Hellobee Boards Topic: If you've had a parent pass away

Hellobee Boards Topic: If you've had a parent pass away https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 27 Apr 2026 12:29:46 +0000 BelugaBean on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2391237 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 16:00:20 +0000 BelugaBean 2391237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My FIL passed away when LO1 was 2.5 weeks old, before he got to meet her. We talk about him a lot (this took a while to seem okay and normal and not make all of us cry). On the anniversary of his death, I don't really bring it up. If DH says something, I'll listen or squeeze his hand. My MIL almost always posts on Facebook on his birthday or the anniversary of his death so I'll send her a message telling her I'm thinking of her. DH is private and prefers to keep to himself about it, although he knows I'm here if he needs me. Mrs Z OT on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2391138 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 15:08:49 +0000 Mrs Z OT 2391138@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My father passed away suddenly and traumatically last March, and as the 1st anniversary in approaching, I'm not sure how I'm going to want to handle it. I'm almost dreading having to deal with it, especially how to support my mom during that time. At the same time, I'll be disappointed if DH or others don't acknowledge it, as though it was just another day. I think others' advice of making a mention that you're there for him is best and just follow his lead. jh524 on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2391086 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 14:55:41 +0000 jh524 2391086@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My FIL passed away suddenly in April of 2011 right when we returned from our honeymoon. Can't believe it's been that long! My hubby doesn't talk about him but I'll bring him up here and there because I miss him so I can only imagine what he's still holding in. lamariniere on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390891 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:56:05 +0000 lamariniere 2390891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom passed almost 9 years ago. I prefer to avoid talking about it. I don't even know if my DH knows the actual date. I agree with @Anagram: I prefer to just remember my mom quietly on my own and not make a thing about it. But everyone will have a different way of dealing with it. Purpledaisy on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390874 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:50:54 +0000 Purpledaisy 2390874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Tomorrow is actually the 4 year anniversary of my mom passing. Honestly, I don't even want dh to bring it up. Both of his parents have passed too and we usually mention it but I think it's personal. There's really nothing anyone can do to help. regberadaisy on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390854 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:37:31 +0000 regberadaisy 2390854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I lost my dad suddenly when I was 10 and was very angry about it for a long time. It's a little different than losing it one as an adult. But I'm kinda at peace with it now. It just makes me sad that he's not around. He's never met my husband or my kids. We lost my BIL 5 years ago, last week. The holidays are a little harder now because of it. It's taken probably 4 for my DH to not hit a bit of a depression funk around the holidays. A lot of it has to do with our daughter being older and him wanting to make the holidays awesome for her. When the date comes up I just ask him how he is. And that if he wants to talk about it I'm always here. But overal I just try to give him more leniency with being easily stressed and frustrated. Personally, I would never bot acknowledge my BILs anniversary. It is still very real and raw to all of us and there is no doubt that everyone remembers. If I was my husband I would be extremely hurt that he forgot the date. My husband is the type that wants to be strong and will not bring it up until it was too much for him to take emotionally. But I will never mistake that for he has forgotten or it doesn't hurt him any more. But our situation is a little different in that he was the one that found BIL. So those images still haunt him and will likely never stop haunting him. Mommy Finger on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390831 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:30:16 +0000 Mommy Finger 2390831@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Thank you so much for sharing your stories. This has been very helpful. catlady on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390786 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:19:40 +0000 catlady 2390786@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mother passed 5 years ago and I feel similarly to @Anagram. I would probably be extra loving and patient but not even mention it unless he does. He might actually forget about the date and breeze through it. I surprised myself by doing that this year. It's been alot easier the past couple years than the first few. skipra on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390779 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:17:34 +0000 skipra 2390779@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My step father passed away 4 years ago and this time of year I do think about him and miss him a lot. I think because he was "just" my step father maybe people don't realize how sad I get but he was just like my second dad. I lived with him for longer than my real dad and he was the one who was there with me everyday. I wish sometimes that DH would talk about him more. Like share his memories even if we've already talked about them. The other day he mentioned how sad he was that our boys never got to meet him and how much they would have loved each other. It was so touching to me to know he feels that way. And on his birthday we always have a drink and toast to him. Sorry for your family's loss. It is such a hard part of life. peachykeen on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390766 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:11:31 +0000 peachykeen 2390766@https://boards.hellobee.com/ My mom passed away last March and my godmother (mother's only sister) is currently in her last days due to late-diagnosed terminal cancer. DH and I have had several conversations/arguments about how he can support me. I think it's very personal, but for me it is mainly important that he be present (both physically and emotionally, i.e. not on his phone/computer all day) and available to me on the hardest days. I also wouldn't necessarily "do" anything, other than maybe suggesting an activity but also making sure he knows you're just as happy staying in. I don't like anyone making a big deal over the situation, but always appreciate hugs and him letting me know he is there. Anagram on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390741 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 13:03:04 +0000 Anagram 2390741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I actually don't "commemorate" the day my dad died at all. It's not that I'm avoiding that he's passed, it's just that now that I have some distance from the event, I prefer to just remember how great he was when he was alive. So I do think about him (not in a sad way anymore) on his birthday. The day he passed was in May, because it was finals week of my senior year of college. But I couldn't tell you the date because it's not a special or sad day to me. Having said that, everyone will feel differently about this. You know your husband best. Greentea on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390677 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 12:37:54 +0000 Greentea 2390677@https://boards.hellobee.com/ I would let him know you are there for him if he wants to talk and is there anything special he would like to do that day? Otherwise act normal. Sorry for your loss. I lost my stepdad and my dad. My dad has been 1 year, my stepdad almost 20. Sometimes I like to acknowledge the day, sometimes I avoid it!!!!! MaryM on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390656 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 12:24:46 +0000 MaryM 2390656@https://boards.hellobee.com/ DH's dad died right after thanksgiving 4 years ago. He's also not really one to talk about emotions too much. I think it means a lot (for us) just to go the extra mile to show some love that day. Extra long hugs, trying to be sensitive to whatever emotions pop up, that sort of thing. ms.line on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390642 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 12:18:07 +0000 ms.line 2390642@https://boards.hellobee.com/ The 5 year anniversary of my mom's death is on Sunday. It's always a weird day and there's nothing anyone can really do to make me feel better about it. One of my friends just sent me a really over the top card about how much my mom would have liked to have been here to meet my baby, and while her heart was totally in the right place, I didn't need/want something like that showing up like that unexpectedly. I think just acknowledging the day and how much it sucks that your MIL is gone, and offering to listen if your DH wants to talk is a good start. I usually like to go about my day as normal with a fun distraction planned (DH and I are going to see Star Wars with my dad and brother this year). Maybe you could make/pick up your DH his favorite meal tonight? My DH's dad died 20 years ago, and he doesn't really talk about much, but he does like to acknowledge the day and generally take it easy. Mommy Finger on "If you've had a parent pass away" https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/if-youve-had-a-parent-pass-away#post-2390629 Wed, 16 Dec 2015 12:08:25 +0000 Mommy Finger 2390629@https://boards.hellobee.com/ Today is the 4 year anniversary of my MIL passing away suddenly. I know that this is obviously a very tough day for DH but I don't know how to best support him. He comes from a family that doesn't like to talk about things so it's really tough for me to read him at times and find that balance of letting him know that I'm here for him and I support him without being too overbearing. If you have lost a parent (and if so, I'm so sorry for your loss), do you have any advice for me?