https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 23 Apr 2026 08:16:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2691515 Fri, 03 Feb 2017 16:01:10 +0000 Baby Boy Mom 2691515@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My kids are trilingual. My husband speaks to them in one language and I do in another. We speak to each other in English. The hardest part is not giving in to the English, but it is so, so worth it. I don't think you need to worry about whether the language is useful or common, just know that you are giving your child a gift and stick with it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2691416 Fri, 03 Feb 2017 13:47:28 +0000 gingerbebe 2691416@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: My son had/has a speech delay that was caused by ear infections and hearing loss that has been getting better since preschool and tubes. However, I stopped working on using Korean as much at home and switched to English because I just wanted him to learn some clear ways to communicate at school and with others that weren't me and DH - it's hard to be frustrated at 2 years old because no one understands you and you don't have the words to express yourself. He's 29 months now and catching up on language so we use more Korean when we remember but I'm not pushing it too hard because again I don't want him to use Korean words for things at school and get frustrated because his teachers can't understand. I wouldn't feel like that if it was a common second language like Spanish where you can get the jist of things - and in fact his first daycare was Spanish speaking so he said "agua" for water forever. So I get what you're saying - it's not about languages causing speech delays, it's about prioritizing the development of a certain language for someone who for whatever reason is delayed. I think even without the hearing loss my son was slower to begin talking anyway so prioritizing English was what was right for us. I have an ear for language but DH does not so perhaps DS is like his dad and just needed a little more time to get the hang of any language. Given that he was falling behind and English will be the primary language, I didn't feel bad waiting on more Korean. We will probably send him to Korean school when he's around 4 and I imagine he will also learn Spanish or French later on. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2691275 Fri, 03 Feb 2017 10:49:58 +0000 snowjewelz 2691275@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: my parents end up talking to her in Eng too! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2691107 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 20:50:50 +0000 irene 2691107@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: Yes I agree.</p> <p>@snowjewelz: It is so hard! DH and I speak English to each other so it is an effort. Then this little person kept speaking in English to me it is natural to talk back in English. I applaud the moms who adamantly wouldn't talk to their LO unless they speak their language. I also notice a big splurge whenever we visit the grandparents. DS would just suddenly attempt to speak cantonese himself! Too bad we only visit a few days max and we visit very very few times. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690924 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 13:33:37 +0000 snowjewelz 2690924@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raspberry: I need to be better at speaking more canto like you! I find that she knows most food words bc I have no translations for Chinese food. Like she knows char siu bak bc roast pork bun is just too long to say! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690922 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 13:31:41 +0000 snowjewelz 2690922@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: I wanted to speak canto to DD1 only and totally failed haha. Certain words she knows, and I think she understands my mom (who is way better at speaking canto more to DD1 even tho I'm also fluent). Blah, I'm really hoping for her to be bilingual without having to go to Chinese school! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690854 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 11:54:37 +0000 looch 2690854@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: Understood, but it's so important not to just put stuff out there because that's been your immediate experience. I don't want anyone to read this thread and think that they shouldn't expose their child to a second language for fear of a delay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690741 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 09:08:02 +0000 Cherrybee 2690741@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I agree 100% that anyone with the desire and natural ability can learn a language but the ability to practice it regularly is so beneficial. I learnt German and became really, really good at it, passed exams with A grades. But then I visited Germany and while I could say anything I needed to, I couldn't understand most of what was being said in return. They spoke SO FAST! :grin: Of course, once people noticed me struggling, they immediately switched into English and I came back from Berlin no further forward! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690731 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 08:46:43 +0000 irene 2690731@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I think you and 10 other people told me 20 times before of that, yes, I am aware of that fact. But when it happens to your LO, and a couple of other kids from multilingual families too, I just can't help but link all the dots together. Again that's just purely my personal experience with no medical research back up :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690726 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 08:38:01 +0000 lamariniere 2690726@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@SugarplumsMom: I think that's a very important point, being able to clearly express yourself to your children. I could easily just speak French back to my daughter, but I would lose some of the nuance that only native speakers have, and of course she would then miss out on the richness of the English language. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690703 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 07:59:27 +0000 looch 2690703@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@irene: just for your information, exposure to multiple languages does not cause speech delays. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690683 Thu, 02 Feb 2017 01:21:59 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2690683@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I should add that I strongly feel it's important for parents to be able to communicate to their children with the language that allows them best to express themselves. Whether it's a obscure language no one else speaks is irrelevant - the most important thing is to just be able to communicate freely with your kids :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690617 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 21:07:22 +0000 irene 2690617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Raspberry: I agree - it is the cognitive benefit, I can care less if he can speak two languages (although it would be pretty cool, and our parents would be sad if they can't communicate with their grandson). It is quite creepy too. Sometimes DH and I would have a conversation in Cantonese while DS listened in. Then DS would be able to translate whatever we just said in English. Haha! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690614 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 21:00:49 +0000 irene 2690614@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>For me, I would say don't stress about it and just speak whatever language you are comfortable with with your child... because in my experience, you can plan all you want, but the road that happens is often not what you envisioned it to be. </p> <p>Both my husband and I speak Cantonese and English fluently, and I speak Mandarin too. There was no question in my mind that we would teach DS both Cantonese and English. So when he was a baby, I was adamant about speaking to him only in Cantonese, and our nanny and everyone else speaks to him in English. Then when everyone is turning 1, everyone's babies started speaking words, while DS was not speaking anything. He was quite delayed in speech and I was worried sick. In fact, I think he can only speak 20 words (? I can't quite remember) by 18 months.... the absolute bare minimum when everyone else was speaking simple sentences. I was worried sick, and I kinda gave up on speaking 100% in cantonese, because I don't know if it was the two languages that slowed him down or if he genuinely have a problem. He started going to daycare and at some point, he started picking up English more quickly, and he came home and speak to me in English. I lose grip of my original plan and I started talking back to him in English too.</p> <p>Long story short, DS is now 5, he speaks fluent English, but he can not speak Cantonese... maybe a few words here and there and he could count to 30 or so in Cantonese. He understands simple conversations in Cantonese though (as that's what I speak to him still). I am trying really hard because now when I speak to him in Cantonese, he would say, mommy, I don't understand. What does it mean in English? It drives me nuts.</p> <p>It really depends on the kid also. Some people say girls are better at language than boys. My friend's daughter speaks Cantonese and English to her mom (who speaks Cantonese and English), and Mandarin and English to her dad (who speaks, apparently, those two languages). My other friend her daughter speaks English, understands Dutch (I am not sure if she speaks it), and I am not sure if she understands cantonese as well. Bottomline is, they will be fine.</p> <p>So I would say this is the last thing you should worry about.... just speak whatever you are comfortable with! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690385 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 13:29:43 +0000 Raspberry 2690385@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My first language is Cantonese, which is a bit of a dying language, and I have decent grasps of Mandarin and French, both of which are more relevant. Complete bilingualism for my son is more important to me than the actual languages because of proven cognitive benefits. So I've chosen to speak Cantonese to him anyway as I have the most skills in that language to pass on.</p> <p>My husband and his family are exclusively English-speaking. At age 2, my son is now starting to be able to name an object in Cantonese to my mom, then turn to my husband and name the same thing in English. It's really cool! I think he is lazier with me because he's realized I understand both.</p> <p>Kids in North America will already have tons of exposure to English, from television, school and being in public places in general. If I was in your situation, I would absolutely start my kids on one or more other languages at home. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690280 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 12:12:03 +0000 snowjewelz 2690280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Besides English, I speak two dialects of Chinese<br /> Besides English, DH speaks three dialects of Chinese </p> <p>DD1 mainly speaks English, can understand and speak a little of one dialect but has little exposure to be other two (mainly spoken by in laws) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690272 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 11:59:27 +0000 Anagram 2690272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I speak English, my husband's native language is Tamil. We speak English to each other and live in an English speaking country, so the girls are exposed to 95% English from the two of us. I encourage my husband to speak to them in Tamil, but it just doesn't come naturally to him (he started learning English at a very young age...4 or 5 so he is obviously extremely fluent in English, but Tamil was his main language until he immigrated to the US at age 22). in any case, our kids know some Tamil vocab, but they don't really use it daily.</p> <p>Our nanny speaks Spanish and I speak some Spanish, so now the girls are picking that up. The youngest especially, seems to be almost bilingual at this point--but she's only 17 months old. Everything she knows in English she also knows in Spanish.</p> <p>My husband does not speak Spanish.</p> <p>Who knows if anything other than English will stick as they grow up. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690249 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 11:16:44 +0000 SugarplumsMom 2690249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thestairs: Great post! Btw, I don't think you give yourself enough credit - you speak 5 languages, not 3! Although 3 are Chinese, they are not mutually intelligable. That's super impressive! </p> <p>I'm a Filipino American married to a Swede and we live in Sweden. We speak English to each other, while DH speaks Swedish to LO. Swedish is her dominate language since I'm really the only one she talks to in English. </p> <p>DH took German in school and I studied Spanish, but we both pretty much lost most of it since we get zero practice. I also speak Tagalog (Filipino) but I can't communicate well (I grew up speaking the language only to my parents and grandparents), so it's not natural for me to use it with DD, which is a shame, I know. I also know a bit of Korean from my short stint working there and the many years I spent working as an ESL teacher to South Korean school children. But I no longer work in that field, so I'm losing most of it now. Language is so difficult for me. I wish I was better at learning and retaining more than 2 at once 😪 </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690185 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 09:13:27 +0000 looch 2690185@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I always like to remind people that you don't have to have parents that speak different languages to have children that do so. My husband grew up with parents speaking the same language, but he can fluently speak 4 languages, and one of them he learned as a late teen. So, I think it kind of depends on your ability as well as your desire. Some people have no desire to learn another language, others want to learn as many as possible.</p> <p>My son is now learning his third language in school, Spanish. It's really interesting how it's going. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690170 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 08:40:07 +0000 lilyofthewest 2690170@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I speak with our LO in English, my partner speaks with LO in Ukrainian, and LO goes to a Spanish immersion daycare. He's only 21 months, but, he seems equally strong in receptive and expressive communication in all 3 languages. He is sometimes frustrated when he only knows a word in 1 or 2 languages and the person he's talking to doesn't understand. It can be frustrating as the parents sometimes too -- my partner and I both have a fair bit of Spanish, but rarely enough to recognize what LO is saying in toddler pronunciation. It is sometimes weeks or months after he starts using a Spanish word that I finally have enough context to understand. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690155 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 08:03:03 +0000 lamariniere 2690155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Cherrybee: This sounds like my kids! I'm American, my DH is French and we live in Austria. My husband and I speak mostly French to one another, but my husband does speak English pretty well and we each speak our own language to the kids. Our kids are trilingual (French and English at home and German at daycare/school) and I think it has caused minimal confusion. My son is now going to a French school so it has become his dominant language (whereas until this summer, it was his weakest language). Because of this, my son speaks exclusively in French to my daughter, whereas before, they spoke all 3 languages interchangeably to each other. For the last few months, my daughter (who is 3) pretty much only speaks to me in French, so we have funny conversations where I speak to her in English and she responds in French. </p> <p>@thestairs: I know many people in your situation where the parents are of different origins and don't have a common language (other than English). For example, there's a Chinese-Russian couple who speak English to one another but their native languages to their child (and then the child is in Austrian daycare). I think it is such an amazing gift to expose a child to 2 or more languages so that they can learn them effortlessly. Growing up, my dad spoke Thai and Chinese to his family, but never spoke them to me. I really regret not being able to speak to some of my Asian relatives. I think it's a very personal decision, but in your shoes, I would probably have each parent speak their native language to the baby and then continue speaking English with your DH. You will also probably both pick up more of each other's language doing that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690132 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 05:41:47 +0000 Cherrybee 2690132@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>What an interesting question! I think it's amazing that you know three languages! </p> <p>My cousin is English. His wife is from the border of France and Germany - she is technically French but speaks both languages fluently (and interchangeably). Her daughters learned all three languages easily when they were very young and it didn't seem to confuse them at all. In fact, they seemed to be able to tell which language to use with which person just by looking at them! Kids' brains are incredible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690128 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 05:00:13 +0000 FannyMae 2690128@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@thestairs: that was a really good post :) </p> <p>Growing up my mum spoke 3 languages (Greek, Macedonian and English) and my dad spoke 2 (Greek and English). For me, I spoke Greek as my first language, and learnt English from age 2 onwards. I wish my mum had taught me to speak Macedonian as its her mother tongue, but I only learnt some words and sayings. She didn't have anyone to speak the language with regularly and because my father didn't understand, she spoke to us all in Greek.</p> <p>Even though I speak Greek fluently, and my husband is also from the same background as me (Greek &amp; Macedonian languages), we only speak to our kids in English. He can't speak Greek other than a few words and so we speak English at home.</p> <p>In your situation, as much as it might be lovely for your child to speak the 3 languages of the parents, you might find that unless you are speaking the language regularly at home as the main language then it might be harder for the child to pick it up as easily. Your child might be able to pick up words and phrases, and learnt to appreciate the culture through being around family (on both sides) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/intercultural-marriage-beside-english-do-your-children-speak-a-second-or-third-language#post-2690124 Wed, 01 Feb 2017 03:19:47 +0000 thestairs 2690124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Hi, I was wondering if you in an intercultural marriage, beside English does your children speak the native language of yours and your DH language?<br /> To 'you', it is important that your children know their mom and dad native language? Or just English is enough (especially if live in the U.S)?</p> <p>Do you mind share what languages do your children speak?--It is your native language or your DH native language? Or both?<br /> If your trilingual (speak more than one native languages), how do you come to decission of which one to teach them?</p> <p>Any ladies here that in an intercultural marriage? Or if anyone can help answer my questions above I really appreciate it. Thank you very much.</p> <p>-------------------------------------------------------</p> <p>I'm Chinese/Vietnamese married to a Sierra Leonean.. My husband his homeland (Sierra Leone, West Africa) it a small country with 6 millions population. Children there when go to school English is the main language taught and spoken in school, they speak their native language at home.<br /> ..........<br /> My husband with his family he speaks his native Sierra Leoean language (the language that his ethnic group/tribe speak). This is the language he speaks with his mom, dad (deceased) and his older sister.<br /> Yes, he knows English.</p> <p>He bilingual, but I'm trilingual.. I'm fluent in speaking reading and writing Chinese, (Mandarin, Cantonese, and Shanghainese dialect because I'm native Shanghai born).<br /> And Vietnamese (due to my mother side, my mom is Vietnamese).<br /> English is my third language.</p> <p>If you were me, beside English, what native language would you teach the baby?<br /> English is the worldwide language, plus we live in the U.S so ofcourse English will be baby main language.<br /> I guess the second language it be Mandarin?</p> <p>-----------<br /> A friend help gave me input she said that for the second language, chose a language that both mom and dad spoke in common. The thing is and my husband we don't have a common language (beside English).<br /> I definately don't know his native Sierra Leoean language (the language that his ethnic group/tribe speak).<br /> And he doesn't know (my languages) Mandarin, Cantonese, or Shanghainese dialect. Or Vietnamese.. Well, he does know a bit of Mandarin and Vietnamese from me lol, just a bit.</p> <p>Seem like the baby will be trilingual if learn mom Mandarin, and dad native language.. To me it is very important that the baby know where their dad come from their dad culture and heritage. I just hope 3 languages isn't too much for a baby. </p>