https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 26 Apr 2026 07:59:43 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1618621 Wed, 07 May 2014 10:01:38 +0000 spaniellove 1618621@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think I could see a dedicated separate IF section being a safe place for IFers to express the thoughts (often intense) that go along with the experience. And although it's generally not an IF vs parents thing, it can get awkward when the topic of hiding boards or making it easier for others to support IFers is brought up. This isn't something that is even an issue in other IF forums. I'm not one to hide boards generally, but I could see how someone might eventually feel motivated to filter out a topic if it dominated every page yet had very little relevance to their life and they had to keep scrolling to get to relevant topics. But it is hurtful to have to hear about it. </p> <p>Another benefit of having a dedicated section would be the ability to have subsections - which might help bees who say they're not sure where they fit in. Like we have IFers who are going through secondary IF, PCOS, DOR, different forms of treatment, holistic treatment, looking for spiritual support, etc. And yes, secondary IF/IF with your 2nd+ is still a completely valid form of infertility! It's important for us to recognize that. This not a parent/nonparent thing. No one should ever have to feel alone and in the shadows. </p> <p>Obviously I'd post wherever we have a board. Just have been trying to figure out how to respond, and feeling sad about the bees who say they don't know where they belong. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1617930 Tue, 06 May 2014 23:03:04 +0000 brownie 1617930@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am mostly hiding out on hellobee in general right now. But we are investigating what seem to be some controversial things righty now for (or at least I don't know of anyone else on the boards) if. I don't know that I would have support in either place. I have thought about getting gold to post but don't know that if I had gold I would anyway. </p> <p>There are a lot of good people here and I don't feel unsupported just not really sure where to go. Or how to really share. And sometimes I feel greedy since we did have one baby (through ivf). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1617818 Tue, 06 May 2014 21:16:56 +0000 BSB 1617818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@swedishfish: Thanks for commenting! I'm actually feeling the opposite. I'm afraid these new dedicated IF will be just 5 people (the ones that currently support it) just hanging out, until no one uses it. It might be really depressing. I don't see the current IF boards being abandoned. There is so much support for it to stay the same. I highly doubt everyone with IF or had IF will migrate over there. The idea of it is barely getting any traction. Which I was prepared for when I created this thread. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1617801 Tue, 06 May 2014 21:09:07 +0000 swedishfish 1617801@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I'm ambivalent. I can see a dedicated IF board becoming more specialized where bees can give and receive relevant IF information. But I also don't want to see the IF boards on the main forum abandoned...maybe because I feel like @Jenn23: I'm not sure where I belong. I don't know that I'd feel comfortable posting on a separate set of IF boards but I value the IF boards on the main boards. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1617775 Tue, 06 May 2014 20:52:23 +0000 BSB 1617775@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Jenn23: I would assume that it would just be like the Dad boards. All public. Just our own space. So, yes, anyone could venture over to the IF boards. For you, you could go to whatever and wherever you feel like you belong. Just because you post on one board, does not mean you have to stay there. You could post on both if you wanted or stick to one. I can see duplicate threads on both. I guess it would depend on what kind of response you want to get. I'm sure there will be a slow process of feeling things out and what works and doesn't work. I'm just giving the ability for people who want a more dedicated IF space, the ability to have it. I think if you want to make it feel separate, you can. But we can integrate with the boards, too. At least try. I guess it depends on how others will use it. I see, at least, 4-5 people who love or like this idea. So I'm not alone. Also, we aren't being shunned to the other side. MrBee already said the current boards will remain the same. Like I've said, I'm trying to support others who think this is a good idea.</p> <p>@Sunshine1810: Please read above. I do not want to divide us, I'm just trying to support us in different ways. It might not be what you personally need in terms of support but some people thinks its a good idea and think there is a need. </p> <p>Maybe we need this to sink in a little and give it some time. See if there is still a need for it in a few months. Shoot, I'm starting my IUIs again and maybe I'll finally get pregnant and this won't be necessary. It's just that there are times in the past year, I've wondered about this and wished we had a dedicated space. I never thought it would be possible because of how HB was setup with the mixing of boards. Now that MrBee said he's thought about makes me a bit excited. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1616353 Tue, 06 May 2014 12:52:36 +0000 Sunshine1810 1616353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am with @Jenn23 on this one. I don't like the separation. I understand the desire for privacy and completely understand the divide. However, this would almost make me feel worse about my IF. I feel like I face enough divide in real life because of my IF (can't relate to issues my friends face with children, get left out of things because I don't have children, etc.) that this would make me feel even more separate. I also completely understand Jenn's question regarding where she and others who already have children but still face IF would belong.</p> <p>Either way I'll support the decision, just giving my opinion! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it/page/2#post-1616288 Tue, 06 May 2014 12:30:46 +0000 Jenn23 1616288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I totally understand your points in your most recent post. I get it. But I'm just curious how this would work? Would all the other Bee's still be able to visit the "other" section? And where would people like me fit in? Those who are still going through infertility, but do have a child? Would I belong there? I'm just trying to figure out how all of this would work. Would there be a lot of "repeat" threads in both sections? Very interesting and I do get why you'd like the privacy. I'm just not sure about all of it, but I hope it works so that you and others who'd like this new format will get it. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1615891 Tue, 06 May 2014 10:36:33 +0000 alohaorchid 1615891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@bluestriped bee: I agree with all of this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1615802 Tue, 06 May 2014 10:14:23 +0000 BSB 1615802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought about some more, too, and, I still stand by having a separate board (in addition to the boards we have now). It gives some IFers the ability to have their own space.</p> <p>I understand that it could possibly create a divide, but we are forcing (too strong of a word... maybe?) IF members to share a board with other non-IFers (some days it's fine and some days it's not) and we've seen unsupportive comments already. I think giving us the ability to have our own space could be better for some of us. It might not work for everyone, but we know that IF has all affected us differently. We aren't all the same. We all have different needs and we view good news and bad news differently. Our emotions aren't predictable either. </p> <p>MrBee's suggestion is to have both boards. One, how it is, and another that is separate. He's not removing the boards here. </p> <p>I don't want to create an 'us vs them' mentality but the reality is... there is one. We go through emotions that some people don't understand. Some will never understand. Yes, some days, I want us to all get along and IF awareness for everyone. Yeah! Some days not so much. </p> <p>I think creating a space where people can go where they are comfortable can be helpful to those of us with IF. I love HB and I've been on other forums and they aren't the same. I'm on an IF FB group, too, and sometimes I post there knowing that people who read my comments are there for the same reason and understand me. Yeah, I don't post on there all the time because there can be drama on there, too. I'm just hoping that there might be a HB solution for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614603 Mon, 05 May 2014 19:38:39 +0000 Jenn23 1614603@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like the idea of separate boards. I can't articulate at all, but just don't have a good vibe about it. Anxious to see the poll as well. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614411 Mon, 05 May 2014 18:35:01 +0000 mrbee 1614411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I thought about it some more, and I'll let you guys sort out how you'd like to handle any new IF boards. Feel free to post to my wall with any thoughts/questions...</p> <p>We're going to move forward with more separate boards tabs, but will start with another topic... more on that later in a separate thread! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614394 Mon, 05 May 2014 18:28:52 +0000 meganmp 1614394@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: I'm with you on the "otherness" thing. While my opinion doesn't really count for much, I do feel it might increase that divide feeling.</p> <p>I have more to say on this matter, but I can't quite put it in words properly. I'll come back to this later. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614379 Mon, 05 May 2014 18:23:30 +0000 BSB 1614379@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: Yes! Wow! Exactly what I was trying to say but not as articulate! Thank you for commenting! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614364 Mon, 05 May 2014 18:16:39 +0000 Happygal 1614364@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Minus the "IF AWARENESS, HOW MUCH HAVE YOU SPENT SO FAR ON TRYING TO GET PREGNANT?" thread, I can't think of a recent IF thread where something was said that was upsetting. I've seen things in other places, but not specific IF threads. And even though that thread got heated, I think it could end up producing a good conversation if parties were wanting/willing.</p> <p>@septca: I don't think it's controversial--I think it's a very fair question.</p> <p>@mrbee: what other boards will be separate? I look forward to seeing the poll and hearing other perspectives!</p> <p>@CupQuakeWalk: I get what you're saying, but I don't see how it could not feel exclusionary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614305 Mon, 05 May 2014 17:51:10 +0000 Mrs. Oatmeal 1614305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: I remember your disclaimer, and thought it was fantastic. Could be a good possibility for HB. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614272 Mon, 05 May 2014 17:37:15 +0000 Mrs. Pickle 1614272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@CupQuakeWalk: you can absolutely say we! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614265 Mon, 05 May 2014 17:33:29 +0000 septca 1614265@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm going to ask a controversial question: How does being in favor of having separate boards square with feeling upset when it comes to light that other members of this community hide the IF threads?</p> <p>These are both - privacy and hiding boards - tough subjects to tackle and I certainly grapple with them myself. I am trying to untangle my feelings on both these issues, since they seem interrelated. I'd love to hear other perspectives. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614249 Mon, 05 May 2014 17:25:10 +0000 CupQuakeWalk 1614249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just throwing this out there: this does not seem like an issue of privacy (it is the internet afterall and gold posts already exists). I think it is an issue of feeling like we (can I say that?) have issues and circumstances that differ so greatly from the majority of the group and want our own space for that and also want to filter some things (some people? Some comments, some topics) out of "our space" not in a exclusionary way at all but in order to not compromise the purpose of the IF forums which is to bring those of similar circumstances together and share knowledge on the subject. Even if that's the case, I'm still on board, regardless. I think it's a fair enough request @bluestriped bee: . </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614209 Mon, 05 May 2014 17:03:19 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1614209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Something to the effect of "We know you all mean well and often don't know what to say...please keep in mind that many of us have been trying for x amount of time, have seen doctors, have been told to relax too many times to count...the best way to support us is to listen and ask how we're doing...but please don't tell us about your surprise pregnancy"</p> <p>something to that effect (but with a lot more time spent on wording and making it sound very nice). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614201 Mon, 05 May 2014 16:59:22 +0000 Happygal 1614201@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs Green Grass: can you share the basics of what you remember? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614200 Mon, 05 May 2014 16:57:32 +0000 Mrs Green Grass 1614200@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I wrote a disclaimer for Weddingbee a long time ago. They've changed their format, so it's not there anymore, but I could try to remember it if anyone wants. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614185 Mon, 05 May 2014 16:48:47 +0000 mrbee 1614185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Happygal: we will be creating several separate boards over time... happy to start with another one, though!</p> <p>I will create a separate thread later with a poll... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614171 Mon, 05 May 2014 16:42:58 +0000 Happygal 1614171@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't like the idea of having a separate board. </p> <p>For one thing, it seems complicated. It can be challenging enough just to keep up with the IF check-in thread.</p> <p>Also, even if it's in the main boards, it's still something different than everyone else. I don't want to be "othered," so to speak. I find infertility isolating enough in my real-life world. </p> <p>@mrbee: I appreciate your work to keep things peaceful and the desire to create a safe space for us IF folks, I really do. It's my opinion, however, that I'd rather see things done to promote better relationships than handle it by dividing things up. For the amount of time I've been here, there have been very few times where I've felt like someone has been insensitive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614124 Mon, 05 May 2014 16:15:47 +0000 Mrs.Someone 1614124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I think I'm going to hold off on suggesting it for now. I'd like to see support for the idea from the current IFers before I butt in and suggest it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1614031 Mon, 05 May 2014 15:40:04 +0000 septca 1614031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Carefully dipping my toe in here... (never sure whether I belong or not, but hope I can add value occaisonally).</p> <p>I, like @Mrs.Someone:, would hate to see a separate set of IF boards. Mostly because I think it alienates the IFers from the rest of the board, which can be detrimental to both groups over time. I also tend to agree with @Happygal: that nothing on the internet is really private. But, on the other hand, I have been really open about my struggles - both online and in real life - so maybe I just come at this from a different angle than others? My feeling is that IF is incredibly painful, and it's exponentially more painful if you have to go through it alone. If I can reach just one person by speaking out about my experience and allow even one person to feel less alone/damaged/hopeless, than it is worth it to me to share my story, even if sharing puts my heart or my privacy out in the open.</p> <p>(One more thing... I rarely come across women in the same IF situation I find myself in, even though endometriosis-induced IF is really common. I so much appreciated/appreciate when I come across someone in a similar situation - and that wouldn't be possible if the IF boards were a world apart.) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1613973 Mon, 05 May 2014 15:21:04 +0000 mrbee 1613973@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>&lt;&lt;Ok, maybe I'm understanding this now. Would it be 2 sets of IF boards? One like the Dads boards, and one like it is now? Still not a fan of the duplication, but I see the point of it at least. I think one or the other wouldn't get used eventually, due to being the same set of people. &gt;&gt;</p> <p>@Mrs.Someone: Yah exactly, there'd be two sets of boards! One on the main boards, and another completely separate IF.hellobee.com boards. You could post to the main boards if you wanted to raise awareness or to get feedback from bees not currently on an IF journey. Or if you're new to the boards and aren't ready for an IF board.</p> <p>The IF.hellobee.com boards could get a lot more specific categories and sub-forums over time, as it grew. Basically when something has a separate forum, there's more room to add new categories/boards. But like @bluestriped bee: mentioned, there'd have to be a critical mass of people willing to post to a new board first... otherwise the board would just go inactive. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1613964 Mon, 05 May 2014 15:15:38 +0000 mrbee 1613964@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pui: That gets a bit tricky with the Gold threads turning gold... any thoughts on how to handle that part of things? (Thanks for thinking through this stuff!)</p> <p>@Mrs.Someone: Ah interesting! Could you post that idea here? Want to make sure we consider that in the future:</p> <p><a href="http://suggestions.hellobee.com/board/features" rel="nofollow">http://suggestions.hellobee.com/board/features</a> </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1613949 Mon, 05 May 2014 15:12:29 +0000 Mrs.Someone 1613949@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: I'd put it between the category and the title at the top, probably in a box so it stands out. Something simple like "This is a topic within the infertility section of the boards. Please take extra care for the feelings of others in this highly sensitive area. For suggestions on how to support people who struggle with infertility, check out this link." </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1613942 Mon, 05 May 2014 15:10:45 +0000 pui 1613942@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrbee: Uhmm yeah that's a tough one. I mean I know they are already at the top right there lol, but I have messed up and commented oddly because I didn't realize what board a topic was posted in before.</p> <p>The only thing I can think of is maybe colour code sections? Like TTC = Blue, Pregnancy = Green, ect? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/infertility-and-privacy-how-do-you-feel-about-it#post-1613938 Mon, 05 May 2014 15:09:03 +0000 mrbee 1613938@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the feedback and thoughts!!</p> <p>@Mrs.Someone: Any thoughts on what kind of disclaimer you had in mind, and where we might put it?</p> <p>@pui: Any thoughts on how we might make it more obvious which board people are in?</p> <p>Thanks!! </p>