https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Tue, 28 Apr 2026 19:20:23 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280953 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 21:24:21 +0000 Greentea 2280953@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a child can have the best life ever as an only- I think parents, PARENTS, affect children most, more than a sibling (or lack thereof), more than anyone. I spend all of my time with my daughter, and DH does the same when he isn't working. If you have people in your life you connect to, be it a parent, a friend, an aunt, or a sibling, that's what matters, though I still maintain that parents affect children most (and parents affect sibling relationships). You can have parents that ignore you or engage, same with siblings, and in my experience, my siblings were loyal to my parents (closer to them than to me). It wasn't like the movies where siblings had one another's backs. DH had a similar experience.</p> <p>Moving on from that- maybe ask yourself what having "a sibling" actually means or translates into, then weigh the pros and cons of that. Does it mean twice as much to do? Does it mean you get a break while they play? Does it mean a hopeful best friend? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280912 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 20:19:31 +0000 sapphire 2280912@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think a sibling is a very good reason. But if it was your only reason? Probably wouldn't be enough. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280869 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:39:44 +0000 mrsjyw 2280869@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I agree with others that it can't be the only reason, but being a factor is a very real reason for a lot of people's family plan decisions.</p> <p>Dh is an only child and always longed for a sibling even though he grew up with everything he could possibly want (trips, college paid for, etc), he said he always wished for a sibling even if they didn't end up being close, he said it would've been nice in younger years to have a playmate and now as his parents age another adult to share the burden of long term care, etc.</p> <p>I have a younger brother who I am very close to and have always wanted at least two kids. While I don't think it's a guarantee that siblings will be close, I don't think it's a guarantee that they won't be! In our family, extended family, and close circle of friends... Most everyone (except mil) is very close to their sibling(s) as well as a close knit relationship w friends (which I think can be family as well!)</p> <p>We are a two, maybe three family. Just had our second Ds last month and will take some time to decide on the maybe third! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280843 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:21:33 +0000 lawbee11 2280843@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think a sibling alone is enough of a reason. Having a child rocked my world and has been so much more challenging than I anticipated. I would have to really want another child for me (not just to give my daughter a sibling) to go through it all again. I have a brother and while I love him we're not very close. We couldn't afford to travel growing up (I flew for the first time when I was 18). We've already taken our 2-year-old on so many trips and it's so fun being able to experience all of this with her :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280824 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 19:00:22 +0000 erinpye 2280824@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think it's a good enough reason to do it, but having said that, my heart is so full of joy from seeing my 2 girls laugh and play together. I'm so, SO very glad they have each other, and that I have them both. But, they are only 22 months apart and I suffered extreme PPD after the second one was born, and that's no joke. Having 2 was really hard for me at first. Don't do it, unless you're sure *you* want another baby. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280822 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:55:47 +0000 Mrs.Pinecone316 2280822@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>It sounds like you have very good reasons to have just one. Sometimes I think one and done is for me too but the sibling factor is a big deal to me also. I know there are no guarantees they are close but every only child I have met has always said they wish they had a sibling so that always sticks in my head. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280820 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:54:09 +0000 Torchwood 2280820@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We decided to be one and done when I was pregnant with this LO. We have a lot of reasons, but it really comes down to that we don't have any strong desire for another. I actually love the newborn phase (though I have a great sleeper, so if that changes my opinion might too), but even though I'm sad that it's going so quickly, I still feel very certain of our choice. Wanting to give her a sibling was a big deal, and the main thing that held me back on sticking with one for a long time. But I wound up deciding that if that was the only reason, it wasn't enough. There are no guarantees that they'd even be close anyway. </p> <p>I wrote a rather long blog post going into all of my thoughts on all this, and can wall you the link if you're interested. Some aspects are specific to us (took 4 pregnancies to get one healthy, living child), but a lot is more general. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280815 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 18:51:20 +0000 dc yoga bee 2280815@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Rainbow Sprinkles: this.</p> <p>@Aimed121: I moved to DC to be near my family, which was a huge hit to the pockets coming from ATL. But, luckily my mom provides childcare for us, so our lifestyle/free time dynamic is a bit more flexible. All of my family is here, and we made the sacrifice of a smaller housing, more costly cost of living to make that work. And I had DD at 27, so I have a few years to let her gain some independence (that sounds funny considering she is 14 weeks old ha!) You will decide what's right for you, and there is no right or wrong answer! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280745 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:36:33 +0000 Rainbow Sprinkles 2280745@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>So I am one of 5 children and am extremely close to all of my siblings, so take my opinion with a grain of salt. </p> <p>There is actually only one person close to me who is an only child. My very best friend growing up, from about age 11 through college, was an only child. Although she loved reaping the benefits like larger budget for clothes and shoes and lavish vacations, she always told me how sad it made her that she didn't have a sibling, and she would try and spend as much time as possible with my loud family with lots of kids. Since both of her parents worked, she absolutely LOATHED the lonely afternoons after school while she waited for her parents to come home.</p> <p>Now that she is an adult, she says being an only weighs especially hard on her, when she thinks of the task of caring for her parents when they are ill, or finding care for them when they are not able to live alone. She said the thought of dealing with funerals, or a parent getting diagnosed with cancer, etc, all by herself with no sibling help makes her sad. On top of that, whenever there are family issues, she has always said she wishes she had someone to talk through things with rather than being the only one and feeling caught in the middle.</p> <p>I am sure someone who actually is an older child can weigh in on this, but since she is someone who is so close to me, her experience has always been on my mind when it comes to determining how many kids we will have. Same goes for my own experience with a large family. Sure, our budget was tighter, but we were never alone, always had someone to laugh with, cry with, sneak out with, etc.</p> <p>Also, I totally get that the first 2 years are hard. Exhausting, chaotic, and full of so many emotions and trials and even stress on your marriage. However, I strongly believe that it is just 2 years. 2 years out of LIFETIME! I always think to myself -- will I even remember these hard times when I'm gathered around the table at Christmas with my 3 children, their spouses, and their children (my grandchildren)? No way. Another child means so much more love--another son or daughter in law, more grandchildren, more family to come and visit. The baby years are just a fart in the wind! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280728 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 16:19:12 +0000 Aimed121 2280728@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@mediagirl: I wish you weren't feeling the same as it is the pits - but I'm glad that there is someone else that understands :grin: !</p> <p>I think that I have decided that just for now that answer is 'no baby' because it's too close a call and I know that the sacrifices are likely even more than I imagine so I need to want to go into it with both feet. Perhaps that will change in time.<br /> I am worried about the old 'AMA' situation but if we wait too long and it doesn't work out, then I think I will feel that we really didn't want another badly enough or else we would have been eager to try sooner if that makes sense. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280690 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 15:51:07 +0000 mediagirl 2280690@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed121: to give a sibling is the only reason why we have considered having more than one. Sure then you have double the love but you have double the cost and stress and all that crud that happens in the first 2 years, too. It's so hard to make the decision, especially when you're going to be considered AMA if you have another (eh hem...I understand). There is no right answer other than the one you can answer. Every month that passes here I am both sad and happy. I don't ever want to be pregnant again but at the same time, I would love to duplicate my child. &lt;-- I know that is not possible even with another kid. :)</p> <p>So, short answer - no idea. But I feel your pain because I'm in the same boat. Our lo is 3. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280681 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 15:46:12 +0000 Aimed121 2280681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@dc yoga bee: I think that this is what is giving me pause - I too have a great relationship with my siblings and I would like that for my LO - but I also know I have to want to raise a child, not merely a sibling and it would change our lifestyle, pretty dramatically I imagine as we have no family even remotely nearby so the free time we have managed to eek out with LO #1 would disappear as well as travel opportunities etc. </p> <p>@JoyfulKiwi: When I look into the future, I do love the idea of two and think of all those special moments - like the Christmas mornings etc, but then I remember that there are another 364 mornings in the year :silly: </p> <p>I was listening to a podcast the other day about making big decisions and the advice was to 'choose the bigger life' which I thought was great advice. Now I can't decide if the bigger life is a second child or all of the opportunities that we could have with an only especially with travel and education. I'm confused. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280532 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 13:57:23 +0000 JoyfulKiwi 2280532@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Providing a sibling wasn't our only reason for having a 2nd, but it was a major factor in our Pros column. We really wanted our son to have a playmate, someone to share the burden of us getting older, and a person he can likely depend on as he grows older (and visa versa!).<br /> Having two seems daunting now (sleep! money! scheduling! ack!), but I talk myself down by remembering this is a *short* window of my life. My parents once had 3 young kids and they made it to the other side - so can I! Plus, when we considered our life/family in 10-15 years, it always included another child. If you can look beyond the madness of raising two littles, what do you envision for your family? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2280522 Wed, 02 Sep 2015 13:46:50 +0000 dc yoga bee 2280522@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'll give you the opposite view, and just as there is no guarantee they will be close, there's no guarantee they won't be close!! My brother and I are extremely close, and are the best of friends. He walked me down the aisle with my dad. I am perfectly content with one, and if we have another it is only because of the sibling relationship I have with my brother. There's no guarantee one way or the other, but I know I would want my child to at least have the opportunity to have that bond. All we can do as parents is try to foster that, and not let them curse each other out while growing up :) . We wouldn't have a lifestyle change by adding another, and would still plan to provide the same amount of time and money for extra-curricular activities, and college. And of course, I would love #2, I just don't have a deep longing, and the sibling factor is the factor that's influencing our decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279288 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:46:01 +0000 PurplePeony 2279288@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed121: oh my gosh, I could have written your first few paragraphs word-for-word except that my DD is only 21 months. We're still on the fence about whether to have another -- me more so than DH, but neither of us have ruled it out. I think the thing keeping me from saying we're one and done is that when I think about our family way down the road, I always see us with two kids. I don't necessarily want another right now, I have no desire to relive the baby days and having a toddler is so much work, but I'm not sure that these couple years are enough to outweigh all the other years that will follow. I would never have another kid just to give DD a sibling, though, since my brother and I are not close and live entirely separate lives for the most part (we don't dislike each other, just have nothing in common). If my parents had had him just for my sake (they didn't), I'd say it was an epic fail...so I think it could be part of the calculus of whether to have another, but not a stand-alone reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279280 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:43:57 +0000 BandDmommy 2279280@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is one of three and he's not close to either of his brothers. I think of you expect your kids to have an amazing sibling relationship you are setting up yourself for disappointment. They may be best friends, they may not be. You never know.: you need to do what is best for you and your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279254 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:29:01 +0000 MamaG 2279254@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed121: We just trudge through is really the only answer. It's getting easier each month. Honestly, think long term. In ten years what do you want your holiday to feel like. Who is at the table? When you are an empty nester, what do you hope for your family? </p> <p>I'm not exactly close with my siblings (I have two). One doesn't speak to any of my family and the other I tolerate because she loves my kids. As we know we will be dealing with end of life decisions in my family near'ish, I'm thankful I have a sibling that I tolerate as I can't imagine going through that journey alone. We might fight and disagree, but I'm thankful she's there.</p> <p>I'm not trying to tell you that you need another child. I'm just sharing some of the thing that played into it for us. This parenting of two gig isn't easy but I'm glad I have the kids I do. Even when they make me crazy! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279249 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:23:00 +0000 Anya 2279249@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Your child doesn't have to have a sibling in order to have wonderful and meaningful life long relationships! One of my best friends of nearly 30 years is an only child and we have a very sibling-like relationship. It is such a hard decision when you feel like you are giving something up either way and there's no clear right or wrong, so just think that your family and your LO will be gaining something too no matter what you decide. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279247 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:20:37 +0000 Aimed121 2279247@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: @Tanjowen: I agree that we just may not be ready yet or ever and that's ok. I think I just want to make a decision so I don't have to keep thinking about it!<br /> @MamaG: Respect ma'am! Our distance from family definitely gives me pause both ways as we miss family support but on the other hand LO has no close family around so a sibling would be nice. How do you manage 2 without family support?<br /> @Adira: Prior to having LO, we (especially me) wanted at least 2 and open to 3, but after having LO I realized that I probably liked the idea of a large family rather than the reality of it. Although I had siblings growing up, they are much older than me so we weren't close until adulthood. As a child I really wanted a sibling of a similar age so I am trying to be really sure that this 'sibling' thing s not just an unmet need of my own childhood being projected onto my son. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279240 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:11:13 +0000 skipra 2279240@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>A sibling can be enough reason for some but if it would be a detriment to your marriage and family's happiness it is not reason enough. I think having a happy and loving family is way more important than having a sibling. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279231 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 13:04:51 +0000 Adira 2279231@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed121: Not sure if this line of thought will be helpful or not, but what were your plans prior to having your first LO? Did you always want one? Two? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279219 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:59:32 +0000 illumina 2279219@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This was a big factor in our decision to have another LO. I didn't like the newborn/first year either...but I kind of know I need to look past that and not give that as much weight in making the decision. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279209 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:52:27 +0000 hellobeeboston 2279209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Our big thing was thinking about the big picture, not just the newborn/toddler phase, but having children later in life as we and the kids are getting older and the pros and cons of that....it was easy for us to focus on right now, but when we talked long term, we imagined more than 1. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279166 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:23:47 +0000 Portboston 2279166@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>As previously stated, no because there is no guarantee they will be close. I have a sister and we have never ever gotten along. I wished I was an only child! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279149 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:17:13 +0000 MamaG 2279149@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed121: A sibling is a reason and it was a big one for me. We are older parents (I was 37 and 40 at their births), we live 10+ hours for 95% of our family, the cousins are all at least 7 years older than our older child, and we are dealing with end of life decisions with our parents. All of that factored into why I felt a sibling was important for our child. My DH was also in the 2+ camp and I was in the 1 and maybe 2 camp from the onset. </p> <p>The first year is hard (I'm still in those trenches with a 9 month old) and expensive (daycare for 2, yo!). But long-term I still think 2 was right for us. </p> <p>I think a sibling IS a good reason, just not the only reason. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279102 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 12:00:28 +0000 Tanjowen 2279102@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Aimed121: I could have written your post last month. My DH and I are in similar situations (except we live near family). Our LO is suddenly more independent and I just last week started to realize I can't imagine not having another squishy little newborn to snuggle and enjoy. I agree with the PP that said you may just not be ready yet, or you may truly be one and done - and that is just fine! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279068 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:44:07 +0000 daniellemybelle 2279068@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think it is a valid reason but it shouldn't be your only reason.</p> <p>I have wrestled with this same thing because for the first 18 months or so of LO's life, I felt like I didn't want another and the only reason we would try for #2 would be to have a sibling for LO.</p> <p>Then, in the past few months, for whatever reason, I have kind of just started feeling like I want another baby. It's not as scary anymore and I am starting to have those baby fever daydreams again. Sure, some of them have to do with LO being a sibling - just like my first baby fever daydreams were about us being parents! But the feeling has changed from almost a feeling of obligation to a genuine desire.</p> <p>I would wait until you have that feeling. You might just not be ready! Good luck. :heart: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279060 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:41:02 +0000 Aimed121 2279060@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for the advice, it really helps! I completely agree that there are no guarantees that siblings will even like one another - perhaps that is my excuse to keep it on the table?</p> <p>Our lives are good where we are now - one child will have the option for more travel, resources, less frenetic life etc. but I know another LO would bring a lot of joy too but the costs may be just too high for us in our current circumstances being far away from family etc.<br /> This is the toughest decision I have ever had - I kinda wish I was one of those people who just knew they had to have another or were really sure that they are one and done. :meh: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279014 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:09:44 +0000 birdofafeather 2279014@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I think that giving your kid can be a valid reason but you have to really want to do that! If you're indifferent on the matter of a sibling, I don't think that will be a strong enough pull to get you and DH on board and be happy about it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-a-sibling-a-good-enough-reason#post-2279010 Tue, 01 Sep 2015 11:06:33 +0000 MrsKoala 2279010@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>No. I think a lot of factors go into having more children but I don't believe you should have more just because you think your child "should" have a sibling. </p>