https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 20 Apr 2026 14:49:50 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2175528 Tue, 12 May 2015 11:27:43 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2175528@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>You live and you learn. Next year tell him ahead of time you are looking forward to do something fun on Mother's Day and give him ideas in case he's lost.</p> <p>I'm pretty impressed he created a photo book of your LO. That was thoughtful and crafty. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2175486 Tue, 12 May 2015 10:56:12 +0000 Keybee 2175486@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm sorry. It's hard when you have something built up in your mind and then they don't go as planned. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2175107 Tue, 12 May 2015 07:00:04 +0000 Modern Daisy 2175107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Iagree with you that gifts are nice, but I care way more about what I get to do (or not do) that day. I told DH that I wanted to sleep un and spend time at home by myself, so I got what I asked for. He took DS to soccer and the park and I got to lay in bed without hearing loud whining and screaming all day. He also got me some nice jewelry, but he knew that was an added bonus, what i really wanted was time to myself! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174944 Mon, 11 May 2015 21:28:02 +0000 mrscobee 2174944@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: I actually agree with everything you have said. I think I would be grateful for ANYTHING DH did for me bc he doesn't HAVE to do anything at all. I think that's what some people are missing. Although if this year didn't speak to op's love language, there are certainly ways to express preferences for future holidays in a way that perhaps wouldn't step on his toes. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174932 Mon, 11 May 2015 21:05:28 +0000 mrsbubbletea 2174932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I felt the same way yesterday. I was so so disappointed and I felt so selfish and immature for it. I told my man that I wanted a card and flowers several times in advance because he isn't the best at holidays (To be fair neither am I). I wanted to be clear with expectations so I wouldn't be disappointed. I remember growing up my mom would always be all pissy with my dad on bdays/holidays and I just so didn't want to be like that. I also ordered a kindle paperwhite for myself so I really shouldn't complain. </p> <p>He made breakfast for me and let me sleep in for a bit. Then I fed the baby and put him down for a nap. And then I lounged around, took a bath, relaxed and dh handled wake up. But after maybe 1.5 hours he came and got me with our slightly fussy son. With the complaint not that he needed to eat or even that he had trouble calming him but that "he was over it" (or something along those lines). I still can't believe that he said that. He couldn't suck it up while I finished getting ready? </p> <p>And no card no flowers. I am so so sad about that still. His reasoning was that he had no time to get away. So basically blaming me and the baby? I just wanted a nice message in a card for my first Mother's Day. </p> <p>Oh well. I am basically over it by now. I told him I still want a card with a message on it even though Mother's Day has passed. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174924 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:56:42 +0000 Truth Bombs 2174924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: ok, if you want to turn demanding how Mother's Day is celebrated into women's liberation from a 1950s home model I think you're taking this a little more seriously than I am so we can agree to disagree. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174923 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:52:21 +0000 jedeve 2174923@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: but I think you can accept what works in your relationship might not be what works in someone else's. And that doesn't make them ungrateful. </p> <p>I used to put a lot of effort into my husband's gifts. They were always very thoughtful and he appreciated them. But it never seemed right. So I asked him, and he said he doesn't get that excited about gifts, but he likes when we play fun activities. So now for his birthday and Father's Day I ask him what he wants to do and we organize a fun trip or activity. He's much happier. </p> <p>Would I have preferred he had bottled that up, while I wasted money on material objects that he wasn't that into, and spent his specialty days thinking "man a trip to the lake would have been fun?" Of course not! I want to do what he wants. </p> <p>Of course he was still grateful (as is the OP), but it's not what made him the happiest. </p> <p>I think telling wives they shouldn't say anything and just accept what their husbands do and never speak up for themselves is a little 1950s for me. It's fine if you aren't that into holidays like Mother's Day. But some people enjoy it. Moms play martyr enough and the idea that they shouldn't even enjoy one day a year that recognizes motherhood is a little too much mommy martyr for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174914 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:44:04 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2174914@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Ah I get it! Yeah, agree for the most part! Sounds like op knows it's best to be grateful so that's the difference between bratty and not, but yeah, I'm not a huge fan of people outright asking for stuff randomly. I have a couple friends who make very specific gift requests for their los bdays, and that secretly drives me bonkers. :P </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174912 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:43:55 +0000 Truth Bombs 2174912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jedeve: my husband would never in a million years feel like I didn't celebrate him "properly" on Father's Day no matter what I did. And yes, I think it's ungrateful to be more concerned about what some DIDN'T do for you than focus on what they did do for you. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174908 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:39:56 +0000 jedeve 2174908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: everyone has different love languages though. It sounds like the OP's DH is good at giving gifts, but what she really wanted wasn't a material gift but something more along the line of "acts of service" or "quality time." That doesn't mean she is ungrateful, or that she should sit quietly and just hope one day her husband figures it out. There is nothing wrong with telling someone "this is what makes me feel loved." Would you want to do something every year for Father's Day that didn't make your husband feel appreciated and loved? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174904 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:26:16 +0000 Orchid 2174904@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with @deerylou: , tv, movies, celebrity culture can really make one discouraged on holidays. It sounds like your husband made a good effort to honor you, but I wouldn't express dissatisfaction to him. Use Fathers' Day as an opportunity to demonstrate the type of effort you would enjoy around these holidays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174880 Mon, 11 May 2015 20:03:27 +0000 Truth Bombs 2174880@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@2littlepumpkins: oh I think it's totally fine if your husband asks. I just don't think it's fair to be disappointed if someone worked hard to come up with some ideas and then the honoree is disappointed because it wasn't exactly what she was picturing, and I don't think it's ok to dictate (unsolicited) that people celebrate or gift you in the way you would like best. Just like at Christmas... I don't go around telling people what to buy me unless they ask, and I'm grateful for any gift given to me, even if it wouldn't have been what I would have suggested if asked. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174874 Mon, 11 May 2015 19:55:55 +0000 deerylou 2174874@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I see what @Truth Bombs: is saying. While I'm happy to offer gift ideas when my husband asks, I'd rather certain things unfold, organically. Personally, I feel awkward dictating exactly how I'd like to be romanced on Valentine's Day, or honored on Mother's Day. If I want to celebrate our anniversary by getting away for a weekend, we plan it together. If the weather is fabulous and I'd like to spend my birthday grilling at the beach, I'll speak up. Otherwise, I kinda let it happen. My husband's a good guy, he knows what I like, and his efforts are almost always sweet, in retrospect. </p> <p>I guess I've just learned, over the years, to really tone down my expectations for holidays. I remember when I was in my early twenties and I'd get seriously butthurt when NYE didn't end up being some epic affair. I needed to stop micromanaging. Not saying this is what's going on here, just speaking as a former over analyzer of holidays. ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174850 Mon, 11 May 2015 19:33:05 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2174850@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: in a way I kind of agree with you/see where you're coming from. I'd never want DH to feel forced. But at the same time sometimes gift givers feel stumped and yet want to do the "work" just aren't sure what to do.. So in that case I think it's ok to give some direction.. It's all about context though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174837 Mon, 11 May 2015 19:07:31 +0000 Truth Bombs 2174837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@regberadaisy: right, but I just did it myself, rather than dictating someone else to do something for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174833 Mon, 11 May 2015 19:04:24 +0000 regberadaisy 2174833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: but....you kinda are doing what some of us are saying to do. You knew what you wanted and took matter in your own hands. Instead of just expecting your DH would know you wanted brunch at this place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174830 Mon, 11 May 2015 18:56:02 +0000 Truth Bombs 2174830@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to go against the grain and say that I never demand things of my husband or tell him what I expect/want for these holidays. What is the point of someone giving you a gift or celebrating you if they are just following orders. Doesn't seem very sincere to me. I wanted brunch at a certain place for Mother's Day so I went ahead and made reservations and I'm fine with that. I don't see the point of me telling my husband to make a reservation. Your husband gave you some really thoughtful gifts, I would just be appreciative of what he did do. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174816 Mon, 11 May 2015 18:46:52 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2174816@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can relate. It was my first Mother's Day too and just didn't feel special. Aside from an argument we had the previous night there wasn't a whole lot we could do with a newborn and my MIL and DH brothers were in town so it ended up revolving around them. Not my idea of a good day. But was just so thankful that I was a mother to a beautiful baby I waited a long time for. Maybe next year! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174812 Mon, 11 May 2015 18:43:24 +0000 regberadaisy 2174812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think you're being a brat but you need to tell your DH what your expectations for that day are. The day you described would be the perfect day for my DH. His perfect day is relaxing at home as a family. But for me I want to get out and do stuff as a family for the portion of the day then relax the other half.<br /> Maybe he thought because you were out Saturday that Sunday you'd want to be home just chilling. He can't know if you don't tell him. Don't set him up for failure and yourself up for disappointment! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174810 Mon, 11 May 2015 18:42:56 +0000 JMOM 2174810@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that communication is the key. Easier said than done, though. For Mother's Day, I wish I could just have a day or half-day to myself, but I don't ask for it. I feel like I'm supposed to want to spend the day with my hubby and kids, but I don't - which makes me feel guilty. I think you are doing the right thing airing your disappointment here.<br /> Funny story, we went on a short vacation this weekend and my DH locked me out of the room while I went to go get ice so he could have my kids sign their cards. Not very subtle. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174806 Mon, 11 May 2015 18:37:59 +0000 namaste 2174806@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I feel for you :heart: I'm glad you got to vent it out. My first Mother's Day yesterday too was a bust and let me just say that I didn't even get a "Happy Mother's Day" from DH until well after 2pm, after I got upset about it. :/ I didn't get a single thing yesterday either so whoop! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174781 Mon, 11 May 2015 18:02:44 +0000 Chuckles 2174781@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I almost started an "airing of mother's day grievances" ;) thread yesterday so we would all have a place to vent without taking it out on our SOs. Now I'm glad to see I'm not alone. Our weekend was actually really nice and my DH did a great job of taking care of most of the housework and let me have some time to myself. But... I had given him a heads up a couple weeks ago that I had an idea for a small father's day gift that I really wanted to get him. Since we didn't do mothers/father's day gifts last year (got ourselves patio furniture instead), I didn't want him to get me nothing and then feel bad when I got him a gift. Thinking about what PPs said, I thought I was giving him a pretty clear message about expectations.<br /> And then he spent most of the day with me on Sunday, gave me a card in the middle of the day randomly, but no gift. And then at like 7pm, he was like, I wanted to get you a gift certificate to a spa you like, but it closed, so I don't have a gift for you. Do you want a gift certificate to a different place? And I'm not mad or upset at him since he did sort of think about it and the rest of the weekend was so nice, I just felt like that couldn't have been any less special - I don't have a gift so buy yourself something. And to wait until the end of the day was just weird. Anyways, I'm already totally over it but to vent is good :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174768 Mon, 11 May 2015 17:44:53 +0000 nana87 2174768@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree that communicating what you want out of the day--ie quality, special time--is what's important. But I also understand exactly how you're feeling. I was disappointed with Mother's Day this year too and I was kind of pouty about it, and I feel bad. Dh got me flowers, chocolate, and a card just felt kind of impersonal, like things he thinks he should do rather than what I would want, if that makes sense? And actually, there was stress about the delivery of all those that just brought negativity to the day (chocolates were supposed to arrive w flowers but didn't and I got them today, card was supposed to come by Sat but didn't and came today...). I was the one who woke up early with dh while he slept in. For lunch we went to a nice lunch, but it wasn't really "special" or about me-- we went to a restaurant that his bff just started managing and that we've been meaning to go to anyway. It was hot and crowded and both dh and dd were cranky. Dd didn't really nap all day and then threw a huge tantrum on the subway and walk home and I was really upset and felt like people were looking at me like I was a horrible mother on Mother's Day bc she wouldn't stop crying...fun, right? :wink: I mean, dh did do things for the day and planned an outing, but it just didn't feel like it was about me as much as about doing what he was "supposed" to do, if that makes sense...Also, he already got an expensive Father's Day gift early (he asked for hockey playoff tix a couple weeks ago as a present in advance), and that doesn't seem equivalent to flowers, ya know? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174712 Mon, 11 May 2015 16:17:59 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2174712@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If it makes you feel better we all LOVE my mom (obviously) but the most successful gifts and holidays and birthdays are always when she says what she wants. And that's after quite a few years for my dad, siblings, and me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174709 Mon, 11 May 2015 16:16:29 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2174709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the fact that you're venting here instead of complaining and picking a fight at home shows that you aren't being a brat. I do think your expectations may have been a little high, or maybe just different (wanting an activity more than a gift?) but as others have said if you communicate that it sounds like he would be willing to oblige! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174692 Mon, 11 May 2015 15:59:12 +0000 mrscobee 2174692@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Like other posters have said. I would just communicate what you want. Like next year say, "For Mother's Day, I would really like _______." Then it is really clear and he doesn't have to be a mind reader. </p> <p>But I wouldn't say anything to him until closer to next Mother's Day, since what he did give you took a lot of thought and was so very sweet! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174683 Mon, 11 May 2015 15:55:58 +0000 yoursilverlining 2174683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: This is one of our solutions too - Amazon wish lists are great too. My husband has a list of my favorite local spa, craft stores, etc. and other places I would love a gc from. Makes it not only easy for him to give gifts, but also if anyone else asks him what I might like for my birthday, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174681 Mon, 11 May 2015 15:54:40 +0000 sarac 2174681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Mostly it just sounds like you just need to use your words. He did a lot of nice things, you wanted different things, so just tell him. He'll never know otherwise. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174680 Mon, 11 May 2015 15:50:04 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 2174680@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@wrkbrk: what you said! I am responsible for my own happiness. So true! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inappropriate-feelings-of-disappointment-about-mothers-day/page/2#post-2174678 Mon, 11 May 2015 15:48:16 +0000 wrkbrk 2174678@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Jacks: ME TOO. Our solution is to send links - literally - and then we save them for the other person for when an occasion comes up!! Works out well. :) </p>