https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 09 Jul 2026 14:25:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-69056 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 14:34:28 +0000 enjollah 69056@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a tough topic too! In my own situation, there are also so many cultural differences too as to raising a child in America vs. in Shanghai (where my in laws are from)....and then there's also raising a child today vs. when they were raised or when they raised their own children. I do have to admit that I have little trust in my MIL watching my LO...she already doesn't follow our simple and few guidelines with our dogs. I can only imagine with our child. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68996 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:42:17 +0000 heffalump 68996@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Wow, that's crazy! I think my mom's too scared to do something like that because she knows I'd never let her watch LO ever again. And that's the biggest punishment. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68972 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:31:08 +0000 Modern Daisy 68972@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I am so worried about this because I actually fell out of a 2-story window when I was 4 years old while under the care of a very irresponsible babysitter. They were told not to let us play by the windows (I was with my cousins), but the babysitters totally ignored our parents and did their own thing in another room the whole time. These are babysitters that came with good recommendations! So if you can't pay for someone to follow your rules it feels like there is no hope.. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68948 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:19:56 +0000 mrs. wagon 68948@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Once we were stuck in horrible traffic and RJ (very young at the time, maybe 4 months?) was crying in his carseat. I was sitting in front and MIL was sitting next to him in the back, and kept saying "I'm gonna hold him" and I kept explaining over and over that it was against the law to take him out while the car was moving. But we were stuck on a bridge in NYC and couldn't pull over. She kept saying she was gonna take him out and I kept saying no, and then lo and behold a few mins later he stops crying and I look back, and she's holding him in her arms with a triumphant grin on her face.</p> <p>Since then, both Rob Sr. and I have been pretty firm with her about rules and the way we want things, and I'm pretty sure she wouldn't go against our wishes again. Because as scary as I can be, Rob Sr. was pretty damn pissed. </p> <p>It's hard because things were so different when we were babies. She was the same way about putting him to sleep on his back-- she kept insisting to put him to sleep on his stomach so his face could "take shape better" (?!?!?!??!). It was finally my own mom who explained to her that the doctors these days have changed their minds with all the SIDS deaths and it's now the right thing to sleep babies on their backs. My MIL is so free-spirited and "do whatever makes you happy, screw the rules" and it has been ROUGHSAUCE dealing with her when it comes to these things. But like everything else, she has had to learn how to let go and let us make our own decisions and respect our decisions as adults, not kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68933 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:14:10 +0000 joyjoy 68933@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>LO is still on the way, and I've already expressed to DH that I would never want FIL to babysit because he has a horrible track record with our nieces and nephews. One time while he was babysitting, he LEFT the kids (at ages 4 and 2!) home alone to go to the post office. His reasoning was that they were better off at home where they could play than coming with him. I was livid, and it wasn't even my kids. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68799 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:12:58 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 68799@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: Absolutely! After all, you can't "fire" a grandparent... at least without major family drama. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68785 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 11:02:25 +0000 Andrea 68785@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: while it would be nice to get free babysitting (if we had any family nearby), sometimes i think it's just easier to pay someone and outsource because they are probably more likely to do what you tell them to do. and places like daycare centers are subject to so many state regulations. but bad things can still happen anytime, anywhere. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68782 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:59:50 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 68782@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Andrea: Yeah, it's a toughie if they're particularly stubborn. To me, there is no gray area when it comes to safety, though. Just try your best to be polite but firm. It's harder when it's stuff like messing with your kid's schedule and such ... I've encountered situations like that and usually try to give them the occasional pass. It would be harder, though, if they babysat regularly. I think that would require more of a "come to Jesus" talk on how to do certain things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68777 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:56:10 +0000 Andrea 68777@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs. Yoyo: my parents and in-laws would never ever go to one, though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68770 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:33:34 +0000 Mrs. Yoyo 68770@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I just read an article about how some places are starting to offer grandparents refresher courses in hopes of avoiding situations like this. I think I feel a post coming on ... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68769 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:30:47 +0000 prettylizy 68769@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@autumnlove: I would be furious if either of our parents overtly disregarded my wishes about our child. I know we turned out fine, I slept on my stomach, but this is my child, they already got to raise theirs. My MIL's Dr told her not to stop smoking while she was pregnant with DH, he's a healthy 28 year old man, does that mean it's ok for me to smoke now......? Urgh, I'm so frustrated for you! lol! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68764 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:25:27 +0000 Rubies 68764@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm so worried that my MIL will do something like this. :S </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68759 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:17:11 +0000 autumnlove 68759@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My mom and MIL will only put LO down on her stomach because they don't believe babies should be on their backs! They are soooo stubborn about this and always remind us that we both turned out fine. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68753 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 10:04:23 +0000 Andrea 68753@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstilly: I personally would not risk it myself. I regularly spend 20 minutes waiting for her to get in the seat. </p> <p>As for my parents, we only see them a few weeks out of the year and this was really out of the ordinary. I was so surprised they did this since they are so safety oriented and are the type of people to check the stove 10x before leaving the house. So I did give them a pass but I will remind them not to do this again when they next visit. </p> <p>I agree that you should be able to expect your babysitters to follow the same safety precautions that you normally would! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68749 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:58:28 +0000 mrstilly 68749@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@andrea I hate to say it, but I don't think I would. I know I haven't gotten to the difficult toddler phase, and I've heard stories of kids going rigid to avoid being strapped into their carseat, but I just don't think it's worth it to not put them in the carseat. Plus it reinforces the behavior for the next time they don't want to get in. </p> <p>The only time I think I could be okay with it would be if there were an emergency - a fire or rushing to the ER - where you needed to leave NOW! </p> <p>I already have mixed feelings with my inlaws because I don't think they take my feelings about safety/routine seriously. I feel like they sometimes are rolling their eyes at me, the controlling new mom, since they did X, Y and Z back in the day. But since there has never been a real concern I let it go. I think in the end, they'd follow my wishes if I left DS with them for longer than a few hours. DH and I just haven't gone anywhere more than a few hours during the day without DS. Although we will be in the future, so I guess I have to come to terms with things. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68746 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:52:13 +0000 Andrea 68746@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mrstilly: what would you do if your parents did this? would you not have them babysit anymore? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68745 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:50:49 +0000 Andrea 68745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@chopsuey119: well i think you could get away with just about anything back then! i think i probably sat on the floor myself but i was a lot older than the LO is now. doesn't mean it is necessarily safe though! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68743 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:48:16 +0000 mrstilly 68743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is a concern I have with other people watching DS for more than a few hours. I know that doing things different is not necessarily bad, but I really want to know that our nap/bedtime routine will be followed, and that DS will be safe. I would never forgive myself or whoever was with DS is something happened to him because they weren't being mindful of his safety - in a car, by stairs, leaving the stroller and someone kidnapping DS, etc... </p> <p>I would be LIVID if anyone drove DS without him securely in his carseat. It would indefinitely break my trust and hurt the relationship. We have car seats for a reason now, and it's just not worth taking the chance of something happening to DS. Plus most car accidents happen close to home. </p> <p>I can understand mistakes - My SIL put DS in his infant carrier one day when the seat was already in the car, but we didn't have the base and the seat wasn't secured to the car with the seat belt. The carseat was pretty secure since there was no extra room between it and the front seat, and she thought the seat was secure. I realized down the road half a mile when he was fussing and stopped to get it secure. </p> <p>But to knowingly do something unsafe would just be awful. I now double check things all the time, and would expect someone taking care of DS to do the same. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68733 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 09:20:33 +0000 chopsuey 68733@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>They haven't.. But I remember sitting on the floor of my parents' car when I was little. :T </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/irresponsible-grandparent-behavior#post-68728 Tue, 07 Feb 2012 08:48:44 +0000 Andrea 68728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My parents watched the LO for a few days while DH and I went on a trip together last year. It is very difficult to get my LO to sit in the car seat (and stroller and high chair ... you get the idea). When we returned, they admitted to me that one time they drove home while she just sat on the floor of the car in the back because they could not get her in. They were only 2-3 minutes away so I guess they thought this was "ok". Why they didn't at least hold her in their lap while sitting in the back I don't know. </p> <p>Have your parents or any other babysitters done anything on the irresponsible side while watching your LO? </p>