https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sat, 02 May 2026 02:57:02 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1666284 Thu, 29 May 2014 16:21:58 +0000 Mrs tartan 1666284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband broke his ankle last year and was in a cast and crutches for 8 weeks, I managed to be really nice to him for about 4 days. The rest of that 2 months was hell.<br /> Don't beat yourself up, I'm also a horrid wicked wife ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1666101 Thu, 29 May 2014 15:13:17 +0000 googly-eyes 1666101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you're terrible. It sucks when stuff like that happens.</p> <p>Dh and I try to cover for each other when one of us is sick. I've done it without him when lo and I were out of town at my parents' and that was not fun. Luckily we haven't been sick outside of a cold at the same time so far... But it has worked out that lo and I have been sick without him a lot and he's been around for more of the fun times and I'm not gonna lie, those days I wish he was the one who stayed home. Or that we had a more 50/50 schedule. Guess that'd make me a crap mom and wife, haha. Oh well, it is what it is!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665811 Thu, 29 May 2014 13:41:57 +0000 gingerbebe 1665811@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH had foot surgery 2 years ago and he had to completely stay off his feet for 2-3 weeks during one of the busiest times at work for me. Nevermind his pain and suffering, or all the furniture and medical supplies I had to buy and configure to make the house accessible for him, or the wheelchair ramp that had to be installed in front of the house.</p> <p>What mattered was that his recovery required ME to wheelchair him everywhere and fold and heft his heavy wheelchair into the trunk and bash MYSELF on it all the time. AND I had to empty his portable urinals for him all hours of the day and night. One time he even called me at work asking me to get home IMMEDIATELY because his urinals were full and he had to pee. Needless to say I made sure he had a few Big Gulp cups nearby from then on. Nothing like walking in from a long day's work to liters of pee!</p> <p>On top of all that, I had to keep a mini fridge stocked with meals, snacks, and beverages within arm's reach so he wouldn't starve and we had to schedule his BMs and showers for when I was home. (LUCKILY his painkillers made him constipated). </p> <p>Did I feel bad for him? Yes. Was I SUPER ANNOYED at the situation? Yes. Did I beat myself up about it? Not really. DH is way more patient than I am, but we already knew that about each other. Irrationally being salty is my jam, and I comfort myself with the knowledge that even when I'm bratty I'm giving him better care than anyone else. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665746 Thu, 29 May 2014 13:24:26 +0000 chibee 1665746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Give yourself a break. Being around/supporting a family member that is sick is INCREDIBLY stressful - my mom has been sick as long as i can remember and of course it's harder for her but i know the exhaustion and the resentfulness that comes through sometimes. It's normal, but we do what we do for those we love right? Vent all you want, no one thinks you are a horrible wife. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665604 Thu, 29 May 2014 12:41:11 +0000 ShootingStar 1665604@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Haha, I told DH that he's not allowed to get sick anymore this year. And if he does, he's gotta suck it up. </p> <p>Since DS was born 6 months ago, DH has been sick at least 5 times. One of those required us to go the ER for him, which meant all day of carrying a 3 month old while he laid in a hospital bed. Then after we got home he spent days in the guest room, being waited on. Then it became a habit - he got sick and he'd retreat to the guest room, leaving me to essentially single parent for days at a time.</p> <p>After doing that several time I told him he's done. No more getting sick. Essentially meaning that unless he's dying he still needs to help me with the baby. I can't take care of the house and the baby and the dog and him by myself over and over. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665474 Thu, 29 May 2014 12:01:50 +0000 Smurfette 1665474@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not a horrible wife!!! At all. I think this is a natural reaction. It is hard as shit doing everything yourself. I know I live for Friday's when DH is home to help with getting R and me out the door. If his flight is late, not his fault, I get pissed at him still. I know he would rather be home too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665464 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:56:36 +0000 Mrs. Sunshine 1665464@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sometimes I get annoyed with DH when he shirts his parenting responsibilities because he is "sick". I don't ask a lot of him &amp; when I do its simple things like entertaining LO while I make/clean up dinner &amp; give her her nightly bath. But even though those have been his responsibilities since the beginning I still get attitude about them even when he feels well. The other day he felt fine enough to have sex with me but got upset when I expected him to spend an hour with LO. It definitely leads to resentment &amp; I often flat out tell him that I don't give a shit how bad he feels. It makes me feel bad but damn, he's gotta man up. I don't get a break when I'm sick. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665460 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:55:18 +0000 Cherrybee 1665460@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mama Bird: My husband has a compromised immune system as a result of the medication he is on so he is pretty susceptible to everything she brings home. Mind you, I have a good immune system and I've been sicker in the last few weeks (since she started daycare) then ever before! </p> <p>Thanks everyone. I feel better knowing that it's pretty normal to feel this way. I was expecting a barrage of "wow, you're no mean, pull yourself together" replies!! I may even offer to make him a cup of tea now - you've refilled my cup, as it were. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665453 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:52:37 +0000 Mama Bird 1665453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh honey, you're not an awful wife! It's so hard to take care of a baby and a sick husband! I don't know men have a worse immunity for colds, or what, but my husband caught everything DS brought home from day care this winter, and was laid up with fever and bronchitis and nasty cough every time! At some point I just broke down and begged him to help me even though he felt so horrible :( hang in there!!! It's almost the weekend, I hope you'll get a little break then. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665431 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:45:48 +0000 Cherrybee 1665431@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Silva: Oh, I'm sorry. :bummed: I don't even notice. I do, generally, quite like myself you know? But I do wish I could be less selfish - it's a trait I find really ugly in others and yet I am probably one of the worst offenders. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665409 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:34:42 +0000 mrs.shinerbock 1665409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hope he feels better soon and gives you a few days of him picking up the slack go you get a rest. You're not awful for being irritated at him. I get pretty mad at DH sometimes when he's sick because he acts like it's the end of the world. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665404 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:33:29 +0000 Alivoo01 1665404@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not a terrible wife/person. I too have felt resentment to my hubby when he's sick. Both of us contracted food poisoning awhile back. He had it slightly worse than me, but I could barely get out of bed myself. And yet, I still had to care for DS all on my own. @hotchildinthecity: put it in great terms - "women have this instinct to care and push through whatever life throws at us, not matter how big or small. while men don't". Another things that's weaved into our DNA. Yay us!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665379 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:26:41 +0000 Synchronicity 1665379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are venting on here instead of suffocating him with his own pillow. I call that a win! Seriously though, you are a fantastic wife (and mama!). This too shall pass! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665368 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:23:04 +0000 .twist. 1665368@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: I get annoyed about the same sort of thing. Don't beat yourself up too much. You're a wonderful wife. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665339 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:16:20 +0000 looch 1665339@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: awww, well then, I hope he feels better!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665332 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:15:05 +0000 SugarplumsMom 1665332@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not terrible at all! You're only human and stretched thin. I hope it passes soon. Hang in there! :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665330 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:13:49 +0000 Silva 1665330@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: woman, you have GOT to start being nicer to yourself. You say some pretty nasty things about yourself and it breaks my heart :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665329 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:13:30 +0000 Cherrybee 1665329@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Well, his temperature was 39.8C this morning which is pretty significant fever for an adult! But no, he has a temperature and a sore throat, basically. He looks dreadful though!! </p> <p>@looch: Nah, this is something else. I think it's a throat infection. </p> <p>@Adira: We were both sick a few weeks back but, like I say, he was sicker. I mean, he really was - I had a chest infection and he had a tummy bug! So the least sick person (me) had to step up! </p> <p>He's normally very good..... and I'm very inpatient! :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665327 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:12:14 +0000 Adira 1665327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@yoursilverlining: Completely agree about sleeping separately when sick! When either of us are sick, one of us sleeps in the guest room or on the couch! It's just not worth it to sleep together just for the sake of doing it if it means the healthy person isn't going to get a good night's rest when they REALLY need it, since they're picking up the slack! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665315 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:07:17 +0000 yoursilverlining 1665315@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I know from your previous posts that your husband has some serious health issues (more than a man-cold, though perhaps that is part of it too!), but regardless, he needs to step up a little. Throwing a lollipop stick on the floor when you’re done with it; aw hells nah, he isn’t 3 years old! At the very least, he could put it on a tissue on the bedside table (or in a trash bin next to the bed); that wouldn’t take any additional effort. That behavior has nothing to do with sickness and everything to do with basic respect for your partner.</p> <p>In our house, after 1 person is sick, that person picks up extra slack for the next couple of days to give the other parent a bit of a break. It’s all about give and take - - and he can’t be taking all the time. What about this weekend; can he know ahead of time that he will be responsible for making sure that YOU get a break? (A real one, too!)</p> <p>Can you sleep in separate rooms when he is really sick? (Or could he even sleep on the sofa?) I know some people don’t think it’s healthy for marrieds to sleep apart, but when one is sick and going to disrupt the other person’s sleep I have zero guilt about banishing my husband (or myself) to the guest room. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665309 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:06:30 +0000 cheert16 1665309@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would be annoyed too- but remember this will pass! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665301 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:02:43 +0000 Applesandbananas 1665301@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're definitely not overreacting. My DH does this too and it's so frustrating. If I'm sick, I still do all of my normal responsibilities. </p> <p>Vent away and enjoy an extra large glass of wine tonight. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665300 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:02:34 +0000 Pepper 1665300@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You're not horrible at all. I would be irritated too! I agree with others, he really should be helping out more, unless he's seriously ill. I mean you may want him to stay away from LO so she doesn't get sick, but what's preventing him from cleaning, doing laundry... stuff around the house that would help you out! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665299 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:02:09 +0000 mrs. wagon 1665299@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: My husband got pneumonia 2 years ago. After about a week of being really sick (but still going to work) he finally went to the doctor and got diagnosed and started antibiotics and orders to stay home. After a week of that, he went to get checked... and the pneumonia had gotten BIGGER. So he came home with orders of BEDREST for a WEEK and a stronger antibiotic. The doctor literally told him not to get out of bed except to go to the bathroom.</p> <p>I was heavily pregnant, working full time, with a very active toddler running around. Even though I was scared about how sick he was, I was seriously angry and resentful of the fact that he had been out of pocket for a week and now would be even MORE out of pocket in that now I had to care for him too!!! I felt like an awful, awful human being and the worst wife in the world. But I was stretched beyond my ability to care for my child, in so much discomfort from my pregnancy, etc. I literally fixed trays with soup and crackers and water and threw them into the bedroom and shut the door behind me, 3 times a day for a few days. I slept on the couch.</p> <p>Then when he went to the doctor he begged her to let him help out more. Not even because he's that nice of a guy... but because I was being THAT bad to him. She saw that his pneumonia was finally shrinking so she said he could help out but no lifting or running around. That really did help.. he could at least change diapers, sit and help Wagon Jr. eat while I cooked and cleaned... etc. </p> <p>It happens to the best of us. And the worst of us... meeeeeeee </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665295 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:01:13 +0000 lizzywiz 1665295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: Wishing your husband would act like a grown adult who is sick rather than a invalid 4 year old is NOT selfish.</p> <p>It is ok to be impatient. You are working your butt off to take care of LO and DH. That is hard work and I hope he says, 'thank you.' </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665294 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:00:50 +0000 looch 1665294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>IIRC, your husband has a chronic illness that he's on medication for, right? Is this related to that, or something else?</p> <p>You're not terrible at all. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665293 Thu, 29 May 2014 11:00:31 +0000 .twist. 1665293@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: man flu. man cold. We have a bad case of the man-syndrome in our house. I sometimes wonder how I ever survive things! I always think of that commercial! "PAM.... PAM, can you call my mom". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665285 Thu, 29 May 2014 10:57:45 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1665285@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No, you're not terrible. I get irrationally annoyed when my husband is sick. I think it is truly one of those male/female dynamics, personally. Women innately feel the need to "push through" sickness and keep up normal routines as much as possible while men just lie around and literally act like children.</p> <p>I agree with PPs. Unless he is on doctor-ordered bedrest, he has to pick it up a little. And he's already calling out of work for tomorrow? Geez. You're not overreacting. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665284 Thu, 29 May 2014 10:57:20 +0000 erwoo 1665284@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you are. I feel your pain! Whenever my husband gets sick he can't do anything else! Like anything and also on his birthday he thinks that he has the day off. A-hem! Unless he's so sick that he can't even crawl out of bed he will still do his daddy duties b/c I do, sick or not and 24-7. Some of us mommies sure have it harder than some... but we are strong and we will survive! ;) Hang in there! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-a-horrible-wife#post-1665270 Thu, 29 May 2014 10:53:34 +0000 snowjewelz 1665270@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You are not! Is he really so sick that he can't function? </p> <p>Just remember that you're a team... And there is an end to this madness! Hang in there :heart: </p>