https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 14:46:16 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484717 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:09:24 +0000 Bao 484717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@septemberlove: I'll let DH handle this one. I know he will be nice about it though. If it were my parents, I would handle it. I definitely think this one is up to him though, because like @mrbee said, I would probably come off as the bad guy, no matter how nice I am. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484693 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 21:01:17 +0000 lomom 484693@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I hate smoke (and I married a smoker!) but id never tell someone what to do in their home, not even DH! Thankfully he's respectful and smokes outside or in his home office. </p> <p>I think you should simply limit your visits. If you're asked why you don't come around, be honest but polite. Smoking is a very difficult habit to break and being cruel isn't going to help the situation or make them stop smoking. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484659 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:50:25 +0000 Bao 484659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@matador84: oh my gosh that is horrible!! So so sad :( Yup,DH was premature and his brother was full term, but both only weighed 3lbs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484650 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:47:40 +0000 matador84 484650@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bao I am pretty sure dhs mom smoked while preg with all 4 of hers too! They were all major preemies and one passed away when he was 20 due to lack of oxygen to his brain...complications from that anyways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484646 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:47:04 +0000 ladyfingers 484646@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Bao: Absolutely! I agree with your decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484620 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:40:43 +0000 Bao 484620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@matador84: This subject gets me heated too, because I just don't get peoples thought process. I will say though, DHs mom smoked while she was pregnant with him, so she doesn't see the issue with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484612 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:38:36 +0000 matador84 484612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My in laws are huge chain smokers and smoke in their house so I can feel your pain exactly!! DS is 18 weeks and I will NOT take him over there. I posted a thread on this same situation a long time ago because I was so stressed about the conflict I knew it would bring. Luckily DH has supported me and the decision to not bring him over there. My mil and SIL have been super rude about it. It is really sad also because sil's son lives with them (he's 4) and has horrendous eczema which I know would not be as bad if he weren't living in that environment, in addition to asthma. Plus, who wants to leave there smelling like an ashtray! Sorry, but I could go off on this subject forever. I had a good friend who is an RD put it this way to me- she said to ask them if they would smoke a cigarette and hold the baby. Even though mine are huge chain smokers and probably would, most would say they wouldn't. Well...them smoking in the house and your child being around it is exactly the same thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484611 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:38:33 +0000 Bao 484611@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@blackbird: It's been a pretty ongoing issue, it's so hard though because I want to be able to bring her there, and as much as it is their right to smoke in their house, I can't put my daughter in that unhealthy situation. Gets frustrating :/ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484605 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:37:25 +0000 Bao 484605@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ladyfingers: @Arden: Oh yes, it is definitely their right! But yes, it is my right to keep my baby healthy so whatever I need to do to do that, I will! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484564 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:28:08 +0000 blackbird 484564@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't take my child over if my folks smoked in their house. We have enough issues with the fact that they smoke anyways, let alone in their house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484559 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:27:17 +0000 Arden 484559@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't bring my baby there anymore either. I think if they want to smoke in their own house that is their right, but it's also my right not to bring my child into that environment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484540 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:21:14 +0000 ladyfingers 484540@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's totally fair not to want to go over there anymore, but it's also fair of them to continue to smoke in their own house. I could see if they did it while LO was there, but you can't really make somebody stop using their house the way they want to when you're not there. Sucks, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484526 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 20:17:07 +0000 Bao 484526@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: yep, this is definitely DH's territory, but he is on board with me.<br /> @Thehistoryofus: Right, I agree, it is there house and they are free to do what they want, but as long as they are smoking in there we won't be visiting.<br /> @artbee: Exactly. Maybe this will really prove our point.<br /> @runnerd: Yeah I see where you are coming from. It's really hard for me to even tolerate though, since I am rarely around it, especially in a confined area, with no ventilation. Our pedi said she could act as the bad guy, and to tell them she said it was absolutely not ok. It's just something we feel strongly about, so if they continue to smoke in the house they can come to our place to see LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484468 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:52:03 +0000 mlm2934 484468@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I dunno... I grew up with a chain smoking dad who talked smoke into my face every day and his parents (my grandparents) were the same around me, so maybe my perspective is skewed, but if they don't smoke while you are there, I don't really know that I would agree that you should have an ultimatium and never go to their house. Maybe just limit your visits if it's a worry? It is their house when you aren't around to do as they please. </p> <p>note, I don't smoke, hate smoke, and hate houses that smell like smoke, guess I'm just used to it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484461 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:50:10 +0000 heffalump 484461@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see no problem with that, and I would never take my lo there either. Tell them if they want to see your lo it will be in a smoke free place. Done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484453 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:45:49 +0000 T.H.O.U. 484453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's fair but you can't ask someone to do something in their own house. Just be clear that as long as there is ANY smoking going on in the house you won't be visiting. No hard feelings, they can visit your house or in a public place but you won't be visiting them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484450 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:43:54 +0000 mrbee 484450@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sounds pretty reasonable. Maybe they'll prefer it this way? They get to smoke in their house openly again!</p> <p>Hopefully your DH can communicate this as his own decision... otherwise, you might come off as the bad guy here! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-in-laws-smoked-in-the-house#post-484447 Sun, 06 Jan 2013 19:41:41 +0000 Bao 484447@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>...would you still bring LO over there? This has been an ongoing battle with DH's parents for a while now. We asked them nicely before LO was born, if they could smoke outside only, so that we could still visit. They agreed. Then, we tried to go over there and on 5-6 different occasions, it still smelled like smoke, so DH called them out on it. They swore they would do their best to keep it outside, and told us (when we would ask), that they go on the deck. Well, today DH called and was just chatting and nonchalantly, asked how the smoking situation was going and they said "well we smoke in just the spare room/office sometimes, and in the dining room only with our morning coffee"...I instantly freaked out! So they are still smoking in the house then...it doesn't matter if it's in 1 room or 10 rooms, it's the same thing. I told DH we are DONE going there. I am sure I sound like a horrible person, but my 4 month old isn't going to go sit in a smoke filled house. I feel that we gave them plenty of chances, and were willing to compromise with them. We never told them they had to quit, just asked if they could take it outside. Thoughts or advice? </p>