https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 07 May 2026 03:21:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1550122 Mon, 07 Apr 2014 08:44:26 +0000 nicoleannette 1550122@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel you. There are so many days that I feel like I am in the wrong for not being at full speed all day long with her. For sometimes setting her in her pnp with some toys so I can pee and check my phone for a second because my brain is fried with the sound of cora the smart cubs voice and I just need a minute. Is that bad? I dunno, not necessarily. If that's all I did all day every day it would be. But I am the same. My LO loves to nurse to sleep and while she dozes off to dream land I'm usually surfing my phone. And I will often keep her in my arms sleeping a little longer than I should because I get to sit and do nothing for two seconds lol. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1508415 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 13:18:04 +0000 immabeetoo 1508415@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I shouldn't chime in on these posts, because I'm always in the minority and then it stresses me out just reading other peoples' responses! I was talking about it with my Mom and she was saying how back in the 50s, women had so much going on with housework the kids were more supervised (loosely) than educated or entertained. I think the internet has really fueled the notion that if you're a SAHP, you should be on, entertaining, educating, interacting 24/7.</p> <p>In the first two months I felt a lot of what @mrs. wagon speaks of. I felt like I never got a break - it was (for me, not speaking for her!) total martyrdom. Then I started breaking down crying. And we reevaluated. He totally took over once he came home and I was banned to the basement or to leave the house - and it made a H U G E difference. Huge. He felt more empowered, and I felt less stressed. Motherhood has truly relaxed me from previous type-A ness and for that I'm thankful.</p> <p>@Mrs. Sunshine I think it's hard to say, with anything, how much is personality and how much is practice/influence from me. I will tell you it's something I've deliberately cultivated -- I have a family member who had a SAHP who was always "ON" and engaging and then would feel exhausted and stick her in front of the TV from a young age. Now, she is 3, and (shockingly) demands 100% of your attention, or an Ipad/TV. It's exhausting!! My Mom reminded me from when he was itty bitty to give him some freedom.</p> <p>It's specifically a part of our routine and rhythm, and has been for a long time, in increasing amounts. Right now he is 15 months, and after breakfast he typically has 45 minutes of time he needs to entertain himself or follow me around while I do things. Some days he wants longer, some (rarely) days he is whining at my leg every 10 seconds. If he is insistent, I'll take his hand and lead him over to something he can play with and leave him, rinse repeat.</p> <p>Something else that makes a huge difference, judging from other playdates I've been to, is that our home is very toddler friendly. If he can't play with it, it is locked or out of his reach. So I'm not constantly redirecting him and expecting him to reset and entertain himself each time. I can fold laundry in the bedroom, and if he wants to hang out with me he can - but he often will go into his room and play, or go watch the birds on the porch.</p> <p>Hope that helps! I certainly don't think I have it all figured out - but this is what works for us. Self-entertainment is a non-negotiable for me because we'd like to have another ASAP, and we're waiting until 2 for any screen time. So.. if I didn't insist on independent play, I'd go insane :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507510 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:45:50 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1507510@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@scg00387: I try to encourage independent play but I seriously feel like she is always begging for my attention. Once DH gets home I just check out &amp; let her whine until he feels obligated to stop the whining. Did you cultivate your LO's independence or did it come naturally? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507452 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:37:38 +0000 Mrs. M 1507452@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Some days for sure! I feel lucky to be home with her yet some days drag on a bit. I definitely felt like I had more me time when I was working (I went back after maternity leave for 3 months) as odd as that sounds.... probably because I showered, got dressed, had alone time on my commute etc. My goal is to have more balance! Regardless, I wouldn't trade this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507405 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:31:08 +0000 Charm54 1507405@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Zbug: I totally get that. Dh comes home each day and she is ALL smiles, laughing and so happy. I try to give that energy a few times a day but it's exhausting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507237 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 10:04:46 +0000 Zbug 1507237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@char54: exactly this. DD is almost six months as well. We do tummy time, read (chew on) a book and play with a few toys, and that only takes 18 minutes! Sometimes I feel bad because I see how happy she is when family visits and she's constantly engaged. I love staying home with her, but I can't keep up that energy level all day long. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507085 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:42:46 +0000 Jenn23 1507085@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@luckypenny: I agree with everything you said. Well, but I'm not pregnant so I can only imagine how exhausted you are!</p> <p>I count the last few hours of every day until my husband gets home and sometimes I feel guilty. But man, I'm tired by then! Just like when I used to work outside the home, I'd do the same. It sure is work taking care of an energetic toddler and I don't feel guilty enjoying being on here for example while my son naps and doing what I need to do to feel more sane and refreshed. I sometimes turn on YouTube kids videos for him to watch just when I need a few minutes to just sit and do nothing but breathe. But it revives me and then I'm ready to play another game with him, so I think we just do what we need to do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507073 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:41:12 +0000 Charm54 1507073@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel guilty for surfing my phone while dd is in her jumperoo but there's only so many ways to engage a 6 month old . I just spent the past hour doing tummy time , reading books , singing songs, looking in the mirror, and now I need a break. Haha. The house is a mess though so I should really be doing that while she is in her jumperoo instead of on my phone </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507060 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:39:36 +0000 Andrea 1507060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not really. I don't think it is my job to be all day entertainment for them. I think you can definitely spoil kids with too much attention and overparent. They need to learn independent play as well. And besides, I also have to cook, clean, take care of the house etc so I can't be playing with them 24/7 or else nothing else would get done! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1507055 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:38:33 +0000 .twist. 1507055@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: I think this is exactly how I feel. Even when DH is home and helping, I'm still in charge! I'm still the primary care-giver and it is exhausting. </p> <p>I do look forward to nap time because those are my breaks. I try not to feel guilty about that because nap time is a healthy habit for my kiddo. He needs nap time just as much as I need the break. </p> <p>Part of me looks forward to going back to work. The part of me that craves adult interaction and a different type of productivity. Definitely not the part of not seeing L. That will suck big time, but hopefully it will make "our" time much more special. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506983 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 09:28:41 +0000 Dandelion 1506983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not really. I'm pretty laid back in general though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506714 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:55:13 +0000 luckypenny 1506714@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>All the time! I really struggle with this lately because being almost 38 weeks pregnant, I just can't keep up with her like I used to. I am often exhausted by 4pm. Luckily DH has been helping out a ton but I want her to feel engaged and have fun everyday. Then I remember not every kid in daycare is getting one on one attention all day long and dd will be just fine if I let her play independently while I rest on the couch for awhile or do some chores. I actually think it's great she can play independently and doesn't "need" me all the time. I also know that while my husband is working very hard, he gets to take a Walk to get coffee or chat with a coworker so if I want to call my mom to chat or just put her in the stroller for a walk to clear my mind, that's ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506620 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:31:41 +0000 Bao 1506620@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel this way sometimes. I look forward to nap time some days then feel guilty. Staying home is a lot of work so I think feeling that pressure is normal. We have days where we watch a lot of baby Einstein and don't get dressed for a long time, and I'm ok with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506584 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:23:18 +0000 Greentea 1506584@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me personally, being home with an active lo who doesn't sleep much is the ...looking for the right words... um... seriously one of the most challenging things I have ever done (still not the correct word). You have to be on all.the.time. Even if you are barley able to see straight from being tired, or you haven't had a chance to eat... or fill in the blank. DD only takes a short nap, and on me. I run around all day and I have no idea what internet moms are talking about when they say they have down time. For me and other irl moms (and I have been a nanny for different families) the moms basically go nuts because of how much work los are. That is why they would hire me even though they stayed home. I find it challenging because if you really need a break, at least for me- you don't get one. If you have a high maintenance baby like I do you have to do xyz right then, nothing about it is laid back or reasonable because your boss is a baby! I love when dh gets home to even help with even one thing sometimes when I need a break. It really isn't like anything else. Moms I have nannied for feel the same- they almost didn't have kids because they knew how much work they are.</p> <p>One mom thought I was nuts for being a nanny and said she wouldn't want to be around kids all day (she was a sahm of two.) She said if she were me she'd be bartending! </p> <p>All that being said, I believe in bending around babies and it is only for a short time. (It is worth it, but golly it is a lot!) But I very much appreciate my hands on husband. He, along with getting out everyday, really keep me sane. I appreciate him so much! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506557 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:17:35 +0000 looch 1506557@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I did. It was really difficult for me because i felt like I needed to be doing all the housework, cooking and setting up Montessori inspired play areas for my kid. I wish I would have been less anxious about taking him places when he wasn't mobile...I would have been less stressed for sure. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506515 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 08:10:09 +0000 mrs. wagon 1506515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt that pressure when I was a SAHM. I was "on duty" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, because I was the primary caregiver and I am a control freak. So even when Wagon Sr. would "take over" I'd still be "in charge", directing him what to do and when, because I knew how the past day went, how the past hour went, etc. I took pride in how much control I had over my baby's schedule and I also suffered a lot from never getting (or rather, giving myself) a break. </p> <p>I am waaaaay less stressed out as a WOHM! Yes, I have stress from work and the logistics of getting everyone to and from daycare, but I have time away from the kids and I'm much more willing to give up control and trust others to take care of my kids while I'm not around. It makes me a better mom because when I AM with my kids, I'm a lot less controlling and I can just focus on enjoying them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506377 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 07:09:05 +0000 Weagle 1506377@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel this way. I just think it would be nice to take a walk or talk to a coworker or just zone out whenever I want. Instead it's a struggle of how to get things done, take care of myself, and still feel like I'm meeting LO's needs. It's not like I feel that I have to entertain her all the time, but she's not very independent during playtime, so I have to. Oh, and I used to do those nursing naps ALL THE TIME. No shame there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506125 Thu, 20 Mar 2014 00:00:49 +0000 immabeetoo 1506125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Zbug: I don't feel this pressure, but I know what you're speaking of (and have heard other WOHPs say the same thing). I think LO's independence is a strength -- and also that he wouldn't have constant interaction or focused adult engagement in any other setting, either. Every second (and third and fourth) child similarly has divided attention thrown their way. I think it depends on how you view your role as a SAHP. I want to make sure he is safe, supported, and well taken care of. I don't necessarily see my job as to 'entertain' him -- although I do sometimes! I see it more as providing opportunities for him to explore on his own, and providing opportunities for him to interact with other little people and the outside world. And then entertaining him and engaging him when I genuinely feel like it or he is asking me to -- not because I feel like I'm obligated to :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youre-a-sahm-do-you-feel-the-pressure-to-always-be-on#post-1506110 Wed, 19 Mar 2014 23:43:24 +0000 Zbug 1506110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A friend who recently went back to work after an extended maternity leave recently remarked that she feels like she's a better parent now that she's back at work. Her example was that she would be over parenting by the end of the day on maternity leave but now treasures every moment with her LO. I understand why she feels the way she feels, but it got thinking about my own current role as a sahm. As noted on another post, I often am just bidding time until my DH comes home as the end of the day. When I'm really tired, I encourage DD to nap nurse on me because that's the only way she takes a long nap. I also will surf the Internet on my phone just out of her line of vision. This is normal, right? I love spending time with DD, but I honestly don't have the energy to be super engaged for the entire 11 hours DH is gone each day. </p>