https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 24 May 2026 03:04:52 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1943729 Thu, 13 Nov 2014 18:33:12 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1943729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: "you can't bury your head in the sand." Totally agree. I want my son to be proud to be a Korean-American, not for us to just figure he just looks different than us and hope for the best. </p> <p>@corduroy the presence of prejudice (if that's the right word) within a community/race against someone raised "outside" it is another interesting dynamic and something we will have to keep in mind as well. As much as we try to include his culture, surely he won't have the same childhood as someone born into a korean family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1943636 Thu, 13 Nov 2014 17:16:34 +0000 daniellemybelle 1943636@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Interesting discussion.</p> <p>I think diversity and inclusion are essential in the community of all kids of color but especially adopted kids. DH had a great childhood but he also experienced racism as a kid. He was told when trying to sell candy as a fundraiser in his upper class neighborhood to "go to his own neighborhood." His white girlfriends in high school were forbidden to see him. His brother had the cops called on him for entering his own home and had to show the police his graduation picture on the wall to not get arrested for breaking and entering... with a key.</p> <p>Yet he took much of this in stride because his parents instilled in him a great sense of pride in being African American, and shared their own experiences and struggles. His parents are not perfect (they are in-laws haha...) but I will give them credit for raising my husband to be proud of who he is and to believe anything is possible.</p> <p>White parents could have done that too, but I think it would not come as naturally. You have to make a serious effort. You can't bury your head in the sand.</p> <p>@mrbee: To your point I think it is easier to deal with racism when you are not the only one in your family that is experiencing it and when you have a support system who can truly understand what you are going through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1942890 Thu, 13 Nov 2014 11:41:18 +0000 Corduroy 1942890@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My SIL is adopted from Korean, raised by white parents with a white brother, in a variety of white/Mexican and white/black areas. </p> <p>DH believes the colorblind thing but I've always wondered her feelings about it. I asked MIL once and she said they don't discuss it because it isn't an issue for SIL. I've known her since she was a kid and the only time she has mentioned race or being Korean to me was when she went to college in a very Asian-American city for a semester. Everyone treated her like she was culturally Korean which made her feel more out of place. She only stayed in that city a semester and moved back to white-ville so don't think diversity was what she wanted at that point in her life.</p> <p>My Asian American friends have actually been extremely inquisitive (and what looks to me like pretty rude) when they've gotten together with her. They described her as a 'white rhino' and probe her with questions to understand what it's like to be raised by white people. What is it like to get to tan? Is she "more Asian" than my bi-racial friends? I think SIL liked the chance to discuss it with them because they all became facebook friends and still message each other. Since she doesn't talk to me about it I don't really know. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941706 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 16:54:59 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1941706@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@littlejoy: why, thank you. While I am not adopted, I have felt at times that I was a poster child for my race and that just burdensome and exhausting. </p> <p>@hotchildinthecity: @mrsjazz: @looch: exposure is definitely not a dirty word.</p> <p>I grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood, but my parents exposed me to children of my own race through extra curricular activities such as ballet and Girl Scouts. It's a small thing, but unlike my (white) classmates my fellow ballerinas and I wore our hair in pigtails with fasteners on the bottom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941436 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:54:17 +0000 mrsjazz 1941436@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I don't think you're being insensitive. I agree with you, to randomly single out another person of the same race/ethnicity as your child would be weird. It has to be more organic, if you were friends prior, etc. I know someone who adopted transracially and is part of a group of parents who have all adopted from the same country--so the kids all get together.</p> <p>But I think it's hard to provide this exposure in certain areas of the country. And a lot of transracial adoptees have written about how they have felt like outsiders in their non-diverse communities (and even in diverse communities, when their parents didn't actually discuss their differences). </p> <p>It's hard to walk around feeling like an outsider, so I hope that all parents who adopt outside of their race/ethnicity keep that in mind and do what they can to help their child feel comfortable. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941378 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:38:09 +0000 littlejoy 1941378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: The last paragraph in your first post in this thread really struck me. Great insight! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941375 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:36:15 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1941375@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: My definition of "exposure" is the same as yours. In terms of seeking out culture-specific activities regarding my child's heritage, I'm referring to taking him to Korea town, eating korean food, attending Korean cultural events, etc.</p> <p>I'm also very cognizant of him not being "the korean kid" or "the adopted kid" which in my community, he wouldn't be, as there are many children of all races, and families created in many different ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941372 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:34:52 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1941372@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Polish: I have no idea if anyone is discouraged or not, but in Korea at least, there's like three questions on the "get ready for court" list that are about the diversity of your community, exposing your child to their culture, etc. I have absolutely no idea what would happen if you said "no." But the Korean adoption process is strict in a number of ways. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941369 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:32:59 +0000 littlejoy 1941369@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's important for all children to be exposed to many different people. That said, let's say you don't have that option, I think you can still raise a perfectly lovely human. </p> <p>In my family, we have a cousin who was adopted from Guatemala, and two nieces from China. I'm not certain that they get a lot of interaction with other cultures (they live in the midwest), but they've always been curious about their origins, and our family is always happy to share as much as they can with them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941357 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:27:16 +0000 looch 1941357@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So, back to the specific word "exposure," I guess I am having trouble understanding why there's negative connotations around it. When I think of exposure, I think of sending my son to public school, which in my town, would mean that he's going to have kids of all socioeconomic backgrounds, race, ethnicities, limitations in one class. I think you have to begin somewhere, but just randomly singling out someone to be friends with because of their "insert difference here" is odd.</p> <p>If I am being insensitive, someone please tell me. I feel strongly about accepting everyone as they are, regardless of how they look on the outside and I want to help my son as much as possible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941343 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 14:23:42 +0000 Mrs. Polish 1941343@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: we live in Indiana, in an area far from anything like Queens. Our son is black and we are white. When we were preparing to adopt, our primary focus was that of any new parent. We had no idea how to care for a newborn and on top of that we had all of the adoption process. In our area, transracial adoption isn't common, and we've been on the receiving end of not so pleasant commentary on our lives. It has been an eye opening experience to say the least. Exposure to our son's culture and race is important to us, but exposure to all cultures is as well. We're not going to purposely approach other black people to be friends for the purpose of exposing our son. That makes me uncomfortable thinking about forcing a connection like that. What I'm trying to say here is that we're not colorblind, but this is our normal. We have friends who look like our son and we have friends who don't. I would hate to think that some potential adoptive families are discouraged from a potential match because they don't live in a diverse neighborhood. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941253 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:53:34 +0000 mrsjyw 1941253@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My personal take is that diversity, if you can find it, is important for any of us to be exposed to if we can! While I don't have experience with adoption, like @anagram: I have a bi-racial son. He looks very much Korean in appearance, and wonder what his life will be like growing up mixed race. I very much want him to be around people of all backgrounds including Korean, Polish, &amp; German (all of his ethnicities). I think it's more people-love that I want to instill him overall, while embracing the individual cultural differences he may encounter from both my and DH's background. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941224 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:43:30 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1941224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you everyone for your different views on this. It's really important to my husband and me to be educated on this, especially as we'd be open to adding a child of a different ethnicity (not Korean) to our family in the future. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941218 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:42:15 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1941218@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: oh. my. god. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941210 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:38:17 +0000 blackbird 1941210@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@stiletto_mom: Whoa :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941151 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:15:40 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1941151@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Anagram: I had the opposite experience with Asian - Americans until I was 13-14. I thought they were all adopted because that was all I knew. In elementary school, there were was a bro &amp; sis that were adopted together and one of my close friends who was the oldest in her family. Then, there was one of my brother's super adorable friends. Anyway, I was a camp counselor one summer for small kids 2-5 year olds. There was an Asian girl named Kimberly; I remarked that was a common name to the head counselor that was such a common for adopted Asian kids. I have no idea how I came up with that. Maybe I was thinking about the Yellow Power Ranger. The woman looked at me puzzled and told me the little girl wasn't adopted. Then, that school year I met Asian classmates with 1 or 2 bioligical Asian parents. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941150 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:15:12 +0000 stiletto_mom 1941150@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This reminded me of this:<br /> <a href="http://blog.angryasianman.com/2014/11/they-assumed-their-adopted-son-was_5.html" rel="nofollow">http://blog.angryasianman.com/2014/11/they-assumed-their-adopted-son-was_5.html</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941125 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 13:09:44 +0000 Dandelion 1941125@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's important to teach about where they came from. I live in a very rural place, without a lot of influence of international culture, with the exception of the missionary organization I work for. But, I still would always talk about and celebrate any child's history. We already do it for our own children. We celebrate St. Patrick's Day and Oktoberfest and eat the foods of our heritage. I would definitely add any other heritage in our family to our celebrations. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1941101 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 12:59:29 +0000 ShootingStar 1941101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I were just discussing this recently. We have been interested in adoption and possibly foster to adopt. We are white and we feel like we may not be equipped to raise a child that's a different ethnicity. While we work relatively diverse environments, the town we live in and the school our kids will attend is pretty white. Plus we already have a biological son. I feel like it's a lot to ask of a kid to grow up with a whole family and town that doesn't look like you and has no idea what kind of issues you might be facing. At the same time I'd feel like a real a$$hole signing up to adopt only white kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940758 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 10:50:38 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1940758@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: Yes! The "colorbind" mentality is greatly flawed, and EVERYONE needs to talk to their children about race. I do think it is very important for children that are adopted trans-racially to have role models to talk to/confide in that are their same race. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940757 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 10:49:30 +0000 Anagram 1940757@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't have any adoption experience, but my daughter is mixed race and I sometimes wonder if she'll ever have the same type of issues--not knowing where she "fits in" racially. I mean, she can't look at either of her parents and see someone that looks "exactly like her" and even though we live in a super diverse area, she isn't going to see many (or any more likely) people of her exact same mix. </p> <p>I think the takeaway from the article is--glossing over (or ignore entirely) racial differences is never the answer. I can totally see how this would alienate a child.</p> <p>I also wonder, from a child's perspective, whether seeing another __________ person (like, at a supermarket. Not someone in the family) that looks like them IS helpful or if it just causes more issues.</p> <p>Full disclosure: one of my friends IRL is Asian, adopted by white parents--and I TOTALLY made the mistake of making assumption the first few times we met. I mean, I assumed that she was Asian with Asian parents. I knew she was American--because I know she grew up around here and obviously has no accent. But I guess I naturally assumed her parents or grandparents would be from somewhere else.</p> <p>Anyway, in my particular mommy group of friends, *most* of the moms are Jewish. So at this one meetup when our babies were tiny, when everyone was talking about naming ceremonies or planning a bris....she and I were just listening as the only non-Jewish moms there (or so I assumed, based on how she looked). So finally I asked her if HER family had any newborn ceremonies and shared that in my husband's culture, they have few but we weren't really doing any of them since his parents were far away and my husband isn't really involved in the local hindu community---and then she was like...um. My parents are American. I'm adopted.</p> <p>And then I felt so dumb! I mean, of course you look at a person of a certain ethnicity and you assume their parents are the same. It would be equally awkward if people approached every conversation with the assumption that the other person had parents who were a different culture/ethnicity. </p> <p>I'm sure my daughter will be asked all the time "What are you?" when she's growing up. I think people ask those questions out of desire to be friendly and make connections. "Oh, your dad is hindu? My coworker is hindu!" type of thing, to make a friendly overture. Hopefully, we find a way to teach her how to handle those situations with grace and maybe even proudly.</p> <p>It'll be interesting to see how my ideas on this change as my LO get older. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940753 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 10:47:50 +0000 mrsjazz 1940753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: When I saw the title of your post, I instantly thought of this article. I read it yesterday.</p> <p>Adoption is such a beautiful thing. I think that if someone can't offer their child a diverse community than it is extremely important to discuss their background and culture, to expose them to people who look like them. In this article I was surprised that her parents never talked about her being Korean. It always amazes me to hear these type of stories in transracial adoption.</p> <p>But I also think that it's important to do this before adoption, like, I read this story this written by an adoptee who is Black and the parents were white. She talked about how her parents had absolutely no Black friends and then one day latched onto a random Black woman in town to try to be friends with. It was weird, it can't be forced like that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940732 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 10:39:49 +0000 jedeve 1940732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Nurtureshock has an interesting chapter on this (I think it is an article in a magazine somewhere too if you want to find it online.) Basically, exposure to diversity isn't enough. Parents often feel that if their kids just grow up in a diverse environment their kids will realize everyone is the same. But what happens is kids realize there are people that look like them and people that don't and begin to otherize. The author argues what is more important is talking to kids about race. Which is something that a lot of parents feel uncomfortable doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940717 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 10:35:26 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 1940717@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is always on my mind, as we plan to adopt someday and I follow a lot of adoption blogs. </p> <p>I want to make sure that when we adopt, we will be able to provide the best environment we can, and that includes having role models for our children that look like them. </p> <p>Some of my nieces and nephews are adopted, and I think think it will be nice that they will be able to relate to any future children we adopt. </p> <p>I struggle with how white our local social circle is and I'm trying to cultivate deeper friendships with people outside of my similar life experience - socioeconomically, racially, regionally. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940626 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 10:01:06 +0000 mrbee 1940626@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>There are racial issues specific to transracial adoption, and then there's just plain old racism (especially in lower diversity communities). The latter is tough on kids, but I don't know how specific it is to adoption... my sister is Korean (I'm half-Japanese), and we both heard those racial slurs plenty as kids growing up in Virginia. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940619 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:59:43 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1940619@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I am curious as well. I had no problem with the question, but I know that other families at my agency don't live in diverse communities, so what to say to that question?</p> <p>I agree that diversity/culture is important for everyone, not just adoptees :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940608 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:56:55 +0000 looch 1940608@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am curious what the outcome would have been if you said no, that your child wouldn't be exposed to Koreans. Would they have not allowed you to be a family?</p> <p>I feel like exposure to people of every color and type is important for every person on this earth. It is a big part of the reason why we relocated to the US after the birth of my son. I also feel like everyone has a different take on it, you're going to get the side eye no matter what you as a parent. Someone is always going to disagree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940595 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:54:02 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1940595@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: I like gotcha day too. Sounds like you and your family will be spared some of the pitfalls the author points out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940580 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:48:31 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1940580@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Lemon-Lime: My mom actually worked in Korean adoption when we were teenagers. She has a very close friend who has an adopted Korean daughter. This friend spearheads a culture camp for Korean adoptees that takes place every summer. </p> <p>Through this process, and our visit to Korea, we've just found it to be such a proud, interesting, and beautiful culture. There remains a lot of stigma in Korea surrounding adoption, which reminds me that while adoption seems very common where I live, there are still intricacies and issues surrounding it.</p> <p>Case in point, while thanking the author for her article on Twitter, and telling her about my upcoming "gotcha day," she pointed out that adoptees prefer "family day." I feel like I learn something new every day :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/importance-of-diversity-for-an-adoptive-family#post-1940561 Wed, 12 Nov 2014 09:38:09 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1940561@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@hotchildinthecity: what kind of exposure/ interest did you and your husband have to Korean culture before you started your adoption journey? </p>