https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 04 May 2026 11:38:51 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210346 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 15:42:38 +0000 lovehoneybee 2210346@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're close to D's family right now, and it would devastate me to move away from them, so it would be a very hard decision, but I would be open-minded, especially if there was a significant pay raise involved, and if we thought it was the right thing for the long-term future of our family. </p> <p>That said, I work for the state, so I can't really transfer to a job out of state (although I could certainly go through the process again in a new state). And my mom is moving in with us in a few weeks (from TX , where she's lived for 30 years to PA), so that would be another very large factor. </p> <p>But I've made a cross-country move on much less than a job opportunity, I would just need to weigh the options a lot harder than I did then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210325 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 15:20:40 +0000 MrsH 2210325@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be completely against it. We are near our families and while I could work remotely I love where we live. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210295 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 14:49:17 +0000 NorCalWayfarer 2210295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I totally agree with getting a job offer before moving. I would think even if her DH got a job in SF it is not certain they would actually live in SF with two kids on one salary (not to mention the issue of the public school system or paying for private school)... SF is more expensive than NYC right now! Oh and June Gloom is a thing and it's terrible, but the rest of the year, particularly the fall, is gorgeous in SF and totally worth the gloomy months (you just got to get out of the City on the weekends and hit up Napa, Marin, East Bay, South Bay, Tahoe, etc). As you can tell I'm a California girl :-)</p> <p>I would LOVE to move somewhere for the adventure factor, but it is extremely unlikely since my work is incredibly state-specific and I told my DH if we ever move out of CA I'm not taking another bar exam. We have lived on the East Coast and internationally and I'm content now in California...with frequent vacations :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210286 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 14:31:34 +0000 Torchwood 2210286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When we were engaged, DH graduated college, and his best job offer ($20,000 more per year than next best) was 1100 miles away from where we lived. It was a bit scary, but we moved the wedding sooner (since he would be moving right away, and I would only join him after we were married, we didn't want to wait a year like we'd planned) and made it work. I wound up loving it in the new city (Denver), and would love to liver there forever. The job requires him to be able to move whenever, though so far we've only moved once (back home, interestingly). We're planning to put in for international if anything good comes available. They just won New Zealand, so we might ask to go there!</p> <p>So all that to say, I'm totally fine with moving far from family (if anything, I prefer it), even if it's somewhere entirely new. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210257 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 14:02:55 +0000 Raindrop 2210257@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gosh this is such a tough question! I think it’s definitely situational and talking a lot about with your DH will help a ton.</p> <p>For us, I’m on the fence, I think it would be a great adventure but at the same time I like where I am and I am super comfortable with it. I think also secretly I want to spend more time with the kids so if this job opportunity for my husband gave me a really good reason to go either part time or unemployed completely I might be swayed. Also if it let us afford a nicer house … I would definitely be swayed! Bay area is super expensive when it comes to housing.</p> <p>With that I am in San Jose, if you have any questions about the bay area or SF, please feel free to wall me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210203 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 13:25:38 +0000 dc yoga bee 2210203@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I'm the spouse who wanted to move long distance, which was away from all of DH's family/friends/everything he knew. He stepped out on faith with me, and he absolutely loves it. He says he was nervous, but would do it again. It's going to be hard, and after 3 years we are still building our network of friends (it's harder once you're no longer in college), but we are happy. I think it's important for everyone's concerns to be treated as valid. Even if it's as simple as making a pro/con list, and then talking it out. That's what we did, and it helped put everything out there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210096 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:33:58 +0000 psw27 2210096@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Absolutely! I would love to move somewhere less expensive. I currently work but DH is the primary breadwinner and has way more upward mobility than I do so I am open to it. Plus we do not have any family within 8+ hours of driving, and our parents are all 3_ hour flights away. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210088 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:29:43 +0000 Ginabean3 2210088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow what a timely post.....DH just brought up he wants to apply for a job that would be a huge career jump for him last night. (he was approached by a recruiter). At first I was really upset...we just moved to our current city almost two years ago, bought a house, we are relatively close to our families....oh and I'm 8 months pregnant. I think the hormones are to blame for me not being happy with the idea. Well I had the night to calm down and think about it and I feel<br /> much better this morning. I SAHM so it wouldn't affect my career....I make friends easily and it would kind of be exciting to be in a new place. The area we would have to move to is nice and desirable. I guess I just felt sad that I had just gotten settled in with my current situation and the thought of potentially getting uprooted just when I have a support group, etc, made me sad. But who knows....it's a big jump and he says it's a long shot. But I will support him if it's what he really wants and he would be doing it for the family. I really don't have any compelling reasons for him NOT to do it..... :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210080 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:27:49 +0000 irene 2210080@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: I must say SF is always always very cold, it doesn't really have seasons. Part of the reason why I actually was glad we moved back to where we are now :) It is great to visit because it is cool and mostly sunny all year round... but when you live there and has to wait in the cold for the train and what not at 7am in the morning, brrrrrrr :)</p> <p>If your husband is a tech guy wouldn't San Jose be more of a good fit?</p> <p>Regardless, make sure you have a job offer first before moving out, I would say... so expensive to live in either NYC or SF! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210074 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:23:25 +0000 Mae 2210074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's pretty much off the table. This is where all my family is and we decided to set down roots here. My parents are also in the process of selling their home to move to our city to be close to us/LO, which we would not let them do if we weren't planning to stay here. Plus we like where we live. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210072 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:22:34 +0000 erinpye 2210072@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'd do it in a hot second! I LOVE adventure, new places, change, and would jump at the opportunity to be back in a big city. We just got back from SF and I'm trying to convince DH we should live there :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210061 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 12:11:47 +0000 sunny 2210061@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For the right opportunity, I would definitely consider moving to certain places. We seriously considered moving for my husband's job 2 years ago. </p> <p>@aprild: SF/Bay Area could be huge for your husband's career, but there are also other places that are great like Seattle, Austin and Raleigh. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210034 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:56:01 +0000 BoogieBea 2210034@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We moved overseas 6 years ago for my husband's job. But since that experience, we've been open to relocation in general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210032 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:55:15 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2210032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: It might be worth it for him to check it out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210025 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:49:47 +0000 MrsRcCar 2210025@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We just did this! DH has always supported my dreams so I am supporting his now. We moved away from all our support system but we are managing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2210007 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:37:44 +0000 namaste 2210007@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is in tech right now and opportunities come up on the west coast. When the right one comes along, I'll be packing up! I can do my work anywhere so it wouldn't be a hard transition. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209992 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:34:03 +0000 lemondrop 2209992@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hell to the yeah! When can I start packing? </p> <p>My husband moved with me so I could figure out vet school, but when I found something I liked better, I told him to pick anywhere to move... and he decided to go back to AZ. BOOO! </p> <p>We don't have plans to relocate anytime soon, but a better school system is an eventual goal. Right now we have a great preschool set up, but we feel trapped by the heat and the large city that we are in. I absolutely love my job and am in no hurry to leave it right now. One day we are hoping for Montana or Virginia, but that's "one day." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209981 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:27:41 +0000 pinkarmadillo 2209981@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I moved to the city we are in now for my then fiancé and now husband. I love where we are but it has me 6 hrs away from my family and almost 3 from his. We have a great support system here with friends but if we ended up moving it would be to a) get closer to family or b) because he gets a great job opportunity somewhere else which would allow me to stay at home and not work and live more than comfortably. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209978 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:21:46 +0000 Dandelion 2209978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would want to move, but D's dad has us stuck here for another 11 years. After that, I have no issue with moving away, if it would be a beneficial move. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209966 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:15:13 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 2209966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A few years ago, yes, absolutely. Now that we have (almost) two kids, and a TON of family around to help, I'd be devastated. I'd go...but be upset about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209964 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:12:57 +0000 daniellemybelle 2209964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are doing this - moving for my husband's job, actually with a leading tech company. He is leaving a nonprofit where he has worked for 7 years. It will allow me to stay home but I am very sad to leave a city I love and my family. Ultimately, his career was not progressing here and I am proud of him for being recruited to work for an awesome company and taking on a new challenge, and I am grateful that he is helping make our goal of me being a SAHM a reality. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209957 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:07:32 +0000 Ree723 2209957@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would and I have. I look at what is best for our little family, not what is going to make our extended family happiest. When leaving Australia, my family was devastated that we chose to move to England instead of back to the US, but it was the best decision for us and our family. The four of us have to take priority now, not the wishes of our extended families.</p> <p>That being said, I've been a nomad since the age of 25 (more than 10 years now) and am constantly travelling and moving - so it wasn't a totally foreign concept to pack up our lives and move overseas. I like adventure and whilst starting over again can be a bit scary, it also can be quite fun and empowering! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209950 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 11:01:03 +0000 Tanjowen 2209950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I've moved to a different country for his job, and I married him knowing we might have to move at any given point due to his career. It would be extremely hard now that LO is here and we live close to family now, but that's the way it goes in his industry. We did learn from moving overseas that it forces you out of your bubble and you form a community of fellow people in the same situation as you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209949 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:58:24 +0000 cat620 2209949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: We live on the East coast, actually not that far from RTP. It could be a possibility, but I don't think it is big enough/has enough opportunities for him. I could discuss it with him, but he says his order of cities would be SF, NYC, Seattle, Boston, DC, Austin and then RTP. </p> <p>@2PeasinaPod: He has looked at consulting companies a little. Technically he is a consultant for the company he currently works for (self employed, not working for anyone), so I think he wants to feel more integrated with the company and have a more managerial role at some point. I could bring it up to him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209947 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:56:45 +0000 jape14 2209947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would. We currently live about 8 hours from most of our families and closest friends -- though two of our siblings now live near us, with a third scheduled to move to our area this summer. He is the "leading spouse" career-wise, so I wouldn't mind moving long distance for his job. We constantly daydream about moving to London and would definitely do it if we had the opportunity! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209940 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:50:14 +0000 MrsSCB 2209940@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did this two years ago :-) We lived in NYC, moved to Texas for a great opportunity for my H. It was a big change, and I'm not usually that good with change, but somehow it just seemed right. We were both getting kind of sick of NY and we were newly married, no kids so it was basically like, "Why not?" It took some adjusting -- the hardest part was that I didn't have a job when we moved. I was lucky enough to get one within about two weeks but I hated my first job. I love my current (second) job, though, so I'm really happy with the decision now. If you're a SAHM, the job thing won't be a big deal. I think the other difficult adjustment is meeting people and making friends. Though I'm sure you could join some local mom groups and meet people that way! The only thing I don't like is living so far from family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209937 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:46:44 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2209937@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be up for the discussion. It would be hard to be so far away from our families (we live within 20 minutes of each of my brothers and 45 minutes from each of our parents and DH's brother), but I don't know that I'd mind the break. I'd be a little sad to be so far from friends, but we could certainly make it work if it was that big of a career move for either one of us.</p> <p>@aprild: There really is so much for him out in San Francisco. I'm working with a ton of health companies who are doing some really innovative stuff with developers, but I would imagine that it's pretty competitive. Has he thought about working for a consulting company doing development work? I know companies like Towers Watson have remote developers and pay well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209930 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:39:11 +0000 mediagirl 2209930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@aprild: where do you live now? I'm guessing middle of the US from what you're saying. Would anywhere else be a compromise? The RTP area of North Carolina is a huge area for developers. A lot of companies that are based in Silicon Valley have hubs here. Is there any potential for him to work remotely for one of those companies? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209888 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:12:01 +0000 cat620 2209888@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: My husband is a developer. He loves all things tech related and would love to work for a startup. I think SF would probably give him the most opportunities, but it is the farthest away from us. </p> <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: @mediagirl: I'm a stay at home mom for now. We have a two year old and are expecting another one soon. I have been to NYC several times but never to SF. I'm not sure I could envision myself living in NYC, but SF is more of a possibility. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-your-spouse-wanted-to-move-long-distance/page/2#post-2209884 Tue, 16 Jun 2015 10:10:14 +0000 BKCaribBaby 2209884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, it would totally depend on where. DH was seriously considering moving pretty far in the interview process for a job in a place that I had lived before and I didn’t like. After some wrangling, he declined to move forward, and it actually helped us in the end as we both got a new jobs and or promotions that wouldn’t have happened if we had moved to this new place. </p> <p>We don’t live near family, and we don’t want to live where our families live. For personal and professional reasons where they live are not good places for our family. Also most of my family lives in another country anyway. I think if you depend on your family for a lot of help, then it will be a big change to move far away from them. Friendships change over time, and I find now between work and family that I don’t have as much to give friendships as I did before even though they are still important to me. </p> <p>That said I would give up a lot for an expat opportunity, which I know isn’t most people’s cup of tea. </p>