https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 01 Jun 2026 17:07:29 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804581 Fri, 16 Feb 2018 07:55:08 +0000 missyoori 2804581@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not my first, but I have similar feelings now after having my third. My first 2 pregnancies were very smooth, but this last one was just awful with hyperemesis and so.much.bleeding, I constantly thought I was miscarrying. I vowed to never have another pregnancy, I couldn't do it again! But now that she's here, there's a growing feeling that I'll regret not trying once more for a boy (we have 3 girls). It's so stupid since I can't guarantee the gender, and my husband is firmly in the NO camp, but I feel like someone's missing! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804478 Thu, 15 Feb 2018 14:25:42 +0000 Mama Bird 2804478@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: aww, so good to hear they're doing better and getting along!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804421 Thu, 15 Feb 2018 11:58:46 +0000 Cherrybee 2804421@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Meeee! My girls are 2yrs 9mth apart. I hated almost every second of the first 2yrs of being a parent. A horrible birth experience, colic, breastfeeding problems, PPD, the works. My oldest didn't STTN until she was 3. I wasn't sure we would survive another baby, but I couldn't shake the longing for the missing person. My second daughter was very different - and I really enjoyed her babyhood. It has actually been a very healing experience for me. She is a WILD toddler now - so much more challenging than her sister ever was - but watching my girls adore each other makes it totally worth it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804256 Wed, 14 Feb 2018 14:49:44 +0000 AB810 2804256@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first pregnancy was so hard and I had terrible morning sickness for much of it. Then my daughter was born and would NEVER SLEEP. It was so hard. But we really wanted two and I felt like if I started to sleep again I would never have another. So we went for it. I was terrified of taking care of a toddler while being terribly sick, and then a new baby. My second pregnancy was easier than the first. I was still sick but far far less. My son was such an easier baby, and has continued to be easier into toddlerhood. That being said, I'm never doing it again :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804047 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 17:15:03 +0000 jaybirdie 2804047@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first sounds very very similar to your child. Colicky, hated being held (unless he faced out), terrible sleeper, struggled with breastfeeding, speech delay, early walker, climbed/explored everything. So, SO exhausting! I wanted a large family and then I had my first. Ha! It took until he was 18 months old before I even considered having another. At 20 months we figured we'd start trying since it took us a while to get and stay pregnant the first time. I got pregnant the first month and was terrified the whole time. I felt like I was preparing for battle knowing what having a newborn was like. And then my second was born and he is so different from his brother. Loved snuggling, breastfed relatively easily, decent sleeper, no colic. I am actually even considering a third now.<br /> Obviously it's a luck of the draw but you aren't destined to have another challenging baby. I think going from 1 to 2 was waaaay easier than 0 to 1, but I think much of that stems from having such a rough go the first time.<br /> Good luck in whatever you decide. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804032 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 16:27:37 +0000 Mama Bird 2804032@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsGeePerez: I totally understand your fears, and it's not a bad idea to consider that you might have another intense child, and whether you'd be able to cope. That doesn't mean you have to give up your dream, maybe you just need to wait until your son is a bit older, or expect to need some child care to get a break... And you're not necessarily going to have the same issues.</p> <p>One of my kids is like that. But only one, the other one is much more easy-going. That said, they both have very low sleep needs. I'm pretty sure that if I ever have another child, they won't like sleep either :sad: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804027 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 16:16:07 +0000 2PeasinaPod 2804027@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We had a difficult first child. He was colicky, and didn't sleep. I had PPA that went undiagnosed for a very long time (well into our second child) and I had experienced 2 losses before him. So I felt horribly guilty that I couldn't stand him screaming 24/7. He had some minor speech delays as well which caused more tantrums than the normal child. It just wasn't easy for us. Now that he's 5, he's an absolute dream. He's a rule follower and is just a sweet and funny little dude. </p> <p>I went on to have 2 more miscarriages, and worked very hard for our 2nd son. He was an absolute angel baby who was "normal" by most people's standards. He ate and slept easily, was a happy baby, and I still had PPA. I couldn't connect with him, and I didn't realize it until he was 11 months. Going from 1 to 2 was something I was not prepared for. You go from being able to have a break by letting one of you take the kiddo to never having a break as usually someone has one or both kiddos. It wasn't until later that we figured out a good routine to give each other a break that we started to come out of our fog. </p> <p>Now the boys are 5 and 2 - our youngest is extremely strong willed. He tests his boundaries constantly, which is completely opposite of my rule following older son. DS2 is purposefully defiant and throws more of a fit when there's consequences. I take that as normal 2 year old behavior, but he's just more intense than DS1 was. </p> <p>Looking back, we've been through hard times with both of them at different stages. I was pregnant 6 times and have 2 beautiful boys who I wouldn't trade for the world. I think there will always be hard times with each of them. DS1 is sensitive, and DS2 is defiant...I think a lot of it is their age, but who knows if they'll continue down those paths. If you feel in your gut that your family isn't complete, I don't think you should let the fear of the unknown hold you back. It could be your biggest blessing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2804022 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 16:03:14 +0000 Becky 2804022@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with not basing a decision on the first few years and instead thinking long term. We didn’t have as many difficulties in terms of PPD, colic, delays but we had DD2 at the worst point for DD1 behaviorally. DD2 was also a terrible sleeper, I was miserable while trying to keep up with pumping while being very busy at work, my husband was working ton, etc. Things have improved so much now that DD2 is almost 2, and my husband and I were able to reflect on how hard last year was for our family and marriage. I literally didn’t know if we would make it. But now it’s like okay, we’re sleeping, we’re more lax, and we feel like we’ve got this parenting and working thing down. If we were to have another, having that perspective will be very helpful. We were the first of our friends to have kids so had no one to look to for guidance or advice in getting through it which can be half of it so I think it’s good you’re getting that input. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803995 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 14:36:33 +0000 Foodnerd81 2803995@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first had always been challenging- very fussy and needy as an infant, and now at 4 she is still very spirited, emotional, prone to outbursts- but also incredibly smart and can be so sweet and funny. She had a period between 1 and 2 years where she was actually pretty easy and no surprise- that’s when I got pregnant with her little sister. </p> <p>I won’t lie- being pregnant and nauseous and exhausted with a needy 2 year old was NOT easy. And even harder, the first 6 months or so with two kids. I had plenty of times thinking that I ruined a good thing by having a second kid. BUT now they are 2 and 4.5 and they just love each other so so much and are starting to play with each other and I cannot imagine only having my older one. And my second daughter is so much more easy going than her sister. Their personalities are so different. </p> <p>So, I’m also saying if you want two, go for it. Your second may well be easier, and if not, you’ll make it through somehow and it will be worth it. I would just say have a plan in place in case PPD comes up again! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803983 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 14:13:30 +0000 youboots 2803983@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DD is nearly 3 and although logically we both want a second we are not in a hurry. I had a really rough pregnancy and long induction followed by a brief PICU stay. I am not excited about doing any of that again. </p> <p>Also DD is so easy and we are in such a a good groove. I expect we will have a second but I’m happy with our life as is right now. I think I would be at peace either way. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803978 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 14:02:57 +0000 Chuckles 2803978@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Not sure if you're feeling pressure to decide now because of your age or DH's age, but you really don't need to decide now. My LO is 4.5 years old and my husband has just come around to having a second in the last 6 months :) Not that it would take you that long, but we definitely didn't want to go ahead with trying for a second unless we were sure we were prepared, mentally and as a couple. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803961 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 13:29:55 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2803961@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you all for your responses. I think so far the general consensus is not to base long-term family planning on the first couple of years of baby raising, no matter how tough they might be. And I think that's a good way to look at it. In the grand scheme of things, I know I will regret not going for two because I was too afraid. </p> <p>I am so scared that we will not make it to the other side of those first few years after #2, but chances are - we will and it will be worth it in the end. </p> <p>@jhd: "Basically we reached a point where our fears of what could go wrong weren’t stronger than our desire to at least try for a second." </p> <p>This is great advice, especially after what you've been through medically with #1. And it's nice to hear that the nausea wasn't as much of a problem during the second pregnancy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803944 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 12:43:53 +0000 crazydoglady 2803944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I believe @gingerbebe has a more spirited LO1 and a more easy-going LO2. Hopefully she will chime in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803920 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 11:46:47 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2803920@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So much what @kiddosc said. We didn’t have as many challenges as you described but DS’s first year was hard and he was diagnosed with a speech disorder as well. It took until he was 18 months-2 years old until we were even remotely ready to consider another. We/I had to weigh: what would happen if we stopped at one? How would I feel 5-10 years later about that? Can we get through the first 1-2 years for the greater outcome? It helps to see things as phases of life for me. It helps to adjust my expectations. The long game helped us realize that we can suffer through because we do want a second (which we are almost 12 weeks with now!) I know it will be HARD but I’m willing to sacrifice that for the fact that we will have 2 amazing kids after we get through the crappy stuff. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803907 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 11:23:15 +0000 kiddosc 2803907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try not to think of family planning in the short term. In the grand scheme of life, pregnancy and the infant toddler years are a very small snippet of the life you would share with another child. Yes, they are difficult, but they are short-lived and if you feel like your family is not complete, then I wouldn't base a life long decision on the difficulty of a few years. </p> <p>Also, @erinbaderin: is completely right. Your second pregnancy/child is likely to be completely different than your first, and you are much more experienced parents than you were the first time around as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803901 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 11:12:02 +0000 jhd 2803901@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Currently pregnant with #2 and it was a big decision to try for this one even though we always imagined having two.</p> <p>LO1’s birth was extremely traumatic. He spent 7 weeks in the NICU and had three surgeries in his first year. So we completely tabled the discussion on a second until he was 1. Once he was 1 we agreed that a second was not impossible, but we also weren’t ready to try. Basically it was a process! When he was around 2.5 I had my Mirena removed and then it took us almost a year to conceive. And honestly I think it happened at just the right time.</p> <p>With our first I was terribly nauseous for most of my pregnancy, even on meds. This pregnancy hasn’t always been easy, but I actually haven’t had much nausea at all. </p> <p>Basically we reached a point where our fears of what could go wrong weren’t stronger than our desire to at least try for a second. We felt we might regret not trying. This is such a personal decision. I wish you luck and hope you can take your time to get to a place where you and DH are both comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803887 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 10:26:47 +0000 snowjewelz 2803887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>With your first, he is just going to get more independent and be an even better communicator. I had our 2nd when my 1st was 2; and what a difference a year makes! At 2 she was still very baby-ish but now she is like a full blown person and she can actually help me! </p> <p>I also agree that it's a chance you take, but LO2 doesn't have to be exactly like LO1. Same with pregnancy. I also feel that if trying for a 2nd will complete your family, it's worth the hell-hole that is the 1st year of life. Neither of my kids were great sleepers; but with the 2nd one I just have so much more patience and am so much more mellow b/c I know when it's hard, that "this too shall pass". </p> <p>I think if you can actively think of ways to manage possible PPD this time, figure out a few childcare arrangements, etc, it's totally doable! I love love love love my 2 girls and we're currently in limbo when it comes to a 3rd :silly: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803886 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 10:18:34 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2803886@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@erinbaderin: I had severe morning sickness that lasted a long time, I'm not sure how I would manage to take care of a toddler with that illness but people do it! </p> <p>I don't know why I feel so much pressure to decide now — I guess I don't want the age gap to be too big (plus it took my hubs and I about 9 months to conceive, so I worry that it might be the case again). </p> <p>Thank you! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803883 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 10:08:50 +0000 erinbaderin 2803883@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't have the experience you had, but I would remind you that your first pregnancy will not be your second, and your first child will not be your second. I don't know the details of your pregnancy so that might be the same (although depending on what was rough about it some things could maybe be planned for and managed?), same with childbirth. My first child was a fairly bad sleeper, didn't sleep more than 3 hours straight until past 6 months. My second was and continues to be an amazing sleeper. </p> <p>For what it's worth, I also found going from 1 to 2 to be much easier than going from 0 to 1 - I was much less anxious, I knew what to expect which made it easier, etc.</p> <p>Good luck with whatever you decide! And remember that you don't have to decide NOW - you could wait another year until he's got even more communications, self control, etc and see where you are. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/illogical-baby-fever#post-2803879 Tue, 13 Feb 2018 10:03:13 +0000 MrsGeePerez 2803879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi bees. I'm here because you all give such wonderful advice and I'm hoping you can share your experiences going from one to two children... </p> <p>I have a 27 month old boy. Our first 20 months or so were incredibly challenging. I believe some babies are born with some extra "spice" and he is just full of it. He's also amazing and intelligent and full of magic and my husband and I love him so much. He has been high spirited since day one—from relentless colic as a newborn to a fussy infant that still hated sleep, didn't ever want to be held, to the toddler stage as fiercely independent early walker with a significant speech delay (which equated to tantrum city over here for almost a full year).</p> <p>But. Things are getting so much better. We have seen drastic improvement in his behavior over the last four months as he learns to communicate better. He is still very spirited, high-energy, stubborn and independent, so we still really have our hands full, but he's such a bright light and he's funny, sensitive, intuitive, and we are so proud of him. </p> <p>So here's my issue. My husband and I both feel like someone is missing from our family. We both are on the same page that if we followed our hearts, we would have another (I feel a bit more strongly about it than he does). But logically, we both agree we should not due to all the challenges we were faced with and how hard it was for us to make it through. How could we possibly go through all of that again? A rough pregnancy, traumatizing childbirth, extreme colic, no sleep for a year+, PPD for me (but who wouldn't have that from the constant screaming and no sleep), little help from family, etc, etc. Naturally, this "baby fever" feels totally irrational. </p> <p>Have any of you had a very difficult experience with your first but went on to have another, anyway? Have any of you decided not to have another because of it? </p>