https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 10 May 2026 19:45:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880933 Tue, 16 Apr 2019 08:34:53 +0000 MrsADS 2880933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrs. lion thank you for telling your story, I sat crying my eyes out while reading it. You've given me some good ideas.</p> <p>@pollywog I may take him back to the GI. He had a lot of GI issues as a baby and young toddler - extremely severe intractable reflux and food intolerance/allergies. I think he probably still has some reflux.</p> <p>Just a brief update - I decided that this week we would go cold turkey, no screen time. Today is day 2 of no screen time and so far, we have definitely seen some improvement. I don't feel like we have a large enough sample size to say for sure, but it seems to be helping.</p> <p>My younger son (10 months) is in PT and I talked to his PT about it for a while. She works with a lot of OTs (it's a pediatric therapy practice) and agrees it could be a sensory issue. She gave me a questionnaire to fill out and she is going to score it tomorrow, she may refer us to one of the OTs in their practice just for an informal evaluation. I guess my concern is I don't want to create a problem where none exists, but maybe getting some help would be good. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880756 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 18:19:21 +0000 Pollywog 2880756@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I may be 100% off, but has he been tested for anything physiological? It sounds like he's super hungry, but resistant to eat. He probably doesn't realize he's hungry. Which is really similar to how my celiac was diagnosed.</p> <p>With me, once I got the food figured out, the sleep sorted itself out quickly and my mood vastly improved and my anxiety decreased tenfold.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880748 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 14:54:48 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2880748@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I didn’t read the other responses but this sounds 100% gaps to me. Look up Gut and psychology syndrome- it’s an umbrella term that covers adhd/sensory processing/autism/anxiety and more. In my opinion if you take care of the food issues the rest will fall into place much more easily. ( I’m not discounting the behavioral aspects and therapies available just that what I have learned and seen is that you really need to tackle the root cause). And yes definitely nix the screen time. :) hope this helps! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880746 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 13:35:00 +0000 Petitduck 2880746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A lot of this sounds exactly like what I’m dealing with with my 3.5 year old right now. I also asked the daycare teacher the other day if the behaviour occurs at school and she said no, not at all. </p> <p>Sorry, it really sucks! I’m going to read through for people’s tips and hope it passes for you and everyone quickly. I know when you’re in the tricky phases it is so freaking hard and then you come out the other side and nearly forget about them. That has been my experience with tough patches so far anyway. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880745 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 13:10:39 +0000 Mrs. Lion 2880745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This sounds SO much like my son, who is now 6. He was chronically overtired which led us to start talking to our doctor at 2/3. The exhaustion exasperated some underlying sensory processing issues. He was recently just diagnosed with ADHD as well.</p> <p>We started with a developmental pediatrician at 3 which led us to OT and medication to help with sleep. We started on Hydroxyzine (which is an antihistimine) at 4 after using benadryl intermittently when things got really hard. The medication quite literally changed our life within a couple weeks. He's been taking sleep meds for almost 2 years and might forever. If they aren't sleeping, they can't function. Their brains cant grow, they can't learn, and it's hard on every person on the family. Their little bodies are in the fight/flight panic mode all the time. Our sleep specialist who we have also seen a few times told me that the research is revealing a new sleep disorder that looks similar to restless leg syndrome that seems to appear a lot with kids with other neuro disorders (autism, and, adhd), which causes their sleep to be less restful even when they technically get enough hours. The sleep medicine relaxes their body enough that they get deeper sleep. It isn't an official diagnosis, but it makes sense. LOTS of spd/adhd/autistic kids struggle with sleep too. </p> <p>Just a few months ago we also tried a medication for ADHD and that was the other missing piece of the puzzle. Overnight he became a "typical" kid. It still blows my mind. Hes still a kid who challenges me constantly and is really strong willed but it is NOT the same as the constantly screaming overwhelmed with the world constant meltdowns. </p> <p>I know what you mean when you say he Is miserable 90% of the time (I remember that time SO vividly) and I do not think that qualifies as part of the range of typical behavior. The most profound moment of my parenthood career was when we went to his OT for the first time and she looked at me and said, "Wow this is hard. You are working really hard to help him and I see you. It doesn't have to be this hard. We can help". Parenting any kid is hard but it is not supposed to be THIS hard. It gets so much easier when you get the sleep under control and then can work on triggers and figure out what is causing the dysregulation. I would highly recommend talking to your ped ❤ Also, I have a bunch of blog posts I've written during this entire process of figuring him out. If you want to chat more feel free to wall me ❤ You are not alone momma and you are doing such a good job. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880744 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 12:42:04 +0000 Foodnerd81 2880744@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: it does sound like outside help would be helpful for both of you, but i feel your pain about being wary of finding someone who will get it and actually be helpful. @PSW had luck with the feingold diet, hopefully she will chime in. I looked into it and gave a half hearted attempt but was sort of lazy about it. </p> <p>Just hugs. It sucks. This won’t be forever but it’s hard right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880742 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 11:49:25 +0000 hony bologna 2880742@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: Have you checked out The Explosive Child? I haven't read it yet, but it's been highly recommended in multiple parenting groups I'm in, some of which are for gifted kids. You mentioned your son is advanced - often the more advanced or gifted they are, the more intense and sensitive they can be, which manifests differently in each individual. Sometimes what looks like sensory issues or ADHD, etc. from the outside is actually just a part of their giftedness. What has worked well for my kid is *extreme* predictability, consistency, and lots of empathy (and cutting out AM TV). It's exhausting, but it's gotten a lot better (LO is 4.5).</p> <p>In terms of the sleep/tiredness issue, have you tried pushing back bedtime by half an hour or so? My daughter had a similar sleeping pattern at that age (but was clearly tired/irritable), and pushing bedtime back finally broke the cycle of overtiredness. With the earlier bedtime, she wasn't sleepy enough to sleep through her natural bout of wakefulness at 5.30am, so that's when she got up. But after we moved bedtime back, she slept right through 5.30 and she got 1-1.5 hours more of sleep. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880741 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 11:43:04 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2880741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I can't imagine you'd get that response from anyone well versed in sensory issues. I spoke with a play therapist recently and she had some great ideas for helping O regulate that had nothing to do with discipline. If he's dysregulated, logic/discipline/consequences won't help. He needs to get back to his "upstairs brain" first. I would seek out some help. Sounds like more tools would help you both. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880740 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 11:09:49 +0000 MrsADS 2880740@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Champagne yes he was and I've read about it. He had his adenoids out 2.5 wks ago and that's one of the reasons why (snoring, mouth breathing, etc). It hasn't helped his behavior yet, I had hoped it would. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880739 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 11:07:55 +0000 Mrs. Champagne 2880739@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Is he a mouth breather? Maybe learned to breath through his mouth if he was having ear/throat issues? Google mouth breathing/kid behaviour.</p> <p>Also, hugs. That sounds rough. My girl can be a real grump and nothing calms her down but time. And sometimes (coming out of this phase now) my son seemed like he was grouchy more than he was happy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880738 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 11:06:53 +0000 runnerd 2880738@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What you described is mashup of the issues I’ve has with my 2 boys, which has been a combination of sensory issues (my oldest) and strong willed/ mama preference (my youngest).</p> <p>For my oldest who has sensory issues, it has gotten so so much better at nearly 5 years old, but we still have our days (he is in a PreK with teachers trained to help with his issues).</p> <p>For my youngest we are in thick of it, but most of our issues I think are extreme side of normal with him and just exasperated because of his mama preference (which he just started growing out of in past month hallelujah!) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880737 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 10:59:25 +0000 MrsADS 2880737@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Turtle thanks, those books sound good. Agree there is likely some dysregulation/maybe sensory issue possibly happening. I've thought about seeking out some professional help, but I don't need someone to tell me to be tougher on him or discipline him more or whatever, which is clearly not the issue, so I'm a little wary. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880736 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 10:55:28 +0000 Mrs. Turtle 2880736@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I think I've mentioned this before so feel free to ignore, but has he be evaluated for sensory processing issues? O is incredibly strong willed as well, plus trauma, and while her issue isn't tantrums so much, there are days/weeks at a time where she spends what seems like a majority of time dysregulated. Which is what sounds like is happening with your son. His dysregulated just looks different than hers (hers is more of tune out, ignore everything said to her, refuse to cooperate, some aggression toward the dogs or sister). So I would look for reasons why he's dysregulated so much. Could be sensory, could be diet, could be just him right now (I agree that this may just be on the more difficult side of normal) but either way, it might help to investigate and learn ways to help him co-regulate. Someone else mentioned no drama discipline, which is great. I'd also recommend The Whole Brain Child. I felt more relaxed about parenting as soon as I started reading it. I think one think important to remember is that while it may not be pathological, it also doesn't have to be so hard and is worth looking into some solutions. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880732 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 10:01:43 +0000 MrsADS 2880732@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@anagram on no-nap days (probably 80% of the time), he goes to bed about 6:30 and falls asleep immediately (he would go to sleep earlier if I put him down earlier, he's exhausted). On nap days, sometimes it takes him til 8-9 to fall asleep. Regardless of when he goes to sleep, he is up by 5-5:30. I try not to get him up from his bed till 6. He often seems tired to me in the morning. I wish I could spoon feed him to get him to eat. Often he eats like one bite of fruit and then has a little milk at bedtime and that's it.</p> <p>@foodnerd81 @anagram The guided breathing is a nice idea, but it definitely does not work for my son when he is tantruming/freaking out - he just screams NO! and if I try to touch him, goes even crazier trying to hit and kick me. He's like possessed when he's like that.</p> <p>@yin thank you for your long post. To be honest with you, I was in tears reading it because that sounds pretty similar to what I'm dealing with and it's just so overwhelming and depressing. The "normal" tricks don't work. I never punish him for tantrums except for natural consequences - i.e. if he throws a toy or something, I put it away (which usually makes him scream for an extra 30 minutes - it amps up the hysteria x100). My son is also violent in addition to the screaming - hitting, kicking, throwing anything he can grab. I try to talk to him once he's calmed down, but he can't tell me what was wrong. He usually says "I don't know!" which is interesting b/c he's very verbal and usually has no problem expressing himself/explaining how he feels. I try SO HARD to stay calm and not raise my voice and I am usually successful but not always. </p> <p>It just seems like recently it's one tantrum/meltdown after another, just continual, with minimal break unless we're out of the house or he's otherwise distracted (i.e. TV or whatever). I am usually crying by 7am because it's so miserable. I have started just walking away or going upstairs for a few minutes because I am at the end of my rope and I don't want to yell at him. Which makes it worse because he's team mommy and hates it when daddy has to do anything for him. </p> <p>I'm glad to know I'm not alone, but nothing is working and I am just struggling so much. It is so depressing having a child who seems miserable or is struggling so much (but is he really miserable all the time? IDK really). Maybe I need to see a counselor more than he does, idk. Although I think it's more situational, anyone dealing with this would be having a tough time. I also have a 10 month old. I feel guilty that I don't like spending time with him because it's just a hellish experience. This weekend has been awful. I'm also very tired because I always have to get up with him every single day when he starts yelling mommy, mommy at 5am or whenever even if I was up with the baby. Because he loses his mind if daddy goes in. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880731 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 09:03:07 +0000 pinkb 2880731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It does sound Normal to me. DS is a lot like this, just turned 4 last month. I had to cut tv out in the am on week days. Even though it was what was helping me keep my sanity since I was pregnant with #3, it just started his bad mood/ behavior so I cut it. Mornings are hit and miss now but better. Daddy doing anything is always the end of the world, we have slowly made progress with this because we had to since the baby arrived. It just is the only option, he still throws a fit bit we explain it is what is is and daddy does stuff just as good. The only thing that we have found that helps us sometimes is music. It helps us all in the house really, just put pandora on and sing and dance. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880730 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 08:56:58 +0000 yin 2880730@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hang in there. You're not alone. I could have written the same post about my 5 year old. After years of horrible tantrums and many attempts to help/correct his behavior, I still have moments where I fall apart because it's too much for me to handle. </p> <p>Here's my backstory. My kids are 2.5 years apart. My oldest had "regular" toddler tantrums, and while it can still be difficult to calm him down, it is manageable. My youngest has delayed speech, and the epic tantrums started shortly after he turned 1. I attributed most of his outbursts to his inability to communicate with me. It helped me get through the first year, but the tantrums continued to get worse. His outbursts would last for up to an hour (sometimes longer), and anything could trigger him. Wake up from a nap - tantrum. Fall down and hurt himself - tantrum. Fighting with his brother - tantrum. Hungry and irritable - tantrum. Not only does he cry and scream, he is also violent. He kicks and lashes out to anything nearby, which includes hitting me and knocking over furniture. His bad behavior is mainly limited to his tantrums. He is a sweet, loving, and playful child when he is "normal."</p> <p>I first had concerns about how this would play out in school. His preschool teacher reassured me that kids act different at school, and his behavior would not be an issue. She was right. Then I narrowed down the tantrums and determined that he only does it when I'm nearby. I was reading No-Drama Discipline: The Whole-Brain Way to Calm the Chaos and Nurture Your Child's Developing Mind, and I was able to finally grasp some of the reasoning behind his behavior. Children tend to throw tantrums around the ones they love because they care the most about that person and worry the most about their love. Ugh. Great. So I'm the problem? Of course not, but that's how I felt at the time.</p> <p>Some approaches that have worked for me<br /> - Stay calm. Raising my voice only worsened the situation.<br /> - Be understanding. Kids have a lot of the same concerns and worries that adults have. They have big emotions too, and it's difficult for them to understand how to control those emotions.<br /> - Punishments don't always work. Rewarding good behavior had better outcomes.<br /> - Sometimes distractions work. Big brother will make a game out of the situation and make LO laugh or play along. Once calm, we can approach the subject of what happened.<br /> - Don't avoid the tantrum after it's done. Talk about what happened. Let LO explain and then guide him through the situation. Talk about different ways to handle the situation and emotions. Remind each other that you love each other.</p> <p>Working towards helping him overcome his tantrums is difficult. Some days a technique would work, and I would gain his trust. Other days, absolutely nothing could help. I approach each tantrum with the intention of helping him sort out his feelings. He's still young, and he has a difficult time handling emotions. Even if it takes an hour for him to calm down, we always talk about what happened and our feelings. I remind him that I love him, and sometimes that's all it takes to get him to start talking. He always responds back with "I love you too." Honestly I wish there was a magic way to work through this. I'm still learning. My son is 5, and there are days when the tantrums come one after another. </p> <p>No-Drama Discipline is a good resource, but I'll be honest. I only read the first few chapters. Every child is different. Every parent is different. What works for me may not work for you. It may not even work for me tomorrow. Stay patient and hang in there. Know that you're not alone. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880729 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 08:42:36 +0000 Anagram 2880729@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Foodnerd81: we do guided breathing too! Mainly when DD2 is having a tantrum and just can’t gather herself back together. We do “take a deep breath through your nose and smell the flowers. Now blow out trough your mouth and blow out the birthday candles”. We do that 3-4 times and it really helps. They do it at school so maybe that’s why—or maybe it’s just a distraction. Either way, it stops DD2 from spiraling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880728 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 07:04:36 +0000 Foodnerd81 2880728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, I’m sorry- that’s really hard. I truly don’t know if that “normal” but I’m sure it’s really hard on you. She sounds a little more intense than my 5 year old daughter was then, only she’s always had trouble at school as well as at home. We had a school psychologist observe her at school this year to try to make recommendations for things that would help her- mostly she focused on ways to make the routine more clear and defined, like pictures of each step of the day. Maybe he is worse at home because the routine is more predictable and defined at home? But also kids often save up their worst behavior for mom and dad since you are a safe place after being on good behavior at school all day. </p> <p>As far as tantrums, when my daughter was at her peak explosive tantrum phase, often I would have to sit on her bed with her, with my arms wrapped around her, and get her to “flower breath” with me- breath in deep through your nose like your smelling a flower, breath out big through your mouth like your blowing the petals off. We also found a kids guided meditation that we would watch together- cosmic kids zen den. Both helped her snap out of it and distract her enough to calm down. </p> <p>Mostly I just empathize because it really is hard. My daughter is 5.5 now and has been doing so much better. Big changes are always hard- starting a new class, summer vacation... so I always have to prepare myself. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880723 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 06:39:35 +0000 Anagram 2880723@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MrsADS: I think it’s probably the harder side of the typical spectrum. Kids can be hard, and some are harder than others. About the overtired thing—what time does he go to bed? What’s the overall sleep like? </p> <p>My 3.5 year old can have stretches of days where she’s extremely tantrummy-also refuses to eat a lot. We end up feeding her constantly ourselves (like picking up the fork and feeding her) or letting her do distracted eating, like we let her color at the dinner table and we just pop bites in her mouth. It is super annoying, but I remember my oldest being this way with food too—suddenly around 5, she always ate by herself (at a normal pace, not having to waste over an hour on mealtime), so I assume my 3 hour old will be out of this stage eventually. </p> <p>My kiddo also behaves at school, and saves all her tantrums for us. I just had to carry her screaming out of the park/playground last week. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/inspired-by-strong-willed-littles-is-my-3yo-normal#post-2880722 Sun, 14 Apr 2019 06:21:56 +0000 MrsADS 2880722@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My 3yo (will be 4 in August) has always been very strong willed and had a very intense personality, but his tantrums/general miserableness have been a lot worse recently and I am not sure if it's normal or not. I may talk to his ped, but I'd like to get other opinions as well. (long thread coming)</p> <p>Every morning he wakes extremely early, he is obviously still tired, often wakes up screaming, having a tantrum, miserable from the first moment. Regardless of bedtime. Usually won't nap. To me, he acts like he's tired. Mornings are a nightmare every day.</p> <p>Poor eating: he eats so little and is very picky. Sometimes I think his tantrums are triggered because he's hungry. But I can't force him to eat.</p> <p>He gets very upset about certain things (normal strong willed 3yo things -i.e. daddy fixed his cereal and he wanted mommy to fix it) but tantrums last FOREVER - 20-40 minutes. When he's like this, I can't talk or reason with him, he's totally out of control/acts out of his mind. Will throw things, etc. Sometimes triggered by hunger but he won't eat when he gets like this. If I put him in his room, I am afraid he will break the door/pull down his closet doors, he's that out of control. When he's having these tantrums, I don't know how to handle him. I try to just ignore, but sometimes he needs something to snap out of it. </p> <p>He is FINE at school/daycare (they don't believe me when I tell him he acts like this at home because he is perfect there!). But he hates school and if I say he has to go, he cries for a while every morning. After school, when he comes home, it's constant tantrums/crying till bedtime</p> <p>Generally, it seems like he's miserable like 90% of the time at home - it's always something he's crying or melting down about. He is better when we're doing something out of the house, a distraction seems to help. But, we have to be home sometimes! </p> <p>He had surgery about 2.5 weeks ago to remove his adenoids, some of his behavior has gotten somewhat worse since then, but his surgeon says it's not a surgical/physical issue. Maybe anxiety after surgery? He is a very anxious/cautious child - will not try new things tends to be fearful. I.e. refuses to swim or jump in a bounce house or other things most 3.5yos like. </p> <p>He's extremely attached to his comfort blanket and pacifier (I only let him have the paci at night, but he won't go to sleep without it). He cries every morning when I will not let him keep it during the day. </p> <p>He's very smart and very verbal - advanced for his age.</p> <p>Sometimes he seems fine!</p> <p>TV - he does watch usually 2 TV episodes during the day (1 in the morning and 1 after school), but this does seem to trigger a lot of meltdowns, so maybe I need to cut out TV, but I don't think TV is the cause.</p> <p>EXAMPLE - THIS MORNING: It's 7:15. He woke up about 5:45 crying for mommy. (btw, if my husband gets him in the morning, he goes ballistic) I go into his room and he's whining and crying already, rubbing his eyes, clearly still tired. He eventually asks me to carry him downstairs (usually what I do). We watch 1 episode of a show, he drinks milk and eats a nutrigrain bar. I turn off the show about 6:30. From 6:30 until now (7:15) he has been continually whining and crying. The last 20 minutes have been because daddy made his cereal and not me. He has literally been miserable and crying since he woke up.</p> <p>I guess I am just wondering, should I take him to see a child psychologist or a counselor or something? Or is this all within the realm of normal since he's not acting out at school? </p> <p>I am literally at the end of my rope and I'm so depressed. I dread the weekends and time at home with him because I am miserable and he is miserable. I cry a lot. :crying: </p>