parenting sucks. I have a wonderful, flexible boss who gets it. </p>