Hellobee Boards Topic: If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?

Hellobee Boards Topic: If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too? https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 14 Aug 2026 05:23:33 +0000 Chastenet on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209779 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:45:49 +0000 Chastenet 209779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ We both speak each other's language. Before DH I had a boyfriend who didn't speak English and I realized how important it was to me that my SO speak my language since I live in his country and speak his. Good thing I found DH who was already bilingual :) I understand that you can feel excluded when you don't speak the language and everyone else does, but at the same time, when you speak several languages you often have a preferred language based on who you are speaking with. For example, I cannot stand to speak French with my native English speaker friends. DH and I speak French and it is next to impossible for us speak English to each other, it just seems really weird. So it can be hard to speak the "wrong" language with someone for the benefit of a third person... I think this is why it is so easy to forget about the third person and slip back into the preferred language. With my in-laws, my new sister-in-law does not speak French, and it is very difficult for everyone else to make the conscious and unnatural effort to speak English for her. The conversation always slides back in French. mrsjyw on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209775 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:42:30 +0000 mrsjyw 209775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents speak Korean of which DH understands 5% ... They get along really well though and use broken English and broken Korean to have phone convos, etc. even when I'm not around to translate :) mrs. bird on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209750 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:28:36 +0000 mrs. bird 209750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH's fam speaks igbo, they're from Nigeria. they also assume that i can follow when they speak pidgin to me, ummm... no. once in awhile, someone will stop and explain to me what they're saying, and if my family is around they tend to speak in english (his grandmother is the only one that isn't fluent in english). i'm not really supposed to contribute to adult male conversations anyway, so it's probably for the best- i can be pretty opinionated & keeping my mouth shut isn't always a strength for me. most awkward language barrier moment: they brought all of these people to my parents house and told us it was for everyone to meet/go over thing & promised that would NOT marry us that day.... well, they married us anyway and i had no idea until it had already happened, i cried when i figured out what was going on. Meridian on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209740 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:24:09 +0000 Meridian 209740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hilsy85: I feel the same! DH's family speaks Cantonese at home and his parents' English is not that good. "Isolating" is a good word, which is how I feel when I'm at their house (every week). I also tried learning Cantonese using one of those Rosetta Stone-like CD programs a few years ago, but gave up halfway through the 2nd CD :T Maysprout on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209716 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:17:26 +0000 Maysprout 209716@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I understand most of what is said but in big family gatherings where multiple conversations and joking around is going on I get lost. I am very self-conscious about speaking though, my accent isn't very good so I haven't practiced talking it much, my husband and I rarely get annoyed with each other but for some reason I get sensitive or he gets impatient when we try to practice together so speaking is coming along much more slowly. If push came to shove I could get by though. My MIL is annoyed that I won't speak French with them but at the same time now that she knows I understand most of what is said she'll lower her voice and mumble sometimes so just whoever sitting next to her can hear. So I'm pretty sure she likes not being understood. French isn't a super uncommon language though so when we're out and about and she uses it to criticize someone around us it's like you know they might understand! Mrs. Yoyo on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209698 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:10:20 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 209698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ @hilsy85: You aren't the only one! My ILs speak Thai with each other regularly in front of us. They purposefully never taught my husband, either, so he also doesn't understand more than a word or phrase here or there. I honestly think it's super rude. They asked me once if I could understand any of it and I said "a little." (Very little, but I can pick up simple things every once in a while.) And they looked all scared and shut up after that. Nice. hilsy85 on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209685 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 09:03:23 +0000 hilsy85 209685@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I guess I'm one of the only ones who is bothered by it then...? DH is is Russian and mainly speaks Russian to his parents when they're/we're all together. It is very isolating for me--they'll slip back into English for some things but I hate not being able to follow conversations. It makes me not want LO to speak Russian, because then that's another person who will be excluding me from family conversations :( I should add that DH got me Rosetta Stone for Russian and it did NOT work (granted, I only tried for like a month). But Russian is HARD. Alivoo01 on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209643 Tue, 03 Jul 2012 08:20:40 +0000 Alivoo01 209643@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Hubby's family speaks Khmer (Cambodian) and I can currently understand about 25%. His family mainly speak that language around me unless they're directly speaking to me then they'll mix half Khmer and half English. I don't mind. My family speaks mainly Cantonese (we can also speak Mandarin) and they speak that to each other and to me even if the hubby is around, but will speak to him in English. Hubby doesn't seem to mind. wheres_c on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209335 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 19:06:50 +0000 wheres_c 209335@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My Partners family speaks Spanish. When we started dating, I didn't speak a word of it. I was understanding when his folks spoke to him in Spanish, but it kinda pissed me off when his brothers our age spoke Spanish to him in front of me when they were perfectly capable of English. After about 6 months I figured if you can't beat them, join them....and started learning Spanish myself. I would say After 2 1/2 years I understand about 85% and speak about 45%. Our lo will be raised bilingual chopsuey on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209314 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:55:08 +0000 chopsuey 209314@https://boards.hellobee.com/ HAHA Koreans love to talk about food! DH's parents are white so they speak English. Mine are Korean and DH understands and speaks Korean so it's good! Rubies on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209268 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:36:57 +0000 Rubies 209268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I'm Korean and my hubs/inlaws are Chinese. They speak English but sometimes my MIL slips and starts speaking Cantonese to hubs, which is fine. What annoys me to death is when she mutters things in Cantonese under her breath to hubs in front of me - it's usually about something she thinks I'm doing wrong, or she doesn't like the way I'm feeding her, etc. SIGH. My mom sometimes says things in Korean to hubs by accident but the thing is, hubs can read Korean and understand a whole lot so my mom just naturally feels inclined to speak Korean. :) Andrea on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209264 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:33:12 +0000 Andrea 209264@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My parents will speak Cantonese in front of DH but he doesn't seem to care. DH tried to learn it for a while but it's pretty difficult. I told him to learn Mandarin instead since it is easier and my parents speak that as well. He will probably start learning some once DD starts Mandarin lessons. mrbee on "If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too?" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-sos-family-speaks-another-language-do-you-speak-it-too#post-209255 Mon, 02 Jul 2012 18:27:44 +0000 mrbee 209255@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Bee's family speaks Korean, of which I can follow about 5-10% (it helps that they are usually talking about food and also that they mix in a lot of English haha). So when we visit her family, they usually talk in Korean. Unless we're all talking about something together, in which case everyone switches to English. I don't mind at all, and in fact I encourage this because it's a great chance for Bee to use her Korean. But I've read some angry posts online from SOs who feel snubbed in similar situations. So I thought I'd ask how you guys feel. If your SO's family speaks another language, do you speak it too? (Or if your family speaks another family, that works too.) If not, how do you (or your SO) deal when everyone else is speaking a language you (or your SO) don't understand?