https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 16:55:07 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898370 Wed, 02 Oct 2019 18:05:33 +0000 Mama Bird 2898370@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids go to bed at 8:30 or 9, but they get up later (7 am when I wake them, 8 am on weekends). Until very recently bedtime was a mess too. They wanted 40+ minutes of stories, especially the four year old. I'm not sure what changed, maybe it was the months and months of my pleading with her to let me go and do all the stuff I have to do before bed? Maybe she just grew out of it. Maybe it's because the kids had more time outside this summer. I really have no clue. Good luck though... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898345 Wed, 02 Oct 2019 11:47:28 +0000 brownepiano 2898345@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids only share a room when guests are over but for a while it was terrible. Now that they are older (5+3) it's starting to go more smoothly.<br /> We tried separating them (one went to sleep in our room) and moved them back to bed when we went to bed.<br /> The other thing I would try is a book on CD. My kids calm down and stop talking when there is reading. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898343 Wed, 02 Oct 2019 11:20:30 +0000 hilary 2898343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have 4.5 year old twins who have always shared a room but bunk beds since they were 3. We also do bed time around 7pm. All of my kids go down at the same time and they rule is that they have to quietly stay in their beds. As long as they are not being crazy I let it go. I figure as long as I'm giving them the opportunity to sleep, they'll sleep when they're tired. I do my workout right after bed because I'm less likely to get riled up if my workout is interrupted vs. relaxation time getting interrupted. :wink: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898340 Wed, 02 Oct 2019 10:38:36 +0000 graceandjoy 2898340@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn't read through all the responses, but do they both (or one) still naps? I have an almost 5 and almost 3 year old that also share a bunk bed/room. It's been almost 1 month. Neither of them nap, so actually now my younger one falls asleep first, while my older one take a little longer. We also don't go to bed till 8pm. The caveat is one of us is still in the room with them. They do talk to each other and sometimes they are queens of excuses (potty, need water, etc) but I'd say from 8pm lights out they are usually both down by like 8:30-8:40pm the latest. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898306 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 20:52:53 +0000 wrkbrk 2898306@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: IDK if your youngest is too young for this but she might follow your older child’s lead? What worked for my son (starting at 3 and he’s nearly 4 now) was sticker charts and checking on him. He gets 3 “check ins” a night where I go back in once he’s in bed and chat for 2-3 minutes. For some reason that’s made a huge difference. After the third one, he doesn’t beg for more. He just goes to sleep. Also, a sticker chart where he gotta sticker for each night he didn’t get up or wake up calling for me. On Saturdays he could “trade” his week of stickers for a hot wheels car and a kinder egg 😂 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898280 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 13:20:48 +0000 MrsSRS 2898280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>FWIW, we just had shitty bedtimes like this until the youngest was 3.5. But I like using the meditation app insight timer after lights out. For a while I sat in there reminding them to be calm and quiet but now I turn it on and can walk out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898278 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 12:59:41 +0000 justjules 2898278@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Baby Boy Mom: I think I’m going to try the reading in bed till they fall asleep approach. Maybe that will give them time to calm down on their own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898277 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 12:58:08 +0000 justjules 2898277@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@newlypregnantlady: that was helpful to read. Thank you. I think my frustration is contributing to their wildness. It’s so hard when I’ve told them shhh. Stop. No jumping. Stay in bed. STOP. for so long then I just crack and start yelling :meh: </p> <p>We used to have a much better bedtime- it’s just when we moved them into bunk beds a few months ago that this madness started. So that’s why it’s frustrating me more than usual. I feel like we are going backwards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898268 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 12:01:08 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2898268@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: I had to make a conscious decision to stick to my rules (I only go in if they're doing something dangerous like climbing, taking off the diaper, turning on the light, etc.), and there were days over the summer where I had to just put on the TV or put headphones in because *I* couldn't handle them playing. My frustration was riling them up, which would make them misbehave more because I was giving them attention. Some days things were bad and they didn't sleep until 9. But that was typically over the summer when they could hear our neighbors playing outside. </p> <p>But overall things have improved a lot. Some days the baby falls asleep on the ground, so I move her into her bed when I go to bed. Some days I have to go in after they're asleep and clear some toys off their bed so there's actually room for them. </p> <p>But there's just zero chance of them just laying down and going to sleep after 10-20 minutes. To be fair, I can't just lay down and go to sleep either. It takes me 1-2 hours of winding down to get to sleep. And both my kids have been like this forever. My older daughter especially. Since she's been about five months old she needs at least 40 minutes to wind down. She reads books, plays with her sister, throws all her clothes on the floor, etc. And this is after a full day (8a-330pm) of school at 4 years old!. </p> <p>If they're being too loud and/or keep climbing on things (we have one of those Kallax IKEA bookshelves on its side and they love climbing on it), I'll sit in there and read/knit until they calm down. But I've found my presence actually keeps them up because they keep asking for me to read books, snuggle, tell stories, get water, etc.. So I've found that if I just let them be and play, they do get bored and go lay down.</p> <p>I also used to stagger bedtime but I found that the second kid would always end up waking up the sleeping one, no matter how much white noise or how long I waited. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898254 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 10:22:18 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2898254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would for sure put the older one to sleep first! Make sure the room is dark. You can put magnesium spray/lotion on them also. You can also push bedtime another half hour. Our kids are a bit older (3,6,8) share a room and bedtime is 7:30. Older two are allowed to read with small light until 8. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898252 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:59:50 +0000 justjules 2898252@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hellobeeboston: the 2.5 still naps (about an hour). When she doesn't nap she turns into a little monster so I think she still needs it. DS (Almost 4) stopped napping a few months ago but his pre k school has a nap time. Im not sure but I suspect that he doesn't nap there because he always comes home tired. </p> <p>They have a very dim light but maybe I should try cutting it? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898251 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:56:19 +0000 justjules 2898251@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: they wake up so early (often 5am) so I feel like they need to start getting settled earlier. But even the times we put them to bed later, it still a 20-40min battle of telling them to be quiet. But maybe I just need to accept they won't get a lot of sleep? I just feel bad because it seems like everything I read tells me the importance of sleep so I would feel so guilty if they are only getting 9 hours of sleep (assuming my oldest isn't napping at school) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898250 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:52:16 +0000 justjules 2898250@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@DesertDreams88: I'm going to look into this! Is 2.5 too young to start? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898249 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:51:51 +0000 justjules 2898249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@josina: we have thought about the door monkey (or whatever it's called) but DD would.go biserk and wake up DS if we even.so much closed the door *sigh* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898247 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:49:59 +0000 justjules 2898247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Ajsmommy: yes, I feel like I could try a timer so they maybe can get some wiggles out in bed while I set the timer for 3 min and see if that helps. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898246 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:48:13 +0000 justjules 2898246@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle: DS has major FOMO so if he thought his sister could play and he had to sleep, I feel like he wouldn't settle down. But I might try and see how it goes. How does your older one handle having to sleep while.thr younger one gets to be awake? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898245 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:46:37 +0000 justjules 2898245@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@newlypregnantlady: I feel like I need to start bedtime early because they play for so long. But they escalate so quickly, I am basically yelling at them to settle down a little bit for that whole hour :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898244 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:43:40 +0000 justjules 2898244@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaCate: I might try to take away things to see if they catch on </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898243 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:42:19 +0000 justjules 2898243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ALV91711: I like the idea of walking after dinner. They wake early (usually around 5 but sometimes sleep in till 6) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898242 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:41:21 +0000 hellobeeboston 2898242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: are they still napping? Maybe time to cut that if so?</p> <p>Otherwise, I would also try pushing everything a bit later if possible. Dinner at 6, in room by 7:30/8.</p> <p>what about it being totally dark at some point? Or do they need a night light? Light is a real issue for my younger guy, almost 4 - if it's too bright, he will never sleep. We have light dimmers on the lamps and they get VERY dim.</p> <p>Mine get crazy right before bed too usually, WHY... but they calm down pretty fast. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898241 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:41:05 +0000 justjules 2898241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: they wake up early. Usually 5-6 (6 would be "sleeping in") so I feel like they need to go to bed on early side. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898240 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:39:33 +0000 justjules 2898240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: I might try this. DS has major FOMO so I would have to be sneaky about it because if he thought his sister was doing something while he had to sleep he would never want to get in bed </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898235 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 09:19:39 +0000 ShootingStar 2898235@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It might be too early for them. We start bedtime with my 3 and 5 year old at 7:15 and by the time we've got them bathed/showered, PJs on, teeth brushed, stories read, songs played, it's about 8:00. There's no way they'd fall asleep at 7. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898230 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 08:52:28 +0000 DesertDreams88 2898230@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We started 1mg melatonin gummies at age 3.5 and it turned our bedtime nightmares into dreams..... 🤷‍♀️ </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898225 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 08:43:03 +0000 josina 2898225@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Commiseration!</p> <p>DS is almost 5, and DD is 2 1/2. They share a room, and have separate beds but ever since we switched DD to a toddler and DS to a twin, she sleeps with him.<br /> I try to start bedtime around 7:30, they get a cartoon and milk, brush teeth, read books in bed with just a lamp on, then get hugs, and bed. DS just started preschool so he falls asleep fairly quickly, but DD has been a nightmare! She is constantly coming out of the room and having to be put back to bed. </p> <p>Some nights I've gotten her to quit by putting a child-proof door cover on saying if she comes out again, I'll shut the door. I'm thinking this is my best option as the continuous putting her back to bed is no fun for me and often lasts 1 hour +. I don't want to stay in her room because it's just another thing to have to quit doing. She's tired, just fights it so bad! I do need to talk to daycare about decreasing her nap time too. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898221 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 08:07:04 +0000 Ajsmommy 2898221@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel like our bedtime is a sh!t show too and I 100% blame myself. My kids have separate rooms but we all go up together and do bedtime routine together (brush teeth/potty) and then bc "they are spoiled" I lay with them in DS's bed (queen) until they both fall asleep and then I move DD into her bedroom/bed down the hall.</p> <p>For some reason as soon as we go up those stairs and get into the bedroom it's like they turn into crazed beasts, my DS (2.5 especially)… he gets all wound up and wants to wrestle, jump and play.</p> <p>What has worked for me is focusing on my DD, 5 yo, she's calmer and a much better listener. So I get her into bed and we read her kindergarten books while DS remains playing around the room for a bit. I used to make him get in bed and try to make him lay down while we read books but it was a NIGHTMARE. Now I let him do his thing. I'll tell him 3 more mins... then 1 more min... while DD and i read. She just started K so she is excited to read her "work" every night. So she is easy to get into the bed and calmer...</p> <p>Most times he will give in and climb up into bed and finish her book with us. If not then i'll give him the opportunity to pick a book to read but he has to get in bed to read it with us. 9/10 this works.</p> <p>There is still the occasional night where they get too goofy and I just have to separate them and I have to make DS lay down. Those are not fun nights and i suspect on those nights DS is not as tired (he has one nap)… if he's tired chances are he'll mess around a bit and then he'll climb up into bed on his own while DD and i are reading...</p> <p>ETA: once we are done reading books, it's lights out. 99% of the time DD, my older one falls asleep first. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898219 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 07:57:44 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2898219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: If your older one doesn't nap and younger does, I'd try putting older one down first. We do that with our almost 4 and 17 month olds and it works great. The almost 4 year old is exhausted by the end of the day and falls asleep quickly (as long as sister isn't in there riling her up) and then baby can goof around for a little longer. Our oldest sleeps like a rock and we use white noise so even if the baby is loud going down, she rarely wakes 3yo. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898205 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 06:17:22 +0000 newlypregnantlady 2898205@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids (4 and 2) share a room and I have their play time built into bedtime. I like them asleep by 8 so they’re in bed by 645-7, knowing they’re going to play for at least an hour. There are definitely days they don’t go to sleep until closer to 9. But so long as they don’t leave the room, climb on anything, turn the light on, or the toddler doesn’t take off her diaper, I basically let them play. They’ve been sharing a room since my youngest was 1. </p> <p>The only thing that has ever worked for me in regards to keeping them in their beds is silently coming into the room, putting them in bed with as little reaction as possible (the idea being that you don’t want to give negative attention). But honestly that hasn’t ever done much for me. If they fight over a toy it gets removed from their room. </p> <p>Generally I can’t make them just go to sleep so I don’t try. I just make sure to leave enough play time built in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898198 Tue, 01 Oct 2019 00:03:20 +0000 MamaCate 2898198@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@justjules: we have bunk beds but kids are older-6 and 3 when we started last summer and a year older now.</p> <p>For us, the consequence of not calming down and going to sleep can be<br /> -separating kids and putting one to sleep in our room while the other one stays in their room. Then we move the kid into the right bed once they are both asleep.<br /> -losing a show in the morning (kids who listen at night and are timely in the morning watch one show while the grownup showers/gets ready for work). This feels abstract until it is enforced the next day and then it is much more motivating. May not work if this is not your routine.</p> <p>I think it helps if you can be calm and consistent although I know it is the last thing you want when you want them to go to sleep. I am okay with some quiet talking and giggling but I draw the line at lots of noise and getting out of bed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-failing-at-bedtime-and-i-need-help#post-2898186 Mon, 30 Sep 2019 21:29:17 +0000 ALV91711 2898186@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Maybe after dinner you could go outside for a walk or play before be? That way your son could have some quiet play when he gets home but you could still get some extra fresh air. </p> <p>What time are they up? Would the go to bed easier if it was like 30 min later? </p>