https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 12 May 2026 19:13:35 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies/page/2#post-2343833 Wed, 04 Nov 2015 08:38:07 +0000 Mamaof2 2343833@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@lamariniere: for us mailing would be for school aged kids.</p> <p>DCP they have mailboxes they can be put in vs the teacher handing them to the kids individually </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies/page/2#post-2343393 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 16:21:29 +0000 2littlepumpkins 2343393@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't support it either. But I can see why the school would want to try to eliminate distractions like the drama that can sometimes happen with those. I could understand a policy of not giving out invitations at school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies/page/2#post-2343380 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 16:10:58 +0000 lamariniere 2343380@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it's interesting that some people mentioned mailing invites. Our daycare does not hand out any sort of contact info at all (no email list or phone numbers and certainly no home addresses), and in our situation, I would not feel comfortable asking every parent for their home address to mail a birthday invite. At our daycare, kids have always left invites in other kid's boxes and people seem fine with that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343378 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 16:10:31 +0000 .twist. 2343378@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: absolutely not. If the roles were reversed and it was my kid who had the birthday, I would also try to explain to him (and school aged kids, I think, are old enough!) that we don't go around bragging. I'm not going to stop him from talking about it though. I mean, part of his lesson may be talking about it and seeing how his words affected another child, maybe he would feel badly that he talked about it and not do it again. At some point we have to let our kids figure these social etiquettes out on their own. I can only guide him so much. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343359 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 15:57:23 +0000 ShootingStar 2343359@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think a public school can dictate who you do, and who you do not invite to private events. That seems to very much be over stepping their authority. Dictating handing out invites, sure. </p> <p>I want my son to be inclusionary, but I'm not going to force him to invite kids he doesn't want to. There are better ways to teach kids to be nice to each other than to force him to invite every kid to his party. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343328 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 15:38:13 +0000 honeybear 2343328@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that K-12 schools should have a policy of not assisting in handing out invitations to private events. The proper government agency for that is the Post Office. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343327 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 15:38:05 +0000 looch 2343327@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@.twist.: right, agreed on that point. But let's say your child is the birthday kid and indists on discussing the party the following Monday at school. Are we supposed to ban kids from talking about their weekends? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343307 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 15:24:00 +0000 misolee 2343307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think our preschool's policy is if the teachers are putting invitations in their cubbies/bags, you need to invite all. I agree that it's really hard for schools to actually enforce.</p> <p>So we were invited to a party the second week of school (I think the whole class was). Although I appreciated the invite, we chose not to go. When it was my LO's birthday, we invited one friend from her class who we're close with outside of school (I've met the mom for coffee, we txt all the time, etc). </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343286 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 15:09:38 +0000 daniellemybelle 2343286@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't agree with this mainly for the last point. I think it just makes sense to invite kids your child is friends with and that you know will come and "mesh." My mom encouraged me to invite my whole class to some parties I had as a kid, and it always felt like more of a letdown when just a few kids came, when in fact if I had just invited the few friends I was close to, I would have been happy. We haven't discussed it, but I feel like from watching my younger brothers, she kind of steered them away from the "inviting the whole class" thing for that reason.</p> <p>I definitely agree that invitations should not be passed out at school. And I wouldn't let my child invite the whole class except two kids that are always left out, for example. Also, I would think it's fair and appropriate for a teacher to share with us if there is a child in the class that is being picked on or consistently left out (I have heard of this happening with kids with special needs) and my own child is participating in that. But, I think it's a case-by-case thing and parents should ultimately be able to make the decisions.</p> <p>I do think parents should teach their kids to be inclusive. You have your whole life to be cliquey - I don't think it should start in elementary school. If my kid was only spending time with the same small group of friends 100% of the time, I would find ways to encourage her to mix it up - but again, I probably wouldn't use a birthday party as the way to do that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343241 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 14:44:37 +0000 Happygal 2343241@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Agree with others--I have a hard time thinking a school system would demand that children invite everyone to their party. I've worked in many different school systems, and this policy is ONLY if a student will be handing out invitations in the class. I agree with it b/c I've been in a classroom before when someone is handing out invitations and others have felt left out. Sure, you can say that kids need to be discreet, but try explaining that concept to a kindergarten student! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343240 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 14:43:57 +0000 MoonMoon 2343240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So it's not an all-or-none policy, it's invite everyone or don't be a dick about inviting some (ie be discreet, do it outside of class, etc?) Then yeah I agree with that policy. It's sad how many parents end up replaying the cliques and exclusionary ways of their own school days, so a policy that attempts to address that is all right by me. And when kids are very young, I think it's not about forcing them to be friends with everybody so much as instilling a broad ethos of inclusion, which again, I agree with. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343237 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 14:42:41 +0000 blackbird 2343237@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ElbieKay: I remember an instance where I was not invited to a girl's birthday party and my mom called the mom and got me invited. And I didn't realize that's how it played out until later. So terrible. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343212 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 14:32:31 +0000 Truth Bombs 2343212@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Grace: @youboots: yes this is in the local public schools. I haven't seen the policy because my kid is still in daycare (where there is no policy that I'm aware of). But I've seen a bunch of moms talking about it on local Facebook groups. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343183 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 14:01:08 +0000 Maysprout 2343183@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think handing out invites at school makes a teachers job easier, I can see how that could easily become drama and hurt feelings and distract from the class. I can understand why they have the policy. No one can tell you who you can have over but don't pass them out at school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343177 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:57:19 +0000 ElbieKay 2343177@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Also: In second grade, this girl Christine had a sleepover and invited every single girl in the class except for me. I barely noticed until my mom constantly talked about it like this girl's mom was the biggest witch in western hemisphere. To this day she still talks about it. It's like she still doesn't want to let me move on, thirty years later... *sigh* </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343162 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:47:21 +0000 Grace 2343162@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Have you seen the policy? I'm wondering if some of the story is getting distorted through rumours. In schools where I've seen this kind of policy, it just refers to handing out invites at school. No one can tell you who you can invite to your house. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343146 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:37:37 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 2343146@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Greentea: after reading some bullying stories on the boards among 2 and 3 year olds I wouldn't use my child's birthday party to try and make peace. Young kids have preferences and that's okay. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343145 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:37:20 +0000 ElbieKay 2343145@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is so strange to me. No one ever handed out invitations in school when I was growing up. Don't people mail invitations anymore?? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343142 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:35:19 +0000 .twist. 2343142@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@looch: I think I would try to use it as a learning experience for my LO. We'd talk about how we don't have to be invited to everything and that's ok. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343134 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:33:07 +0000 Greentea 2343134@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is fine when the kids are young. I think promoting inclusion when young is a positive thing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343117 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:20:54 +0000 looch 2343117@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think what's hard is when the kids come back to school on Monday and are talking about a party. Then the kid who wasn't invited knows, regardless of the method of invitation. For that, I don't have a reasonable solution. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343110 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:07:35 +0000 gingerbebe 2343110@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>The idea of inviting everyone is weird to me in a daycare setting, but mostly because I personally don't feel like kids are ready for "friend" parties outside class until they are older. I'm much more comfortable with family parties with perhaps some family (i.e. me or DH's) friends throw into the mix until the kids are in elementary school. If my son was in daycare, I would just send some treats to the classroom and handle it there. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343109 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:05:51 +0000 T.H.O.U. 2343109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>When i"ve heard about these, its just been that you can't hand out invites to just a select few in the class. That makes sense to me. If you are close enough to just invite a select few, then track down their Facebook or address to send an invite outside of school. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343106 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 13:03:49 +0000 tofuwad 2343106@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is one of those things that really excludes people with less money. When I was growing up, there was no way my parents could afford to host a party for 20+ kids and/or parents. If I had a party with friends at all it would be maybe two or three of my friends. </p> <p>And now I'm really in the same boat. There is zero chance I'm going to have the space and funds to invite the whole class. One of my husband's colleague's just had this discussion because he got in trouble for inviting ONE kid from his kid's class to a birthday party. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343095 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 12:57:19 +0000 youboots 2343095@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Truth Bombs: Is it a public school? I can't see how this is reasonable. I do think invites should be mailed if not everyone is invited. I vividly remember not being invited to a party in 1st grade where the little girl handed out invites to friends at school and being sad. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343090 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 12:54:43 +0000 littlejoy 2343090@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think invites should be handed out at school, unless everyone is invited. I have the numbers and email addresses of my LO's favorite friends (parents), and we do things selectively a lot. </p> <p>I don't see how a school could enforce this. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343089 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 12:54:00 +0000 Mama Bird 2343089@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think the kids should decide who to invite, but I can see how it would be awkward if invitations are handed out in school and some kids don't get them. So I agree this should be discreet. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343088 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 12:53:41 +0000 hilsy85 2343088@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>In my experience, this is only the policy if invitations are handed out at school--then all kids in the class must be invited. If they're sent out separately, then the rule does not apply. Which seems fair--no one likes to be singled out as the one person who didn't get an invite passed to them. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343077 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 12:48:07 +0000 Mamasig 2343077@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't remember this policy as a child. But then again, parties were so much smaller then. </p> <p>I think if you hand out the invites at school, then everyone should be invited. If you mail them, then invite however many people you want. </p> <p>I think when they are very young I will invite the whole class knowing not everyone will show up. As they get older and actually have real friends, then the guest list will get shorter. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/invite-all-or-none-policies#post-2343074 Tue, 03 Nov 2015 12:46:38 +0000 NovBaby1112 2343074@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My LOs preschool has this policy but her daycare doesn't. I dont think you should be required to invite everyone, but i don't think you should hand them out at school either. And I also think kids and parents should be discreet if they aren't inviting everyone so that no one gets hurt. </p> <p>I'll never forget, a few months back i was picking up my LO from daycare and one of the older kids, maybe 5 yrs old, was talking to another child about her upcoming bday party and said outloud: "you aren't invited to my birthday party M" to my daughter. It broke my heart. </p>