https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 06 Apr 2026 06:38:34 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1009191 Mon, 12 Aug 2013 02:52:15 +0000 lamariniere 1009191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm American and my ILs are French but I speak French fluently and know/adore the culture. There are some things that are definitely different, but I think our relationship works pretty well in the grand scheme of things. I'm not sure how I would feel if I didn't speak their language though (they don't speak much English at all). Being able to communicate makes such a difference. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008992 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 21:56:29 +0000 PurplePeony 1008992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My ILs have always been great about trying to make me feel included, speaking English as much as possible or translating for me if it isn't, asking if I'm comfortable in new/different situations, etc. I still sometimes feel very different from them, but not in a bad way. I do make an effort to speak in their language to the extent I can (though I'm terrible at it) and I really like most of their foods, so I think that helps a lot! I have really only spent time with DH's father's side of the family, though -- his parents have been divorced for 30 years and I've only met my MIL once. So I don't know how different it would be if we spent more time with her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008754 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 20:00:45 +0000 Beehive 1008754@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws are from London, but I lived there for a while (and met DH there), so it may be a little easier for me. I think I do fit in with them, and they respect me. To be fair, though, it's not that different culturally! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008740 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:56:04 +0000 Anagram 1008740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@glimmersnaps: wearing their clothes and speaking their language is a bit ridiculous, considering you are American and they know it.</p> <p>My husband is also South Asian, but his parents are really not like this at all. Of course, sometimes his family will all speak their language when I'm there, (they all speak English), but I generally don't mind unless there's a joke or something and I don't get it, but it seems funny because everyone laughs. Then I want to know what the joke was, haha. O sometimes (because I'm a dork) I find myself laughing along, even though I have no clue what was being said.</p> <p>Food-- I'm happy to eat what they eat. I like spicy food, and I'm not a picky eater. But I definitely don't dress the same (unless its a wedding or something, then I'd happily put on a Saree or a salwar or something) and I certainly don't try to speak the language.</p> <p>Honestly, his family's behavior isn't cultural, it's just rude. Sorry you have to deal with that. =( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008721 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:49:09 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1008721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in-laws are Colombian and I definitely feel like an outsider. While it doesn't help that my Spanish is shaky (at best) and they speak no English, I've always felt that it was more family culture differences than anything else - they try to make me feel welcome and included, but don't understand when I need down time away from the 12+ people that are always together when we are there. I also only see them 1 time per year when we go visit and they have not been to the US once in the 13 years that DH has lived here. It will be interesting to see how things go once our LO arrives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008698 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:39:57 +0000 Dapple Grey 1008698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: oh dear! Well Im glad Im not alone in the whole "fat americans" issue ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008695 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:36:42 +0000 Maysprout 1008695@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy: Hahaha. I should so make those for this next LO, if I'm going to be accused of putting her in whore tights might as well make it good.</p> <p>@Dapple Grey: We get the fat comments too, my LO is in the 3rd percentile and both my husband and I are very lean, when we try to explain this to my MIL that she doesn't have much to worry about she just says well American babies are so fat it skews the scale. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008679 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:26:28 +0000 SweetiePie 1008679@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are Israeli. They don't try to make me feel different, but they constantly speak Hebrew when I'm around and that is a little frustrating. They both speak fluent English and have lived here for 30+ years. Of course if they are alone I don't care what they speak but I wish around me they'd speak English. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008669 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:19:11 +0000 mamimami 1008669@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: maybe fishnet baby legs weren't the best choice? LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008651 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:12:16 +0000 Maysprout 1008651@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@sloaneandpuffy: I thought she was joking at first too and laughed until she started going off about how she was going to be embarrassed to introduce her to her side of the family. Then I got more rage blackout and just walked away with LO and said if you're embarrassed of her then you don't have to be around her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008647 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:10:15 +0000 mamimami 1008647@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I guess I should say I live in my in-laws' country so I'm pretty much used to not fitting in, like, ever. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008646 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 19:09:58 +0000 Dapple Grey 1008646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My Il's are from Argentina, and for the most part its fine and dandy-they are very friendly and really welcoming.. However, when visiting the country I found it to be very critical of Americans and their practices at times. Like for instance a family friend of my Il's told my husband and I that all American girls are fat. Now i have this self concious thing about weight gain and having chunky babies- like my american nationality/upbringing is going to create undesirable off spring. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008611 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 18:51:16 +0000 mamimami 1008611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: sorry but whore tights? Good grief. It's funny but probably not when it's your MIL.</p> <p>My inlaws are Mexican but they don't make me feel uncomfortable -- they're very accommodating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008548 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 18:26:14 +0000 PEAPIE 1008548@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm American and my DH is Dutch. His parents live here in the US now. They are the sweetest people and thank goodness Dutch food is delicious. They all speak Dutch but try not to when I'm around. At first it was kind of awkward in that they are super formal people, but I'm used to it now and know they love me even though I'm just a red-neck! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008495 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 18:01:33 +0000 Maysprout 1008495@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. bird: My IL also speak English fluently but converse in French even when they have non-French speakers over. For the most part it's fine but it did seem a bit rude when I first started coming to visit. Now that I understand his mom speaks in a hushed voice sometimes, I can tell when she doesn't want me joining in the convo but she does love having her 'own' language.</p> <p>@glimmersnaps: DH has a hard time speaking up to his mom too but he had to a few times that first year. My FIL even took her aside a few times, which I think helped more than my husband speaking to her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008463 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:30:52 +0000 mrbee 1008463@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@glimmersnaps: I guess my take is that if he isn't going to talk to them about it, then maybe it's time to reduce the amount of visits? At least for a little while... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008459 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:25:55 +0000 Lindsay05 1008459@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am sorry you feel this way. This is why I never could be with someone of a different culture. It has nothing to do with any culture in particular. I guess its because I didnt grow up in a very diverse community so it would be a hard adjustment. I hope you can explain it to your SO about your feelings and ways he can make you feel more comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008456 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:25:13 +0000 glimmersnaps 1008456@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrBee it depends on the situation. He's not used to 'answering back' to his parents but sometimes he will say something about not making comparisons or something. He knows it bothers me but his outlook is to just ignore it since we don't see them but a few times a year.</p> <p>@Maysprout oh lord with the baby stuff! MIL has calmed down a lot since she's had more grand kids but it was rough with the first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008449 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:18:39 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1008449@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Exactly! </p> <p>I used to have a hard time with this. From the beginning, they expected me to know their language, even though they spoke English. They'd often talk about how great they are with countless examples. It was amusing at first, but then got very annoying. In my case, I'm actually the foreign one since I moved to their country. So I'd try to understand them. With mine, it's more about not being used to foreigners, and so they lack sensitivity in that sense. If you, your parents, your parents parents and every generation as far back as you can count has ALWAYS done the same thing the same exact way, it can be a little difficult to think differently. Well at least that's what I tell myself :) </p> <p>But once DD came along, it's gotten better. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008444 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:15:44 +0000 Katrocap 1008444@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@glimmersnaps: Although there's no reason those cultures can't be compatible, they are very different, esp. if your ILs are very traditional and you are liberal/progressive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008442 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:13:40 +0000 mrs. bird 1008442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i feel ya! mixing of cultures can be hard. for the most part i enjoy the cultural part of it (i don't always enjoy my ILs though! haha), but sometimes i feel like the odd one out. they will sit around and speak a language i don't understand (they live in the US now and are all fluent in english), i appreciate when someone stops to tell me what's being discussed, even if i'm not supposed to share my opinion on the topic since i'm a woman. it really bothers me when his younger cousins call me 'white girl'. he's talked to them about it and they stop for a while, but always start up again. i don't want people talking like that when we have LOs, we will simply leave if anyone addresses me that way in front of our children. the food thing i try to be open to even though i'm the world's pickiest eater, i also ask MIL to teach me how to cook some things because it shows interest and desire to carry on traditions. we served goat at our wedding (in addition to other things) because food is easy to incorporate. for clothing i only wear traditional garb to certain events where it is expected. we also aren't as strict on certain traditions depending on who is present and where we are- in our home, i great people as they enter, not in order of status, i serve food and pass it around the table, i don't serve men first and if i have something to add to a conversation, i add it, however when in the homes of his family i try to follow their traditions and if there are other chiefs there i make sure to greet them first, then lolos, then other men. then women and then the children and i always make sure to be physically lower when they speak &amp; serve them first. </p> <p>not gonna lie, it has caused a few cultures clashes and i have become estranged from some of my own family over it, but DH means the world to me and i respect him and the culture that he came from. i try to think of how grateful i am for how they've expended my views on the world and enriched my life with the differences they bring and that makes putting of with the harder parts easier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008436 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:06:51 +0000 Maysprout 1008436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a rough first year after LO was born too. My MIL and I have very different baby care ways and that made her very upset but it was not something I was going to change (she's CIO from literally day 1 and super scheduled to the point of not changing poops if it's not 'diaper change time'). She also criticized a lot of her clothes (it's a baby they're cute in everything), I mean she criticized everything in general the first year. I liked putting baby legs under her pants since they make diaper changes easier without the baby getting too cold and my MIL referred to them (not in a joking way) as 'whore tights' and that she'd be embarrassed to introduce her to her family - which did not receive a very nice response from me. There was just so many things, some of it is just my MIL, some of it is cultural. Luckily it got better after the first year though I'm hoping we don't go back to that disaster when LO2 arrives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008428 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 17:01:04 +0000 mrbee 1008428@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@glimmersnaps: what does your SO say when that happens? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008423 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:56:39 +0000 glimmersnaps 1008423@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrBee It's actually worse after kids because now they constantly compare my kids to the other grand kids who speak their language and eat their food etc. </p> <p>@Katrocap They are Indian and I'm American </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008403 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:39:27 +0000 Penny Lane 1008403@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I do, and it's silly in my case, because they're American and I'm a New Zealander. We still eat (just about) the same food, speak the same language (I think... although sometimes I'm not so sure ;) ) but I still feel odd and out of place around them. They always make a point of making fun of my accent, so I'm sure that doesn't help! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008393 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:29:12 +0000 mrbee 1008393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It can be hard... but once you have kids, you hold the trump card!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008383 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:21:27 +0000 oliviaoblivia 1008383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mine are, but their Canadian and I'm American so it's not like its all that different,<br /> MIL does like to take every possible opportunity to point out how Canadians are so much more civilized than Americans. She's a nut job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008380 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:18:37 +0000 Katrocap 1008380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I had a boyfriend once from another country and felt similarly. Do you mind sharing what country they're from? Just curious ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-are-from-a-different-country#post-1008372 Sun, 11 Aug 2013 16:14:41 +0000 glimmersnaps 1008372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>do you ever feel like you don't belong when you're with them? I feel like I'll never fit in with them. They expect me to eat their food, wear their clothes, and speak their language. And because I don't, they always point it out that I'm different. It's usually "joking" but it really hurts my feelings sometimes. </p> <p>Anyone else deal with this? </p>