https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 21 Apr 2026 00:00:20 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152470 Tue, 08 May 2012 20:48:57 +0000 autumnlove 152470@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH and his bro had some heated text message exchanges about the whole situation. BIL reiterated that he thinks we are users and we chose to have a family so deal with it...</p> <p>My FIL is a huge enabler for letting my 37 yr old BIL and his SO mooch off him. He complains to us all the time but I don't think he will ever ask my BIL to leave! FIL called me after work and told me that this is the last time our dog can stay at his house because BIL and his SO are threatening to move out over it! He is pretty lonely after a divorce and sadly wants them around. Sigh...of course we want FIL to stand up to his son(come on, he isn't gonna move out over this) but he seems blind to the big picture. Luckily, after this week..my husband doesn't have overnight shifts for several months!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152118 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:41:38 +0000 Modern Daisy 152118@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: If they feel burdened then shame on them for not speaking up sooner. It's not your fault if they agreed to the arrangement but were secretly regretful about it. You're going above and beyond by checking in with them since it's really up to them to put a stop to it if it's too much. But I'd be willing to bet they're actually fine with it and it's just your BIL being a brat :)</p> <p>Don't worry - you haven't done anything wrong! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152116 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:40:33 +0000 mrs. wagon 152116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: i just thought of something better.. Tell him that you'll clear the dog with him if he clears himself and his wife with you first! :-D </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152108 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:36:45 +0000 autumnlove 152108@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. wagon: I will have to tell DH to tell his bro that he will only clear leaving the dog with the person paying the mortgage/rent/taxes. :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152106 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:35:04 +0000 autumnlove 152106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Modern Daisy: I will definitely talk to my MIL and FIL about this temporary arrangement. I have been feeling guilty all morning...what if they really feel burdened!?!? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152101 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:32:42 +0000 autumnlove 152101@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: I did and he continues to send text messages. So far, he says will get rid of our dog, my DH doesn't care about FIL as much as he and his SO do, etc. I know (hope)they are idle threats and he is just DRAMA but it still makes me really upset! I can't wait for this day to be over! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152093 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:27:17 +0000 heffalump 152093@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: Aww hope you don't have to deal with it much longer! Why don't you just tell your BIL you don't want to be in the middle and to talk to your DH later? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152090 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:25:53 +0000 SleepyMonkey 152090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oooh, sorry i didnt see the ETA. He is being hostile which is totally uncalled for. Sorry :( but i agree that those comments dont even deserve a response. It will probably make him angrier if you dont respond, but it might help keep you calmer and less agitated about the whole situation if you just delete the texts or if you can find a way to block his number temporarily. So sorry you have to deal with this! Big hugs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152065 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:13:27 +0000 SugarplumsMom 152065@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would go off. I'm not the type of person to do that with friends or family and I've held in a lot of stuff ... those txt messages he's leaving you are just outright rude and out of line! Something like that deserves a personal call, IMO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152044 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:03:23 +0000 LuLu Mom 152044@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I would probably send him to DH and also follow SweetT's advice about how it isn't up to you to clear it with him as it is not his house, it is his father's. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152039 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:01:54 +0000 Mrs. Blue 152039@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Omg. Posts like this make me so thankful that my SILs aren't complete tool boxes. Oh my geez, I don't even know what I would do if one of them told me to just leave the baby alone!! I think I would take the approach of calling MIL and then FIL and checking to make sure this is still okay since BIL mentioned blah blah blah. Then, you could just respond that you verified with them that they are okay with the arrangement and if he has an issue, he needs to address it with them. That way neither you nor DH really have to deal. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152037 Tue, 08 May 2012 15:00:34 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 152037@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your BIL doesn't deserve a response. He is not a part of the equation at all, and the arrangements you've made with MIL and FIL are none of his business.</p> <p>Don't entertain him by giving him a response. It's not your problem. His beef isn't with you -- it's with his parents. He's just taking it out on you.</p> <p>Let your husband know what's gone on, and let him take the lead on how to handle this one. If he wants to address the issue with his brother, let him. Otherwise, stay out of it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152026 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:52:47 +0000 chopsuey 152026@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>OMG! DH needs to kick his brother's ass! Sorry you have to deal with this! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152020 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:50:23 +0000 Modern Daisy 152020@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>His texts don't even warrant a response. The most I would ever write back might be "Hey I think you should talk to your parents and DH about these issues, not me". Don't let him pick on you just because it's easy for him - force him to take it up with the people who are making the decisions. </p> <p>I would definitely talk to your MIL and FIL about teh BIL's concerns and just double check with them that they're okay with the arrangements you made regarding the dog and LO. But I definitely wouldn't take it any further than that and I would not engage in a discussion with BIL about it.</p> <p>I once had the reverse happen - my BIL made nasty comments to me about what my OWN PARENTS were doing for me and DH. I know he was lashing out on behalf of my sister, but I just ignored him since it's best if in-laws let family members take up issues directly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-152010 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:45:41 +0000 mrs. wagon 152010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>oh my god. </p> <p>I would just respond... if MIL doesn't have a problem with having the baby around, you shouldn't either. It's none of your business.</p> <p>And I will clear leaving the dog with the person paying the mortgage/rent/taxes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151998 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:41:33 +0000 Adira 151998@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @Sweet T! It's none of his business and he needs to leave you alone! But I do agree that if he has issues with the arrangements, why isn't he talking to his own brother about it?? It's weird that he's bugging you. Maybe because he knows his brother will tell him to shove it? :P</p> <p>Really, I would maybe respond with "Our arrangements with your parents have nothing to do with you" and then ignore any subsequent texts/comments about it. Good luck to you!</p> <p>Oh, by the way, the comment about leaving the baby alone made me sooooooooo angry! Your BIL clearly doesn't have a clue and you really should ignore him because he's obviously an idiot! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151990 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:36:31 +0000 Goldilocks1107 151990@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Sweet T: Agreed - I'd tell him you have an agreement with his parents and if he has a problem with it, to talk to DH about it. Since you have a good relationship with his parents, maybe casually say "Thanks again for helping us out - we couldn't have managed these past few days without you! I want to make sure that you're still okay with this arrangement and we aren't overstaying our welcome."<br /> That way, if BIL continues to be a jerk, DH can tell him that his parents are okay with the arrangement and it's none of his business. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151986 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:35:43 +0000 Mrs. Cat in the Cradle 151986@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry, you shouldn't have to deal with that kind of BS. I agree with what others have said, it is none of his business, and that is the only reply he deserves. </p> <p>I don't have siblings, but I have cousins that are mooches. They all do about nothing, but somehow have a fair amount to show for it. Gah! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151982 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:34:14 +0000 MamaMoose 151982@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh good Lord. Entitled people like this make me furious. I would point out to him that it sure is nice the HE can rely on the goodness of family members when he is in a bind (FOR FOUR YEARS!!) and perhaps he shouldn't be surprised that sometimes other people need support from their families as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151980 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:33:33 +0000 autumnlove 151980@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@beka: @Sweet T: I've been on the verge of tears all morning. I want to talk to DH but he needs his sleep before working another overnight shift. I wanted to tell my Mom but she would get too upset and probably call my BIL and give him a piece of her mind.</p> <p>So grateful for Hellobee! :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151967 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:30:19 +0000 shinystraps 151967@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow I'm so sorry :( That makes your day really crummy, doesn't it? I would probably not answer any of his texts or just tell him that he needs to talk to your husband and not answer the rest of his texts. That's ridiculous. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151947 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:22:17 +0000 Sweet T 151947@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>To be honest, I wouldn't be nice about it. I would text him back and tell him that the agreements or arrangements you make with your in-laws are none of his business. And if he wasn't mooching off of his father, he wouldn't have to worry about your dog. Also, because it's his father's house, you don't have to clear anything with him.</p> <p>Ugh! This kind of stuff drives me crazy! My in-laws are ridiculous so, i feel your pain! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151935 Tue, 08 May 2012 14:16:36 +0000 SleepyMonkey 151935@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with @MamaMoose. I would text something like "you should probably talk to dh about this, he will be more useful than i can be. Sorry i cant be of more help!" And then just stop responding if he keeps texting. Hopefully he will get the msg and understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151889 Tue, 08 May 2012 13:53:24 +0000 MamaMoose 151889@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah I would just politely reply that you would rather no be caught in the middle and if your BIL has a problem with your husband he needs to speak to him directly. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151881 Tue, 08 May 2012 13:50:21 +0000 autumnlove 151881@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@artbee: lol. I am going to cry at work. too bad my DH just finished an overnight shift and I don't want to bother him while he is sleeping. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151875 Tue, 08 May 2012 13:49:01 +0000 heffalump 151875@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Lol, luckily they go straight to him. DH's ex SIL did go to him once when she should have just talked to his brother. He waited and listened to everything she had to say, then told her that he didn't want to be in the middle of it and they should go to a therapist. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/in-law-drama#post-151868 Tue, 08 May 2012 13:47:14 +0000 autumnlove 151868@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Do you ever tell your MIL, FIL, BIL or SILs to stop talking to you about something they should deal directly with your DH or SO about? I am so freaking irritated today with my BIL and his annoying text messages.</p> <p>ETA- </p> <p> I work hours that aren't friendly for daycare drop off in the morning...6am-3pm. DH works at a hospital and his hours vary but he can usually take LO to school before he goes to work.</p> <p>Something came up at his work and they needed him to cover two weeks of overnight shifts for a coworker with a family emergency, 7pm-7am. We asked his Mom if I could spend the night before work days so I could leave for work (at 4:45am) without transporting a sleepy baby to her house in the morning. So far, it has worked out well....I spend the night and MIL gets to hang with LO. LO is also a good sleeper so she is usually still asleep when DH gets to his Mom's house at 7:30am. He changes and feeds her then drops her off at daycare... so far, his Mom hasn't had to feed or change LO once. She usually goes to work at 10am so we aren't making her late, etc.</p> <p>We have a dog and he can't be left alone because he gets destructive. My FIL offered to watch him on nights that I stay with my MIL. He loves our dog and says he enjoys having him there....</p> <p>My BIL and his SO live with FIL because they are mooches. They rarely hold jobs and when they do have money, they spend on lavish gifts for each other....they say they want to move out but have been living with FIL for 4 years without paying rent or anything.</p> <p>Well, this morning my BIL sent me text messages saying that he is upset we are using his parents...</p> <p>"You guys decided to have a family so stop putting LO on my Mom and the dog with Dad."</p> <p>"Why can't you just leave the baby alone in the morning and go to work?"</p> <p>"The next time my Dad tells you that you can leave your dog here...you need to clear it with me."</p> <p>OK, I am soooooo irritated. I wrote back and told him to deal with DH but he continues to send really horrible text messages. :-( </p>