https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Thu, 14 May 2026 16:17:57 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework/page/2#post-1603158 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 15:48:36 +0000 BSB 1603158@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I'm the one who works. (DH has a health condition that keeps him at home.)</p> <p>Anyway, I'm coming from the other side. I'm not useless with housework. I do my part after a long days work. Sometimes the super woman kicks in at me and I start whizzing around doing housework as the DH watches me. </p> <p>We both need to get in the habit of regularly doing chores. The chores list thread I started really is helping us get back to schedule. Get him to do chores during the day and get us both to do the rest of the chores when I'm home in the afternoon. </p> <p>I wouldn't say that the DH is useless at chores. Not at all. (Yes, he does have a tendency of sitting in front of the TV, when there are things that need to be done, but I'm working on that by creating a list.) I would hope that the DH doesn't think I'm useless at chores. Yes, we both have chores that we are very good at and others that we suck at. For example, I like washing and drying clothes, but I'm not good with folding and putting them away. DH would rather have his laundry basket filled and overflowing because the clothes that is clean still needs to be put away. I think of it as, at least, we have clean clothes than a ton of clothes that is dirty. </p> <p>Anyway, we both are working on our schedule of chores and how to get it done. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework/page/2#post-1602791 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 14:17:47 +0000 MrsBeluga 1602791@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Before baby DH cleaned his heart out.</p> <p>Now, he's a slob. I was cleaning up after him, and now I am not. Our house is gross....but I won't be his maid, and I can't be expected to keep our entire house clean on my own. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework/page/2#post-1601131 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:48:59 +0000 Lindsay05 1601131@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is good...now. I have had to have discussions with him that a little help is appreciated. He thought by doing the dishes and hauling out garbage was husband of the year worthy. Once we had children in the house, there are toys and messes everywhere constantly so I told him to basically clear the floor at least once a day would be a huge help. Also now if he sees me doing any cleaning he gets up and starts doing something as well.</p> <p>I should mention that he is 100% responsible for fixing things in the house and did 95% of our renos so I cant say he is lazy. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1601124 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:45:09 +0000 Mamaof2 1601124@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Housework? Yes!</p> <p>But he does all the outside work - mowing, weeding, landscaping, etc. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1601109 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:41:07 +0000 pmerr 1601109@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@ValentineMommy: I hear you! :grin: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1601097 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:36:19 +0000 charmed 1601097@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH definitely has a different cleanliness threshold than I do! </p> <p>I do most of the weekly cleaning, and he'll pitch in when I ask. Lately, instead of asking "can you help me clean?", (he would always say yes, but wouldn't start helping until I was almost done with everything) I ask something like "would you rather clean the bathroom or the kitchen?". So he has to claim a specific task/area, instead of give a general offer of help.<br /> It's such a small thing, but it's really made a difference! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1601078 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:27:09 +0000 ValentineMommy 1601078@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@pmerr: That's exactly how mine is. He does it if I ask. But the more I have to ask, the more annoying it (and I) become! Why can't they just do it on their own??!? </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1601069 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:18:21 +0000 pmerr 1601069@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Yes. DH stays at home, too. He'll only do something when I ask, which is helpful, but sometimes I wish he'd just take the initiative and help out. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1601054 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 07:07:37 +0000 Cherrybee 1601054@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is actually pretty good when it comes to doing a specific chunk of housework. He does heaps of laundry, frequently loads the dishwasher and is better about remembering to change the bed than I am! But he is terrible at putting things away and picking up as he goes along so the house becomes a mess within minutes when he's around!!! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1600993 Wed, 30 Apr 2014 06:32:07 +0000 ValentineMommy 1600993@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband isn't working right now AND doesn't do a lot around the house. Sigh. It's a phase, at least, I keep telling myself that. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581433 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 16:47:46 +0000 hotchildinthecity 1581433@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Actually my husband cleans more than i do, because he doesny mind cleaning and i do things like grocery shopping and cooking. But i agree that in a relationship you are both adults and need to split tasks like this equally. Make a chore chart! ;) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581432 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 16:46:09 +0000 PawPrints 1581432@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH and I have different standards of cleanliness that we prefer, but we've worked to find a balance that keeps us both sane. We have specific chores that we each always do. It works out really well for us. But we do say "thank you" to each other after we do our chores, but in a way that it's still clear we expect each other to do it. It's just nice to say. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581353 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:56:54 +0000 Mrs. Jump Rope 1581353@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We both take pride in respecting our belongings and ownership. I SAH so I choose to let most of the housework fall on my shoulders, but my husband pitches in without being asked to. We both pick up after our daughter and make sure there are clean dishes and clothes. </p> <p>Also, I'm not his mom. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581307 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:28:18 +0000 Mrs Hedgehog 1581307@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>He does the dishes and takes out the trash... that's it. Period. I try to get him to do anything else and it is like pulling teeth. He doesn't even clean off the counters when he does the dishes. If it isn't a dish, it doesn't get cleaned. </p> <p>I have been slowly remodeling the kitchen since we bought this house. It would be done by now if he would lift a finger to help. New floors, new cabinets, painting, chair rails and all the small details inbetween.... Ugh... Its a source of frustration between us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581295 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:22:46 +0000 Mrs. Lemon-Lime 1581295@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>:bummed: Yes. Mine is totally unhelpful. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581272 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 15:14:35 +0000 gingerbebe 1581272@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>DH is responsible for certain tasks and so am I. He vacuums, does laundry, dishes, and trash. I do bathrooms, cook, shop, and dust/polish. Things that fall outside those things we do together because I get resentful otherwise. The deal we have is that we don't complain if the other person doesn't do the job the way you would, although we can politely ask or suggest a better/different way. This is hard to do esp. when my whites turn blue tinted or something but if it bugs me so much, then I should do it myself. We will get a house cleaner eventually but we are saving money right now. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1581035 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 13:48:46 +0000 cyndistar3 1581035@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I stay at home, he works so out agreement is that I take care of the house. It works for us. If I have had a rough day or am falling behind he will help me without me asking and I appreciate it so I thank him because to me he is helping me with my job even though I don't expect it. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1580932 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 13:10:08 +0000 swurlygurl 1580932@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have a hard time saying yes... he doesn't do much housework, but he is solely responsible for yard work, home maintenance (cleaning air filters, replacing bulbs, etc), and anything auto-related.</p> <p>So, sometimes I get worked up about the state of our house and that he doesn't help me, but he does equal amount of work, just different... </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1580905 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 12:59:23 +0000 LuLu Mom 1580905@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband does not do anything on his own. I have to ask him to do stuff than then he will help out. What works for me is we each pick 3 tasks to do that we are in charge of each week, and then he helps. He never picks up after himself though and that drives me bonkers. The house is always cleaner when he travels for work! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1580891 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 12:52:38 +0000 Beyond2 1580891@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband isn't too good at house work either, but I sah so I take care of it all by default anyways. He is really really helpful with yard and farm work though so I consider that to equalize e situation. It doesn't mean that it doesn't drive me crazy every morning when the kitchen is trashed from his breakfast thoughM </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1580884 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 12:50:00 +0000 cascademom 1580884@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs tartan: I've made a point of praising DH for household chores and the like to make it understood that I appreciate it and is important to me. Little things can undo a marriage, so making sure those little things aren't big with some praise goes a long way. </p> <p>@Anagram: I agree on the different cleanliness thresholds. DH and I have very different ones. Once LO arrived, our differences were magnified when there's more laundry and dishes to be done. It's a tough balance trying to find where our thresholds meet up. </p> <p>Chorewars helped the chore issue quite a bit. We've laxed on it, but it reinforced keeping the house clean. It got DH motivated to do his share. Through our chores issues, I also learned that he didn't do them up as a kid, so it was never really taught growing up. I'm still learning ways to manage his lack of being house proud in chores, so our house doesn't look like a tornado run through. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1580862 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 12:39:27 +0000 Smurfette 1580862@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: @MrsH: DH and I agree, besides R, the cleaning lady is the best decision we ever made in our marriage. Worth every single penny. </p> <p>While I still get annoyed with him during the week for leaving coke cans around and what not, at least we aren't fighting over scrubbing toilets. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1580852 Mon, 21 Apr 2014 12:34:31 +0000 Remcatt 1580852@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH is just this. He really is cooperative when remembers to be. He's someone who just doesn't see mess, dust, or crumbs. My struggle with this doesn't so much have to do with mess. Actually, it has to do with him knowing I'm the one who has to clean it and that this is not enough motivation to pick up after himself. My household behavior with roommates and intimate partners is different from if I was living alone. </p> <p>There are some days, where I can talk myself into seeing how minuscule of an issue this is, and other days, I am deeply offended and irritated. </p> <p>On the days when I can talk myself to calm is to actively make a list in my mind about all that my partner does do; the laundry, make me breakfast, do the groceries, kisses and such, etc. </p> <p>On the days when I cannot, I put the 4 to 8 pieces of clothing (including underwear) that are cluttering the living room, and put them on the fire escape outside the bedroom window. </p> <p>Its hard to deal with someone who doesn't care, and just as hard to make yourself care less for sanity's sake.</p> <p>I feel you. :bummed: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1497209 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 19:14:58 +0000 SweetiePie 1497209@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I could write paragraphs and paragraphs about this but I don't want to get worked up, lol. So the answer is yes :-) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1497155 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 18:45:02 +0000 babycanuck 1497155@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My husband is just plain lazy. The only thing he does around the house is vacuum. I purposely don't do it so he will. He doesn't even put dishes in the dishwasher. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1496750 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 11:29:49 +0000 mossyslane 1496750@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>My DH definitely does his share of other chores--cooks, grocery shops, etc., but cleaning is hopeless :happy: Once, after mentioning to him something about the kitchen being messy after he used it, he cleaned the entire thing with wads of wet toilet paper!! :shocked: </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1496705 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 10:37:47 +0000 MrsSCB 1496705@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Could you make a list of things that each of you are responsible for every week? I'll admit neither of us are awesome housekeepers, so we just divided up the tasks and actually put it down on paper. Now we know exactly what each of us is supposed to be doing. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1496681 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 10:17:08 +0000 MrsH 1496681@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@MamaMoose: +1 </p> <p>He'll vacuum and wash dishes if it's bothering him. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1496625 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 08:29:26 +0000 MamaMoose 1496625@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>This is why we have a cleaning lady. We both work demanding full time jobs and have no desire to spend our free time cleaning toilets and scrubbing floors. We are both much happier. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-anyone-elses-dh-useless-with-housework#post-1496609 Sun, 16 Mar 2014 07:47:56 +0000 Anagram 1496609@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@Mrs tartan: I understand what you mean, but I also understand their method. They have husbands who have a different "cleanliness threshold", and I guess their options at this point are 1)divorce 2) nag 3) "discussions" 4) positive reinforcement like when training a puppy</p> <p>I assume if someone is posting here, they've already tried discussing it with the SO. </p> <p>I also play cleaning chicken with my husband--- each of us refusing to clean without the other, and that works for us because hey, sometimes our house is messy but at least I don't resent my husband. But some people can't live with clutter and spots on the bathroom mirror and they have to do something else. Shrug. I can't say it's worse than my method of just not cleaning if DH also doesn't clean. </p>