https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Wed, 15 Apr 2026 06:45:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-49217 Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:57:13 +0000 shinystraps 49217@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I definitely plan to adopt, in addition to having biological children, in large part because I have two adopted siblings. We adopted a boy and a girl from Ethiopia when I was 16. I just wanted to share some encouragement re: mean things people say. We heard it all. From racist comments (my family is white) to comments like "wow it must be nice to be rich enough to add more kids to your family" and even "doesn't it bother you that your parents need other kids to complete your family?" People say stupid things, most often because they feel uncomfortable.</p> <p>I will just tell you, adoption is amazing. Don't get me wrong, it's difficult and while it was the best experience, it was also the hardest. But our family is exactly how it should be and we wouldn't give those kids back for anything. Eight years later, my parents get different kinds of comments - people telling them how great it is, how they wish they would have done the same. </p> <p>Since we don't have kids yet, I'm not much help with any of your other questions, but I just wanted to tell you that because I know nasty comments can really burn. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-49213 Mon, 09 Jan 2012 09:48:57 +0000 MrsLilybugg 49213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I love AmeliaBedelia's nan's quote too!! I can see myself loving a child equally even if I didn't carry it for 9 months! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-21866 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 13:29:31 +0000 Mrs. Grape 21866@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for all the responses so far!</p> <p>Navy_Mommy - I think it's great that you're open to adoption! Before I was diagnosed with endo, that was something we discussed as an option (have one biological child and then adopt a child of the opposite sex). </p> <p>ChopSuey119 - Thanks for responding! Does knowing someone who has "inside" knowledge of the process make it easier?</p> <p>AmeliaBedelia - Thanks for the extra perspective. :) "Ignore all the rude people" is great advice--you definitely have to develop a thick skin to deal with some of the ignorant comments. Obviously, I don't know this for sure, but I feel like DH and I will love the child we adopt MORE because of what we'll have been through by that point. And I love your Nan's quote! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-21846 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 12:32:48 +0000 AmeliaBedelia 21846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I know we've spoken about this topic before on WB, so I got you a different perspective to answer some of your questions! Since we haven't adopted, I just have an adopted sibling and my mom was adopted, my views are different. So, when I interjected I put it in parentheses or said it was me. Lol. </p> <p>So, here are AmeliaBedelia's Mom's answers:<br /> 1) What was/what do you think will be the most difficult part of adopting? Waiting. And then transitionging from 3 kids to 4.</p> <p>2) What was/what do you think will be the easiest? Accepting her as part of the family. It was easier for some than others (this is alluding to my bro who was the baby for years and had a harder time adjusting). And parenting comes naturally. Not every bit, and that doesn't mean it's easy, but you'll figure it out.</p> <p>3) Did you/do you have a preference on age, sex, etc. of the child? Sex, yes. Age, not really. Wanted another girl (I have 2 brothers and was the only girl growing up, so now we're even). Age preference was really NOT a new-born. (My sister was 4 and a half and was a special needs adoption.)</p> <p>4) Has anyone said anything rude/hurtful to you about your decision? Yes. Some people thought age would be an issue (my mom is 42 almost43, my sister is 7 almost 8). Also have gotten a few awkward ?'s (such as "Where did you get her?")</p> <p>5) What's the best/sweetest thing anyone's said about your decision to adopt? That it's amazing, they couldn't do it, and it takes a strong person to do it. It does, but I don't feel all that amazing. Just another Mom in the world. :)</p> <p>6) (Optional--if this is too personal, please don't feel like you have to answer it!) What made you decide to adopt? (She didn't asnwer this one because she had to go, but for as long as I can remember my mom wanted to adopt. She was adopted herself. She and my step-dad did not (and could not have) biological children, so I think he enjoys having a child he doesn't have to share with another man.</p> <p>7) Is there anything else you'd like to share with me? Advice, experiences, etc.? This is from me, not her, but ignore all of the stupid people. Some people make rude comments about adoption and don't even realize it is rude. Some people think that because you didn't "Carry" your child that it makes them harder to love - and that couldn't be farther from the truth. </p> <p>I'll share another perspective. My Nanny and I were talking a few weeks ago about it (because it was a few days before my surgery) and she said this, "I don't know how people can assume you have to carry a child to love it. You don't carry your grandchildren and you love them from the beginning. I always said that I never went through the pain of giving birth to your mother, but I went through every single thing to do with loving that girl." It made me tear up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-21838 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:51:54 +0000 chopsuey 21838@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband was adopted when he was 10 months old, along with his twin brother. We plan on submitting an application for adoption once we hit our 5 yr mark (we're adopting through Holt International and one of the requirements is that you've been married for 5 years). </p> <p>1) I've heard that it can be a long process. I think all the administrative stuff'll be a pain/hard. </p> <p>2) Loving our newest addition. :)</p> <p>3) We want to adopt a Korean girl under the age of 1. The younger the better! :)</p> <p>4) Nothing rude, but people are often concerned about our ability to love a non-biological child.. or that the adopted child will feel left out, etc. I know for certain that my hubs and I will have no probs in this dept.</p> <p>5) Nothing yet since not too many people know.</p> <p>6) There are so many unloved babies out there. God blessed me with a HUGE capacity to love.. so I want to love and mother as many babies as I possibly can!</p> <p>7) My FIL's on the board of Holt and my husband speaks at adoption conferences and etc. so if you have any questions feel free to ask!</p> <p>ps. I think it's awesome that you've decided to adopt. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-21836 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:42:48 +0000 Navy_Mommy 21836@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We're considering adoption down the road. We may be done having biological children after the one I'm currently pregnant with, or we may have one more and then adopt. We haven't talked about it much with other people since this won't be for a long time and then we'll adopt a young child (but not an infant/toddler). DH was in the foster care system for a while so I don't think anyone will be surprised/negative about it.</p> <p>If we only have one biological child we'll definitely want a girl (I'm pregnant with a boy right now). If we have a second bio kid thats another boy we'll want a girl, but if we have a girl down the road we won't have a gender preference if/when we adopt. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-adoptedplan-to-adopt#post-21827 Fri, 25 Nov 2011 10:14:55 +0000 Mrs. Grape 21827@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a couple of questions, and thought it'd be nice to chat with people who have decided to adopt. It'll be at least 5-10 years before DH and I are ready to adopt a child--we want to enjoy being a young, two-person family for a while, and we also want to be financially secure before we add a child to the mix.</p> <p>Still, there are a couple of things I've been thinking about/wondering about, and would LOVE to hear from other people who have either been down the road to adoption or are planning on adopting in the future.</p> <p>1) What was/what do you think will be the most difficult part of adopting?</p> <p>2) What was/what do you think will be the easiest?</p> <p>3) Did you/do you have a preference on age, sex, etc. of the child?</p> <p>4) Has anyone said anything rude/hurtful to you about your decision?</p> <p>5) What's the best/sweetest thing anyone's said about your decision to adopt?</p> <p>6) (Optional--if this is too personal, please don't feel like you have to answer it!) What made you decide to adopt?</p> <p>7) Is there anything else you'd like to share with me? Advice, experiences, etc.?</p> <p>Thanks in advance for sharing! I don't know anyone IRL who has adopted or wants to adopt, so it can get lonely sometimes. </p> <p>A few people have said things like, "It'll be easier to have your own because as tough as parenting is, at least it'll be your kid you're raising instead of someone else's." Last I checked, when you adopt, the child becomes your child. Another gem is, "Well, you should at least try to have your own!" We've decided not to go through with fertility treatments and all that jazz because to us, the emotional and financial expense isn't worth it when we can just adopt. DH doesn't want to see me go through the procedures and then be crushed if it doesn't work out, and I don't want to put our relationship through any of that stress.</p> <p>On the other hand, my aunt-mom has been super-supportive, and yesterday, my 87-year-old grandma gave me a hug and told me, "No matter how you and DH have your kids, I will love them just as much as I love you." I definitely teared up at that! So, the responses to our decision have been quite varied. </p>