https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 03:04:28 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2673887 Wed, 04 Jan 2017 15:23:40 +0000 codeitall 2673887@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Ok, this is a little later than I intended after we got slammed with the flu and strep at the same time :bummed: but here we go.</p> <p>UPDATE:</p> <p>I tried a few different things for the rest of the holiday based on all your ideas! After talking to my husband, we've come to a compromise for get-togethers with his family. I will fully plan out one event that we can take pictures at and get out of the house for something interesting. This year, I picked one downtown event, and although we drove for an hour to get there and didn't stay outside for more than 30 minutes, at least we got pictures :silly: The rest of the time they can be as boring as they want, but we'll at least have one memory for each trip.</p> <p>For meals, we are taking @merriment's and @Mama Bird's approach of making sure there is something for the kids to eat while the adults exercise some patience (and quietly raid my snack stash that is 'for the kids').</p> <p>I'm really hoping that @nana87 and @brownepiano are right and that they just don't remember what it is like to have kids! Now that I have a niece, it won't be just me wanting more of a schedule :happy: </p> <p>Thanks everyone! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671417 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:56:52 +0000 Iced Tea 2671417@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: you just described my family. It is infuriating. The most popular suggestion here, make a plan and offer for them to join or not, hasn't worked great for us. They say, "oh, I thought the point was to spend time together since we are all here." </p> <p>They often decide that picking up take out would be easier than cooking, but it takes them an hour minimum just to decide what to order! The hemming and hawing drives me bananas. We could have cooked and eaten already! </p> <p>This is also the reason why we always drive separately. I've been stuck out with them in indecision mode so many times where a short trip turned into hours longer. Thank goodness we now have car seats as solid excuses for driving separately. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671383 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 12:12:59 +0000 Mama Bird 2671383@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When this happens in my family and the kids are involved, I just go ahead and do my thing and they can do whatever they like as slowly as they like. I'm not going to keep little kids hanging around tired or hungry because someone can't come to a decision. If I must, I'll get over to the kitchen and fix a quick meal just for the little ones, or get them dressed to go home while the adults are still yakking about work and it's getting way past bedtime. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671287 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 09:58:51 +0000 merriment 2671287@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I try to keep what BROWNEPIANO said in mind. They just don't remember what it is like having a toddler, they are not intending to be so super annoying (even if I am silent screaming in my head).<br /> I just try and prioritize my kid's eating and sleeping needs. When we are at my in-law's house, I'll scope out the pantry and fridge and have some ideas for quick meals for the LOs. Sometimes it will just be a snack plate (fruit, veggies, crackers &amp; cheese, hummus, etc. but I think that's fine for the occasional dinner). My kid gets served dinner at their normal time, regardless of what everyone else is doing.<br /> My husband and I will just suck it up and wait until a decision is made or whatever even if we are turning hangry.<br /> Things have gotten better (in part because there were a few instances where the ramifications of not planning where that hubs or I would have to skip going out to dinner because it simply got too late for the LO). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671262 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 08:49:45 +0000 Mrs. Oreo 2671262@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with everyone else. I usually make the plans as well. If you don't wanna do it, then don't. "Ain't nobody got time for that!" </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671248 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 08:09:41 +0000 hellobeeboston 2671248@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I can sympathize. </p> <p>I would just make your plans and tell them what you're doing and where you will be. They can come along or not. But just give them notice so they know what you're up to and put the ball in their court. Sorry, I know that can be frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671243 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 07:00:34 +0000 brownepiano 2671243@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My family does this. I think they forget how much little ones need structure since they've lived without them for so long. As the kids get older and more flexible it gets easier. I've started just being really blunt and I think it helps. For instance they told my son maybe they could go for a walk 'later ' at 11 am in the winter. I told them later would be lunch time and then nap time and after nap time it would be too cold so they needed to go now. It's like they just aren't used to scheduling toddler days! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671234 Thu, 29 Dec 2016 03:32:24 +0000 Cherrybee 2671234@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would make me crazy! I would probably just think to myself that if they want to spend their entire visit doing nothing because they can't get their at together then that's fine with me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671191 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 21:22:00 +0000 nana87 2671191@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Gah dealing with this a bit too and it sucks! Mil is all into letting plans just "evolve" as she says, but that doesn't work with a toddler who will turn from a sweet cooperative little angel into a tantrummy demon if she's overtired or hungry. We just have been having to call the shots for what the 3 of us are doing and deal with the passive aggressive bs that ensues from it, though to be fair when she realizes it's about us making sure lo is in good shape she's more understanding, it just takes her awhile to realize it isn't just us being difficult for the sake of being difficult.... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671184 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 21:17:30 +0000 808love 2671184@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just make the decisions or regret it if I don't. I have one aunt that is completely structured and needs one week advance notice just to swing by to drop off presents and my other aunt can't even decide which travel transportation she will use to stay ??? before her plane takes off. So it is interesting to say the least in my family. I have to be the planner for my mom. She is too wishy washy. Plans can be so painful for my family. But so can having no plans. I have finally grown to embrace being 'the planner.' </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671181 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 21:07:39 +0000 Pinkberrry 2671181@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>On a big international trip with a big group of friends who we know are flaky and indecisive, my husband and I made an itinerary, forwarded it, and said anyone is welcome to join us but this is what we're going to do. I think it 100% helped avoid any frustration or negative feelings that usually occur when certain people flip flop. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671177 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 20:57:00 +0000 LCTBQE 2671177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have this in my family and I've found that either super-structured activities (dinner reservation at X Restaurant at 7pm) that can't be wiggled around, or super unstructured activities (hanging out at someone's house on a weekend afternoon) where there's no pressure to get organized or actually DO anything, are the only solutions that don't drive me insane. </p> <p>I can see how it works for the pp's, but I personally don't like the "my family is doing xyz, come if you want to come" because then you still get dragged along for their annoying hemming and hawing process. </p> <p>as for the "currently ambivalent"--being flaky isn't the same thing as the back-and-forth over specifics like pizza vs thai food, but I'd seriously stop making an effort if I felt like I was on the receiving end of that bullshit. bah, families are so much harder than friends! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671174 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 20:44:30 +0000 MrsF 2671174@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This would make me insane. DH recently has gotten me to make decisions with him about what our family of 4 is doing and tell the group. That's been helpful a few times. It's harder when you're hosting people though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671157 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 20:15:09 +0000 MrsSRS 2671157@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We also announce what our insular family is doing and invite everyone else to participate or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671139 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 19:40:11 +0000 Bluebonnet 2671139@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH's family is similar and it drives me batty. What we did while on vacation with them is decide what our family is doing, announce it, and they can participate or not. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671117 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 18:20:03 +0000 mrbee 2671117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: Some families are just like that! I used to try and save the day but as a parent now, I'm a big believer in natural consequences. So if they want to be indecisive, I'm fine with them ending up staying at home or ordering in! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671114 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 18:15:01 +0000 Pumpkin Pie 2671114@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I second @T.H.O.U.'s approach. No one has time for the BS. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671113 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 18:13:48 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2671113@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@codeitall: what's worked for us is to make decisions for our family. So we will say things like "we will be eating st home at 6. If you'd like to join please let us know by 5:30 so we can make extra food". </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/indecisive-family#post-2671110 Wed, 28 Dec 2016 17:56:04 +0000 codeitall 2671110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Vent: I get it. Making decisions is hard, I change my mind and return stuff I bought all the time.</p> <p>What I'm having a problem with is my husband's family's indecisiveness and resistance to any plans. They expressed an interest in not eating out as much when they come to visit, so I drew up some meal ideas, sat down with SIL, scheduled the first half of the vacation's meals and she even did all the grocery shopping! We made sure that there was something to eat for my toddler (who has allergies) at every meal.. I was really excited.</p> <p>But that plan sputters out after two days when they decide to order pizza (that my toddler can't have) and take an hour to decide they're really ordering it and to get it ordered.</p> <p>We decided on checking out the sights tonight, but I can't get a decision on taking the train or driving in. Or if we're eating there or here.</p> <p>I don't want to be dictatorial, but I'm struggling with their desires to do things as a family and then not wanting to make plans or follow through on them. If someone doesn't take charge and make a decision, they never leave the house and meals are either late or takeout (and late). And it seems like every time I try to be the point woman, they change their minds at the last second and I feel like chopped liver.</p> <p>What's the best approach I can take?</p> <p>Oh, and they just texted me that they're "currently ambivalent" about even going out tonight. </p>