https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 14 Apr 2026 21:36:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-49067 Sun, 08 Jan 2012 20:38:44 +0000 daniellemybelle 49067@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone for your responses. Sorry that I am just now coming back - I admit this whole thing stresses me out. In general, I feel like so much of our futures is riding on DH's job, including where we move next. That's a whole other thread, though! You guys were really encouraging though. I know that when we come to making these decisions, we will be able to make it work. </p> <p>To answer your questions about saving right now until we TTC, right now we are focused on getting out of debt. After that, we still need to save up a nice emergency fund and get on track with retirement savings. By then, we will probably be TTC if we don't already have a baby... I did appreciate the advice to look into how we can cut back our expenses. I definitely need to do that! I know we spend too much on eating out, cable, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-48425 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 19:44:15 +0000 sulli301 48425@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am 24 &amp; my husband is 25 &amp; I am now a SAHM. One thing we did that was very helpful is used my money only as savings/investments &amp; for must have baby items (most we got as gifts or from our parents) &amp; living off of only his paycheck (all bills, food, dining out, activities, etc) to get used to it. Good luck :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-48409 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 19:19:56 +0000 MsMamaBear 48409@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tina: Yah! I just got a freezer for my grocery stockpile.LOL </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47955 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 10:53:32 +0000 hideandseek 47955@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can't tell you what you should do; but I can tell you that my Mom stayed home with me despite the fact my Dad made very little money on his own (by today's standards especially). They raised 2 kids in a frugal lifestyle. We didn't "go on vacation" or have fancy toys and things. But we always had everything we needed and they played with me and loved me. I have such fond memories of my childhood. You can live in a smaller home, live simply but nicely, and feel such happiness and fulfillment. It all comes down to your priorities, your hopes, and your dreams. If you know what is your first, second, and third priorities are, then you can focus on having those things...the key to happiness! The rest is just extras, and if they don't matter that much to you, you won't miss them. If having more money to do more things/have more things matters to you, then I'd wait a few more years to get debts paid off, more financial stability, an 8 month salary saved up, etc. and see where you are at. You don't want to add stress to your life if you are cash-poor and unable to do the things you really want. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47887 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 09:30:06 +0000 Mrsbells 47887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ultimately you have to decide what your prioritis are. If it is super important for you to be a stay at home mom then you have to hold off TTC until your husband has a good enough job to allow you to stay home. If you think its more important to start TTC in 2 years then you may have to consider being a working mom instead. Just weigh the options and see which is more important to you. But like previous posters have stated you may end up not having to make this choice because its possible by the time you are ready to TTC, your husband would be doing much better </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47878 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 09:15:05 +0000 mrs. wagon 47878@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MsMamaBear: I'm a couponer too!!! We just installed shelves in our guest bathroom for my personal care stockpile... woohooo!!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47841 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 06:23:23 +0000 MsMamaBear 47841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@tina: That's exactly what I was thinking, things might be worse, especially with this horrible recession.</p> <p>I agree with Tina. I'm not a SAHM, but you WILL spend less on yourself as opposed to now. I used to LIVE for a new Dooney every year. Now? I'll get one whenever because I could use that money for her 1st birthday or something to make HER happy.</p> <p>Downgrading your life to do less and buy less will help. We have done that since my SO was laid off because he has a lower paying job. Thankfully,I've learned to be coupon like hell, so when he does get a better job again in his old field, we'll be able to bank more money because we are saving more, even making less. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47837 Fri, 06 Jan 2012 04:58:35 +0000 looch 47837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a SAHM and we did a few things to help us prepare. First, we made a monthly budget and we update it every month with our actual spend. It helps us to see where our money goes and we change the categories as needed. We have line items for things like gifts we want to give, baby items, household items, etc. It's quite long, but it works for us.<br /> Second, we scaled back our expenses. We usually did one expensive vacation a year, but we cut that out for the time being. That money allocation goes into our son's savings account.<br /> Third, we didn't go overboard on baby stuff. We still made some mistakes and could have done it even more frugally if we didn't fall into some of the common traps with baby gear. I don't buy used clothing in general and don't for our son, but what I do buy is on sale and I am very careful not to overbuy, especially for future sizes.<br /> Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47721 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:57:01 +0000 mrs. wagon 47721@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>that was a novel. Sorry!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47720 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:56:53 +0000 mrs. wagon 47720@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Honestly I would say DO NOT WORRY. So much can happen in two years. You might actually be WORSE off financially in two years. Rob Sr. and I decided to start TTC at the worst possible time-- his income did not increase and I lost my job at the beginning of the 2007 recession and could not find another one. While we were pregnant and while RJ was an infant, we found ways to make it work. We moved further from a city and paid LESS for a much bigger place, we only had one car, we reduced our cable, internet, and cell phone plans... there were times when we had to rely on credit cards so we did build up debt, but we are aggressively paying it off now that we're in a better situation. </p> <p>Another thing to consider is that when you're a SAHM and you have a small child, you spend a LOT less money. Yes, you have to buy diapers and formula and all that stuff, but you don't really shop for clothing for yourself anymore... or shoes... or makeup... and you definitely don't go out as much. We still lived on takeout and we STILL saved money (no drinks, no tip, no dessert, no valet...) Having a baby really changes your perspective and you definitely won't spend as much money on yourself as you used to. For instance, I used to buy myself a new purse every few months. Now I'm consigning a lot of them, gave a ton to charity, and even though I've WANTED a new purse for a while, it's been over a year since I actually purchased one. </p> <p>When RJ got older and we wanted to stop building up credit card debt, we both got part time jobs. Rob Sr. was tutoring 3 high school kids and I went up to 3 part time jobs (bridal store, online ad sales, admin jobs for a friend's small business) and we were both working day and night when I finally decided to look for daycare and a full time job again. Once we secured both, we were both able to drop all of our part-time gigs, and nights and weekends were finally for quality time again. And everything worked out great. We were in the hole for a bit, and there were definitely scary moments, but I wouldn't change a thing about the way we did it.</p> <p>Don't let money worries get in the way of your dreams for your family... do what's best for you guys and figure out the money as you go. There's always ways to make more money, and you don't want to look back in 10 years and regret not having a baby when you wanted to just because you were short a few thousand bucks a year. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47698 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 20:38:14 +0000 sunshine44 47698@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wouldn't worry too much. Reality is you'll never have as much money as u want or need, but you'll find ways to make ends meet. You two seem responsible and willing to work together and that's the most important that you are on the same page as your SO. Don't wait to have a family because of money, you'll end up waiting forever! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47622 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 19:27:19 +0000 cyndistar3 47622@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am a very young SAHM and DH is young as well. Neither of us have been to college but he makes pretty good money. We definitely aren't rich and we don't have a whole lot of extra money but we definitely do just fine. I think it is just a matter of adjusting your life style. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47612 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 19:05:09 +0000 chopsuey 47612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It's totally possible to make it work. I mean, you could always sell from home--Mary Kay, Arbonne, something..<br /> Also, if you guys are planning on TTC in 2 years then you have ample time to start saving..?<br /> I have friends who make it work (stay at home dad) on a 50k salary. My friend's a teacher and they spend a LOT of money on food and medicine because she's a cancer survivor.<br /> Granted, we live in GA and cost of living is a lot cheaper here.<br /> If you prioritize and make smart financial choices, it's possible! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47602 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 18:51:14 +0000 Maysprout 47602@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We saved a lot on low incomes. We're fortunate that our families are in good spots so if they go down to the beach they're happy to have us come along, so we have perks and vacations on our low income. The thing is we're not always going to have such low incomes, I'm not always going to work so little and he's going to be finished his education and get more than a minimal stipend at some point. Our big things were to establish a savings before kids. We have over a years salary in savings still after me not working much this past year (so it took several years to get to that point and it's made us live frugally) and we won't go in debt. But you don't need 6 figures to be a SAHM. And you might be able to start getting yourself on a path where you can work from home a bit. I do some work from home while watching baby and when I have to go in, it's at a time my husband can watch her. So we never pay any daycare. There's ways to get around the system to an extent. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47568 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:59:55 +0000 winniebee 47568@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with @Tequiero! Maybe meet with a financial counselor and figure out a plan to save more money now for the future!</p> <p>PS - most everyone stresses about money before they have kids! DH and I are 30 and 31 and have longterm careers and are financially stable and still worried about how it will all work out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47565 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:50:42 +0000 tequiero21 47565@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>i'm with the ladies above. i don't really think you can count on your man's income increasing drastically, but you can do things to try and start saving now. and no matter how tight things are, you'll find ways to get around it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47542 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:18:06 +0000 heffalump 47542@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't know if I have any good advice for you. But I'm a SAHM. A very poor SAHM. I also chose to be at home with the baby instead of work, knowing that it would obviously effect our life style. But I wouldn't give it up for anything. Plus, it's not like I'm missing out on going out to the movies or anything because I don't have time for that now anyway! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47537 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:13:12 +0000 twinmama 47537@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Sorry you're feeling so stressed about this. It was definitely something I worried about with my ex-fi since our earning potential was more equal. Luckily now my hubby makes much more than me, and so it's made my ability to stay home feasible. </p> <p>My advice would be to not stress too much now, since you're still 2 years away from TTC. A lot can change in 2 years. You could also take some action over the next 2 years to save a larger portion of your income, if possible, so that those savings might make it more possible for you to stay home? And look at your bills and expenses and see where you might be able to cut back, temporarily or long term to free up an extra hundred bucks or two per month. Sometimes thinking of 'do i want cable, or do i want to stay home with my kids' can make decisions a little easier. That said, maybe you're already living frugally!</p> <p>I'm not sure where you live, or what your bills are like, but I think if it's a priority to stay home with your kids, a 6 figure-ish salary isn't necessary. My husband doesn't make that, and we'll be just fine, without being crazy frugal. Yes, we'll have to be more mindful of money than when we're both working, but I won't be on Extreme Couponing either :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47535 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 17:05:04 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 47535@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that there is always a way to make things work. My hubby and I got pregnant WAY before we "planned" on it, and I had just graduated and was not even working in my career field.<br /> Now, I am 23 weeks pregnant and on bed rest, completely unable to work. We were so stressed about money because we were really counting on my income to pay our bills.<br /> However, it has really worked out. Money is tight, don't get me wrong, but the health of our family totally takes precedent over our financial security.<br /> We both canceled our gym memberships and work out from home, we lowered our cable bill, and my hubby started putting 5% of his check towards his retirement instead of 10%<br /> I am not driving much, so our gas cost has gone down.</p> <p>I really think that when the timing is right for you, everything will work out and you won't even be worrying about careers and money and everything else. Your family will become so important to you that you will be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work!</p> <p>I am much like you--way more family driven than career driven. I would not wait til you are 30 to have kids... I think starting a family early is important. I am promising you things will be okay, and if you ever need any tips or advice from someone who has been there, feel free to PM me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/im-stressed-over-being-able-to-be-a-sahm#post-47514 Thu, 05 Jan 2012 16:52:27 +0000 daniellemybelle 47514@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Since my husband and I met in college, two things were pretty set in stone: 1) He is much more career driven and focused than I am. 2) I want to be able to stay home with my future kids, at least part-time. </p> <p>To both of us, this was a pretty good recipe. He'd pursue career advancement to the point that he could reasonably support our family, and I would step back from my career to be a SAHM for a few years. I would definitely like to keep up in my field while staying home, and earn some income doing it, but we have both always said that I won't work a full-time or traditional job while our kids are little.</p> <p>Now I am getting nervous that isn't going to work out. We've only been married not even two years, and my husband and I are only 24 and 25. On our "baby timeline," we still have another two years (at least) before we TTC. But we talk and think about a family so much... and I keep thinking, "How is what we want really possible?"</p> <p>Right now, he makes about 30% more money than I do, but he still doesn't make enough to support the two of us, at all. A couple years ago, there were a few different options we thought he could pursue in order to get his salary up in the range we'd need for me to be able to stay home. But now, we both know that most of those are not feasible, mostly because they wouldn't make him happy. I know that most 25 year olds don't know what they want to do with their lives, so I don't put pressure on him. I want him to find what he loves. But the reality is, that may not be a 6 figure job, or anything close to it. And if that's the case, I am going to have to work, or we are going to have to live an extremely frugal lifestyle.</p> <p>I guess I don't know why I am posting this. Maybe to hear that it will work out... that in 2 years its totally possible for him to drastically increase his income? Or that having to work won't be so bad? Or that we should wait until our 30s to have kids? (I really don't want to hear that one but I've considered it.) Anyway, some advice would be appreciated. </p>