https://boards.hellobee.com/ Pregnancy, Baby and Parenting blog, by Hellobee en Sun, 05 Apr 2026 12:59:27 +0000 https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-74031 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 21:53:06 +0000 daniellemybelle 74031@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@banana: Hey, thanks for the book recommendations! :)</p> <p>@Mrs. Jacks: Great points. You always have diplomatic yet insightful perspectives to offer! :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-73802 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 15:22:33 +0000 Mrs. Jacks 73802@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>People would characterize us as practicing AP, but really we just did what felt natural to us. Yes, we babywear... A lot... but we also practice benign neglect. A lot. We co-sleep... but that's just what worked for our daughter. CIO would not have been an option for our stubborn little one!</p> <p>There is the perception of AP and then there is the actual practice... and they can look lots of different ways :)</p> <p>I think the best parents (and I know that term is relative) are ones who can assess their child's needs and adjust to them in a way that sets appropriate and adequate limits. </p> <p>It's an art form and it isn't easy. If you haven't made some mistakes along the way, you are definitely in the minority! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-73783 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:57:03 +0000 Maysprout 73783@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: There's a wide variety in families and babies so I don't think any generic advice would be applicable to everyone. That's why I was turned off to AP before baby, because friends looked like they were forcing the issue with poor results, doing what they thought was 'best' even though it didn't work well for their family. </p> <p>From what I've found baby research is ehhhhhh. Babies and families are hard to study. It's good to read and get info but no one person has all the answers for all the families and babies. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-73776 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:44:47 +0000 plantains 73776@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>AP doesn't really jive with me. But that said, I come from a culture that does a lot of baby wearing but also practices benign neglect. I'll just have to see how it goes, but I really don't consider myself stuck to any philosophy per say, other than the fact that I want my children to fit into my life and not the other way round. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-73743 Mon, 13 Feb 2012 14:06:43 +0000 banana 73743@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>@daniellemybelle: I agree that it's a philosophy you agree to/not agree to. But the methods in which you choose to carry out that philosophy can vary by the person. I totally agree with the philosophy of AP in that a strong emotional bond between child/parent forms secure attachment throughout the rest of the child's life. And we try out best to use a parenting style that supports that notion. But I don't think that you have to cloth diaper or avoid using discipline to achieve that bond (just my opinion). So that's where it's up to each individual parent to decide the methods in which they chose to implement AP.</p> <p>I don't think you're taking it too seriously at all! Child-rearing is super critical and important so it's good that you're exploring all of your options and learning. I read tons of books and used them as background for supporting my own parenting style. Two books that I really enjoyed reading are "Unconditional Parenting" and "Our Babies, Ourselves". They're not books on "how to" parent using AP styles (like Dr Sears). But more about the philosophy behind AP-type of parenting. AP is a term that Dr Sears "marketed" but there are societies all over the world that practice "attachment parenting". I found these to be really interesting reads. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-73411 Sun, 12 Feb 2012 22:40:10 +0000 daniellemybelle 73411@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Thanks for sharing what you all do - glad to see folks adapting AP to their LO's needs. I definitely agree that you have to do what is best for you and your family.</p> <p>On the other hand, I guess I just feel like attachment parenting is more than a group of techniques. It's a philosophy that you either buy or you don't, right? I (probably mistakenly) think that if I agree that Dr. Sears and company know what they are talking about, then to not heed all of their advice doesn't make sense. Maybe I am taking it too seriously! </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72709 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 20:46:21 +0000 heffalump 72709@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I don't think any type of parenting can be all or nothing. Different things are good for different babies, and you just have to feel it out and figure out what's right for your LO. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72659 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:38:04 +0000 owlmom 72659@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I haven't gone the all-or-nothing route either. We don't cosleep because it isn't right for us. We baby wear, but not all the time. We demand feed, but I encourage a schedule by at least following the same routine most days. We haven't CIO'ed, but LO isn't quite 4 months yet - it's still on the table if we need to in the future. I've read books from both ends of the spectrum, from Dr Sears to Baby Wise, and I really feel a blend of methods works best for us. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72658 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:37:13 +0000 banana 72658@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We practice parts of AP and totally don't feel that it's all or nothing. We breastfed somewhat on demand until 4 months but after that, we used a schedule (continued BFing until 12 months on schedule). We co-slept and still plan on co-sleeping until he's ready to move on to his own bed, but we don't do a family bed. We sleep in HIS room on his own mattress., I carried/wore my LO a lot when he was younger but not ALL the time, I made all of his food from scratch. And we don't do cying it out. But we also didn't cloth diaper and we don't avoid using punishment (no way). As with all things, I think the best thing is to read and learn and educate yourself but to take pieces of whatever information you receive and decide how/if you want to apply that to your own parenting style. I guess I lean more towards AP because that's the style that I was raised. But I don't use ALL of the AP methods because I don't necessarily agree with all of them. I just go with what I think and feel is right. I'm a full time working mom in corporate america so hard-core AP methods aren't exactly the most catering to moms like me. I just did the best that I could do and feel perfectly ok with that. :) </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72652 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 18:27:17 +0000 pelikila 72652@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>We practice pieces of AP and don't feel it is all or nothing. I BF on demand when I was with my son and producing enough milk and we co-slept for the first 2 months and then I transitioned him to his own crib. I baby wear but not all the time. To me the term fit-for-purpose is good to remember when it comes to parenting. Every child has different needs and you have to adjust your style to fit their needs. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72617 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:29:15 +0000 shellio 72617@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I have no comment specifically about AP but agree 100% with @maysprout - don't get caught up in "the book says this...", you have to adapt every strategy to what you need/want in your family. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72612 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:15:47 +0000 Maysprout 72612@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>I was pretty anti-attachment parenting after watching my friend struggle with it and googling questions during pregnancy and finding some strange stuff on mothering.com. But no parenting philosophy is all or nothing, I think it starts going wrong when people start getting caught up in the book says we have to do this instead of feeling out you, your SO and your baby's personality to find what works best. Attachment parenting didn't invent breastfeeding or babywearing. </p> <p>We babywear when we're out and about but in the house she mainly crawls, is in exersaucers, etc. I don't mind her crying some but I've been a lot more flexible with middle of the night feedings and snuggles than I thought I'd be. I donno, we've done what works for our family instead of going strictly by any book. </p> https://boards.hellobee.com/topic/is-attachment-parenting-all-or-nothing#post-72606 Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:00:45 +0000 daniellemybelle 72606@https://boards.hellobee.com/ <p>Let me preface this, as always, with that I don't have a LO... which is why I ask! :)</p> <p>I've read A LOT about babies and parenting, and while I respect and appreciate the variety of opinions, Attachment Parenting (AP) has always turned me off. It seems like it puts a lot of unrealistic expectations on mothers to be everything to their LO, all the time, for a long time. I mean, the AP website says that lots of LOs co-sleep until they are 5 or older! That is not okay with me! Having a schedule and getting our LO into good sleep habits is important to me.</p> <p>However, I have had a pretty big shift in my thinking lately. I posted a little while back about some struggles DH and I were having (<a href="http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-of-you-gone-to-marriage-counseling" rel="nofollow">http://boards.hellobee.com/topic/any-of-you-gone-to-marriage-counseling</a>), and we are now going to therapy. Our therapist practices Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) which is based on attachment theory. You really can't tell through our sessions - they seem pretty "normal" - but I am reading THE book on EFT, "Hold Me Tight," and... whoa. </p> <p>First of all, I would definitely recommend this book to all of you! But the big thing for me is understanding human attachment. The desire to feel attached to your partner - and the panic and pain over feeling like that is not there - that the book talks about definitely resonates with me. It makes MUCH more sense than any other material on marriage, relationships, etc. that I have read.</p> <p>The book is only about adult relationships, but as I read it, I cannot stop thinking about my dismissal of Attachment Parenting. The basis of EFT, attachment theory, was developed around the relationship between mother and child, after all. </p> <p>Based on my experience with EFT/attachment theory, I must say I am much more open to and interested in AP. I already feel like DH &amp; I are becoming more "attached," which actually helps you be a more independent and confident person. I would obviously love to create that same secure relationship between myself and my LO one day.</p> <p>Still, do you have to commit to feeding on demand for 3 years, and sharing a bed, and never using punishment (not even age appropriate time-outs) if you practice AP? That just seems... extreme, and unrealistic? Can you be a gentle, reassuring parent and still use "traditional" methods of setting boundaries? </p>