https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Fri, 17 Apr 2026 21:39:46 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation/page/2#post-2887116 Fri, 07 Jun 2019 08:39:32 +0000 jennlin821 2887116@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: I'm glad that things are progressing for you. Remember we are here for you when things get tough, and even though this is something you want, you will probably go through a grieving process too.<br /> 'Now is not forever' :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2886879 Wed, 05 Jun 2019 19:55:04 +0000 Autumnmama79 2886879@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: a lot has happened for you in the past two weeks! Onward and upward mama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2886870 Wed, 05 Jun 2019 18:45:59 +0000 Portboston 2886870@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@jennlin821: thank you for checking in! I’m starting to look for a place to live and we’re tip toeing into coparenting. He’s working through his anger. I finally feel like things are going to be ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2886846 Wed, 05 Jun 2019 16:03:26 +0000 JJ2626 2886846@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2886837 Wed, 05 Jun 2019 15:12:48 +0000 jennlin821 2886837@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: How are you doing? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2885391 Thu, 23 May 2019 08:44:27 +0000 graceandjoy 2885391@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2885378 Wed, 22 May 2019 23:31:05 +0000 Autumnmama79 2885378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: milestones like these are the worst. Hopefully, it’s the start of one day getting to a better place. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2885373 Wed, 22 May 2019 21:32:48 +0000 Portboston 2885373@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was able to officially tell him today in therapy that I am done. It’s been hard to see him so hurt. He’s pretty angry right now but he said some things that give me hope that we’ll be able to coparent successfully. It’s going to be a difficult few months. No matter how confident I am that this is the right decision for me, it still blows 😞</p> <p>Thank you again for all your support. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884936 Sat, 18 May 2019 11:15:52 +0000 Portboston 2884936@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@muffinsmuffins: that makes sense. I agree. </p> <p>My parents know, yes. Hopefully it won’t be too bad. </p> <p>I actually hung out with a friend last night who is moving at the end of the month into a house with a basement apartment. She is going to talk to her husband about renting it out to me. That would be so awesome and I feel like it would make the transition much easier for me. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884908 Fri, 17 May 2019 18:33:32 +0000 muffinsmuffins 2884908@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A close friend at work went through separation about a year ago. It was due to infidelity with the partner, so not the same. They separated but stayed in the same house for quite a while. Working out the details of selling the home, cars, splitting debt, dividing possessions, and figuring out co-parenting took a really really long time. I know my friend was absolutely desperate to leave the home because it was incredibly hard to keep living with the partner with the kids. After a few months, my friend started staying with his parents part time and the spouse was living with the new boyfriend, kids stayed in the house. It was a huge pain in the butt, but it dis ease the transition for the kids. Once the house sold and they formally went to separate residences, things improved immensely and it’s like he has a new lease on life. All this to say is that if your mind is made up, I would put those things in motion to meet with lawyers, banks, etc to start the logistical part of it as soon as possible.</p> <p>I know my friend basically had a nervous breakdown after finding out about the affair and really struggled with couples counselling and whether to stay together. I remember weeks of him wrestling with what to do and having some good times with his wife while they were still together and feeling guilty thinking they should work through it. In the end, he had to actually leave for a few days to kind of give the final message that he was done and there was no going back. </p> <p>I think if you are 100% no matter what your DH does, you owe it to both of you to not drag it out any further. Also, do your parents know what’s going on?!? That seems like a super uncomfortable situation for you...sending you good thoughts to get through this however it ends up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884907 Fri, 17 May 2019 18:07:14 +0000 Portboston 2884907@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@gotkimchi: that’s exactly what I was thinking however, my parents will be here until September. So I’d have to remain upstairs on the main floor through then. It’s possible I can move into the toy room for the time being though. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884903 Fri, 17 May 2019 17:54:54 +0000 gotkimchi 2884903@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: ooh yah parents here doesn’t help. Will they be understanding?</p> <p>The basement apartment actually might be a great way for you guys to get some space, try the separation and would be very gentle for your kiddos </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884898 Fri, 17 May 2019 16:49:53 +0000 Portboston 2884898@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: @gotkimchi: I agree. I need to be firm. It’s just hard and I feel a lot of guilt. I need to work through that so I can get through this. I know me continuing to live in the house doesn’t help the matter but we are not having sex or being affectionate at the moment (and haven’t been since this all started)</p> <p>@jennlin821: I’ve thought about that, I think it’s a good option if I’m not 100%. Thank you ❤️</p> <p>Another thing that complicates this...my mom and stepdad are on their way here and stay the whole summer 😐 (we have a daylight basement with a kitchenette so they basically have an apartment downstairs) don’t think it will change anything with my husband but it adds another layer to the whole thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884841 Fri, 17 May 2019 08:39:29 +0000 jennlin821 2884841@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm wondering about a separation, you or he moves out to see how it all goes? I understand you are completely ready to divorce, but instead of going right from marriage to divorce it might be a better transition to separate? </p> <p>But I could also see that might cause DH to think there is hope, when there isn't. </p> <p>anyways, keep us posted. We are here for you mama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884819 Thu, 16 May 2019 19:49:28 +0000 gotkimchi 2884819@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: yah I agree - If you’re really and truly done I would make sure he knows that - it’s not fair to “give him time” if you’re done 100%. He doesn’t really have to accept it. I would try to be as gentle as possible while being clear and doing what you need to do to move one </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884818 Thu, 16 May 2019 19:47:29 +0000 irene 2884818@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>If you are really, really done.... can you maybe start to initiate the process of the divorce...? Maybe the first step is to move out, find a lawyer and so on. This will make it real for your soon to be ex? It is hard for him too if nothing much is changing physically.</p> <p>And actually, being overly sensitive is not necessarily a good thing at this stage (if you are really done). It gives your DH a false hope that you are caving in when you are not, and it potentially would hurt him even more. Be sensitive yet stern, don't stop the process of the next steps. Best wishes to you both :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884814 Thu, 16 May 2019 17:10:46 +0000 Autumnmama79 2884814@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: Sorry you're still kind of stuck where you were, and without DH accepting things. Its a really tough holding pattern to be in. That quote is very fitting for your situation. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884813 Thu, 16 May 2019 16:57:07 +0000 Portboston 2884813@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <br /><p><i>This comment has been deleted by the original poster.</i></p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884812 Thu, 16 May 2019 16:55:53 +0000 Portboston 2884812@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: I’m ok. This is hard. :( DH doesn’t want to accept my feelings and is asking for more time. I’m trying my best to hold firm on my boundaries. I’ve been keeping myself busy this week and thankfully have a lot of incredibly supportive women in my life. </p> <p>Thank you for checking in, it means a lot!</p> <p>ETA- I have no problem giving him time to work on himself but I’m confident my feelings are not going to change </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2884808 Thu, 16 May 2019 16:32:27 +0000 Autumnmama79 2884808@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: How are you doing mama? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883549 Tue, 07 May 2019 11:06:28 +0000 Portboston 2883549@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@cake2017: thank you for a different perspective. I honestly think that’s why I’ve stayed as long as I have. I have a pretty comfortable life and I always believed him when he said he would try to change but at the end of the day, he is who he is and it’s just not meeting my needs.<br /> ETA- these are needs that I can not get met outside of my marriage. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883519 Tue, 07 May 2019 06:14:06 +0000 cake2017 2883519@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: I wanted to just say I am sorry you and DH are going through a difficult time. My response isn’t the norm to other posters but I just wanted to share from experience that you should give yourself time before making a decision. The grass isn’t greener on the other side and no one is perfect. It doesn’t matter what relationships it will always have issues. It’s none of my business for the reasons but I just wanted to share that taking your time and even encouraging DH to go to counseling on his own may help. You mentioned he stated give him time to change- I’d give him time and really be patient and see if he’s trying. Again, I understand the pain, and heartache but also know that every relationship has its ups and downs and sometimes it takes time for a season to pass. Maybe even try to get away together and focus directly on the marriage helps a lot. Good luck! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883473 Mon, 06 May 2019 18:19:49 +0000 Portboston 2883473@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: it definitely is! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883471 Mon, 06 May 2019 18:14:01 +0000 Autumnmama79 2883471@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: I was initially. And for the first many years. It’s true what they say about the challenges of second marriages and making blended families work. I am still hopeful this current difficult season will not last forever. Life is a journey of ups and downs! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883469 Mon, 06 May 2019 17:57:26 +0000 Portboston 2883469@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: are you happier overall? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883467 Mon, 06 May 2019 17:56:32 +0000 Autumnmama79 2883467@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: separation is incredibly painful. Life itself is full of pain. He is a grown up and hopefully one day he too will be in a better place. He deserves someone he’s more compatible with just as much as you do. </p> <p>All that to say there are times that I have major regrets about ending mine. And that was (gasp!) 8 years ago. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883466 Mon, 06 May 2019 17:49:28 +0000 Portboston 2883466@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Autumnmama79: I feel bad that I’m the one causing him pain. I’ve had a lot of time to process and think about all of this since I’m the initiator and he’s just starting the process :( </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883462 Mon, 06 May 2019 17:15:03 +0000 Autumnmama79 2883462@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Portboston: ugh. Sounds very painful. What part do you feel bad about? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883453 Mon, 06 May 2019 16:15:06 +0000 Portboston 2883453@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thank you for the support ladies. This is insanely difficult. </p> <p>Counseling went well this morning. It was super hard to see him so upset and I wasn’t able to straight out say that I’m done but I’m getting closer. And he know I’m definitely not “in”. I feel SO f-ing bad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/initiating-separation#post-2883400 Mon, 06 May 2019 09:37:08 +0000 graceandjoy 2883400@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Just sending you love :heart: :heart: </p>