https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Mon, 13 Apr 2026 22:38:53 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342701 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 09:05:06 +0000 csross217 2342701@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My IL's are the same way, though it stems from my FIL's social anxiety. They frequently make and break plans with us, or expect us to visit them every time (so they don't have to leave the house) instead of making the trip to see us. They are also jealous of my mom, who we're very close to, but she is a much more engaged parent and goes out of her way to call, visit, etc.</p> <p>He doesn't say it, but I know it really hurts DH's feelings. I'm hoping it changes after we have the baby, but I'm afraid it'll be worse with them demanding we visit and guilt-tripping DH about it.... it's just a tough situation all around. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342627 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 07:36:16 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2342627@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My grandparents on both sides were much more involved with my cousins than they were with me. My aunt's relied on their parents for help with their kids whereas my parents did not and in one case their was definite favoritism between grandparent and adult child. Proximity also played into it as well. There was plenty of attention from other adults that I didn't feel left out even when my cousins and grandparents were all together and their close relationship was evident.</p> <p>I understand it may be hurtful, but I don't think it's harmful in the long run. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342624 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 07:27:26 +0000 catomd00 2342624@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yeah this is definitely more than being introverted. Especially given DH said she was always in her bedroom. It's really sad for you and your kids, but unless someone is willing to discuss it and get to the bottom of it with her then I think you just need to try and be understanding that there's probably a much deeper issue here. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342607 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 07:00:03 +0000 lamariniere 2342607@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with the others who mentioned that it sounds like it could be depression or social anxiety or both. My mother suffered from both and would often cancel going to events because of it. I don't think you or your husband are to blame. Maybe one of you could bring it up in a gentle, non confrontational way, but if she is dealing with these problems, it might not be a very productive conversation.</p> <p>I also recall similar threads when people have been in this situation with grandparents visiting/favoring one family over another and it often seems to be that the grandparents tend to favor the daughter's family rather than the son's if there is a closer mother/daughter relationship. I have no idea if that is the case here, but thought it was worth it to point it out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342322 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 18:27:17 +0000 skipra 2342322@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My MIL is similar that she will not visit us due to anxiety. She "forgot" about DS's birthday last year and has told us on a couple separate occasions that she was coming and then just never showed up. We were very frustrated and it made DH very sad about her lack of involvement. I read something that kind of put it in perspective - that you should not expect much change in a relationship with your parents even after having an LO. When we looked at it that way, MIL was making more of an effort than before DS was born but our expectations that she would become an involved grandparent were totally unrealistic. I mean if a parent doesn't put in the effort for their own child, how can you expect them to change for a grandchild? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342305 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 17:54:56 +0000 Greentea 2342305@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and for what it is worth, my mum has been like that my whole life. She was shut up in her room most of my childhood with a nasty, threatening sign not to disturb. In college if she came to visit, she'd be gone the whole time shopping for houses or real estate. She is just a jerk. I have had to come to accept that she is just weird, and has her own problems that have nothing to do with me. In other words, "it is just who she is," so maybe that's where your DH is coming from? My mum is extreme though, always marrying someone new, having other children, I lived alone since 14, she built a house down the street...(when I was 14 with her "new" family) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342294 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 17:49:24 +0000 rachiecakes 2342294@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: my MIL is in her 80s, has dementia &amp; doesn't drive so she's not here anyway (no FIL, passed away before I knew him)<br /> it's just my parents :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342291 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 17:47:31 +0000 Greentea 2342291@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does MIL struggle with any sort of depression? I have been in the past, and known, people to act like this when they are mildly depressed. Maybe she feels like she really does need to recoop so that she doesn't get too overboard. Just an idea. I mean, maybe it has nothing to do with you.</p> <p>Is that SIL, as in, her daughter? Is she closer with that daughter or son? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342289 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 17:45:37 +0000 ShootingStar 2342289@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ms.line: Well I justify it to myself by calling her an introvert. DH says he grew up with her spending the majority of her time at home shut up in her bedroom. Maybe it is something else?</p> <p>The idea of doing something with us seems to be so exhausting. The last time we did anything with her and not in a group was Mother's Day. And she thought I wasn't coming, IDK if that made the difference? :bummed: </p> <p>@rachiecakes: What do you say when he asks? A year or two from now he's probably going to realize 3 out of 4 grandparents are there and she's not. </p> <p>DH says this is just who she is. But I feel like it must hurt his feelings. Especially because my parents are always chomping at the bit to see us and especially DS. My parents have been coming here for Thanksgiving since DS was born, and MIL keeps refusing to come. She can't come 40 minutes to visit us, but she'll fly to Chicago to see SIL. I know it's different with daughters than sons, but it's still frustrating. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342242 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 11:44:31 +0000 Cherrybee 2342242@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We have a very similar situation with my mum and @Truth Bombs: observation rings very true in our case.......</p> <p>I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342224 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 11:22:42 +0000 rachiecakes 2342224@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents are like this. We live an hour away and they've visited 4 times total since J was born, including visiting us in the hospital when he was born.<br /> Yet my brother's estranged daughter (year older than J) lives in a city an hour away and they jump at the chance to have lunch with her, go to her birthday parties, and even talk about moving to that city to be closer. </p> <p>J has started asking why they don't come visit at our house... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342219 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 11:19:01 +0000 Truth Bombs 2342219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Does she have any jealousy/animosity towards your parents? Looks like all the events you have mentioned where she cancelled are also events where your mom would be present. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342194 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 11:01:16 +0000 ms.line 2342194@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband and I are introverts and my dad is a MAJOR introvert (like he'll sometimes decline a dinner out or a trip to the movies with me simply because it would require leaving the house), and yet I can't really relate to your MIL's behavior. Not to play armchair psychologist, but it sounds like maybe something bigger than introversion - like severe social anxiety and/or depression? Or maybe she's just a jerk and playing favorites! Either way, I agree with temperenacebrennan, I'd have an honest conversation with her (or better yet, have your DH have an honest conversation with her). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342172 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 10:46:08 +0000 TemperanceBrennan 2342172@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ShootingStar: Could you respond and say something like, "we of course appreciate a gift, but I'm sure DH and grandson would rather see you. Can we meet up for lunch at XX on XX?" I would just keep rescheduling (as often and soon-after as possible). If she makes excuses every time, then maybe you should have a honest conversation with her - "You aren't making an effort to see your son or grandchild. I have tried very hard to make arrangements so you can have a relationship with them, but if you aren't interested, we will stop pestering you." As sad as it is, I would write her off at that point and wait for her to reach out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342123 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 10:09:33 +0000 ShootingStar 2342123@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Oh, and she doesn't want to reschedule so that she can see her son and her grandson. She just said she'd send a gift. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/introverteduninterested-mil#post-2342121 Mon, 02 Nov 2015 10:08:46 +0000 ShootingStar 2342121@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm kind of struggling with my MIL right now. She is very introverted and frequently agrees to plans with us and then cancels at the last minute. She did this both for my bridal shower and for my baby shower.</p> <p>D's 2nd birthday is in a couple weeks and we decided to have a small birthday dinner at our house to celebrate - just us with all the grandparents and BIL. She originally agreed to come, but texted DH yesterday to back out. We haven't seen her since I threw a baby shower for SIL in June, and she didn't see DH for his birthday in August. </p> <p>Her excuse was that she's going to be exhausted from her trip to Chicago (from Boston) to see SIL and the baby, and she needs time to recover. I feel really bad for both my husband, and for my son. DS is really close to my parents, and they don't live locally, unlike MIL. I feel like one day I'm going to have to try to explain why she doesn't make an effort to see him, but she does for her granddaughter. </p> <p>Ugh, she just makes me frustrated. </p>