https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 23 Aug 2026 19:33:05 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094442 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:27:39 +0000 namaste 2094442@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry you have to deal with this! :( We're not at that point but I know in my heart in the future for LO's sake, that we will be cutting MIL out. She is just SO toxic and she's only getting worse as time goes on. She's a lot older than my mom and FIL. She treats my SIL like garbage (they live together) and I just cannot see her having a healthy relationship with LO when she doesn't have one with anyone else on this earth!</p> <p>I wouldn't hesitate in a heartbeat. I feel for you! &lt;3 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094429 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:23:05 +0000 Maysprout 2094429@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@luckypenny: yeah that makes more sense. It's been sad this year to see. We always made the effort to visit them but dh has an insane schedule this year so we really can't very often. Its been frustrating to see her put roadblocks up to visiting just to I guess prove herself right about us relocating prevents her from seeing her grandchildren. But we'll be here when she's done self punishing and can accept the situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094371 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 11:03:01 +0000 regberadaisy 2094371@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:( I'm so sorry. We haven't but have seen my mil act in ways towards her other granddaughter that if it were us we would have cut her. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094364 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:59:49 +0000 luckypenny 2094364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: oh definitely. And we will but after hearing DH try and talk to her afterwards and that she has done this to him and everyone else in her life multiple times I think there has to be consequences. Maybe not permanently but something until she makes changes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094321 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:34:56 +0000 Maysprout 2094321@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@luckypenny: I feel that's more something for you and her to have a discussion about than remove a well loved and important person from your children's lives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094256 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 10:12:36 +0000 ValentineMommy 2094256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've talked about this multiple times over the past few years, but DH wavers (it's from his side). I struggle immensely with this because I KNOW in my heart what is right, but I also can't force him to make a choice. </p> <p>Growing up, I should have been sheltered from one set of my grandparents and was not. While I don't hold resentment over it and have long ago dealt with that, I don't want to have to subject my children to anything similar.</p> <p>I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094229 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 09:59:20 +0000 luckypenny 2094229@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Maysprout: She is definitely hurt. But for me, I feel the need to set strong boundaries to let her know I won't tolerate being treated that way. She's an adult who can find other outlets (therapy) for her anger rather than verbally lash out on me in front of my children. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094218 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 09:48:22 +0000 autumnlove 2094218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@luckypenny: I am so sorry. Big hugs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094213 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 09:45:50 +0000 Mae 2094213@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>From another adult perspective-- my MIL cut her parents out of her kid's lives. My DH's grandpa was mentally ill and in and out of homelessness. His grandmother was an alcoholic. He met his grandma a few times in his life, I don't think he ever met his grandpa-- but neither of them were ever a part of his life. He doesn't really feel distressed over it. He was always aware that he was being protected from them and trusted that was the right decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094210 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 09:43:29 +0000 Maysprout 2094210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We moved for DHs job this year and had the same sort of backlash towards us. I have to remind myself she's doing it because she's hurt, though it's not very nice or rational. We've had rough patches before and the dissipate. I wouldnt ever cut a grandparent out for something like that though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094180 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 09:25:40 +0000 stiletto_mom 2094180@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't have a LO yet, but for us, grandparents are a tricky issue too.</p> <p>My mom is not a problem, but my dad (who is estranged) will likely never meet my kids. I wouldn't want them to. He's an abusive man with anger and rage issues. Something is going on and it's undiagnosed so I will not subject my kids to that. I have already cut him out of MY life, it's safe to assume he won't have contact with my kids.</p> <p>I have no FIL, he passed when my DH was a kid. But I do have MIL and her boyfriend. They are both HEAVY smokers and I would not want to keep them away from my kids, but there will definitely need to be boundaries when it comes to that. They are also pot-heads who revel in the drama of their mundane lives. That I can usually put up with so thank god DH keeps them at arm's length. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094154 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 09:15:51 +0000 Ra 2094154@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We are actually in the process of navigating this right now. It's kind of tricky for us because, thus far, my MIL has been really good with LO. However, we fear for his physical and emotional safety in the future.</p> <p>My MIL is bipolar, has a personality disorder, and has an anxiety disorder but refuses medication. She made life a living hell growing up for my husband and his sisters. She is extremely verbally and emotionally abusive and has points of physical abuse (she threw a maglight at my husband's head, for example). For whatever reason, she really dislikes me and my family and I am often the brunt of her verbal and emotional abuse (usually unprovoked and completely out of nowhere). I've put up with it for years because I know that she is sick but I finally reached my breaking point several months ago. I hate how DH's family sweeps it under the rug and allows her not only to continue, but to get worse in her illness.</p> <p>I finally put my foot down and explained to DH that I refuse to let LO be subjected to her abuse. Even if she hasn't done anything directly to him *yet* it still isn't healthy for him to see grandma bashing mommy and calling her every name in the book. Besides, who is to say that she won't eventually make Brady the target of her rage? It's just not a risk I am willing to take.</p> <p>Neither of us want her out of B's life forever. We just want her to be healthy first. We essentially explained that we need proof that she is consistantly seeing a doctor/therapist before we will allow any supervised visits with Brady. If she ever wants the opportunity to watch Brady unsupervised then she needs to get medicated. No exceptions. </p> <p>DH's parents are not taking this well at all. The unfortunate thing is that my FIL is an amazing man and grandpa and he decided that he would rather remove himself from our lives than deal with the backlash from his wife. They've tried name calling (we are emotional blackmailers), they've tried sending religious emails (we are agnostic/atheist), they've tried setting up family meetings in which they want to explain why we should do things their way, pretty much everything than actually seeking help for her.</p> <p>So, here we are. It sucks because it is hard on my husband but my son's safety is my first priority and I refuse to let anyone in his life that is toxic. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094099 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 08:38:32 +0000 knittylady 2094099@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm estranged from my mom and so my LOs are too... Life is so so much happier, easier and relaxed. I'm sad that they won't have the good parts of her, but in reality those parts have become fewer and far between as her addictions and mental illness have progressed. Ugh. So yeah- sad but easy if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094088 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 08:31:24 +0000 Alivoo01 2094088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't had to yet, but if I did, I'd do it without hesitation or regrets. I've cut family members out of my life and it's such a relieving thing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094068 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 08:12:56 +0000 nana87 2094068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so sorry! I also remember how close you were before, that's terrible that she's changed so much. Hugs </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2094001 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 06:07:30 +0000 luckypenny 2094001@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: I know :( that's she makes his really hard but ever since we found out we were moving across the country her resentment towards me has grown (even though it was DH's job that made us move) and I am not sure I can recover from this last fight. </p> <p>@HLK208: @anonysquire: she is actually great with the girls and I don't think I could have made it through my first two years without her. It's more a question of her behavior towards me and DH so of course I don't want the kids to suffer because of our problems but I also don't want her lashing out verbally to happen to the kids one day or in front of them again</p> <p>@lamariniere: I didn't know a lot of my grandparents either but that's because they were dead so I'm glad to hear your perspective. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093997 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 04:43:15 +0000 lamariniere 2093997@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This isn't quite an answer to the question, but a different perspective from the other side. I grew up not really knowing my grandparents, it didn't have a negative impact on me. It was just normal. My mother had her reasons, which became clear when I was an adult, and I completely understand why she kept us away from certain members of her family. I've never tried to rekindle those relationships. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093994 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 04:07:02 +0000 littleblessings 2093994@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have cut out my SOs parents. They are absolutely non supportive of our relationship despite us having children together. They put in NO effort to visit with the kids unless I take them to their house. They are pot heads so that doesn't happen. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093966 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 00:46:42 +0000 anonysquire 2093966@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband's mother has been cut out. No regrets. She's put absolutely no effort into a relationship with my daughter and I don't want to have to explain that to my baby when she's Older. We've struggled for years and this was the last straw. You can be a dick head to me, but not my baby!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093950 Wed, 04 Mar 2015 00:02:31 +0000 HLK208 2093950@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:( I'm so sorry</p> <p>DH's parents have not been present in our LO's lives. They only call us when they want something (money usually). They never call or ask how LO's are doing when we see them and they don't make any effort to know them. Eventually, they started forgetting birthdays and by the time DS was 4, it started to hurt him. I couldn't allow that anymore. LO's are only close with my parents and call DH's parents "dad's parents" rather than grandpa/grandma. We don't have regrets...but its sad. I would love my LO's to have another set of caring grandparents. But unfortunately, that's not the case. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093947 Tue, 03 Mar 2015 23:54:14 +0000 LAZB 2093947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We've cut out my mil, but I have a feeling she will wriggle her way back in. I've been much happier with Her out of the picture, and would be thrilled if we never had to deal with her again. She creates a lot of issues, but basically is a liar, not good to DH, and an alcoholic. She has some good points, but they are far overshadowed by the bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093930 Tue, 03 Mar 2015 23:17:01 +0000 autumnlove 2093930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh no! :-( I remember your past posts about your awesome MIL.</p> <p>I haven't cut out my parents but I've been tempted a few times because I think I am too old to deal with their negativity and issues. We stop talking for 2-3 weeks but we always seem to apologize and move on...so far. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-cut-out-a-grandparent-from-los-life#post-2093922 Tue, 03 Mar 2015 23:09:17 +0000 luckypenny 2093922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you had to cut a grandparent out of your LO's life, why did you do it and how have you felt since? Did you ever regret it or never look back because things have been better?</p> <p>I hate that I'm at this place but this family member has left me little choice and DH agrees (it's his mom). </p>